Then - disaster.
I got anxious about an exam and binged more than I had done in a month. I feel very sick, my stomach hurts and I have acid reflux. I want to cry and now think that all the stuff I have had will make me gain those five pounds I had to work so hard to shed.
What do I do now? Is there hope? I hate these episodes. They make me feel awful...
Relax, you haven't made a mess of it or wasted all your effort, how much weight do you think it's possible to put on in one day? That's right, not a lot, I'd be surprised if you could even measure it.
If you think about it it takes a long time to actually put the weight on in the first place, it doesn't happen overnight does it? So seriously, give yourself a break and carry on as normal tomorrow.
Aw hun you'll be okay! One binge does not make or break a diet, the same way that one mistake does not make or break a life. There is ALWAYS a way to recover.
One thing to think about is if you are really not getting enough fuel during the day, because of an overly restrictive diet, then bingeing is your body's way of desperately trying to grab the fuel it truly needs. One way to prevent binges in the future, therefore, is to eat more moderately and make sure you're really getting what you need. Animals studies have proven quite conclusively that if you put any sort of creature on a restrictive diet, the moment it has access to food again, it will binge---no stress/worry/fear emotions needed to trigger it. With those triggers, and constant access to food, it is easy to understand why it is so common for humans to binge while attempting to diet.
In addition, you could try to set up an alternative to bingeing for those pre-exam, etc. times when you know you'll be at risk---call a friend, read a good book, etc.---anything to get your mind off your fears and onto a calmer, more trusting plane.
But I second what halfhearted said: it took years to put the weight on, it'll take years to take it off. Depending on the size of the binge, you may have put your goal back a day, maybe two, maybe---just maybe---a whole week. In the scheme of things, really not a big deal. The main reason you're so worried about it is that you're really worried about the exam, but you need an easier place to put the stress, so you put it on food.
just to give you the scientific approach: to gain back 5 lbs would mean you would have binged 17500 calories.....I doubt you did that ;) just to put things in perspective
relax and get back on track, do not eat extra little or anything, just finish the day and start over again tomorrow......(hug) you'll be perfectly fine
aww... thanky ou for your support... I would have called a friend - but my phone died on me, too :(
Rosie - you are very right, my binge today was just a way to not think about my terror for the exam: so I wasted time with a different obsession, and now that I am sick to death the physical pain doesn't let me focus on it.
Re: restriction. That is also true, but on a long-term basis. I lost a **** load of weight last year because of a thyroid problem no one took seriously. "You're doing this to yourself" - until finally someone asked for those blood(y) tests et cetera. It took them months to decide to test me. In the meanwhile, I kept losing weight. My BMI was under what is considered seriously underweight. I remember looking at my arms in the mirror during a ballet class, and literally bursting into tears.
Ever since then, my formerly happy relationship with food has been skewed. For all those months people around me kept telling me that I "just needed to eat a lot a lot a lot" to be ok - and so I force fed myself. Especially after losing so much weight I was so terrified I was so thin I was going to die - that I started binging.
Now binging has become what I do when I am terrified, and now I am a few pounds above my ideal weight. This is because in the past month I have gone through problems at work, mourning, and the end of an abusive relationship. I know that if I could just stop the binges - these pounds would go by themselves very quickly.
This is why I am so freaked out. Also because people in my family seem to have a proneness to weight fluctuations (in both ways) that is very bizarre. Oh well... I called my doctor, too, and asked for directions on how to behave in the next couple of days.
It is absolutely the exam to be the trigger. And yes, on the other hand sometimes it happens that when I am forcing myself through work then I don't eat much and then when I am tired in the evening, frustrated because I haven't done as much as I wished to, and binge. :( I hate this. I really do. It makes it difficult to maintain my weight even if I go to the gym every day.
Do yourself a favor, if you have a kindle buy Skinny Thinking, this is a great book that I am reading for the thrid time. The book is not about being skinny but about changing our relationship with food. We must change the way we think about food in order to succed in this journey. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers, hang in there, don't give up, we all have funkey days...
That's the sweetest mesage ever! SOLIWIT, you rock!
Oohh... thank you! I'll definitely look that up - I am a Kindle addict! Just waiting for my semester to end and then that will be my first non-school reading! Thanks you - I love reading suggestions!
The problem is that when I have these binging episodes it sorts of trickles down for four-five more days - nor really binges, but still eating above my calories... Like yesterday I had too many rice cakes, and today I had three small desserts. And I really shouldn't have had them, in order to make up for Thursday's binge. And some cheese nibbling... :-/
I agree - I am getting so many sweet messages here...
Right now, I am just scared of my weigh-in next week on Thursday. I am scared I will have gained weigh. If only I could even just maintain to last week's weight...
Part of what I'm hearing from you is that there is now a lot of fear and tension associated with food and eating---because of your past with the thyroid problem, because of how you have used it to self-medicate after other life problems, and now again with the test. So after the binge now, when you look at food, you remember the binge and how out-of-control and terrified and miserable you felt, and your rational, reasonable self has difficulty figuring out what to eat and how to eat it.
One thing that might help over the next few days is to take the emotion out of eating as much as possible, to retrain yourself to think of food more as an inanimate object and less as a powerful being---just fuel, not comfort. Maybe plan out your meals for the next few days and stick to that if that helps, rather than "make up for the binge." The body is a remarkably resilient thing and you might not even see much of an effect on the scale from the binge or subsequent mini-binges. Eating with more regularity and sanity might also ensure that you don't get too hungry again or too far below your calorie level, which can lead to necessary binges.
And in regards to the weigh-in, reread soliwit's message if it helps. 3500 extra calories=one pound. Did you really eat that much? I'm not sure it's even possible in one sitting.
Wow - homework! Me likes!
I am a nerd, I know...
I will try the inanimation-thing. And also I will try the "don't make up for it" attitude. We'll see how it goes.
But yes, I have conjured a lot of emotions around food, which I am now beginning to disentangle with a therapist. I really want to get rid of those because up until a couple of years ago (i.e. prior to illness and prior to abusive relationship) I had very healthy eating habits and attitudes, and a healthy physique, too.
Will I ever come back into my own skin again?
Hi all -
I wanted to say a big THANK YOU for your support and help in dragging me back to planet earth.
I grabbed my fear this morning: I weigh myself on Tuesdays, but I wanted to push it back to Thursday because I was scared of having gained. That possibility, combined with my current freaking out about tomorrow's exam, was recipe for disaster. You know what I mean.
I got out of bed, put my coffee on the stove, and decided that if I don't want fear to rule my life, I had to face my responsibilities. So I stepped on the scale:
down 1 kg!!! Only 2.2 to go!
Thank you all for being so reassuring. I need to remember that I do not NEED to stuff myself when I am unhappy. That is not going to make me any less unhappy.
Oh how I wish that were true!!
I'm also in college and what I do whenever I have exams coming up or a lot of homework to do is buy a pomegranate or a bag of grapes. Pomegranates seem to work the best for me because they take a bit more effort to eat. Just keep them at your desk or where ever you are studying and whenever you want to eat something, just grab a couple bites. The sweetness will satisfy most of your cravings and the constant eating will help you relax a bit without completely ruining your diet. Also, if you really want something, eat it. Juts limit how much you have. If you feel deprived all the time, it's just going to make it harder to lose the weight and to keep it off
Jacq - I think I have on some occasions done it. Must never do it again. It's not a weight thing, either: it is just plain bad for my organs.
Kaylak - I guess for me it is really ending nerve-snacking for good. There is no reason why one should chew all the time while studying. And all the excuses I have made in the past for myself - it's all silliness. I need sugar - no. If I can't focus, I either need sleep, or I need to feel excited about what I read. I picked up this snacking thing after moving here - but really, it does not belong to my natural self. And I am fighting against it because I want my true self back.