(Warning: sex stuff) found boyfriend's porn. not a big deal, but...
we haven't had sex for over seven months (he's lost his erections during sex, then couldn't get hard at all, so we stopped altogether).
we talked about it; he told me how he feels, it told him, blah blah blah.
anyway, we don't live together (long story), so when he drops me off at home, i'll give him oral cuz that seems to get him up.
after a while of doing that, i asked him to do "stuff" to me too. he said he would, but nothing.
i went in the back of his truck when i asked to borrow his sweater and i found his stash. i watch porn too, so i don't care about his porn, but i feel unsexy/undesireable because he hasn't touched me in anyway at all.
should we talk some more? (honestly, i'm sick of trying to communicate....)
should i forget about it and accept that he's more turned on by "Gang Bang Anal" than me?
[update: he broke up with me a few days later. said he wasn't having fun anymore.... that kinda got me depressed, but i'm not gonna beg him not to leave me...]
...just dump the jerk.
If you haven't had sex for over 7 months, but he's coming over to get BJs, and not returning the favor in any way...
I can't believe you need this spelled out for you.
You guys are already broken up, he's just using you for BJs.
Um. Yeah. Run away. Quickly.
and age is just a number
*scores: 1*
P.S. Sorry Silkie, a personal joke completely unrelated to your thread. I can repeat Nomo's word in capital letters, though, if that's any help: HE'S USING YOU FOR FREE BJs! STOP!!!
How old are you, silkie?
It amazes me when guys don't seem to get that the best way to keep having sex is for BOTH parties to get something out of it, not just him.
Dump the jerk and go find yourself someone more mature than a 13 year old.
I just have to add:
In my opinion, porn is bad. It objectifies both men and women and it has obviously eroded your relationship with your boyfriend to the point that is no longer a relationship.
Get out of this dead end situation, and get rid of the porn (yours and his)!
Original Post by hksquared:
It amazes me when guys don't seem to get that the best way to keep having sex is for BOTH parties to get something out of it, not just him.
Dump the jerk and go find yourself someone more mature than a 13 year old.
age is just a number
*scores 2*
Original Post by kikt:
Original Post by hksquared:
It amazes me when guys don't seem to get that the best way to keep having sex is for BOTH parties to get something out of it, not just him.
Dump the jerk and go find yourself someone more mature than a 13 year old.
age is just a number
*scores 2*
Age may be just a number, but Maturity isn't.
Silkie,
I'm so sorry you are put in this situation. I don't have too much to offer you, other than to really analyze where you think your relationship with your boyfriend is going. If it's absolutely serious, and you two have been talking about marriage/children/etc, I would seriously recommend seeing a couples therapist.
If the relationship hasn't gotten to that point yet, I would seriously consider where *think* the relationship is going, and make your decision based on that. From what you've said, it sounds an awful lot like it's a "him him him him" situation, and he doesn't give a crap about you, your wants, or your needs.
Good luck!
Profile says 20. Heh, I wasn't about to touch this thread until I found out. O.o
OP, it doesn't look like more talking is the answer. You obviously aren't getting what you need out of this relationship and he isn't very willing to try and give it to you. I know it sucks, but it looks to me like it's time to move on.
Besides, for the one guy who can't get it up for you, there are literally millions who can. :D
yea, i feel hella dumb.
breaking up's hard....
but staying with a guy who doesn't care about you is worse.
Okay, 20 is workable. To be honest, the lack of self-esteem that seems evident here made me think you were much younger, silkie. I'm not trying to insult you, I just can't imagine an adult staying in a situation like this.
That you would consider staying with a boyfriend with a porn addiction and a complete lack of regard for your feelings or needs is...astounding. I don't know you, but I know you're worth more than that.
It's damn-near impossible, initially, especially if you really care about the person. Not to mention, it's just become a habit to be around that person. But it's doable. If you get in the right mindset, you'll get a new lease on life and realize what a **** situation you were in.
There are some people that can watch porn regularly and not have it change their sex lives at all. There are others who become so addicted to porn that they become completely desensitized and actually having sex doesn't really do it for them, as they now see sex as some 12 person circus act. Sounds like that's what's happened to your boyfriend. And if that's the case, it's likely he will become more and more desensitized to the porn he's looking at and have to take it further and further just to feel anything. I say get out now before you come across his child porn/granny porn/snuff porn, etc. Trust me, shower water does not get hot enough to wash off the knowledge that you've been sleeping with a sex offender.
oh god.... i've never asked advice about my relationship to anyone who knows us because they try to be "nice."
i think i need therapy after reading everyone's responses. my boyfriend (the longest relationship i've ever been in) is 45.
i'm f--d up and he's manipulative!
You're 20, and your bf is 45? Is that what you are saying?
yea. we met when i was 18.
Something tells me that the long story about why you don't live together has more warning signs in it.
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