ED: I'm really struggling for motivation to recover...

I've just come out of hospital (2 months ago) as an IP. I was in hospital for 4 months and went from a BMI of about 16, to a BMI of 18.7. My periods haven't come back yet and pretty soon I'm going for some tests to see if everything is working proerly/hormones are okay. The problem is...I don't want to get better. I want to lose weight, because I feel like I'm never going to get my periods back, so what is the point in maintaining this weight?

My doc said that if the tests prove that everything is working okay, it might mean that I'm still not at a healthy weight. If I feel like I need to lose weight at the moment, how on earth am I going to cope with GAINING MORE?! I don't know what to do...

You've really done great getting up to 18.7! Whenever girls really thin their body sometimes stops making hormones. It does this to conserve energy for your body to do other things. Some female athletes don't have regular peroids either, for the same reason. Once your hormones balance out and your body heals, it will come back! 

Just keeping thinking of your health, there are lots of reasons to be healthy.

i have been in ip for 6 months and with phsycological input and medication i very much nearly recovered. its been a very tough joureny. you MUST get to bmi 20 in order for your leptin levels to reactive and your cognotive functioning of the brain. you also have to maintain on healthy weight for a while before your periods come bac. ive beene on maintenence for like 3 months and my periods still havent come back.

think of the life you could have;

life with ED:

• pain
• torture
• anxiety
• depression
• fear of food
• thinking of just food and excercise
• excercising or starving all day
• no friends, n family, alone
• no careeer
• scared
• self isolated
• no control of yourself
• worry
• suicidal
• low confidence
• ect.....

life without ed:

• happiness
• confident
• sociable
• enjoy life
• not want to die
• have friends
• have family of your own
• get your education and career
• be healthy 
• freedom
• you have control
• not scared of food
• do normal things and not think of food or excercise all day
• sleep well
• self content
• ect.. i have loads..

xxxxxxx take care hun

Hi Kimberly

do you really think the only point in being a healthy weight and having a healthy diet is having periods? I dont think so...there are some extreme cases where women do not have their periods return after EDs so by your rules, those women shouldnt bother recovering and strengthening their bodies and being free from obsession so they can enjoy their lives ? or is this rule only applying to you? if so....why are you so different to others?

It can take several months at a BMI >19 or 20 for periods to return..the fact that they have not yet does not mean they will not. A lot of repair work needs to be done first, and that can only start when you are at a reasonable weight and eating well. 

don't panic, If I was you, I would wait for the test results and for now MAINTAIN your weight or gain very slowly for now, dont slip down but dont push yourself too much as you are obviously struggling with where you are, and dont want to trigger a backlash response if you feel out of control etc.