Anorexic to Overweight HELP... anyone else like me?

Hi there, for several years I struggled with anorexia and then when I finally started recovery, I just kept eating and eating and eating (and still havent stopped) and now I have a BMI of 28 (which i know isnt massively overweight but it IS overweight and I think part of the problem is that I have never met anyone who has been in a situation like this before and I was just wondering if anyone else had suffered anything like this before? and how I can recover from both disorders for good because my brain is anorexic but my subconcious makes me eat sooo much all th time, like 5000cals a day - I am so unhealthy in my body and my skin and my mind. I dont know what to do and this has gone on for well over a year. I have tried everything: Hypnotherapy, Conselling, Personal Training, Not trying to lose weight, Moving in with my dad EVERYTHING! And I am so distressed. Someone please help or atleast let me know that I'm not alone in this! xoxox

My case isn't as severe, but I was orthorexic and lost a lot of weight, restriced a lot, was really obsessed. When I started getting comments about how thin I was all the time, I tried to go to maintenence. Well, I maintained for maybe 2 weeks, then started binging. Now I've gained all the weight back and am struggling to lose some- not all- of it back off.

Which sounds a lot like what many people go through when they lose the weight off too quickly- it comes right back on.

You're definitely not alone. Binging is pretty common after anorexia, especially thoe whole binge/purging thing.

Just calm down, focus on your health and fitness, and things should fall into place :)

It's so hard to not get obsessed with it though!

This is such a conundrum, and something I have experienced exactly the same, I found it incredibly embarrassing and unfair because it really looked liked i'd let myself go, but there was really nothing I could do about it as I was trying so hard to adopt at least some of the more healthy habits that had got me so thin in the first place. To be honest with you, it's really a time game, the first time I came out of ED I must have gained almost 3st (40lbs oh my god kill me now) and it took the best part of two and a half years to get it off obviously fluctuating here and there during that time to be able to maintain a skinny but completely healthy bmi of about 19. I actually went a bit too far with losing it in the end and consequently put a bunch back on. Reigned it back in and I'm around a bmi of 20.2 now. 

You said you had tried using a personal trainer. Are you still exercising? For me personally it was consistent gentle cardio that helped me the most. Ironically not because it necessarily made me thinner, but because it elevated my mood so much that it helped me not to to eat like a wally, which really is the crux of the issue. 

Basically getting out of this rut, which i know is absolutely horrible will rely solely on your mental state, when it is at peace you will lose weight with so much ease but getting it into that state requires first and foremost an awful lot of time but exercising and trying on a daily basis to persuade yourself that "it isn't that bad" really will help.

Eventually you'll adopt normal eating patterns again. I 100% have bad days, had a bad one yesterday in fact but you just have to persuade yourself that it isn't the end of the world (like most people are able to so easily-damn them!). Then you will eat like a normal person and feel happy like one too. I'm sorry there is no magic answer but there is definitely a light at the end of the tunnel.

Hrmmm.....I kind of went through a similar situation that wasnt as severe.  I recovered from anorexia, and then maintained for a few years and then gained 25 pounds (i dont know if it was from overeating or the meds i was on).  After realizing that i couldnt afford new jeans I slowly changed my diet to include healthier choices than what I was previously eating (ex: a whole bag of goldfish at XC and track meets lol)

I'm sure you are not alone in this because I went through something similar. I was eating under 700 calories for half of the year and then well over 4000 calories the other half. I think through this I messed up my metabolism a lot and my whole relationship with food was just messed up. Honestly, I think the best way is to just stop letting food be such a controlling part of your life. I took up yoga and I think that was the best thing I've ever done. It makes me want to be healthy, so I just eat whatever I want still, but always in the right portion and I don't go extremely overboard or under eat. Don't worry though, you're not alone! :)

I was anorexic/bulimic in high school and when I got serious with my now husband he helped me get healthy.  I discovered I really had a love for good food.  Which easily leads to being over weight.  I still yo-yo like crazy with my unhealthy eating habits.  You are definitely not alone.  I am here because I let myself get out of control and I don't want to go back in the wrong direction.  All you can really do is make sure you are making healthier choices and staying active.  You will be okay--just don't give up!

Thank you guys, hearing about other people in similar situations is really motivating. I suppose i've just got to be patient and try my hardest. Once again thank you xoxox

Woahhhhh...

 

From the OP's journal 4 days ago:

Tomorrow is weigh day and I know that it is going to be bad news after today. I hate that feeling, when you have been doing ok-ish all week and you wake up the day before weigh-day and think 'now i musnt mess up today otherwise it'll be disaster on the scales tomorrow as it is already touch and go' and then what happens, you mess up BIG time. No more. For this whole coming week, I am going to stick to my calorie plan, no treats and exercise when I can find the time between revision. By this time next week I want to feel confident that I have reached my target and lost 5lbs throughout the week.

5LBS BY NEXT WEEK ANNA. YOU ARE GOING TO DO IT. NO OPTION!

 

Anna, you know you can't lose like that.  Or think like that.  I don't know what advice to give you, having nothing more that a crappy self-image most of the time, but I really do hope you can re-think the whole diet mentality and focus on perfection (as a fellow perfectionist, I know how anxiety ridden you can get when things don't work out as planned).

Be gentler on yourself and your body.  It's worth it in the long run!

Story of my life, was anorexic for 2 years in and out of hospital and inpatient. Last time I was inpatient ( BMI 13 ) and I was discharged still underweight at BMI of 16.9 after being there for 12 weeks. Am still confused as to why they did, but I wasn't complaining. I Had been there long enough and wanted to go home. When I got home I threw my meal plan in the bin and started restricting again, but at night I would binge on copious amounts of food, I didn't know what was happening I was so overwhelmed. Treatment had broken my control. I spiraled into binge eating disorder and night eating syndrome. Within weeks my BMI went from 16.9 to 18.6. At this point my depression was worse than ever. I wouldnt leave my room and my mother was unaware of binge eating,when I finally admitted it she said that she could send me back to inpatient but I was far too embarrassed to go back that big ( Pfft big! Looking back now, slim) I would be the laughing stock of the anorexic community! A failure. A Fraud. Weeks went by and weight went up and up and up.I develope insulin resistance ( makes it incredibly hard to lose weight) and I refused to see psychology from self disgust. I felt like no one understood. I was alone & sad and It was like I was punishing myself by eating more and more. Within a 5 month time frame my BMI went up to 28.7. I had stretch marks on my upper arms, hips ( extended out like purple flames) the full circumference of my thighs ( some over lapping old stretch marks from when I first went through puberty) and stretch marks on my inner knees.

I'm in the same position where I feel like I have tried everything to lose weight but I just don't have the commitment and obsessiveness that I used to have. Probably because I used to be so cruel to my body and health.

I would lose 5kg then gain it back. Bouncing up and down never getting anywhere. The most frustrating thing.

Because of my weight my social life is restricted, I haven't seen some family members since I was anorexic because Im too embarrassed.

Most recently I felt so depressed because of my weight I made a drastic descision to quit university in order to focus on my health and getting my weight down.

So far it's going well, I have lost 2.1kg in 2 weeks. The hardest part now is to keep it off and lose more.

I found that eating really lean high protein foods and eating less than 50g carbs/day really helps! The body goes into keitosis when there aren't enough carbohydrates available through diet. So the body starts eating fat stores from us and converts it into energy!

I drink at least 2L of water a day to help flush out ketones which are produced by the body when fat is broken down. Otherwise weightloss can be hindered or stopped. I don't eat much salt as it can attribute to water retention which makes you weigh more and can inflame fat cells. I have 'powerade 0' after netball and netball training to keep me hydrated. ( essentially its sugar less sports drink with sodium ) but other than that it's jut water for fluids.

Story of my life, was anorexic for 2 years in and out of hospital and inpatient. Last time I was inpatient ( BMI 13 ) and I was discharged still underweight at BMI of 16.9 after being there for 12 weeks. Am still confused as to why they did, but I wasn't complaining. I Had been there long enough and wanted to go home. When I got home I threw my meal plan in the bin and started restricting again, but at night I would binge on copious amounts of food, I didn't know what was happening I was so overwhelmed. Treatment had broken my control. I spiraled into binge eating disorder and night eating syndrome. Within weeks my BMI went from 16.9 to 18.6. At this point my depression was worse than ever. I wouldnt leave my room and my mother was unaware of binge eating,when I finally admitted it she said that she could send me back to inpatient but I was far too embarrassed to go back that big ( Pfft big! Looking back now, slim) I would be the laughing stock of the anorexic community! A failure. A Fraud. Weeks went by and weight went up and up and up.I develope insulin resistance ( makes it incredibly hard to lose weight) and I refused to see psychology from self disgust. I felt like no one understood. I was alone & sad and It was like I was punishing myself by eating more and more. Within a 5 month time frame my BMI went up to 28.7. I had stretch marks on my upper arms, hips ( extended out like purple flames) the full circumference of my thighs ( some over lapping old stretch marks from when I first went through puberty) and stretch marks on my inner knees.

I'm in the same position where I feel like I have tried everything to lose weight but I just don't have the commitment and obsessiveness that I used to have. Probably because I used to be so cruel to my body and health.

I would lose 5kg then gain it back. Bouncing up and down never getting anywhere. The most frustrating thing.

Because of my weight my social life is restricted, I haven't seen some family members since I was anorexic because Im too embarrassed.

Most recently I felt so depressed because of my weight I made a drastic descision to quit university in order to focus on my health and getting my weight down.

So far it's going well, I have lost 2.1kg in 2 weeks. The hardest part now is to keep it off and lose more.

I found that eating really lean high protein foods and eating less than 50g carbs/day really helps! The body goes into keitosis when there aren't enough carbohydrates available through diet. So the body starts eating fat stores from us and converts it into energy!

I drink at least 2L of water a day to help flush out ketones which are produced by the body when fat is broken down. Otherwise weightloss can be hindered or stopped. I don't eat much salt as it can attribute to water retention which makes you weigh more and can inflame fat cells. I have 'powerade 0' after netball and netball training to keep me hydrated. ( essentially its sugar less sports drink with sodium ) but other than that it's jut water for fluids.

That is really strange, that is pretty much exactly the same for me! I couldn't go to my dad's wedding because I feel like everyone would laugh at me and be cross with me for 'pretending i was anorexic' and I have barely been at school at all for this entire year because when I do manage to go in I freak out and think that everyone is watching me and laughing at me. Now that I have no more school ever, I am really hoping that I can start trying to get 'real Anna' back but it is just so difficult with so many different things going on in my head. I am so glad that I have found someone with such a similar problem to me (in a not horrible way) we should try and do this together :) xoxox

I'm glad too. I never thought I would find someone like me. I had felt like the ultimate outcast. And yes! We should do this together!

I didn't to to my cousin's wedding late last year for the same reason. I work at a toy tore casually as well as last Christmas whenever I saw a previous teacher from high school I would leave the registers and hide until they exited the store.

I can understand the school situation. It's like you can almost hear what they are thinking about you, making critical judgements etc.

With school out of the way l it will help a lot to channel your thoughts. Last week I wrote down all the reasons why I should lose weight to motivate me and keep me on track.

My other cousin's wedding is this year in late November. I have made a vow to myself that I will be at least 62lbs lighter, and as a minimum 53lbs lighter by November 1st. Do you have any weightloss goals and dates?

Stressful, anxious and frustrating situations make me want to eat; I distance myself from my mother because we have a lot of conflict which then affects me and my behaviours negatively. I'm trying to surround myself with a positive environment for preventative measures.

:)