Family haters! UGH!

Let me start out with I'm a vegetarian and here to maintain.

At Easter dinner I was so good. I had a salad with low fat vinagrette, reduced fat broccoli salad, fruit and a small dinner roll (my splurge) and a glass of wine (other splurge). I felt satisfied with all the yummy food. When the desserts were brought out I was still full and didn't want anything, besides I don't like pie which was the only choice. My mom (who is my height and weighs at least 90 pounds more than I do) snipes about me refusing dessert and then says "why? there's no meat in it!" in a bitchy tone.  Why is it ok to pick on me because a. I choose not to eat meat or eggs and b. because I don't WANT dessert.  If she can do this would it be completely rude of me to make comments about her dietary decisions, like "shouldn't you have a salad instead of fries?"

Tell me, what is the difference in these situations? Why is it ok to single someone out or pick on them just because they are making healthy decisions at a healthy weight, but it's not ok to say anything to the obese person plowing through a bag of chips becuase they had a bad day.

Probably just feeling self-conscious. Any time someone does something to change who or where they are, it makes other people nervous. They won't know where they'll stand when it's all said and done. Some will even try to actively undermine your progress, purely reflexively and subconsciously, in order to avoid that uncertainty.

Don't hate them for it. A lot of times they don't even know they're doing it. Doesn't mean you have to tolerate it, though.

Original Post by gymgilr7593:

and then says "why? there's no meat in it!" in a bitchy tone.

IDKwhy she would have gotten a bitchy tone.  Are you too thin (underweight) and/or losing weight fast and are you misreading the tone of concern?
She should be used to your diet by now and if your a healthy weight I see no reason your mom would react.

But just because people may make a reaction about the way you eat is no reason for you to comment on their diets.  I do not feel it is right to remark about how others eat. especially when it is poorly.

Glad you ate well today.

i am no veggie only person...how u can do it, congrats to u.

i eat my fair share of chicken and fish, and egg whites...no red meat....and i been losing weight, and battling the haters...watching them die of hate.

F-THEM!!!.....just be nice, and do what you have to do

as long as your heathly, and on your game....let them be.

Haters?  Who's hating?  I don't see it.

Look, your mom, that woman who raised you, offered you the same food that she has been offering you all your life.  She didn't change.  You did.  She's still trying to nurture her family in the way she knows best...by feeding them.  And you refused her nurturing. 

Sheesh.  Cut the woman a break.  Besides, if you came off half as self righteous to her as you did in your post, I wouldn't blame her for getting snippy.

Original Post by kay_h:

Haters?  Who's hating?  I don't see it.

Look, your mom, that woman who raised you, offered you the same food that she has been offering you all your life.  She didn't change.  You did.  She's still trying to nurture her family in the way she knows best...by feeding them.  And you refused her nurturing. 

Sheesh.  Cut the woman a break.  Besides, if you came off half as self righteous to her as you did in your post, I wouldn't blame her for getting snippy.

I'd agree with about half of that. When you change your lifestyle as radically as you have - and I'm NOT saying it's not a good change for you - whether you mean to or not your actions say to everyone in the lifestyle you left behind "you're doing it all wrong!".  People are sensitive to that, especially parents who want very much to feel that they did the very best they could for their children.

But cut the woman a break for her tone and remark?  Not so much.  Understand why she's doing it, yes.  Snap back at her, no - that doesn't do anything but escalate the lifestyle conflict.  But I think you should still expect - and politely ask for, if needed - a certain amount of respect.  Even when there's disagreements.

While she hasn't been snippy with me or anything, I do feel that my mother is a bit hurt sometimes that I don't eat the food she does. Compared to most, my family actually eats healthy - lots of veggies, lots of fish - but my mother tends to make HUGE portions and cook with butter... So what I do is ask her what she's making and have what I can of it, then maybe have a salad instead of rice or potatoes. It makes her happy, because she still gets to cook for me and nurture me.

I think sadly, your mother probably means well, but she interprets you not taking the food she's offering as passing judgement on her and understandably, she's hurt. It doesn't mean you should have the pie she's offering, but if you just don't like pie as a general rule, you might want to explain that to her, and then tell her that if you want to lose or maintain your weight, there are just some things you can't have no matter how good they are. You'll see, she might even ask you about the deserts you CAN have and surprise you.