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Lately, I think I've been having a life crisis. I just want to quit my life. I just want to quit a bunch of the components that make up my life.

For instance, I want to quit my job. I want to trade in my stilettos for a cute pair of Chuck Taylor All Stars and stay home with my son. I want to be a stay-at-home mom and quit the career. I think I would be so much more happy just being a mom than being this woman in the stride of her career. It's not that I hate my career, I just don't find meaning in it anymore. The things that used to be so rewarding (i.e. business strategies, money and bonuses) are just not rewarding anymore. Instead, the most rewarding part of my day is when I wake up to my 22 month-old screaming from his crib, "Mommy, mommy, mommy!" to go rescue him from his crib and start the day.

Another aspect that I want to quit is my mortgage. I love where I live, but I pay so much for my house that it really feels like my house owns me. I work only to afford the house and the cars. The cars are close to being paid off, but the house is nowhere near it and to be quite honest, I could move and give up the house. I could easily become a renter and not have a single issue with my pride of being a home owner or not, like I used to pride myself on being 24 and owning a home. Now I could give a rats-@ss of owning a home.

I just want to quit these components of my life and I'm reaching a point of almost insanity where I am willing to risk losing everything just to be happier. Maybe poorer, but happier.

I'm just venting. Has anyone ever had this type of life crisis before?

92 Replies (last)

1. Have you spoken to your employer about either part time or job sharing?  No idea if that would be an option, but it might make you feel better if it were.

2. How easy would it be to sell your house right now, even if your husband agreed?  I know a lot of people are just sitting tight right now, given the backlog of homes waiting to be sold.

3. Totally understand the building resentment, but hope you won't ignore it. Let that fester and you will really be unhappy.  Is there a minister you could talk to? Or a life coach?  (I would suggest counseling, but I have the idea that you've expressed a dislike for it in the past, otherwise, it might help.)

Not in the exact same way, no. But there are times when I feel like quitting and going in a completely different direction, career-wise (and in life). It's not because I don't find fulfillment in what I've chosen, it's usually because I've become disillusioned with every other aspect of what I do--save for the satisfaction of caring for animals. It's when I feel that caring for animals takes a back seat to the politics and name-dropping games and one-upping that I feel like quitting.

Does your husband work?

I like Nomo's part-time idea, since you clearly value the time spent with your son so much.  Do you think your husband might see the value of such an arrangement if you explained it in terms of how much you might save on daycare (if you currently use it)?

I completely understand how you feel. I don't have kids yet, but the past couple years I realized i don't want to spend most of my life working. I'm not just talking about before retirement, I mean during the year, months, weeks.  For what? Just to continue to spend money. 

I hear you about the home-ownership thing too. We live in a condo and have to rent it because A. we HATE it there for SO many reasons, B. we can't sell it because well, like many people, we're trapped in this economy. 

But I think the biggest problem in your scenario (for me) is the lack of support from your spouse.  Have you tried a different way of explaining to him about what this is doing to you and how in years the house, cars, income wont matter because you'll resent him? I think you can come to a compromise though and maybe continue working until your car payments are done and then go part-time...even if it means a different job. 

That's my plan when I have kids: to work part time, because unfortunately I will have to still work.  My husband knows that though.  He wants to work less too.  I hate that some people interpret that as sounding lazy, but we work very hard in LIFE not just work, but we care more about our family than we do about Accounts Payable, Landscaping, car payments (we'll never get a car loan again) and enjoying life...not JUST working all the time. 

I'm terrified of buying another house, and I'd rather just rent for a while, especially with my Husband saying he doesn't know if he wants to stay in one place for 10years (yet he wants to buy one???) and we get pressure from our family to buy a house to not waste our money on rent. I would love to have my own home and yard for many reasons, but it's scary.  IDK. 

But, I feel your pain..it sucks that this economy is so stressful, but like everyhting, it will get better. Hang in there and talk to your husband...that's the first thing you need to do. Good luck!

Yep, I have moments/days/weeks like these. My job is extremely boring (but I am very good at it) and sometimes I yawn my way through the week wondering what the heck I am doing. Why didn't I go to university after college? I just have to remind myself that I wanted useless degrees, at my job I'm irreplaceable and get a raise once a year (and sweet bonuses) and my boss is the nicest man I've ever met.

Sometimes I also dream about packing it all up and moving a province over but I can't do that.

Yes.  For about a year I was completely miserable and it took me a while to figure out what it really was.  I thought I needed to change things like my career, where I lived, my hobbies, etc.  but that wasn't actually it at all.  I'm not going to assume you are in the same situation I was in though.  Just think long and hard about what actually makes you happy and what doesn't.  Don't do anything rash.

If it's time for a change something, hopefully you can slowly transition into it and get your husband on board.  If it means a lot to you, he should come around.  Compromise might be the best option.

 

Wow!!!

Don't know what to tell you about your hubby [except maybe counseling].

But girl, I'm feelin' ya on this home-ownership thing. I just wish I hadn't refinanced TWICE.

But let me put this in your ear. Happier but poorer is a myth. Please do not go for that. If your husband isn't gonna step up, then you'll have to. Even if it's temporary. I highly recommend a home business or network marketing opportunity in an area of your interest if you want to escape your job.

I'm one of those "life's too short" people. If you're no longer satisfied with your career, maybe it is time to look at other options.

I felt that way from the time my eldest was 6 months old, and I had to get a Navy Wife job. If you guys can afford one income, I hope you can find a way to do it.

  Well, I don't have children, but I think I somewhat understand what you are feeling. I work at my job for the money. I make pretty good money, and am able to live comfortably without worrying a whole lot about it. But I pretty much drag myself here every day. I don't think I could do this if I had a child at home and knew i was spending time here while my kid was growing up without me there. My boyfriend knows I don't plan to stay here forever, once we have kids. I've told him not to plan on relying on the salary I make now. I think there are some things that are far more important than money, a nice house and a fancy car. Time with your kids is at the top of that list.

I understand, fit... (((FHAF)))

All I have to say is that I understand where you're coming from. I, too, wish for simpler times. Everything now is a freaking ordeal. I'd venture to say that most, if not all of us, work just to make ends meet.

We are upside down on our mortgage... my husband is still laid-off, and there is no way we can leave or try to sell the house unless we want to lose a lot of $$$. It's sad. Why can't we go back to simpler times?

We only have one car payment (mine). Our mortgage is redonkulously high. We can't refi because only hubby's name is on the house, and he's unemployed. They basically laughed their ass off at him. Sucks.

I'm sorry your hubby doesn't share the same feelings as you... that really sucks. But I really don't think you should have to keep on doing what you're doing if you are truly unhappy. Perhaps not a complete 360, but even a 180 would make loads of difference...

Feel free to rant anytime. I feel like a lot of us have been (or are in) your shoes :-/

I think most people have had a period like this in their lives, a kind of urge to purge much of your life and start over.  I know I have.  I think it's a natural part of the ebb and flow of our lives.  We don't stay the same, so why should our needs/interests?

The issue with working and your SO will have to be some sort of compromise.  I'm always one for a pro/con list as a starting point to any decision.  I usually give myself a week to 10 days to add/remove from that list before I really evaluate it.  This allows me time to reflect and make sure I was just reacting based on a bad day a work/home/whatever.

ETA:  That last bit doesn't mean I think you are reacting that way, but I can at times if I am tired/stressed, so that's what works for me.

 

 

Original Post by fithasafeeling:

ETA: I'm just venting. Has anyone ever had this type of life crisis before?


About 15 years ago I was a highly paid Senior Systems Engineer for Wells Fargo Bank in San Francisco. I had the house, the new cars, lived in a nice town in the Bay Area...all that crap. I left it all (including my wife at the time who didn't help matters) behind me, dug myself out a deep, dark depression (which I was in at the time...drinking myself to death), moved to South Lake Tahoe and became a lowly paid Network Administrator for a Ski Resort.

I'm now a Service Center manager for a rural telco in the Sierra Nevada earning fairly good money (great money for where I live, but mediocre by Bay Area standards). I live in a small rural town, My commute is 2.5 miles, I can leave my job when I get home, Marina and I live in a nice home on acreage...life is better than it has ever been.

Yes, I've been there...Yes, I've done that.

No one's ever laying on their death bed thinking "Damn, I wish I'd worked more."

(((Fit)))

i quit my life about six years ago. quit the job, sold my house, relocated, and went to grad school. best decision i've ever made.

i'd have been better off financially if i'd stayed put (not making as much as i am now, but much lower cost of living, tiny mortgage, etc.) but i'm soooo much happier now. also much thinner and fitter

eta: by any chance are you approaching 30?

Original Post by pinegrovedave:

Original Post by fithasafeeling:

ETA: I'm just venting. Has anyone ever had this type of life crisis before?


About 15 years ago I was a highly paid Senior Systems Engineer for Wells Fargo Bank in San Francisco. I had the house, the new cars, lived in a nice town in the Bay Area...all that crap. I left it all (including my wife at the time who didn't help matters) behind me, dug myself out a deep, dark depression (which I was in at the time...drinking myself to death), moved to South Lake Tahoe and became a lowly paid Network Administrator for a Ski Resort.

I'm now a Service Center manager for a rural telco in the Sierra Nevada earning fairly good money (great money for where I live, but mediocre by Bay Area standards). I live in a small rural town, My commute is 2.5 miles, I can leave my job when I get home, Marina and I live in a nice home on acreage...live is better than it has ever been.

Yes, I've been there...Yes, I've done that.

 Good for you!  Had to be liberating!

Original Post by pgeorgian:

i quit my life about six years ago. quit the job, sold my house, relocated, and went to grad school. best decision i've ever made.

i'd have been better off financially if i'd stayed put (not making as much as i am now, but much lower cost of living, tiny mortgage, etc.) but i'm soooo much happier now. also much thinner and fitter

eta: by any chance are you approaching 30?

This outweighs anything else, IMHO.  

I think we've all known people that think if they could have a bigger house, better car, make more money, then, and only then, could/would they be happy.  Rarely seems to work that way.

Life is short, we have to do what makes us happy in the time we are here. But we also have to think carefully about our situation and how our decisions will affect loved ones.

I don't envy you, but I think we all go there in our lives at some point, you are not alone. There's some great advice in this thread...I sincerely wish you the best in whatever decisions you make.

Original Post by kallie67:

Original Post by pgeorgian:

i quit my life about six years ago. quit the job, sold my house, relocated, and went to grad school. best decision i've ever made.

i'd have been better off financially if i'd stayed put (not making as much as i am now, but much lower cost of living, tiny mortgage, etc.) but i'm soooo much happier now. also much thinner and fitter

eta: by any chance are you approaching 30?

This outweighs anything else, IMHO.  

I think we've all known people that think if they could have a bigger house, better car, make more money, then, and only then, could/would they be happy.  Rarely seems to work that way.

and they're usually trying to compensate for something with the material things.

Original Post by fithasafeeling:

Lately, I think I've been having a life crisis. I just want to quit my life. I'm not talking about suicide, so don't read that far into it. I just want to quit a bunch of the components that make up my life.

For instance, I want to quit my job. I want to trade in my stilettos for a cute pair of Chuck Taylor All Stars and stay home with my son. I want to be a stay-at-home mom and quit the career. I think I would be so much more happy just being a mom than being this woman in the stride of her career. It's not that I hate my career, I just don't find meaning in it anymore. The things that used to be so rewarding (i.e. business strategies, money and bonuses) are just not rewarding anymore. Instead, the most rewarding part of my day is when I wake up to my 22 month-old screaming from his crib, "Mommy, mommy, mommy!" to go rescue him from his crib and start the day.

Another aspect that I want to quit is my mortgage. I love where I live, but I pay so much for my house that it really feels like my house owns me. I work only to afford the house and the cars. The cars are close to being paid off, but the house is nowhere near it and to be quite honest, I could move and give up the house. I really do not value that house as "home" the way I value my childhood home. I could easily become a renter and not have a single issue with my pride of being a home owner or not, like I used to pride myself on being 24 and owning a home. Now I could give a rats-@ss of owning a home.

My problem is this...my husband. He loves the money that I make. He loves our life and isn't the type to give up a steady paycheck (mine) especially in this economy. At times I feel like he's a money-grubber and resent him for making me go off to work to afford the house and the cars. He even tries to sell it to me like my working is the way that I provide for my child the best life he could have. I know that this is completely wrong because I know that my son wouldn't even notice if we were less well-off.

I just want to quit these components of my life and I'm reaching a point of almost insanity where I am willing to risk losing everything just to be happier. Maybe poorer, but happier.

ETA: I'm just venting. Has anyone ever had this type of life crisis before?

Oh we should get together...look at my old "woe is me" post...and it isn't getting any better.

My parents moved to Florida 2 years ago to live in the magical retirement land of The Villages...and I miss them.  Now that all the crap is hitting the fan with the mortgage and stuff I want to take a chance and move to Florida.  I know the economy is craptastic down there, but the places are so much cheaper.  I could rent a 4 bedroom, 2 bath, 2 car garage home twice the size of where I live now for almost half the cost of my current mortgage.  Hubby is dead-set against it...no way is he moving out of New England. 

The stress gets so bad around here that I just want to run away...pack my family up and go...

I hope everyone is giving you great advice because I just replied as soon as I read your initial post. 

 :o)

92 Replies (last)
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