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The Way People Treat You...and Why?


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Ccat can't get the ugly lady to pay attention to him at the bar because she is too preoccupied with her cell phone.

That guy didn't get the job because he's fat.

That girl didn't get picked for the team because...well, she's a girl.

 

What type of treatment do you experience that you feel like is particular to you for some reason?  Do you feel like you get treated differently than others around you (at work, with friends, in the store at the mall)?  Have you come to any conclusions about why you might be treated differently?  Is it your weight, your style, your looks, your ethnicity?

 

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Up until a few months ago... I was the girl who always volunteered to do projects at my job... then I realized it had got to the point where people were walking all over me and just pushing their work off on me.

I was the pushover, I think it was just my, I want to help so people like me personality...  

 

At a quick glance.. I am sometimes confused for a guy.. esp waiters, store clerks  and the like..They are quick to realize this faux pas and get embarrased.  A nasty,  mean part of me secretly enjoys their discomfort.. for a second.. then I ignore it and move on.

I think this happens because I am tall, relatively flat, and don't wear make-up, most of the time.  Oh, and shortish hair too.   This might totally freak some people out, but I am old enough to be comfortable in my skin.. so its no big deal to me.   

First impression: I'm an uppity, snobby, b****

I can only presume the reason is a mixture of my looks, my style, the way I carry myself, and my shyness.

I don't have an open, gregarious, smiling face, in fact my neutral face is a cross between "who farted y'all" and "I'm too good for this s***"

Add in librarian glasses, perfectly coiffed hair, heels 24/7 (or fancy, slightly heeled flats when I'm feeling lazy), some combo of structured blazer + skinny jeans + 'classic' jewerly, and you have my everyday look.

I'm fairly quiet and shy, so I'm not the first to speak in any social situation, but when I do speak I'm coming at you with "big words" and esoteric b***s***. I walk around the city like I own the place and all these peons need to get out of my way; mix it all up and you get uppity, snobby, b****.

I'm sure I've missed out on friendships because of how I come across, and I've been told, practically all my life, that my personality is NOT reflected in my looks. However the presumption of snobbishness has worked out in my favor more often than not; superiors tend to take me seriously and even defer to my judgement, plus service industry folks think I have money so they treat me better?!?! Freebies, discounts, invitations to industry/PR events, etc etc.

Its frankly odd to me, cause I consider myself a big old dork, and once you get to know me its readily evident that I am a dork; FFS, I'm listening to the Deus Ex 3: Human Revolution original soundtrack, how dorky can you get?

The first impression- that I'm extremely quiet and conservative.

Once people get to know me they soon find out that I'm quite the opposite. I'm a very liberal and open-minded person and I love to talk and joke around with people.

Hm- I guess a lot of my friends act differently about certain things around me cause they perceive me to be terribly... Um... Well, Jewish ;p

truth is, I look terribly Jewish (race wise) and i AM racially, just not religiously. Except knowing that I am ethnically Jewish means that my teachers have told me I am excused from lessons including the holocaust 'lest they upset me' - weirdly, another friend (ex, lol) decided that my race meant it was totally okay for her to start discussing with me her various conspiracy theories about how she genuinely (this is a 15 year old, English, smart girl) believes that- and I quote- she thinks "the Jews did the 9/11." which obviously it's okay to talk to me about... 'Jew... Jews killing people.. Jew... GOOD COMBO!' :/ I also get stupid people calling out to me with 'Jew!' and asking if my necklace is gold cause I'm a Jew and I've got to be secretly rich and hoarding it all.

Others think that I will be the best recipient of holocaust jokes- my best friends bf told me one my mum had told me a few days earlier- 'how many Jews can you fit in a Volkswagen? 2 in the front, 3 in the back, and 6 million in the ashtray!' When my mum had told me, she burst into tears at the 'punchline'... while this vile specimen of humanity roared with laughter and nudged me cause hey! You're Jewish! You had family die in there! It's FUNNY, right!!??

I think people act weirdly to people of certain races (especially Judaism) because of the historical stuff- it makes people act weirdly and I don't really think they know just to leave it... I think people forget the intimacy of family loss or history when it's blown open for the world to see and suddenly it's ok to make comments on sensitive stuff because it became everyone's business. Like how people dig themselves in circles when they talk about something like the 9/11 with a Muslim friend- they don't know how to behave, even if the friend doesn't actually care about any link and is totally comfortable in the discussion, they end up overcompensating, even when their friend just isn't bothered. Meh.

Here are my personal thoughts...

I feel like some people (in a club or in the vicinity) perceive me to be arrogant or unfriendly because I like to dress up in dresses and just mind my own business. So me, with my drinks and ciggies, and the women would think that I'm not keen to talk to them. But my close friends know that I am one of the most sociable people around - just not gonna be the kind to butt into anyone's conversation without being invited, you know? I am a casual person, though my dressing style does not reflect that (I just don't like to wear jeans and t-shirts!)

In bars or restaurants, I don't feel anything different other than the occasional special treatments (free drinks, no cover anyone?) but I attribute it to me being polite and smiley though sometimes, I bet they're trying to get to know me. Flattering but I have a great boyfriend! Once, a waiter just told me, "Well, I'm sure you have a boyfriend, but you look like you can have more." That was funny. What a gutsy move. Laughing

As far as my ethnicity is concerned, I absolutely hate it when people typecast me as a typical Asian (because we all know that nothing is worse than being bundled up as one of anything!). I am not thin because I'm Asian (I work my ass off to stay this way!), I am not smart because I'm Asian, I am not giggly because I'm Asian... I just cringe each time someone makes a remark like, "Oh, you're such a typical Asian." NO. :|

Well, I have more, but these are all that I be sharing for now lol. 

Original Post by stargazer1:

Up until a few months ago... I was the girl who always volunteered to do projects at my job... then I realized it had got to the point where people were walking all over me and just pushing their work off on me.

I was the pushover, I think it was just my, I want to help so people like me personality...  

 

Ohhhh no. I was once the pushover girl too because I just like to help, but not when I was betrayed and had money being cheated off from me more than twice that I stopped being overly nice :/ We have to stop ourselves from being used by others, really.

*hugs*

Original Post by vonapathy:

First impression: I'm an uppity, snobby, b****

I can only presume the reason is a mixture of my looks, my style, the way I carry myself, and my shyness.

I don't have an open, gregarious, smiling face, in fact my neutral face is a cross between "who farted y'all" and "I'm too good for this s***"

Add in librarian glasses, perfectly coiffed hair, heels 24/7 (or fancy, slightly heeled flats when I'm feeling lazy), some combo of structured blazer + skinny jeans + 'classic' jewerly, and you have my everyday look.

I'm fairly quiet and shy, so I'm not the first to speak in any social situation, but when I do speak I'm coming at you with "big words" and esoteric b***s***. I walk around the city like I own the place and all these peons need to get out of my way; mix it all up and you get uppity, snobby, b****.

I'm sure I've missed out on friendships because of how I come across, and I've been told, practically all my life, that my personality is NOT reflected in my looks. However the presumption of snobbishness has worked out in my favor more often than not; superiors tend to take me seriously and even defer to my judgement, plus service industry folks think I have money so they treat me better?!?! Freebies, discounts, invitations to industry/PR events, etc etc.

Its frankly odd to me, cause I consider myself a big old dork, and once you get to know me its readily evident that I am a dork; FFS, I'm listening to the Deus Ex 3: Human Revolution original soundtrack, how dorky can you get?


Oh my goodness.  This sounds a lot like me.

Well, except for the perfectly coiffed hair and heels.  I do tend to dress fairly cute when I bother, but even when I don't, there is something about the way I look that makes people think I am stuck up or b****y.  I'm really neither.  I've found that I have to smile a lot and really extend myself in order to make other people comfortable in social situations and meet people.  They just aren't going to come up to me or pick me out of a crowd as the nice person they want to strike up a conversation with.

Also, the way I speak can be off putting.  Sometimes, I can't even think of a way to "dumb down" what I am trying to say and thus come across as arrogant.  In customer service, especially over the phone, people will assume you think they are stupid or are being condescending if you use a big word or a word they don't know.

People think I'm twelve and treat me like I'm inexperienced with life because I must be oh so young.  It's the bangs, I know.  I probably won't have them cut in again.

Original Post by cellulitedelight:

People think I'm twelve and treat me like I'm inexperienced with life because I must be oh so young.  It's the bangs, I know.  I probably won't have them cut in again.


I don't really have bangs, but for some reason, I have a few friends who treat me like a child.  It's really annoying and I don't get it, since in a lot of ways I'm more experienced than they are.  I think it might be my tendency to be silly, but I'd hate to have to turn that off just to be taken seriously at all.

This will come across incredibly vain, but couldn't be further from the truth if you tried. 

Most women tell me that I seem perfect. When they think that, it depends on the personality on how they perceive that supposed perfectness. If they are insecure, they think I might be a snob. If they are comfortable with themselves and not catty, they'll be quite friendly. Even my best friends from high school, said when they first met me, they think "oh, I bet she's a real b****."

I'm very friendly and tend to smile a lot; this is a good thing when I work at the bar. Women tend to love me there, but more because I seem like one of the girls with them. These women are generally quite pretty themselves, so they aren't intimidated. 

I dress well, do my hair, wear simple make-up, and am quite petite and thin. I seem like I have money, when I don't. I just am good at making clothes I've had for 5 years seem new with the odd accessory or new shirt. 

I find it incredibly flattering when they say this, but it just simply isn't true. If perfect means being abused for 17, taking my father to court, estranged and hated by my family at one point, mental breakdowns, dealt with depression/suicidal, cutting, and extreme anxiety disorder, had an ED, and have your mom and close stepfather divorce, then yes, I'm incredibly perfect. 

Since I've struggled so much behind closed doors, I always try to remember that we never really know people until they want us to know them. We never know what is going on behind closed doors in a home or in a relationship. 

Oh, and I guess I could add. I am rarely taken for being American because I just look very European. While living abroad, I spoke Italian without much of an accent, dressed like an Italian, and (have been told) my mannerisms, walking, etc. are not American. I am routinely asked if I am a study abroad student, a foreigner, or if I've lived in Europe most of my life. It's peculiar, but I've learned to accept it. 

This is an interesting one.  I really don't know.  I used to think I was treated a lot differently when I lost weight.  I still think this is true to an extent, but now that I'm dangerously close to the "before" weight in my weight loss spectrum, I don't sense anyone resorting to previous treatment (i.e. the invisible syndrome).

I'm the kind of girl that walks into the bathroom and walks out with a new best friend.  My husband and friends tease me about this constantly. 

I think I'm just approachable.  I think it's also because I genuinely find people interesting.  I'm intrigued by just about everyone I meet.  It feels good when someone's interested in you, opposed to just interested in telling you about them. 

 

Original Post by meta15:

This is an interesting one.  I really don't know.  I used to think I was treated a lot differently when I lost weight.  I still think this is true to an extent, but now that I'm dangerously close to the "before" weight in my weight loss spectrum, I don't sense anyone resorting to previous treatment (i.e. the invisible syndrome).

 


This is very interesting to me.

When I was overweight, I was convinced that everyone was either disgusted by me, or felt sorry for me, or was laughing at me behind my back.  If someone was mean to me, it was because I was fat.  If a guy didn't like me, it was because I was fat.  Waiters weren't nice to me because I was fat, etc, etc.

Now, I'm almost convinced that none of that is true.  I think I was just kind of a miserable, insecure, overwhelmed, kind of snarky and defensive girl who happened to be fat.  I haven't really regained my weight, but I think that if I did, my experience as a fat person would be vastly different than it was before.  Because now I know how to dress, and carry myself and talk to people and give people a chance.

Original Post by meta15:

This is an interesting one.  I really don't know.  I used to think I was treated a lot differently when I lost weight.  I still think this is true to an extent, but now that I'm dangerously close to the "before" weight in my weight loss spectrum, I don't sense anyone resorting to previous treatment (i.e. the invisible syndrome).

I'm the kind of girl that walks into the bathroom and walks out with a new best friend.  My husband and friends tease me about this constantly. 

I think I'm just approachable.  I think it's also because I genuinely find people interesting.  I'm intrigued by just about everyone I meet.  It feels good when someone's interested in you, opposed to just interested in telling you about them. 

 

I tend to make friends with the staff people. Like every building that I have lived in, I've become friends with the cleaning woman, maintenance man, or landlady. I think it's because most of the people are ignored by tenants. A nice smile and a 'how are you?' go a long way. 

I'm dying to know what two of you in particular look like, now.

It's weird, I don't feel pretty, but I know that other people perceive me as pretty.  So, I never actually assume that I'm being treated one way or another because of being pretty...but I've been told that's the case, before.

Original Post by teatoddy:

Original Post by meta15:

This is an interesting one.  I really don't know.  I used to think I was treated a lot differently when I lost weight.  I still think this is true to an extent, but now that I'm dangerously close to the "before" weight in my weight loss spectrum, I don't sense anyone resorting to previous treatment (i.e. the invisible syndrome).

I'm the kind of girl that walks into the bathroom and walks out with a new best friend.  My husband and friends tease me about this constantly. 

I think I'm just approachable.  I think it's also because I genuinely find people interesting.  I'm intrigued by just about everyone I meet.  It feels good when someone's interested in you, opposed to just interested in telling you about them. 

 

I tend to make friends with the staff people. Like every building that I have lived in, I've become friends with the cleaning woman, maintenance man, or landlady. I think it's because most of the people are ignored by tenants. A nice smile and a 'how are you?' go a long way. 

I couldn't agree more! 

I'm invisible. And it sucks.

I'm also very quiet and shy.

So if I am seen, I'm perceived as a snob or stand-offish.

D:

I'm mostly invisible. :/

Original Post by lostpumpkins:

I'm dying to know what two of you in particular look like, now.

It's weird, I don't feel pretty, but I know that other people perceive me as pretty.  So, I never actually assume that I'm being treated one way or another because of being pretty...but I've been told that's the case, before.

You are pretty.

And no, I'm not just saying that to be nice.

Original Post by lostpumpkins:

Original Post by meta15:

This is an interesting one.  I really don't know.  I used to think I was treated a lot differently when I lost weight.  I still think this is true to an extent, but now that I'm dangerously close to the "before" weight in my weight loss spectrum, I don't sense anyone resorting to previous treatment (i.e. the invisible syndrome).

 


This is very interesting to me.

When I was overweight, I was convinced that everyone was either disgusted by me, or felt sorry for me, or was laughing at me behind my back.  If someone was mean to me, it was because I was fat.  If a guy didn't like me, it was because I was fat.  Waiters weren't nice to me because I was fat, etc, etc.

Now, I'm almost convinced that none of that is true.  I think I was just kind of a miserable, insecure, overwhelmed, kind of snarky and defensive girl who happened to be fat.  I haven't really regained my weight, but I think that if I did, my experience as a fat person would be vastly different than it was before.  Because now I know how to dress, and carry myself and talk to people and give people a chance.

Yeah, I'm kind of coming to the same conclusion here.  I remember unkind kids in school and rejection during the formidable years is very damaging.  The funny thing is I recall certain kids/teens that were bigger than me that for some reason were not subject to the same ribbing.  I was quiet and insecure and I'm really thinking that's what did me in more than the weight. 

I've been walking around with this extra 20 lbs and I'm ready for it to be gone now, but I haven't tortured myself over it (not like I used to).  I've still been me. 

(Adding you so you can see locked pics).  

Original Post by cptbunny:

I'm mostly invisible. :/


You don't come across that way at all!  I feel a lot of warmth when I read your posts.

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