I just want my stuff back...
Dear Jay,
I get it. You don't want to talk to me. I told you I would quit speaking to you.
But you have to understand why I called you: I want my stuff back.
Not the gifts I gave you- those are yours. Really. I just want my actual stuff- my clothes and my schoolnotes that I lent you- back. Or even the clothes. Keep those. I don't care. I just want my notes back.
I really don't get it. I've quit texting you random conversation like I used to. I get that I can't do that anymore. Was it really that bad that I asked for my notes (and clothes) back? Your tone and attitude held a bitterness that I've never heard before.
I don't get it. I don't understand whats gone wrong between now and last time we spoke. When you told me we couldn't be friends anymore. I've said nothing to you. I don't need to pick them up... get your roommate to drop off my stuff at my place if my presence really is that bad.
I want to quit hurting you. I didn't think asking for my notes and clothes would upset you so much. I thought it was an honest- not friends but distant acquaintance phone call.
You said you'd call me in a few days to figure out a time I could get everything back. You said that last week when you said I had to stop talking to you. You never called. You know I move in a few days and somehow I still have some faith you'll call... I still cling to that bit of hope that you'll change your mind and let us be friends again. But I know that'll never happen. You won't call. You once told me we could read each other very well... and you're being honest when you say that. That's why it hurts so much.
I said I'd step out of your life. I just want to make you happy and I'm sorry if calling you was something I wasn't supposed to do. I still don't understand what went wrong but I understand that I need to stay away. I get it.
But can I please just have my stuff back?
-Jaycee
******
Or anyone else know how I can get my notes back?
ETA: He's not my ex. We were strictly just friends. What happened is kinda described here: http://caloriecount.about.com/forums/the-loun ge/letter-friend
And in my journal there are letters that I've been writing to him (not sending obviously). I guess its cathartic for me to write.
If someone genuinely wants you out of their life, they will generally do whatever they can to facilitate that happening. If he has any common sense, he realizes that by holding on to your stuff, he is dragging this out. So to me, its intentional on some level.
Send him a text. Tell him to put your stuff into a box or bag and that you'll be over at XX o'clock to collect your items. Tell him you don't really want to see him when you pick the stuff up, that it'd be better if his roommate could hand you the box or bag.
Do you have a mutual friend who can pick it up right now? I wonder if your ex hasn't tossed your stuff.
I can't just show up. I'm not sure what his roommates think of me as it is... they know I was good friends with him and it probs didn't look to good on my part to his roommates when I slept over and we got... noisy? I guess. Just tickle fights... some cuddling. It'd be weird to see his roommates without him. His decision to just remain friends instead of a relationship, and I was okay with that, more than anything I didn't want to lose him in my life. Now of course I'm departing but the still overall, "Can I please make you happy?" idea is still there.
I think part of it is my fault... because I really don't want our friendship to be over. And its hard putting my feelings aside of not wanting to hurt him and being assertive that I want am and entitled to my notes. THose weren't a gift and it was already established that I'd get them back at the end of the semester. And my clothes? He has no use for those.
I guess I'll give him until 5PM tomorrow and then call that I really need the stuff. I don't want to be needy but since I'm moving at the end of the week my days are limited to actually get it back. Is that reasonable?
Original Post by melodic: Now of course I'm departing but the still overall, "Can I please make you happy?" idea is still there.
What you just said here is that you don't just want your stuff back.
What you really want is for him to call you. Or, at least want you to call him.
(((melodic)))
If it's about your stuff, do what catwalker said. Make a plan, communicate it to him, and carry it out. Keep it businesslike.
I want to talk? Possibly. Maybe. I don't know.
I want him to be happy... and how should his happiness be dependent on whether or not I get my stuff back? Yes, I'd like my notes. I worked my ass off to take science major college level science courses in high school and get in A in the class. They're not helpful to me but they were helpful to him and will be to others as well. They're good notes.
I want him to be happy and I want my stuff back at the same time... pretty focused on "I" and "me" I guess. Selfish.
I'm giving it until tomorrow mid-afternoon. If that doesn't work he's getting a phone call just asking him to leave it by his door by a certain time. No confrontation necessary. I feel terrible for asking it but I guess its what's best for both of us
Original Post by melodic:
I want to talk? Possibly. Maybe. I don't know.
I want him to be happy... and how should his happiness be dependent on whether or not I get my stuff back? Yes, I'd like my notes. I worked my ass off to take science major college level science courses in high school and get in A in the class. They're not helpful to me but they were helpful to him and will be to others as well. They're good notes.
I want him to be happy and I want my stuff back at the same time... pretty focused on "I" and "me" I guess. Selfish.
I'm giving it until tomorrow mid-afternoon. If that doesn't work he's getting a phone call just asking him to leave it by his door by a certain time. No confrontation necessary. I feel terrible for asking it but I guess its what's best for both of us
You have GOT to stop beating yourself up over this. Really.
You're so concerned with him being happy... what about YOU? None of this is making you happy, this was HIS idea, and HE'S the one stringing YOU along. Nothing you are doing is selfish in anyway so please, put that out of your mind. I know he's your "friend", but frankly he's behaving like an ass. That's not your fault.
Get angry. Feel feelings. Stop trying to take the blame for this like he's some saint. He's not. Get your s*** back, and let him know in no uncertain terms that you will be getting it back. People will treat you the way you allow them to treat you and until you stand up and say "no more", he's just going to keep doing this.
HE'S the one that "broke up" with you. You have nothing to feel guilt over here. Just the chances are good that it's his new GF that doesn't want y'all being friends and he's holding on to your stuff because he doesn't really want to let you go either. That's not your problem.
My heart's still with you dear <3
I gave it thought. I'm not gonna die without my notes and I can't bring myself to text or call him again. If he ever wants to give them back... Fine. Id love it. I'd be thrilled to get them back. It's not going to happen, but after giving it thought I don't think I can go back.
