Your thoughts...
We've all been there.
http://ca.news.yahoo.com/blogs/dailybrew/rick -mercer-rant-bullying-teen-suicide-goes-viral -170539883.html
I was chubby, and made excellent grades. The only time I got out of it was in grade twelve, when we had a school show, my band was playing. I played in an Iron Maiden cover ban. I sat back stage, played the poopies out of my bass. Finished the set with a bass solo I wrote. (oh, and an epic one it was). Eventually people found out who played that bass, and people started to be nice to me. I also remember someone that wasn't able to get out of the crowd, and ended this way:
http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/story/2006/02/1 7/cyberbully060217.html
Yeah, that's actually my high school. I'd tell you the story, I can go in details.
1) because the size of the high school. About 400 people.
2) Because I watched it happen.
We were playing cards, like we did on our lunches 4/5 days a week. The 5th we'd play guitar in the music room. A boy, my friend I will name John, was getting picked on... again. This time it was from cousins. That's right, his family. (small towns means a lot of family goes to school with you). They picked on him relentlessly, like usual. They threw food at him, and it hit him in the face. Now there was a group of people (I don't remember the number, but above 10). laughing. His face turned red. He slipped out a knife from his pocket. Very small, triangular blade, and lunged. He cut the oldest cousins neck (more than a scratch, stiches required). Me and the guy sitting next to me (Both of us fit at the time) Pulled John off the boy, grabbed the knife, and by the time we had the knife the principal was already there. We spent the next 3 weeks with psychologists and police to get the truth.
Yikes.
So what are your t houghts on bullying?
Original Post by phoebe_luvs_smallville:
Original Post by cptbunny:
I've physically fought back against a bully, she'd come back with friends and I'd get my ass kicked, even if I kicked hers. I've been in 2 fights in my life. Both defending myself. I remember the others kids chanting the bully's name during the fight.
I remember bashing her head into the locker right as we got split up. It didn't solve anything. Violence never does.
Bullies have issues, but you don't see that as a teenager.
ETA: I didn't get suspended, as the bully pushed me first both times (2 different bullies). I just got sent home.
ETA2: I had no support from home because home didn't know. It was shameful and I didn't want them to know (at the time).
Fighting back didn't work for me either bunny, and unfortunately, heroes only come to save the day in the movies. My history with being bullied over many years had a direct impact on me in terms of anxiety and depression. To this day, I don't trust most people and I'd rather be alone than socialize with others.
For some reason though, I'm like a magnet for social butterflies...even at the grocery store. I must have a friendly face because people come up to me and want to chat while I'm just waiting for the first opportunity to run away (without being rude).
Well, you are adorable, what else do you expect??
See, the important thing is to decide not to take crap from anybody. I still have to answer the Fight or Freeze question in the other thread but from my experience I actually freeze. :-/ In everyday situations, however, I am more than just a little feisty so most people simply don't dare to say or do stupid stuff to me because they instinctively know I will retaliate straight away. That doesn't mean I'm never getting screwed over (like at the horrible project last winter) but taking a hit now and then is part of life. I've got plenty of good things going for me to not grieve about things like this too much for too long.
Avoiding people means you avoid troube but it also means you are missing a hell of a lot. My personal experience is that the majority of people are quite nice and worthwhile getting to know.
Original Post by cptbunny:
I've physically fought back against a bully, she'd come back with friends and I'd get my ass kicked, even if I kicked hers. I've been in 2 fights in my life. Both defending myself. I remember the others kids chanting the bully's name during the fight.
I remember bashing her head into the locker right as we got split up. It didn't solve anything. Violence never does.
Bullies have issues, but you don't see that as a teenager.
ETA: I didn't get suspended, as the bully pushed me first both times (2 different bullies). I just got sent home.
ETA2: I had no support from home because home didn't know. It was shameful and I didn't want them to know (at the time).
See and this is the basic problem. The shame lies with the attacker not with the victim but for some weird reason the vicitms feel it's their fault.
You felt you couldn't tell your parents. That is problmes No. 1 and it's your parents fault not yours. And problem No2 is that you weren't allowed to make friends, so you had no back-up - and the little sh**s at your school knew it.
There is no use crying over spilled milk and I know you are working so hard on spreading your wings but I can tell you that apart from a few nutcases (like the director I decided not to sue for defamation of character exactly for the reason that she would have loved to be persecuted and go on a crusade) most people back off if you take a stand.
I do believe that violence just causes more violence (you've seen me arguing against death pnealty and escalation) but school bullies are a bit of an exception. Because you can't just leave school and thus the conflict, violence can at least make the problem so noticable that teachers cannot keep ignoring it.
And stuff does escalate if you don't defend yourself - like starting to set you on fire.
Violence doesn't solve a problem but in case of bullying it can at least keep the problme within certain bounds.
And about the mother who said 'Well, he is retarded' I would have seriously threatened to punch her, or at leat pushed her or throw stones at her and then asked how she feels about it. Bloody unbelievable!
I don't know many people who were bullied who had many friends. Most of the time, the friends are bullied too.
I'm THANKFUL for the bullying now. It made me who I am, and I look at the world differently. It made me empathetic. It made me compassionate. It made me feel hurt, so that I would be reminded to not let anyone else feel it from me.
If I could go back in time, it would be to simply report my rape. Otherwise, I would change nothing.
I probably would've swung (without thinking) at that mother. I am fiercely loyal and protective to my siblings and/or friends (I've got mother bear or mother hen syndrome going on at all times, hah). I would've probably swung if I heard someone say that to someone else. I never tolerated that stuff.
I was bullied so bad in middle school, and one of the bullies picked on this wonderful asian girl who was in a wheel chair for her CLOTHES. SERIOUSLY! I told her off on the spot, I don't think the girl in the wheelchair even knew, but I didn't care. She NEVER made fun of her again. You just don't do that. It's disgusting.
I'd like to mention, those with handicaps accepted me. I sat with her and others at lunch. They were my in school friends and never judged me for anything. I will never forget them.
Maybe it's different for chicks...but from what I've seen/experienced with bullying of males, violence does serve a purpose and if you push back, 49 out of 50 times that bully finds another target. You don't have to "win", but if you don't fight back, you'll be the preferred target forever. That's why bullies pick the smaller kids, or the obese kids. They don't pick the muscular kid or the martial artist to pick on.
With girls it's different. It's more "social" and it's more of an emotional abuse than physical. Chicks are WAY more cruel in how they bully than guys are. It's just like Lions in nature. The men fight alone, the chicks fight in packs. A group of gals will usually single out 2-3 girls in their school that they don't like and it never stops. Unless that popular group splits up, it'll continue forever.
We had a girl I went to high school with. She was poor, ugly, and socially akward. She started getting teased pretty regular in about 7th grade...and it never stopped. I thought for sure she'd kill herself at some point...I think she ended up marrying a guy 20 years older than her, having 3-4 kids, then divorcing. She's on Facebook all the time...it's actually "weird" because she tries to plan "get togethers" with other high school classmates...and all I can think is, "Why would you want to hang out with those A-holes who tormented you for 5 years straight?" And it's sad because I KNOW none of them ever respond to her to meet up or anything.
I was never bullied. And I never bullied anyone. I honestly was just never socially involved enough to get caught up in something like that. And I took pains to avoid drawing attention to myself.
I also believe that there are certain people that, for whatever reason, attract the attention of bullies. Unfortunately, my son is one of those. He is almost too eager. He cares too much what other kids think. And he wears his little heart on his sleeve. He might as well have a big target on his forehead. I'm really trying to work with him on toughening up a little bit. He's so sensitive.
I don't really recall any instances of bullying from my school years, actually. I did go to high school in a very small town though and everyone knew everyone. If you picked on someone, your grandma was going to hear about it at church on Wednesday evening. Not worth it.
Original Post by anewdawn:
The other is mediation. It sounds weird also but if you can sit the bully down and the victim and mediate it actually works - the bully does not receive any punishment at this stage so there is no retaliation. It's a contract between the two.
Lovely. A bullies B. The administration sits A and B at a table together and asks them both to come up with solutions to the problem. What is B supposed to say?
I didn't need a contract with my bully, I needed him to stay the hell away from me. I didn't need administration to help me solve "my problem", I needed them to do their god-blessed job and GIVE ME A SAFE ENVIRONMENT. They failed miserably.
