Curvey women or stick thin women?

I put this in my journal, but I just wanted other people's opinion.

People say men want something to grab hold of, they like a woman with curves.  So why is it that every man I know goes on about women who are stick thin?  Every thin, female customer they see, they lust over.  Never over a woman with "curves"  And what's worse is they talk to me about them.  It's "Wow she's fit isn't she? wow look at her behind"  It does my head in.

When I was thinner (too thin really for me) I got loads of attention from the opposite sex and now I get none (none that I notice anyway)

So I think that maybe people only say men like women with "curves" because they think it will help stop women getting eating disorders.  I don't think they really mean it.

Can't speak for most guys. Some guys are really shallow (but, then, some women are really shallow as well.)

Truth be told, I'm more interested in your personality, and sense of humor than the size and shape of your booty. You could be a Selma Hayak lookalike and if you ain't got a sense of humor or are THAT insecure, I'm sorry, we probably aren't going to work.

Physically, I DO know what I like, despite the woman who suggests otherwise. I think MOST guys know exactly what they like, it's just that, for some, we aren't all so superficial that we're going to immediately go for the beautiful gals. For me, it's more important that you've got something in your head than something on your chest.

Seems to me, what I hear is a lot of bitter women who have been turned down, at one point or another, trying to reflect on what guys, in general, want. And that's a bad direction. Because you can't take every guy and paint us with the same brush. Nor could you do that with every gal.

So, let me offer a final words of suggestion.
Work on yourself, first and foremost. At the end of the day, even in a relationship, the one you've gotta live with is yourself. If you aren't happy with your life, your education, your job, your looks, ANYTHING.. than work to change it and make it and yourself better.
As you succeed, you'll find that you're a better person, in a better place, and.. lo and behold, some guy (or gal) LIKES YOU!
Just be the best "You" that you can be and please stop trying to outthink the male sex, as a whole, because you won't succeed. Somewhere there's a guy out there for you, who will like you as you are, be you a stick or curvy or still obese.

I am gonna have to disagree on this one

I know men that like curvy women  b/c I am one of them.  Im not fat nore am I skinny.  I am the average size and I get lots of attention. I also have friends that are curvy as well and we never have complaints about mean not coming up to us. 

However there are men out there that do like skinny twigs.  I believe its b/c of what they see on tv and what they have conditioned ther own minds to believe.  I say to each ther own. But I know for a fact that there are lots of men that love a woman with meat on her body.  :)

JayD and Willowraven: FA is Fat Admirer. Most generally a reference to regular sized men that like large women. I assumed it was a small minority, but I could be wrong...:)

I certainly got more attention when I was thin and fit.  I have a friend that thinks since she has rolls of fat, means she has curves.  I agree with Sarah, Curves does not mean the same as fat!  A lot of it is how you carry it.  Just being proportioned makes a lot of diffference whether it be thin or heavy.  Another thing I notice is the fatter I get, the skinnier people seem that I would have otherwise thought look great when I was thinner... So it seems my perceptions change as I get bigger :(

Personally I would take thin and petite over what some think as curvey anyday and it seems from my observation, men do likewise.

What kills me is the guy that is sloppy with a gut hanging over his belt having the nerve to say crude things about heavy women.  Geesh, do some men ever look at themselves in the mirror.

i have been out and compaigned on this issue haha not literally but to people i no,

everyone is so different,there are the guys that spend too much time at the gym and the mirror and they thesmelves are too obsessed with themselves,and they usually go for the ditto in women. there are some that just want a women to show off and go with what society says is good looking,and there are ots who have told me half the time you just have to agree with some of the lads and gp with it but get them on there own thye like the nice ones the ones that appeal to them,coz everyone has different opinions everyone can look at someone and think yuk then ask there mate and they will say HOT. and also as much as people thikn im not shy or reserved,the fact is that people who dont have the confidence in themselves it always shows and people have a sixth snese for it and tend to shy away from it,and it is so easy to tell,and peoople always go for the ones the ooze positiveness sometimes just to have a bit of fun kind of thing.

but then there are those that just love girls who are attractive to them and grab there attention,and some guys have told me in the end if you see any of these guys later on in life they havent exactly settle down with one of these girls because there just not nice people,but there are the girls are thin natually affletic or whatever and they are just as nice as others.and you dont see guys going for the so called lanky ones either sometimes,so everywhere and everyone is different.

and as someone said before since when do we look in magazine and think hey he's hot to someone that is overweight or whatever,but you would say it to the surfer on the next page so we can be just as bad,but again some of us arent its the same maybe woman are more insecure so they think about it more i dont no.

and so that is the results i got from everyone i no.there a variety there lol.

i think to say that men say they want curves when they only talk about stic thin women is a generalization. i also think that it's sort of stereotyping men into this fat chick hating category. some men are particular about looks, others arent. it's the same with women. how many women have you seen at a bar who only hawk down the 6'4" body of a god face of a baby guy? it works both ways.

the ones who arent particular about looks, they're the ones that'll go with fat chicks?

am I understanding you?

yup. some people treasure personality, sense of humor, how the person makes you feel. others will only consider you if you fit a certain profile (which is utter crap lol). and i say more power to the people who pick personality over looks, im one of them. and i find if you go for personality first, even if the person wasn't too too attractive to you in the first place...you find a whole new attraction to them once you're attracted to everything but their looks.

so fat people are ugly, or at least unattractive, categorically, and not one person finds them to be beautiful, or attractive, phsyically, unless swayed by strong feelings developed by focusing on other traits and intentionally ignoring the fat person's physical appearance?

that pretty much sum it up?

fat people are ugly, but you can grow to love them anyway?

i think that you have taken everything i said out of context and i don't appreciate the way that im receiving your responses. i am overweight by 100lbs, nomore. so please, do not think in any way, shape, or form that i am saying that heavier people are ugly. but in our society generally somebody who is overweight is not looked at as prom queen gorgeous. and i think that people who go beyond the constraints of our society to find an attraction deeper than the surface is an amazing thing. just because someone is attracted to somebody because of their personality does not mean that they are physically unattractive. and my statement about finding a physical attraction to someone who may not have been physically appealing to you before was not supposed to be offensive. i was just simply stating (again) that looking below the surface for something that's more important can often change your point of view. so im sorry for offending you, or anyone, it was not meant for that at all.

you know my husband always said,that he likes curvy women,that the little weight i have looks good on me , that i "wear it well". but then he has the nerve to "secretly" look at every freaking skinny girl that passes by , when we he is out with me ,last night i saw this topic and i was so drawn by it , i dint posted anything, but i said out loud, "you know thats just what i say" and i asked him why is it that most men say  "oh i like a curvy girl ,i like something to grab on" but then turn around and look at someone else who is smaller than your wife or girlfriend? ,what did i get as an anwser??? 'oh now you are trying to pick up a fight' i told him i have better things to pick up a fight about , i just ask a question ,my point in this is most men are hipocrits, sorry if i spelled that wrong my english is not that good , but what im trying to say is , if they know how they truly feel ,why  the need to lie about it??? like the time when we were out with his mom, there was a girl with a skirt so short that coul've fit my 4 year old ,and he is trying to look up her skirt ,his freaking head almost droping to the ground!!!!!!!  i smacked him on the back ofthe head he got so mad ,he didn t spoked to me that whole day , i told him , you have your wife your daughter and your mom right next to you and the least you can f#$!&*# do is show me some respect God i hated him that day so bad...i think that respect and honesty should be freaking nice once in a while at least

Some men just got to look at women, aly, that's all there is to it.

no laughin, I'm not offended....

I'm sorry for making you feel ... bad in any way.

I wanted to say that trying to apply your own personal opinions to other people is pointless.  Trying to enforce a definition of a word on other people is pointless.  Trying to make a sweeping generalization about all of this or that group of people is pointless.

I think the conflict/confusion in the original post stems from different understandings of the word 'curvy' -- there is no right definition.  But it might be helpful to ask yourself when someone uses that word, what definition does that person really mean?  Do they mean what I think it means or are they using another connotation?

I personally do not hold the belief that all fat people are ugly or that all men prefer thin women or that all skinny women are mean or any other radical generalization.  And I agree with you about looking for the best in people and appreciating what you find.

I think HK has it completely right in his last post above and for all the people who said to love yourself first. Thank you for saying that.

I find it so interesting that this subject, as it keeps resurfacing in various threads, strikes such a nerve with us. Hk is right, though. The first step is self-love, self-appreciation, self- awareness. Concentrate on what you can do every day to make yourself better. And do it.

Don't wait for someone else to love you before you love yourselves. 

i guess the way i wrote things came off as if i was forcing that opinion. when i in no way meant to do that, i was just voicing it. i do understand where you're coming from...but as hk said i think everybody is different and that's really wat i was trying to say. i agree that the word curvey is really subjective. but anywho...i dont feel that fat people are ugly and i dont feel that skinny people are attractive. im indifferent. which is probably why im in a relationship with a chick that looks sorta like a boy lol. ive never been interested in looks. in the television show queer as folk, the character debbie once said something "genitalia is just god's way of accesorizing". i guess i feel that way about people. skin, hair, eyes, weight...just your accessories :).

and united, i do understand what you're saying about how people form certain points of view about what people should look like. the media is a powerful thing.

((((laughin)))

cool.  :)

From a fat girl's perspective the only thing I don't understand are the people that absolutely hate fat people.  I don't get the vehemence.

thats what i say,

is it because of our puritan-background/culture?

 and being fat equates to two of the 7 deadly sins, like sloth, gluttony, and because everyone feels lazy and super-hungry sometimes, seeing a fat person is a reminder of your own negative potential and so you recoil in horror?

just a guess... I''ve got no idea really