Weight Loss
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My family doesn't like me losing weight


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Ok. I have never been thin in my entire life. Therefore, I want to get there. I want to have the experience of wearing shorts and bathing suits. Also, I don't want to feel unconfident at times especially during the summer. Therefore, I am losing weight. 

However, I have an issue. Everytime my parents or friends see that I am losing weight they go, "You're losing weight again. You're not eating enough". I am sick of it. I have no idea what to do or say. They don't understand that I am losing weight to be thin and healthy. In addition, they think I don't eat enough when I am eating my maintenence amount of calories most of the time. Oh and my brother is underweight and is the thinnest person I know. I just don't get it.  He can be super thin while I can't be somewhat thin? Does anyone know what I can say to my parents and friends when they torment me about losing weight?

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Man oh man, I get the same stuff from my family.  I started at 217 pounds, which is about average for my family.  My dad, brothers, sisters, and mother are all heavy set, and we all have large frames. 

I decided enough was enough, and genes or not, I started exercising and losing weight.  My weight is about 170 now, and every time I see them they give me a really hard time about it, even going so far to tell me how unhealthy it is that I'm eating so little, and how I don't eat enough after I workout.

Considering my father has heart problems because of his weight, I really don't get where they come off with what they say.

Honeslty, unless you feel like you have to explain yourself, just brush it off.  If you've done your research and you're losing weight the right way, you are better for it.  Most of the time when people make the comments that it sounds like you're getting, its just simple misinformation or word of mouth that they are basing their thoughts off.  You would be suprised the kind of theories that word of mouth spreads.  :P

Long story short, don't worry about explaining yourself, just shrug and nod.  But if you feel like you have too, just say you know what you're doing!  If you're confident when you tell them you're okay and you don't beat around the bush about it, they will pick that up and hopefully back off.  Its when you skip around the subject that people get more curious and try delve, thinking you have a problem.

This is what I say everytime someone says why are you losing weight? or Says that I need to stop and eat more. I just look at them and say, "Well I'm not doing it to suit you, I'm doing this for myself." Let them know that you dont care what they think really. You want to be healthy, you want to do it for you. You have to learn how to not listen to the bad and only listen to the good. In a way let their bad sayings be a inspiration to you, to let you know that you will get to the weight you want. And you will be happy.

I've had this problem with people and realized that it's tough for some overweight people to see relatives lose weight. It causes them to face a tough reality...that they made themselves overweight and, like you, they can also make themselves thinner. 

But IGNORE their issues. Take care of yourself, continue working towards your healthy goals and you may eventually motivate them to do the same.

I once had to endure and argument between my mom and my 5 sisters. My mom thought I was anorexic because that is what her friend's granddaughter is, and that is what I must be, and 3 of  my sisters thought I still needed to lose at least 30 more pounds, my other sisters thought I should cut my hair because I was getting to old to wear it long!  I agree with the advice, nod your head and shrug your shoulders and then do what you think is right for you.  by the way, I am never going to cut my hair, period.

I can understand where they are coming from in a way because our society deals which such a large number of eating disorders compared to when many of our parents were growing up so they are probably just worried because they care about you. 

I would suggest helping them understand because if you just brush them off and ignore it they will still continue to fear for your health, while really they should be delighted you are trying to be more healthy.  Start by explaining to them why you are trying to lose weight, what your BMI is, what that means, how much you weigh now, and the range of what a healthy weight is for you.  If they actually are faced with numbers and know at what point you would reach an unhealthy weight they can see that you arent hurting yourself.  Also explain what your maintenace calories are, and how much lower you can eat while still being healthy and getting all your nutrients.  Some of this may be surprising to them but it will show that you have done your research, are trying to be healthy, and arent losing weight by starving yourself but just by eating slightly less while getting all your nutrients.

I hope this helps your parents understand a bit better and support your weight loss instead of worry about it.

Your parents probably don't know much about nutrition - they're both heavyset and, based on that, you're supposed to be heavyset too. In my experience, many heavyset people can be like that. Those who are attempting to lose weight as well are wonderful, supportive, and quite awesome. Those who have no interest in losing say things like "You're going to lose all your curves and look like a boy." "You're losing too much weight, here, eat this!" And its because they know that if you could do it, right in front of their eyes, it means that they could too, if they tried. You're not some before and after picture on a commercial... "That looks doctored! I bet she had liposuction!" They watched what you did, saw the change, and don't want to have to face that they could do it too. So if they "can't" get skinny, the next best thing is to make you fat again!

Original Post by skookum:

I've had this problem with people and realized that it's tough for some overweight people to see relatives lose weight. It causes them to face a tough reality...that they made themselves overweight and, like you, they can also make themselves thinner. 

But IGNORE their issues. Take care of yourself, continue working towards your healthy goals and you may eventually motivate them to do the same.

 I agree with Skookum - if you keep your weight high, it just makes them more comfortable around you.  But, you're changing the dynamic and they know in their hearts that if you can do it, they should be taking better care of themselves too!  Change is so hard for most of us to confront, that we'll do almost anything to stay in our current misery, just because we know what it is.

Continue your good work on your health, be kind, but strong.  Maybe you're planting seeds that will someday take root.

Becky

Original Post by novileigh:

Your parents probably don't know much about nutrition - they're both heavyset and, based on that, you're supposed to be heavyset too. In my experience, many heavyset people can be like that. Those who are attempting to lose weight as well are wonderful, supportive, and quite awesome. Those who have no interest in losing say things like "You're going to lose all your curves and look like a boy." "You're losing too much weight, here, eat this!" And its because they know that if you could do it, right in front of their eyes, it means that they could too, if they tried. You're not some before and after picture on a commercial... "That looks doctored! I bet she had liposuction!" They watched what you did, saw the change, and don't want to have to face that they could do it too. So if they "can't" get skinny, the next best thing is to make you fat again!

 Totally agree, there must be an element of jealousy in there! Keep on sluggging, as long as your doing it for you.

I'm going through the same thing. When I go home to visit, my parents are doing the whole "You're getting way too thin, you need to stop trying to lose weight..." thing... and I still have about 14 pounds to go! Your parents are used to seeing you at a ceratin weight and may be uncomfortable in seeing your body changing.  Keep at it, and kindly explain to them that you have thought long and hard about your weight goal and would really appreciate that goal not being discouraged.

My parents also  tell me that I'm not eating enough. It gets a little annoying. I think I'm just right. The funny thing is that when I'm with friends and we have a gathering or something with food I tend to eat a lot. I just go work out later or don't eat that much during the day so I can eat whatever I want and still be within my cals for the day. However, they are always amazed how such a little person (I'm short too) can eat so much. So then I get home and my parents tell me why I'm not eating! Excuse me, I just ate more you! I don't have to eat in front of you so you know it.

Okay, I think I am complaining too much. Back to you! I think you should try to explain yourself to your parents, I know I'm not a fan of talking much with them, but maybe if you can try to explain the process you are going through and why, they can understand you better.

Good luck!

You have to tell them you know what you're doing, and that it's in your best interest to lose weight in a healthy way so they have nothing to worry about, because they should be supporting you rather than making it seem such a drag that you're doing what you want.

This might seem like a weird response, but I just don't talk to anyone in my family about my weight.  If anyone asks me if I've lost weight I just shrug and say, "No."  And then go do something else while they muddle through their own confusion. 

I am very lucky to have the support of my family, and certainly my mother.  My mother is trying to lose weight as well so we're supporting eachother and motivating eachother.  My mother however, does not understand my goal weight.  She thinks it is way too low.  She has always told me we're bigger boned and can't get down to such low weights but honestly, I don't think that's true.  And I will know when to stop...if my goal is too low, I will adjust it and my body will tell me.

I just start slapping them around the ears with numbers, always does the trick LOL

I think my sister's pissed off at me for losing weight.  I was always the heavy one, and now I'm not.  She likes to make digs at me for "being on a diet" and last night she pitched a fit at me for making a comment about what weight would be in the middle of my BMI range (after my mum asked what my goal weight was and I said something like "probably the mid 130s, but I'd still be in the healthy range at 125"), declaring that "just because she's on a diet and lost some weight, doesn't mean she knows anything about health!".  (It's fairly usual for her to claim that I don't know anything about whatever she wants to be the expert at.  Apparently, spending a year learning about health/nutrition/fitness doesn't compare to her "my friend has a friend who has a friend" stories.  Suffice it to say, we have a rocky relationship to start with.)

if they don`t understand, explain to them without being condisending. Tell them you want to wear shorts and a bathing suit. I don`t think it has anything to do with jealousy. If you have a suspetion there may be, just ask them. They might just support you.

man I seriously feel your pain as I have went through the exact same thing. I'm 1.80m in height and used to be like 215 pounds and I'm only 15 this year can you imagine what it's like to be like the fattest guy  in the world that never experienced the feeling of thin, light or the confidence to talk to others openly without sucking in your stomach?

My dad is a very fit man for his age and supportive of me losing weight and as such I'm now 187 lbs, losing around 28 lbs. Now everytime I exercise my mom would start to grumble about how that I am a bag of bones and now stick- like I am its sickening. I'm 187 pounds and 15 year old and she tells me I'm thin? Every single day when I went for a one hour jog she would shout at me for looking like a stick and said that I shouldn't be so tortured just to slim down for the sake of what she calls "impressing girls"Then she would get my relatives and ask them to agree with her that I look like a thin stick. Then my relatives would always agree and she would go "you know even she says your as thin as a stick!" Sometimes what's stupid is that she could quote something that someone didn't say just to discourage me to slim down. Also she CONSTANTLY asks me to eat this and that this and that which I refused most of the time but when i refuse her she would get angry at me saying that I am torturing myself! I am very happy that I lost that amount of weight and this times of great time ( exercise ) and put me closer to my goal. And to add on to what she said about not eating enough, I eat four COMPLETE meals a day.

 

As such I'm sick of her imposing her values on me and I don't give a hoot about what she says and I plan to be 156 pounds before i am satisfied. But if I tell her that she would probably holler at me again complaining about how thin I am now, it sounds like she's jealous that I'm losing weight for others while I don't listen to her, like that she's attention seeking and just wants to waste time but just arguing with me over the same topic everyday.

 

To give you an idea about what I look like, I used to wear a size 40 school pants and size 38 jeans but since then I've dropped around 4 inches after like 9 months and now wear a size 36 school pants and 34 jeans. I have really humongous legs (genes from my mother according to a website) and people in my school have an average school pants size of 30 and jean size of 28, I'm like 6 inches out of shape around my school, how do I speak confidently to another girl I like?

In conclusion, I would like to say if your parents/ siblings are unsupportive of you losing weight, the first plan is to first tell them that they should be supportive of what you're doing, and describe how happy and satisfied you are if you lose weight, that'll make them understand. However if those words cannot get through their thick skulls, then the best way is to ignore them and not to fall into their trap due to anger or impulse or you'll end up regretting for the rest of your life looking at a mirror and pinching lumps of coagulated fats.

Original Post by skookum:

I've had this problem with people and realized that it's tough for some overweight people to see relatives lose weight. It causes them to face a tough reality...that they made themselves overweight and, like you, they can also make themselves thinner. 

lol I agree with this, at least for my overweight mom. What's just as annoying is when she tries to act like an expert and explain to me how to eat healthy. I don't necessarily doubt that she has the correct information, but if someone hasn't been normal weight for years and years, don't tell me what I should do!

This is something I deal with a lot too.  With my parents and with other people.  I tend to start with explaining everything, but after a while I've come up with some standard answers.  "My husband who sees me naked isn't concerned, so you probably don't need to be either.  When he's concerned, I'll let you know." works well to shut people up.  LOL  A good standard line might go something like this

Q: Are you on a diet (or however tactfully or untactfully they put it)
A: Actually I'm trying to make some changes to be more healthy. 

People are less likely to discourage being healthy than they are dieting.

How about paying a visit to your doctor?  Its always a good idea before undertaking a major weight loss effort anyway.  If the doctor says you need to lose weight, what will they say?  That they know better than your doctor?

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