Weight Gain
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Ignorant/rude comments people have made to you during recovery.


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So I just got back from a vacation visiting family across the country. I kept up my calories and managed to gain 2lbs in a week and a half! But I seriously couldn't believe some of the things people said to me.

First off, my grandpa on one side made a comment about how if I actually ate a "real satisfying meal" I wouldn't need to be eating so much all day!(I'm more of a grazer; I find it's easier to get my calories in. Plus, I was on a screwey schedule!)

Then my boyfriend had saved a bite of a donut for me to try, and he gave it to me, and my grandma was all "WELL JUST EAT THE WHOLE THING WHY DON'T YOU?!" and started laughing. I had to hide in the bathroom and cry D:

Then at my other grandparent's house, we were all sitting at the breakfast table and I told my grandma how starving I had been when I woke up, and what a big breakfast I had(she knows about my ED - she's the only one out of family members that does) and my grandpa goes "well it's because you stretched your stomach out last night eating so much". (The night before we went out to eat and I had a small side of mashed potatoes, a couple appetizer slices of veggie pizza - they were small- and some vegetables over rice, but I only ate a bit of the rice because it was gross! I don't think that is too much. Plus I hadn't eaten lunch because we had to leave right away. ugh)

And the one I was MOST shocked by..we were at this cheese/wine factory that had a bunch of samples. I put a little bit of cheese spread(huge fear food..I'm trying to reintroduce dairy and eggs into my diet, so this was a big deal for me) on a cracker and this total stranger goes "uh, you know that's fattening, right?" My boyfriend heard him and freaked out. Why can't people just mind their own business?! 

This was all during one vacation, too! What are some just totally rude things people have said to you?

16 Replies (last)

You're over-sensitised.  Everything's relating to your eating disorder.... understandably, admittedly.  Grandparents the world over give you lots of food and make comments about how you should eat more square meals, how big you're growing, you're looking a bit thin or a bit fat and 'are you eating properly?'... They're just being normal.

I put a small blob of a very thick-looking garlic mayonnaise on my plate at a buffet lunch yesterday and my colleague said 'plenty of calories in that!!'.... he was just joking.  The person in the restaurant had no idea whatsoever that you would react the way you did...  People assume you're normal.  They can't possible know your medical history.

Part of ED recovery is learning to take normal food and body-related comments on the chin and accepting them on face-value rather than having hidden meanings or being deliberately offensive.

Comments like that are really tough to deal with.

Ive had people say similar things, for example, my grannys has said on numerous occasions, ' how do you eat so much' and' you must have an awful big stomach with the amount you eat'

I think as Gi Jane said we are veing a bit over sensitive, I always very paranoid about eating around people because I think they are watching what I eat and how much of it I eat, so if a comment does arise up casually I can then over react and take it the wrong way.

Sometimes though people can be darn right rude, when I was on holiday a while back this lady kept staring at me in a cafe and nudging her husband and whispering to him and she kept staring even after I stared her back. I wasnt over reacting to that situation because even my sister and mum noticed it. So yeah at times people can be pretty rude. Just have to do your best to ignore them.

GI Jane - thank you, this is what I needed to hear. It's hard to realize that most people don't think about food the way I do, and the way I do is not normal. I know I'm progressing though, because I still got in my 3,000 + cals those days, and I know a few weeks ago those comments would have caused me to restrict. I'm a hyper-sensitive person anyway, and that plus the eating disorder can just be a recipe for disaster when comments are made, and I need to learn to not care so much.

Betty - I guess it is normal for people, esp older, to make comments about food. It's just one of those things that I now know i need to work on.

When I was at my low weight, I've had the pointing/nudging thing too. But that is much more passive-aggressive and didn't bother me for some reason.

Yeah, I know how horrible those comments can feel. When you are trying really hard and someone comments on how small your meal is; or when you eat a big meal and someone comments about that - either way it still hurts! I do wish people would learn to mind their own business sometimes.

Gi-jane is right that you were probably over-sensitive with your grandparents - my nana is exactly the same, always commenting on my weight or what I eat. But still, the stranger who told you cheese spread is fattening was just plain rude!

Yea im so defensive over my eating. Any little comments make me burst out in anger or depression. =/

 

But im trying to learn how not to care about what others think.

 

I'm still very sensitive to these sorts of comments but I hope I'm getting better.
I think the worst one I got was from my uncle [who is morbidly obese] said after I had eaten three pieces of 'spanakopita'*; "we'd better hide the spanakopita before you eat it all". The worst part was that I didn't eat the next day. I've probably received worse comments, but this one was right at the beginning of my recovery and really got to me.

*- its like a Greek version of spinach and ricotta pie


Oh and when my friends cottoned on to me trying to gain, one of them said "you're not going to gain any weight by eating carrot sticks and cream cheese"
cream cheese! thats like pure fat! [okay, maybe not, but it made me feel like I wasn't trying hard enough]

I think that an even more stupid thing to say to some one recovering is to comment on their new body.

 

I mean YES we DID WANT to gain weight………… but we do NOT need you idiots telling us how “ womanly” or “ healthy” we look.

I know people do not know any better and that is not their fault

 

 

I got comments from people who had not seen me in ages. Things like “ gee, you look happy….” or “ gee you look nice and womanly” or “ you look nice and healthy”

And they say it in that REALLY annoying , obvious way (as in, it is REALLY obvious that they are saying “ gee, you’ve gained weight, well done!”)

 

I hate when any one comments on ANY ones body - I think it is very rude unless you actually know the person very well.

Sorry - it is a pet hate of mine; a lot of people that gain weight do not want or need people to point it out to them. It is not encouraging or a compliment.

To me, that was even worse than the food comments.

oh yeah, I totally forgot about the body comments!

they're the worst!

I've had my grandma tell me
'you've gained quite a bit of weight'
my expression=      D:
'oh I mean that you look healthy now, you looked so sick before'

and I [or my ed] believes that healthy=fat

aw God lads stop. the comments ppl are making are not hugely rude. they are in good humour or based on ignorance, or lack of the same obsessive degree of knowledge that eating disorder sufferers have about food.

the fact is you have the disorder and you are overly sensitive to comments which most ppl wouldnt bat an eyelid at. this post will serve only to make you further sensitive to the issue. people are going to say what people are going to say. especially older people.

you have to learn to brush it off. i think this post is a bad idea because it increases the thought that people are doing something wrong. they're not. the whole world does not specialise in the "how to speak properly around a recovering anorexic" language.

why dont you start a thread on all the good things that have been said since you'v started eating/looking better

I was just pointing out that a lot of people who need to gain weight, hate being told they have gained weight JUST as much as other people do.

Most people don’t want people saying they have gained weight, and I have learnt that even people who TRY to gain weight, do not like people actually commenting on it any more then regular people!

Just an interesting observation, something that I have learn!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Also - this has nothing to do with my past eating disorders, but I feel it is in very bad taste to comment on ANY ones eating habits… I have always thought it was very rude.

 

I think it can be joked about - in a non negative way - as in, to have a bit of a laugh about the comments people make about how much some people need to eat to gain…

I think it is fine to vent about people’s ignorant comments too - it is fine to vent about anything…..as long as we don’t lose sight of all the positive things about recovering!

Original Post by personaltrainer87:

Also - this has nothing to do with my past eating disorders, but I feel it is in very bad taste to comment on ANY ones eating habits… I have always thought it was very rude.

I think it can be joked about - in a non negative way - as in, to have a bit of a laugh about the comments people make about how much some people need to eat to gain…

I think it is fine to vent about people’s ignorant comments too - it is fine to vent about anything…..as long as we don’t lose sight of all the positive things about recovering!

 I agree. I've had people say things to me like 'you're too small to eat that!' or 'she couldn't fit that in her stomach!' etc etc. Although I am getting better at handling such comments. My best friend recently told me to 'eat the odd chocolate bar' in order to gain weight. I'm going to put that one down to ignorance!

One of the most rudest things I have heard recently was made by my Mother-in-Law.  We hadn't seen each other in over 6 months.  I looked at her and say, "oh Mom, it's so good to see you!" and her reply..."oh Chris, we really need to get you on a diet!"  Gee thanks alot, I love you too.  :(     It totally ruined my day and I will never forget that comment.  My husband replies, she was just be honest.  Yell

Over sensitive?  Hell yes I am.  People should think about what they say before they say it and stop and consider anothers feelings.  I know I never say anything to anyone without considering how it might come across to other.

To all the people that say, "suck it up, you are too sensitive", you don't know what it's like to live inside another person.  If you did, you would never say it.  IMHO

Original Post by girlplurality:

My best friend recently told me to 'eat the odd chocolate bar' in order to gain weight. I'm going to put that one down to ignorance!

Ain't nothin' wrong with chocolate Tongue out

cweadock - I definitely agree. I am hyper-sensitive. I am working on it, but even when someone says something about me that doesn't pertain to weight/my eating disorder I get very hurt. I don't undersand why people say things that could be perceived as hurtful or negative. I would NEVER comment on another's weight/appearance in a negative way, or even compliment weight loss/gain because I know that can also be touchy. I guess different people just have different ideas/sensitivity levels. /sigh

Ooh, me me!  I have a funny story!  Ahhh, I'm cracking up just thinking about it!

Last year when I was in treatment, I went out to a restaurant with my family when they were visiting me.  I was supposed to have dessert after my meal, and the restaurant had an ice cream machine.  As I was standing there trying to decide what kind I wanted, this guy stepped in front of me and started filling his bowl.  He then turned to his wife beside him and loudly proclaimed, "If you're looking to gain weight, this is the place to do it!"

Haha, the horror that struck me only lasted a moment, and then I looked at my mom and lost it!  I started laughing and responded boisterously with, "Well, I guess I came to the right place!"  We were practically rolling on the floor!

ecwk6:  I would try responding with humor:P  When the guy says "Uh, that's fattening", look at him with wide eyes for a moment, and then eagerly reach for more, saying "Perfect! Just what I need!".  Big smile, "Thanks!", etc.

16 Replies
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