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Always getting overlooked...anyone else???


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So I feel like my whole life I have always been the odd one, always being overlooked because I'm fat. Yeah sure I have a pretty face and pretty hair, but that isn't enough. So recently I love about 45lbs (but probably gained 5 back which I'm working on) but I'm still a bigger girl at 5'3 188. Anyway we went to this party and seriously I was like the only girl who didn't get talked to until everyone else was drunk. WOW that made me feel just AWESOME! What the crap I feel better about myself but it still isn't good enough in the real world. I guess if I look at it in a positive light it gives me motivation to keep eating healthy and lose some more weight.

 

Anyway does anyone else feel like this? How do you deal with feeling left out?

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I used to feel like that all the time... compounded by the fact that i am tall. I have always been overweight but overweight on my height made me huge... all my shorter, skinnier friends would get all the attention. I even had a guy tell me that i would never be the girl that guys would want... It used to make me really depressed until I learned that if that if someone was going to base everything off size, screw them, i don't need them... i just decided i wanted to look better for me. Just learning to be comfortable and confident with who i am made all the difference. 

If you're not 'classically beautiful' parties full of young, shallow, shy, appearance-obsessed strangers who only come out of their shells after being pickled in booze..... are not the best place to make an impact, in my experience.  And would you want to be with them anyway?  (The answer is 'no', incidentally Smile)

My suggestion for you would be to change your hunting grounds!!  It actually works in your favour to circulate in situations where your personality, talent and intellect have an opportunity to shine through.  Play to your strengths .....  Then you'll more likely meet someone that you share a common interest with.  And they'll be so mesmerised by you - what you think and what you have to say and your sense of humour - that they'll think your pretty face and lovely hair are an added bonus.

BTW....... 'Judge not lest ye be judged'... isn't a bad maxim.  Those who don't wish to be judged on appearance should keep a very open mind in return. Smile

 

Gurlie and gi-jane said it all.  If people aren't going to love and appreciate who you are as a human being, then they are NOT worth your time.  All that matters is what YOU think about yourself.  Congradulations on the weight loss.  You should be very proud!  :)  And props to you for trying to lose more....just as long as your doing it for yourself and not the jerks around you!

I was best friends in college with a 5'8" Jessica Alba look-a-like.  And when I say she was hot, I mean she was hoooooot.  And even though I was overweight, I still had a lot of guys who would talk to me instead of her.

I'm pretty sure by now that it had to do with the fact that she had horrible self esteem, was always checking herself in the mirror and never really looked comfortable or at ease.  I, on the other had, was confident and knew that I was a cool chick (thanks mom!).  I also didn't have the mindset of "I want a guy to talk to me!", but "Are any of the guys here worthy enough to talk to me?" 

Never, ever base your self worth on men and what they seem to think of you.  If you feel better about yourself then that is all that matters!  Don't let some guys who are probably jerks bring you down when you are doing something good for yourself.

You are a really pretty girl. I didn't think I was that attractive when I was younger but when I look back at pictures now I think hey she was cute! lol I'm 45 now. So enjoy your beauty now and don't worry about what those jerks are thinking.

I totally agree with gi-jane; if you change your stomping ground you will meet some guys who are totally into you. Also act confident. Like shaded said; look at it more like are they worthy enough to talk to you!

Just have fun.

I think our unintentional body language makes people treat us the way we are feeling inside. If we expect to be ignored then our body language will show that, people will subconciously read it and follow your lead.

Try an experiment: next time you go out if you don't feel like you are then pretend to be the girl everyone wants to talk to. Think of yourself as a hot commodity that everyone wants to get to know. Your body language will change and peoples reaction to you will follow.

I'm not saying it's the answer to everything. I'm saying it in addition to the excellent advice already provided in previous posts!

I went through a time in my life where I didn't feel like anyone would want to be around me so I tried *in a twisted thinking way* to keep them from having to "deal" with me. I had to be around them but I didn't want them to have to feel like they had to put up with me more than neccessary. Years later I found out that they wanted to get to know me but thought I didn't want to have anything to do with them. I thought I was doing them a favor but instead I was cheating myself! Body language can DEFINITELY throw off some mixed and misunderstood signals.

Good luck to you!!!!!

I agree that your body language and attitude say a lot with you moving your mouth. People can sense insercurity, you also tend to be more shy when your not believing in yourself. Try working on being more outgoing and loving yourself. I am currently trying to get myself out of my comfort zone. Try doing something you thought you would never do like, sing karaoke in public (something) - - - once you do it and realize it wasn't so bad, it will help you realize that life is too short to worry so much. It will also help you gain confidence when you seeyou CAN do it. It sounds like you are trying to eat better and get healthier, so start focusing on your inner self too. =0) Your mind has so much influence over your body (i love psychology) take charge and just know your a great person. Truely believe it and it will be hard for other people to ignore it Smile Feel free to send me a message anytime! Congrats on your losing 40-45lbs! Thats amazing, keep it up girl!

Want a viewpoint from a guy?  A couple people have already touched on this, but it's not always the "hottest" girls that get approached- projected personality and confidence go a long way in getting me involved in a conversation with someone new.     

hey! I am in the same boat!!!!! lol

I was 183lbs and I am now down to 165. the 3 months journeyhad ups and downs and although I lost most of it in 4 weeks, it took another 4 weeks to lose the last 5lbs.

I'm now at a plateau of 165.7 because if it goes lower for a day or so, it goes back up to that or if it goes higher for a day or so, it goes back down to 165.7lbs.

I didn't follow a strict diet but I eat everything in moderation. Before it'd be 3 kitkat in one go followed by a pack of biscuits and so on. So yay to me! Cool

Anyway yeah I feel the same as you, always getting overlooked but now the fact that I know I am pretty, I really don't care what people think. I know I have achieved a lot and will do so in the future. There are guys who are interested so maybe YOU overlooked them. A smile goes a long way. Forget your weight! Be yourself or the girl you think you are!!! I'm 19 and it took me more than 3 years to figure it out and work through it!

Don't waste your time! Be happy, enjoy life  with your true friends and ultimately HE will find you!! *I'm not talking about God* lol.

YOU'VE JUST MADE ME REALISE HOW MUCH WEIGHT I'VE ACTUALLY LOST!!!! A million thanks to you! Kiss

Ugh do I feel you right now.  I'm living in Africa and one of my American friends here looks like Barbie - big blue eyes, big boobs, blonde hair, tan, 5'8, 125lbs, perfect teeth.  Any time we're together, I don't get looked at or talked to even though my language is better than hers.  We taught an english class together recently and at the final party, everyone wanted me to take a picture of them with her.  Know how many people wanted a picture of me with them?  Zero.  When I'm not with her, everyone is asking about her, including my boss and other co-workers.  She's invited to events at  my work place where I'm told I need to pay but she's a "guest" so she doesn't have to.  Everyone wants me to let her know that they like her and they think she is so beautiful.  There has been more than one day that I have sat in my apartment and cried because not only do I have low self esteem on my own and have been having a really hard time dealing with recent weight gain and the fact that it's not coming off, but having her here only makes it seem that much worse.  Its different here because she's is more of a novelty because she looks like what they think beautiful American's look like, so I can't even say "Oh well I have a better personality so they'll flock to me."  Not gonna happen any time soon!  I don't think I've actually ever felt UGLY until I came here; even when I was much bigger, I never felt as overlooked as I do right now.  Frusterating and depressing.

Sorry if I'm stealing this thread, but I am addressing dovelette.  My wonderful next door neighbor, inlisted in the peace-corp after college grad.  3 years in Madagascar.  She wanted to help save the world! Amazingly what she found was people who were way more cruel about her appearance and her weight than she had ever had to deal with in the US.  BTW, she is 5'4 and weighs around 145 pds so I am not talking about anything out of the norm.  Unfortunately, many countries only have the media and the tabloids to judge what Americans look like.  What you need to do is pick yourself up and deal with this on your terms.  You are obviously a smart, strong-willed young woman who has many things to offer.  Don't let others supposed opinions sway what you think about your self.  Beauty doesn;t last.  Strong character does. Keep strong, and try to build your self esteem by being so proud of what you are doing to change the world.  Good Luck

I felt left out for most of my school years, and I was very petite, with the sweetest best friend,Jenny, who was better than me at absolutely everything. I had a few close friends but the majority of my peers were not interested in hanging out with me.

I don't know what happened to change that. It was better in high school, and not an issue as an adult. I think more than anything, I now get to pick the people I spend time with, rather than being stuck with the same 20-30 immature people. I also am comfortable with who I am, and I like me, so I don't feel paralyzed with the stress and worry that nobody will want to talk to me. I'm still not a giant social butterfly. I am more comfortable in small groups than in large crowds-- still feel kind of lost at a party sometimes. But I know that that is my own inhibitions, not that there is just something about me that repels people, because after a drink or two, thus a small loss of inhibitions, I am (I should say WAS, as I no longer drink) easily chatting it up and mingling and having a good time. (I'm not talking getting drunk and stupid here, just a couple drinks!)

Best of luck to everyone feeling alone among others.

Life sometimes seems to come up and hit us the face..............and all the talk in the world can't take it away!  Hang in there and try to keep in mind the race doesn't always go to the swift.  Life is a marathon, pick where you run it.

I think everyone at some point has feeled a lil left out or overlooked but what I've realized that you cant constantly worry about omg no one is talking to me.  A few years ago I gained weight, I weighed about 175 lbs and then became bulimic (DO NOT RECOMMENDED AT ALL) and went down to weighing 140 and on top of that I was exercising everyday until I was too dehydrated to do anymore. Sure, I felt better about myself for the fact that I was looked at more but once I started seeking help and going back to how I was I realized that it wasnt about how much I weighed but how I felt about myself.

All you gotta do is love yourself and be confident cause you are beautiful.  Don't worry about whether other guys are coming up and talking to you, and honestly once you stop concentrating on that and having fun then you will be suprised.  And lastly, don't always wait for guys to talk to you... Go say hi to people and try and get out of your comfort zone, that has definitely helped me out in the last few years.

I know exactly how you feel and trust me anyone that has a sister that is what everyone else refers to as gorgeous and not to mention on top of that she is a great person and very creative and out going.  Most of the time I just disregard all of the attention that she gets because face it she is more outgoing then I am but when my own family, grandparents, and cousins do the same thing then it is a little hurtful.  There has been times where my grandfather has introduced people to my sister and not to me and we will be standing next to each other.  I used to be a little envious of her and I still am a little but something great happened.

I STARTED TO LIKE MYSELF. 

I started dating my boyfriend and was introduced to a completely different world then I was used to.  He is puertorican and so are a lot of his friends and I was kind of forced to be a little more outgoing when his friends were around because they tend to pick on the wallflowers.  I also became involved with the local baseball league because of his sons and became friends with people through there and let me tell you, everyone there comes in all shapes, sizes, colors, and creed but I soon became comfortable around all of them. 

If you are invisible sometimes it is by choice.  I had to force myself to speak to people that I would have never spoken to.  Confidence can sometimes overpower looks.  Perfect example of this is Queen Latifah.  She is probably my favorite actress.  She is beautiful and confident and honestly when she started doing those weight loss commercials I was kinda disappointed because he confidence made me feel confident.

BELIEVE IN YOURSELF.  YOU ARE AWESOME.  SMILE. STAND TALL.  FEEL BEAUTIFUL AND YOU WILL BE.

If you don't think that you are beautiful then it does rub off on people and eventually it may come true.  It took me three years of trying but I think that I am finally comfortable.  I still don't have the confidence yet to where a bathing suit without a skirt being 5'7'' and 194lbs but I will get there. 

I AM LOVED and I LOVE MYSELF.

Well, I always felt like the second banana whenever I was next to my ex-best friend. She was taller,thinner and very confident. This might sound catty but I thought she had minor butterface (Didn't care for her brows, skin, etc) but it didn't matter, she knew how to work it. I was always felt like crap standing next to her. This one time at the beach I suggested that we chat up with the hot lifeguards but when we approached them I ended up being timid and she did all the talking/flirting so it was no surprise that I didn't get attention. My low self esteem showed and I was waaaay to focus on how 'chubby' I was looking.

But in a different scenario, I used to have friends who were way more heavier than me and I didn't feel like I was the 'chubby friend' so I let loose and I did end up catching the attention of my friend's crush (and then some).

So just remember, maybe next to your skinny friends you might feel like a cow but how does your heavier friend feel next to you? Comparisons just complicate things, be yourself. Most guys are stoopid and insensitive anyways so screw the guidos and look for a soulful dude.

Original Post by moon_doggie:

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 screw the guidos and look for a soulful dude.

Nice.  Would you post "ni--ers" on here, or is it ok to use derogatory terms for italians but not blacks? 

Italians? We clearly have different definitions of guidos.

My definition of guido is a shallow guy that spends too much money on designer clothes, puts too much hair gel in their hair, wears huge diamond earrings, and frequents night clubs. They also pluck their eyebrows and do other metro things.

How can you compare that to the N word. 

It's nice that you had to quote a trivial joke and turn it into a defensive PC argument.

From Wikipedia:


"Guido" is a pejorative slang term for a younger lower class or working class Italian-American or Italian-Canadian male from the urban Northeastern United States or urban Central Canada, most often New York and the surrounding area due to the large number of Italian-Americans living in the area. The Guido stereotype is often portrayed as humorously thuggish and overtly macho attitude and an unyielding pride in his Italian ancestry.

................

The stereotype is usually considered derogatory or an ethic slur....

http://i58.photobucket.com/albums/g245/errol_ brownpants/guido12.jpg

^ Is this guy Italian? I find it funny you read through all the posts and could only comment on me using the word guido which is the same thing as saying gangsta, prep, goth to me. Couldn't you give advice to the thread starter?

So yeah, no more hijacking the thread to discus labels... Back on topic.

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