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Do you HAVE to touch people when your talking to them?


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I find that I do this all of the time. Mostly when I'm laughing. My DH has never complained about the fact that I do this. Actually no one has ever said anything to me about it.

Well the other day a friend sent me this personality test (in the link below). I called said friend so that we could go over it together for fun. I guessed what their answers were and they did the same for me. On question 3 I asked which option best describes me? And they said, incredulously, "of course the one where you touch or push the person you talk to."

And I was like, " you don't have to be so adamant about it." and they were like "um yeah I do. You are always touching the person you talk to."

I hope I don't come across as a flirt or inappropriate b/c that is not my intention at all.

Do you do this and/or what do you think of people who do this?

http://psychcentral.com/personquiz.htm

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I think I only do this when it's a CLOSE friend or family member, and even then it's not often.  And I can only tolerate it from close friends or family.  I can't STAND when someone I don't know touches me.  I had issues in the past with shaking hands.  I still carry hand sanitizer around just because of this.

Only when I'm drunk. =P

But it is true. I want to be a more social, close, warm person than I am, but my brain is always distancing me from people. When I drink, I loosen up, and become maybe who I am? IDK.

Noooo.  I don't like being touched and I don't touch people!  It's really awkward to me when people touch me in conversation.

My husband happens to be sight impaired.  He also is a social worker.  A woman visited the welfare office that he works at; a Human Resources type.  She talked to everybody, evaluating their performance etc.  Fine.  She also sat and talked with my hubby like he was a kindegartner and before she left, patted him on the knee as they sat together and talked.  He got very angry.  I got irate when I heard about it.  He finally got ahold of the union and reported her behavior- no touchy stuff cause she did not know him and he did not invite her to touch his leg!!  The woman got called back and apologized; said she had no idea she'd been a Stupid.   So yeah, touching without an invite and in a job situation can be thought of as offensive.  He gets way too much shoulder touches, too- he is a grown up- he can direct himself when he needs to or wants to.

Original Post by connielicious:

...I hope I don't come across as a flirt or inappropriate b/c that is not my intention at all.

Do you do this and/or what do you think of people who do this?

...

Yeah, actually...you probably do come off as flirtatious or inappropriate at least some of the time if you do it so much.  Maybe think more about personal space, individual comfort levels, and try to pay special attention to body language to see if the person you are touching is uncomfortable with it.

 The only time I touch people like you described is when I am flirting with them or already good friends with them.

I don't mind people touching me like that if I find them attractive.  But I really hate it when strangers or people I just met do that.  Gross!  If I don't know you, hands off!!

Original Post by lostintennessee:

Noooo.  I don't like being touched and I don't touch people!  It's really awkward to me when people touch me in conversation.

 Do you pull away from the person doing the touching or just suffer in silence? i've never had anyone appear to be uncomfortable, but that doesn't mean that they weren't.

Suffer in silence but I think I must have an uncomfortable facial expression because normally it stops.

Original Post by connielicious:

Original Post by lostintennessee:

Noooo.  I don't like being touched and I don't touch people!  It's really awkward to me when people touch me in conversation.

 Do you pull away from the person doing the touching or just suffer in silence? i've never had anyone appear to be uncomfortable, but that doesn't mean that they weren't.

if they wanna suffer in silence, let them.  They need to learn eventually to communicate their desires if they expect to get what they want.

But I don't recoil at an unwanted touch.  I simply move away from them at an appropriate time so I don't appear rude and then avoid being next to them like crazy.

Original Post by randomv3:

Original Post by connielicious:

...I hope I don't come across as a flirt or inappropriate b/c that is not my intention at all.

Do you do this and/or what do you think of people who do this?

...

Yeah, actually...you probably do come off as flirtatious or inappropriate Say it ain't so :( at least some of the time if you do it so much.  Maybe think more about personal space, individual comfort levels, and try to pay special attention to body language to see if the person you are touching is uncomfortable with it. I don't think anyone has been repelled. I guess i mainly do it with friends and coworkers male and female alike. It is a bad habit that I need to break though.

 The only time I touch people like you described is when I am flirting with them or already good friends with them. I mostly do it when I am laughing.

I don't mind people touching me like that if I find them attractive.  But I really hate it when strangers or people I just met do that.  Gross!  If I don't know you, hands off!! I hope i'm not doing that to strangers or newly met people but according to my friend I wouldn't doubt it.

 

Original Post by lostintennessee:

Suffer in silence but I think I must have an uncomfortable facial expression because normally it stops.

Every time a non-close friend or non-family member touches me, I think I die a little bit inside.

I hate it and usually feel like socking the person doing it. Unless it is an elderly person, especially if they are in a nursing home. They need hugs.

Ahaha this reminds me of this one time at work THIS ONE TIME AT BAND CAMP lol had to slide that in there. So i work in a pub so I see a lot of new faces every week.
when i first started there a year ago now i had a misunderstanding with a customer because he reached over the bar and started talking to me and touching my hand.. it wasnt a little touch it was his whole palm over the top of my hand holding it in place. Fair enough he was being perfectly polite in conversation but i couldnt help but say "Yes that's great, but please move your hand" he thought i was kidding because i am a very jokey person so i continued "No seriously can you stop touching me now? Im really not fond of being touched by people i dont know" To which my boss just walked out and witnessed my situation.
Luckily my boss understands my touching issue with people i dont know very well and being the open and loud gay man he is he said "Seriously can you not touch Lolli's hand? she really doesnt like it... she may even hit you... True story"

Well he never touched my hand again aha poor guy must have had a right fright. but Touching really does freak me out, i have to know the person well not to mind.

I've always maintained that the difference between flirting and flirting-with-intent is touching.

Original Post by tincognito:

Only when I'm drunk. =P

 ha!  this, kinda.

it really depends on the person...but i definitely get a little more touchy once i've had a few.  if you're a close friend, chances are i get a little touchier.  stranger?  not so much.  i still don't think i'm a really touchy person though...

and i don't love touchy people that i barely know.  it creeps me out a little.

Original Post by muttlover:

Original Post by lostintennessee:

Suffer in silence but I think I must have an uncomfortable facial expression because normally it stops.

Every time a non-close friend or non-family member touches me, I think I die a little bit inside.

I hate it and usually feel like socking the person doing it. Unless it is an elderly person, especially if they are in a nursing home. They need hugs.

 Oh, I feel you.  How I feel you.

Without touching you, of course.

Last month, at a conference, I did a True Colors workshop with my co-workers.  I'm green-orange, probably the nerdiest colour combination you can get. My co-worker is gold, probably the most controlling colour (nope, no bitterness here).

I've never put much stock in this kind of personality analysis, but after doing the workshop, I did feel reassured that I'm not an anomalous freak, but rather a unique person who just approaches life differently than the majority. I think it helped my co-worker realize that I wasn't put on this earth to make her life a disorganized mess either.

So, I did your little quiz, connie, though I despise Dr. Phil, and your quiz says I'm the life of the party. Heh - not.

Original Post by muttlover:

Original Post by lostintennessee:

Suffer in silence but I think I must have an uncomfortable facial expression because normally it stops.

Every time a non-close friend or non-family member touches me, I think I die a little bit inside.

I hate it and usually feel like socking the person doing it. Unless it is an elderly person, especially if they are in a nursing home. They need hugs.

 LOL oh my. Stop it! Seriously? That is funny.

Original Post by lostintennessee:

Original Post by muttlover:

Original Post by lostintennessee:

Suffer in silence but I think I must have an uncomfortable facial expression because normally it stops.

Every time a non-close friend or non-family member touches me, I think I die a little bit inside.

I hate it and usually feel like socking the person doing it. Unless it is an elderly person, especially if they are in a nursing home. They need hugs.

 Oh, I feel you.  How I feel you.

Without touching you, of course.

Yes! Let me agree with you by stroking your arm and say goodbye with a boob honk. :D

Original Post by hatamoto:

I've always maintained that the difference between flirting and flirting-with-intent is touching.

 But I do the same to girls...and I am definitely not interested in girls. It's like when I'm laughing I reach out and grab their arm or push them to like...I don't know... spread the laughter? I am definitely not flirting...i guess.

Yes! Let me agree with you by stroking your arm and say goodbye with a boob honk. :D

 Only if I can place my hand very deliberately and heavily on your shoulder while standing over you and very close to you and forcing you to make eye contact.  I want us to be comfortable here.

Original Post by connielicious:

Original Post by hatamoto:

I've always maintained that the difference between flirting and flirting-with-intent is touching.

 But I do the same to girls...and I am definitely not interested in girls. It's like when I'm laughing I reach out and grab their arm or push them to like...I don't know... spread the laughter? I am definitely not flirting...i guess.

 it's also possible you're just more of a flirty personality.  i definitely have friends who are flirty with both men and women, even if they're not attracted to both...

91 Replies (last)
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