Weight Loss
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What's the deal with people being so condescending when it comes to people who don't really get healthy living yet? I see more of these people on here every day. 

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OMG Kim, I was so wrong!  You can put hearts, smileys, kitten ears, and bestest of all-yaysies around everything you write!

OMG, that is the funniest thing I've read in a long time! 

I'm so thrilled I have a new word: Yaysies!!  I'm using that one all weekend!!

 

 

Its been a good long while since I've been a regular poster on this forum, but I am  back.  And my experience with CC (and a lot of other forums) has been this:

If you post a question and you give lots of info, ask specific questions, have an open mind, and take a healthy attitude about fixing your problem, then you will find exactly what you are looking for here.

However, if you:

  • post a vague question
  • type with excessive spelling/grammatical errors
  • use an accusatory or combative tone
  • don't make any effort to find information on your own
  • expect to see unhealthy or impossible results (i.e. "My wedding is in 3 days and I need to lose 13 lbs!!)
  • perpetuate potentially unhealthy myths/methods without providing any research backing your claims
  • encourage or demonstrate unhealthy attitudes concerning weight, dieting, or eating disorders

Then you will be:

  • put in your place

Now, I always try to be kind and understanding when pointing out these problems to people, especially new members (because ignorance is an unfortunate epidemic in our society) but not everybody is as patient with these posters.  And frankly, I don't think they should have to be.  Some of these people need someone to open their eyes to the fact they are going down a slippery and dangerous path.  We're not just dealing with vanity issue here when we talk about weight loss, this is a huge health issue that could potentially mean life or death.  And the huge number of misguided and pro-ana posts that this forum gets would try on anyone's patience, especially when you are struggling with your weight, trying to take on a healthy new lifestyle and find others that are going through the same process.

I hope that makes sense.

Original Post by monalisamonkey:

OMG Kim, I was so wrong!  You can put hearts, smileys, kitten ears, and bestest of all-yaysies around everything you write!

OMG, that is the funniest thing I've read in a long time! 

I'm so thrilled I have a new word: Yaysies!!  I'm using that one all weekend!!

 

 The funniest part is that its actually very soild advice, and a good health warning... if you remove all the 'heehee's.

Original Post by justagirl1:

I had a baby!!!

I didn't eat myself fat!

I PUSHED OUT ANOTHER HUMAN BEING AND THEN FED HIM FROM MY BODY FOR THE LAST YEAR!!!

Also, I read profiles. If someone has come down to 250 from 400...they say exactly that because they are proud of themselves for doing it, as they should be. Also, you are talking about the extremes (i.e. cancer). None of the people I referred to have had cancer or a life altering illness. They just can't stay disciplined/focused enough and I don't feel sorry for that, much less give them leniency when they are on here blah,blah,blahing about how nutritiously informed they are. What I'm talking about are the people who seem to gain and lose the same 30-50lbs. 

Lose it already if you know how! Practise what you preach!

 

I can understand your frustration, and at one point I would have whole-heartedly agreed with you.  But then, I went through a rather traumatic and stressful period in my life and gained back all the weight that I had lost.  Now I understand just how easy it is to get off track, and snowball out of control after doing things right for over a year.   I think that some compassion is needed here.

That's the thing about weight loss.  You can be a nutritionist, a doctor, an absolute expert on the theory of losing weight and still struggle with keeping your weight down.  Its just as much an emotional issue as a mental issue and you have to find the balance between the two.  Someone who might know all the right information might still struggle, and on the other end, I've seen plenty of skinny people that know nothing about healthy eating.

That's why we're here on the forums, to help each other out.  Sometimes when you are telling someone else something, you are really just hashing it out for yourself because you need to hear it.  As long as the information is sound, I have no issue with someone struggling with their weight to give out advice to someone who is just starting out.  I mean...that's why we're here, isn't it?

Original Post by kimbahley:

Original Post by monalisamonkey:

You just can't put hearts and flowers around EVERYTHING written sometimes.  

 

 I read this in the Young Calorie Counter's forum today; a response to one member who continually has been posting pro-anorexic comments about her already too-low weight.  It made me laugh.  Note that, to my knowledge, it is not being sarcastic:

Actually, 122.5 is the very minimum healthy weight for 5'8.  It should ideally be between 135 and 165 or 170 depending on your frame and compositionsie, heehee ^-^  I can't believe your doctor said that you would be overweight at 115!  That's underweight for 5'6.5.  I'm 5'6.5 and I would never dream about weighing less than 133, heehee ^-^  My healthy weight range is between 133 and 170, heehee ^-^  Please don't listen to your doctor or Parents if they're giving you such unhealthy advice! :s  Be healthy and feel goodsie! ^-^

Yaysies! ^-^

I laughed from a good place deep in my heart just now. That was great. It reminds me of a friend I have (who is 23 and way too old to talk like that, but she's young at heart lol)

Original Post by monalisamonkey:

OMG Kim, I was so wrong!  You can put hearts, smileys, kitten ears, and bestest of all-yaysies around everything you write!

OMG, that is the funniest thing I've read in a long time! 

I'm so thrilled I have a new word: Yaysies!!  I'm using that one all weekend!!

 

I've been looking for a middle name for my daughter.

I think I have a winner.

Okay to answer the question, yes yes there are some condescending people on CC. I have even told certain people they were condescending...some people have even reported that they were leaving CC because of other people's attitudes...however...

Most of the posts I see offer solid advice. In every thread, there will be some combination of bad answers, good answers, and depending on the type of thread, really sarcastic answers. What usually happens is that the good answers get repeated, the bad answers get shot down, and the sarcastic answers are multiplied (maybe until a moderator comes) but the OP will get an answer eventually. Maybe not the answer they want, but a good answer nonetheless.

I have very tough skin, but some people don't. I understand that. So I can't really say how others should take the sarcasm, but I try to filter through the people I find annoying and answer to the best of my ability. Many times I find the sarcasm funny though.

I just read the post you guys are referring to. It didn't seem so bad to me. She eventually found out that she was aiming for an underweight size, and got advice to build muscle instead. See? Good advice comes out in the end.

Original Post by kimbahley:

Original Post by monalisamonkey:

You just can't put hearts and flowers around EVERYTHING written sometimes.  

 

 I read this in the Young Calorie Counter's forum today; a response to one member who continually has been posting pro-anorexic comments about her already too-low weight.  It made me laugh.  Note that, to my knowledge, it is not being sarcastic:

Actually, 122.5 is the very minimum healthy weight for 5'8.  It should ideally be between 135 and 165 or 170 depending on your frame and compositionsie, heehee ^-^  I can't believe your doctor said that you would be overweight at 115!  That's underweight for 5'6.5.  I'm 5'6.5 and I would never dream about weighing less than 133, heehee ^-^  My healthy weight range is between 133 and 170, heehee ^-^  Please don't listen to your doctor or Parents if they're giving you such unhealthy advice! :s  Be healthy and feel goodsie! ^-^

Yaysies! ^-^

Best. Post. Ever.

However, to be more on the topic, I know when I was here a few years back, I do remember the forums being much nicer. However, I wouldn't call them mean at all. People just aren't going to coddle you - its sort of a tough love scenario. Yeah, you definitely run into people who can seem a little elitist (the fitness board intimidates me o__o; ), but most people are nice. All different types of people come together through that wonderful series of tubes that is the internet, and each of those people have a different life, different set of problems, and different challenges. 2 years ago my big issue was eating right and I got plenty of exercise - now its the exact opposite. Maybe we could all use a bit more humility, but some people are just asking for it. XD

i don't touch on anorexic posts and i try my darndest not to even read them.  If i could somehow block out all ED related posts and people I would. And i wish that this place was more geared to weight loss than weight gain, but it's not a perfect world and I'm not in charge. 

I have a limited amount of compassion/patience for people who are sick with this disorder, and this is certainly not the place they should be coming to get help. Eating disorders (in my opinion) have nothing to do with EATING.  If you have this disorder you probably shouldn't be sitting around reading the articles etc. on this site, you should be focusing on some other topic.  Trying to get AWAY from online chit-chat that focuses around your disorder and becoming buddy-buddy with other disordered people.  You should be making efforts to hang around with friends and family and non-disordered eaters.  Kinda like the "AA" thing - seek out people who don't drink! Don't flirt with temptations! And if you're going to admit that you are doing self harm (and you certainly know you are) you're only going to get mean or negative comments because anything that doesn't congratulate you is going to be considered "mean".  But that's just MY opinion..... and it's not directed AT anyone here.  

But as for your run-of-the-mill  "cabbage soup" or "wedding diet" (quick fix, little effort, diet questions) you're always going to get the people who reiterate the healthy information,  the sarcastic people, and the meanies.  That's just life.  You should take the information and do more research,  roll your eyes at sarcasm, and ignore 'meanies'.

All this can be summed up in my first reaction: if you ask stupid questions, you will get stupid answers.

so.... i've only eaten 400 calories today... but i'm not hungry..... Herrmmm..... now what? Should I panic? Am I gonna die? plz help.... i'm desperate (just kidding :P) lol

 

 

 

Original Post by justagirl1:

I had a baby!!!

I didn't eat myself fat!

I PUSHED OUT ANOTHER HUMAN BEING AND THEN FED HIM FROM MY BODY FOR THE LAST YEAR!!!

Also, I read profiles. If someone has come down to 250 from 400...they say exactly that because they are proud of themselves for doing it, as they should be. Also, you are talking about the extremes (i.e. cancer). None of the people I referred to have had cancer or a life altering illness. They just can't stay disciplined/focused enough and I don't feel sorry for that, much less give them leniency when they are on here blah,blah,blahing about how nutritiously informed they are. What I'm talking about are the people who seem to gain and lose the same 30-50lbs. 

Lose it already if you know how! Practise what you preach!

 

I'd say most of the people you don't like have pushed out a baby or two--nobody's going to coddle you because you're a mommy.

And how do you know they haven't had cancer or some life altering event?  Most of us have, but maybe we haven't said anything because it's none of your business. 

I pretty much stopped posting on here for the very same reason - it seems that posters on THIS site, more than any site I read, can be very judgemental and so very sure that their way is the absolute truth, that they tend to make others feel like there is something wrong with them, and unwelcome.  Which is a shame, because this site has a lot of good tools on it.....I just don't consider this forum to be one of them. You also get a lot of members who just repeat what they have read on here, without really researching it themselves....it gets really annoying.  I have since found some other forums that are much more educational and not so narrow-minded and judgemental - I just read this one when I get bored at work now.  Good for you for speaking your mind, a_c_m and for calling it just like you see it!  Maybe some people here will actually listen.....

I definitely agree with the OP.  There is a small group of people who seem to be on these forums 24/7 and their only purpose seems to be giving unwarranted sarcasm and telling each other how amazing they are.  However, most of these people have been on this site for at least a year, if not more.  That behaviour is likely how they developed the friendships that they have with each other. So they're just repeating a pattern, it's more about continuing their online friendships than it is about attacking other "lesser" people.  Although people do get attacked quite frequently and I'm sure there's been a very large number of people that stopped using the site because of this CC clique. Yeah, it's unnecessary but it's probably not going to stop.  I just shrug it off and think of dealing with those annoying people as the price I pay for free (sensible) diet advice.  Sometimes I do have days though where I'm already in a bad mood and can't stand the thought of having to deal with these people - on those days I just use sparkpeople's website instead.

Original Post by heatherkparks:

Original Post by justagirl1:

I had a baby!!!

I didn't eat myself fat!

I PUSHED OUT ANOTHER HUMAN BEING AND THEN FED HIM FROM MY BODY FOR THE LAST YEAR!!!

Also, I read profiles. If someone has come down to 250 from 400...they say exactly that because they are proud of themselves for doing it, as they should be. Also, you are talking about the extremes (i.e. cancer). None of the people I referred to have had cancer or a life altering illness. They just can't stay disciplined/focused enough and I don't feel sorry for that, much less give them leniency when they are on here blah,blah,blahing about how nutritiously informed they are. What I'm talking about are the people who seem to gain and lose the same 30-50lbs. 

Lose it already if you know how! Practise what you preach!

 

I can understand your frustration, and at one point I would have whole-heartedly agreed with you.  But then, I went through a rather traumatic and stressful period in my life and gained back all the weight that I had lost.  Now I understand just how easy it is to get off track, and snowball out of control after doing things right for over a year.   I think that some compassion is needed here.

That's the thing about weight loss.  You can be a nutritionist, a doctor, an absolute expert on the theory of losing weight and still struggle with keeping your weight down.  Its just as much an emotional issue as a mental issue and you have to find the balance between the two.  Someone who might know all the right information might still struggle, and on the other end, I've seen plenty of skinny people that know nothing about healthy eating.

That's why we're here on the forums, to help each other out.  Sometimes when you are telling someone else something, you are really just hashing it out for yourself because you need to hear it.  As long as the information is sound, I have no issue with someone struggling with their weight to give out advice to someone who is just starting out.  I mean...that's why we're here, isn't it?

Word.

The recovering alchie wanting everyone to be a tea-totaller, the ex-smoker trying to make everyone quit, the ex-vegetarian OR the ex-omnivore that has seen the light, the reformed drug addict knowing that recreational use does not exist. These people know-it-all. They project their past, their addiction, their obsession on whoever they are talking to and save, fix.

There used to be about 100 pounds more of me to love. I have opinions on how I got here. I am willing to share those opinions. They are not scientific with an actual sample size of one (though a couple of friends of mine have lost weight using my advice, I have no sciency data). I got here through moderation, portion control and exercise. My personal belief is that this could work for darn near everyone, and it would not involve cutting out entire food groups or meticulous mathmagic.

I admit when I see posts where someone is coming off as a know-it-all, or you can tell that they need advice but will not listen to advice or they just want an affirmation of their unhealthy methods I would prefer to not give that person what they are looking for. Because at that point, reading between the lines, they are challenging the collected wisdom of the room. And generally, the collected wisdom of the room, filtering out all of the BS, would give someone a way to find out what would be a healthy weight and how to get there.

Some posts may strike a nerve that did not need to be struck in an innocent bystander who clicks on the link because they are looking for help. I realize it is not my job to protect the innocent. However two things I enjoy are standing up to bullies and building bridges. And the former sometimes gets raw and I am LMAO when a turn of a phrase dances beautifully on the keyboard, and sometimes I get angry when I have to do research just to write the next sentence because the choice of the next word is important to get right. But I would not ever start a descent into ad hominem attacks, and if it gets there I am not ascared to use the "block" button. You can't win 'em all, and you can't save 'em all.

So my best answer is "recovery mentality and projection".

My next best answer is what do you expect from someone who is overweight and hungry except snippiness and snarkiness in the face of a post that does not seem like an honest effort to have a productive dialogue? They're hungry for crissakes!

Another one is that the original post struck a nerve that could not be ignored, and it wasn't.

Ah, the wonders of the interwebs.

In conclusion: Yaysies!

I haven't been around all that long, so I guess I've yet to encounter this "clique" that everyone else seems privy to. O.o

Everything I've posted has gotten some great responses. Nothing has been sugar-coated, but when I'm asking for advice, I typically ask people not to hold punches. I want the bald, ugly truth.

I notice a lot of people who make posts are simply looking for reassurance. That's fine, but a lot of these posts deal with said people's unhealthy or uneducated habits. I think tough-love is called for at that point. Aside from that, other people have already pointed out everything else I was thinking.

That said, there are one or two posters who make me roll my eyes, but I think that may have more to do with personality clashes than anything else. Or those people could just be such-n-such so-n-so's.

Fenrik:

 "How is .3 pounds THAT much of a difference?"

i know today i mentioned that i lost .3 kg since Wednesday, even though i had my cheat night with movie popcorn. to me it is a difference. I think that to anyone on here that is new to dieting, .3lbs, .3kg or whatever is a difference to THEM. i do not know if you are referring to someone specific or not, but that is besides the point. i will say that i only agree that if there is an exact post within one or two pages of posts that it is ok to  look into that and then maybe post a little response and tag it to be made aware of other replies. but i'll tell you that from my point of view, i will make a post because i really want to know what other people have to say, those that have experience dieting, or have knowledge of a topic, or just are willing to give me a little 'pep' talk of encouragement on a day when i'm feeling frustrated and ready to quit. it is not easy to lose weight, it is more mental than physical by all means. this is a free website, the forums are free too. when you post and you check the part to be notified, it also helps you to keep track of when someone replies rather than scrolling through pages of posts to see if there has been an added reply. i think that unless people are really saying something bad, we need to be supportive all we can. it isn't the end of the world if someone posts something that someone else did on a previous page, but if we harp on people like that too much, they can just get more discouraged in a time when some people are really sensitive. just let it roll off your back, ignore those posts and don't open them. smile, don't worry and be happy:)...

to all those that reply to any of my posts, i am happy to have your comments, either way. if it is a nasty comment, i'll either reply or just ignore it. if it is a good reply, i'll either comment or i'll just take it to heart and smile and be happier. either way, thanks.

Original Post by a_c_m:

"I still don't see the need for people to be obnoxious and insulting. It's a forum, and should be taken lightly. It's a place for support, not lambasting. If someone posted a topic that has been posted 300x's...what is the big deal? Just redirect them. Or...don't read it. "

 totally agree.

Original Post by 450grl:

... that they tend to make others feel like there is something wrong with them, and unwelcome. 

 When you have a repeat poster who is 120 lbs and 5'8" and thinks they're fat, there is something wrong with them, and they are not welcome.

There is a huge difference between someone seeking attention, and someone seeking help.  Getting mad because no one will be nice to the poor girl who is continuing to call herself fat after being told she is borderline underweight?  Now that's just silly.  So yes, a_c_m can go ahead and speak her mind, but so can the others who she wrote this post about.

Original Post by sukibahsoun:

Original Post by 450grl:

... that they tend to make others feel like there is something wrong with them, and unwelcome. 

 When you have a repeat poster who is 120 lbs and 5'8" and thinks they're fat, there is something wrong with them, and they are not welcome.

There is a huge difference between someone seeking attention, and someone seeking help.  Getting mad because no one will be nice to the poor girl who is continuing to call herself fat after being told she is borderline underweight?  Now that's just silly.  So yes, a_c_m can go ahead and speak her mind, but so can the others who she wrote this post about.

 You're very focused on one specific example when she's talking about a much broader issue.  I haven't read this conversation with the apparently borderline annorexic girl, so I don't know what was said or what spawned all of this, but I do get the feeling it was just the straw that broke the camels back and caused a_c_m to post this. 

Original Post by becs_28:

Original Post by sukibahsoun:

Original Post by 450grl:

... that they tend to make others feel like there is something wrong with them, and unwelcome. 

 When you have a repeat poster who is 120 lbs and 5'8" and thinks they're fat, there is something wrong with them, and they are not welcome.

There is a huge difference between someone seeking attention, and someone seeking help.  Getting mad because no one will be nice to the poor girl who is continuing to call herself fat after being told she is borderline underweight?  Now that's just silly.  So yes, a_c_m can go ahead and speak her mind, but so can the others who she wrote this post about.

 You're very focused on one specific example when she's talking about a much broader issue.  I haven't read this conversation with the apparently borderline annorexic girl, so I don't know what was said or what spawned all of this, but I do get the feeling it was just the straw that broke the camels back and caused a_c_m to post this. 

 I'm bringing up this one specific issue because that is what sparked this topic.  If this was the "straw that broke the camels back", than it must have been a pretty weak back to begin with, in my opinion.

A_c_m is being applauded by 450grl for speaking her mind, while a_c_m is, by making this post, condemning other people for doing so.  I see this as a bit funny.

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