Weight Loss
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Why is it now that im losing weight properly and goin to the gym etc that my bf now seems to be worried and paranoid even more so than before??  He offers me every kind of fattening food and drink you could think of, which he NEVER did before and gets arsy when i say i dont want it??  Hes now sayin to me, dont get too thin, i dont want you to lose too much etc etc.

It's annoying and i get really ratty with him, i want support not to be offered chips and pizza and any other form of takeaway?  I mean dont get me wrong he does call me sexy n compliment me when im dressed up and encourage me that way.  It's just this  weird new habbit hes started with food n that??

Any clue as to why..........   Cheers, in advance lol, if ya can help me out?

49 Replies (last)

Likely, he's worried that you're going to get thin, sexier, etc.. and then you'll dump HIM for someone who is thinner, more muscular, etc.

Try talking to him. See if he can put a words to his fears or insecurities, and deal with those.

I'm not a guy, but it's definitely a possibility that he is genuinely worried about your health.  Maybe it's not so much that you're losing weight, but more so that he that possibly thinks it's coming off in an unhealthy way or that it may tunr unhealthy because of concerns with your self-esteem.  Or maybe he likes your boobs and doesn't want to see them go.  Talk to him.

I started a challenge in Dec and have been really serious about winning and losing the weight. My b/f actually said TO me that HE better start working out before.....and he stopped.

What he was going to say but didn't want to get in trouble was that he better get working out before I become all smoking hot and he's left in the dust.....

I think he's probably just nervous that you'll lose the weight and then suddenly think you are too good for him or he's not hot enough....Just have to let him know that it's not about picking up a new guy, it's about being HEALTHYier.

When I first starting losing weight a few years ago, I lost about 20 pounds in 7 months. The whole time my boyfriend would offer me all the unhealthly yet yummy food he could--all the time. It was hard to keep on track. After awhile it really got to me and I confronted him about it. He was worried that I wasn't eating enough and that I was working out too much. He was worried about my health. Once I explained my plan to him and told him that feeding me sugary and fatty foods all the time was counterproductive to my goal, he slowly stopped. I think he was still skeptical, but when I started experimenting with healthly low cal recipes that he actually liked, he got on board. I think he still worries about me sometimes when I'm counting calories (I recently restarted my journey), but I just have to keep reassuring him that I'm doing this for my health, not to be a skinny minny. :)

i'm thinking its either: he is probably worried about you getting too unhealthy OR he is afraid you will be "too sexy" for him and leave him

Original Post by hkellick:

Likely, he's worried that you're going to get thin, sexier, etc.. and then you'll dump HIM for someone who is thinner, more muscular, etc.

 From a guy... this is exactly what it is.  You'll be better looking, more confident...and you might start to think you can do better than him.

Insecurity, plain and simple.

I am a guy, so I can tell you he is not concerned about you getting too unhealthy. It is simple, he sees that you are changing aspects of your life that you were previously happy with (or satisfied enough to not change). He is something else in your life that you are happy with - and since you are in a changing mood he thinks you might want to make a boyfriend change.

I was in a similar situation where I lost a lot of weight, and many people commented on it, and for some reason my wife got depressed about it! She had no problem buying and eating unhealthy food around me, even knowing that it made it harder for me. We were both lucky in that she joined weight watchers and that helped her to lose a lot of weight, she was motivated by my weight loss. Hopefully that happens for you too.

#8  
Quote  |  Reply

A few things jump to mind.  Is he out of shape?  In this case it's probably insecurity and the fear that you will leave him.

Or he prefers a more full figured curvy woman rather than a skinny one.  (Marylin Monroe vrs. Paris Hilton - or Playboy vrs. Sports Illustrated).

Or you're overdoing it - either dropping wait too fast that it's scary to watch - or you're so focused on losing weight that you've forgotten to have fun.  Maybe he just wants the 'fun' you back.  Have you considered that you've changed so much that it's impacting your relationship?

My bf is happy that I'm losing weight for my health (I'm pretty overweight), but he has already told me not to get "skinny".  I asked him why and he said he likes women, not 13 year old boys.  So basically, he wants me to keep my curves. 

But it really comes down to you talking to him and not us because only he knows why.

Good discussion and so many good points! 

One other odd thing I found, was others around me that discouraged my weight loss were generally 'judging me', a bit proud of themselves for not having a weight problem. When I started getting healthy and fit they had to take a good hard look at themselves.  (Even those who love us might be a bit insecure.)  For most (myself included) facing the fact that we are comparing ourselves to others is just not a fun thing to do.  I finally ditched watching TV altogether because the "perfect body" image is so far from reality that I found I was sabotaging myself.

Original Post by snapshot8d:

Original Post by hkellick:

Likely, he's worried that you're going to get thin, sexier, etc.. and then you'll dump HIM for someone who is thinner, more muscular, etc.

 From a guy... this is exactly what it is. 

*looks at self*
*looks down pants*
I thought it WAS coming from a guy 8o

Original Post by hkellick:

Original Post by snapshot8d:

Original Post by hkellick:

Likely, he's worried that you're going to get thin, sexier, etc.. and then you'll dump HIM for someone who is thinner, more muscular, etc.

 From a guy... this is exactly what it is. 

*looks at self*
*looks down pants*
I thought it WAS coming from a guy 8o

 sorry hk... wasn't meaning to question your manhood Smile

#13  
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I'm also a guy and my gut reaction is it could be one of two things.  The first is obvious and everyone has hit on it already...he's scared you'll start thinking you deserve better than him and leave him beside the road.  Alternatively though, he might just fear how your dietary change might impact him.  If a guy is used to a diet of pizza and chips and the person he eats with most goes healthy, he might be afraid you'll want him to change as well.  Just my 2¢.  Hope it helps!

Good points all around. I'd say that if he has any weight issues, even if he's slightly pudgy, he may genuinely be worried that you are getting so smokin' hot that you're going to leave him for someone hotter. 

Or, perhaps he is really concerned that you are losing too much weight. A few years back, I was getting into really good shape, working out 5 days a week, tons of cardio, and dropped about 20 pounds super fast. I wasn't in a relationship at the time, but I had more than a few people ask me if I was "ok".....as in, was I starving myself, or sick? If you are losing weight quickly, he might just be worried that you aren't doing it in a healthy manner? Maybe show him your meal and workout plan and assure him that you are, in fact, losing weight and getting healthy the RIGHT way (which I hope you are :)

Original Post by shaded44:

My bf is happy that I'm losing weight for my health (I'm pretty overweight), but he has already told me not to get "skinny".  I asked him why and he said he likes women, not 13 year old boys.  So basically, he wants me to keep my curves. 

But it really comes down to you talking to him and not us because only he knows why.

This is exactly what my husband told me. I just laughed. Cute.

Definitely have a sit down with this guy. You both need to have a long talk about this issue.

Original Post by hkellick:

Original Post by snapshot8d:

Original Post by hkellick:

Likely, he's worried that you're going to get thin, sexier, etc.. and then you'll dump HIM for someone who is thinner, more muscular, etc.

 From a guy... this is exactly what it is. 

*looks at self*
*looks down pants*
I thought it WAS coming from a guy 8o

HAaaaaaaa......Tongue outLaughing

Original Post by kristinedaqueen:

Original Post by hkellick:

*looks at self*
*looks down pants*
I thought it WAS coming from a guy 8o

HAaaaaaaa......Tongue outLaughing

Here it comes ;p

Original Post by hkellick:

Original Post by snapshot8d:

Original Post by hkellick:

Likely, he's worried that you're going to get thin, sexier, etc.. and then you'll dump HIM for someone who is thinner, more muscular, etc.

 From a guy... this is exactly what it is. 

*looks at self*
*looks down pants*
I thought it WAS coming from a guy 8o

 THAT was funny!  Poor hkellick!  I had to go check your profile to see if there was some way we would have known!  Isn't it funny that we always assume, until proven otherwise, that everyone here who is "dieting" is a woman.  Kind of like cars are women.  (And we aren't on a "diet", we are changing lives!)

BTW, I see you like the funny kitties...go check out my pics to see my fave!  Feel free to steal it if the mild profanity doesn't put you off.  I just love that one.

Also, to get back on topic, I believe it is a combination of all these things.  Insecurity takes top spot in almost all such cases, though.  I have the same problem with my husband.  I went from a size 24 at almost 250 pounds to a size 12 and he is still freaking out about it.  Drives me nuts.  He SAYS he worries about my health, and I'm sure that's a small part of it, but it's mostly his insecurity.  Worried I'll "change" him, too, by changing him out of my life because I'm too hot and too good for him now.  Ridiculous! 

I wish I knew something to tell you to fix it, but maybe just knowing this will help you figure it out and then you can tell ME so I can get my hubby on the bandwagon!  LOL

Good luck on your journey! Stay the course!  You are on a road to better health, better life, better energy...better LOTS of things!

I've been through this before... basically... he's afraid that if you get too thin... you'll look more attractive to other men... you'll have more men noticing you... and that may lead to you finding someone 'better' than he is. Basically it's an insecurity thing on his part. He's afraid that you'll be so pretty to other men that someone will come in & sweep you off your feet before he can get the chance to hold on to you. You just need to reassure him that you're in love with him & him only and that you're comitted to him.  Assuming, of course, that's what you really feel.

Original Post by nutbox:

 

It's annoying and i get really ratty with him, i want support not to be offered chips and pizza and any other form of takeaway?  I mean dont get me wrong he does call me sexy n compliment me when im dressed up and encourage me that way.  It's just this  weird new habbit hes started with food n that??

Any clue as to why..........   Cheers, in advance lol, if ya can help me out?


Are you sure you just aren't overeacting and seeing things that aren' t really there?

49 Replies (last)
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