Weight Loss
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husband- the anti weight loss.


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Hi there- I am new, and am struggling! About four years ago I worked REALLY hard and lost a good 25 lb. My goal weight was 135 (maybe a bit high for my 5'4, but I had never  been there, not even in high school). I happened to see a doctor around this time, when I was at 137, and he told me I needed to loose 15-20 lb. I can't tell you all how much that derailed me. I stopped trying to lose comletely.

I did manage to keep it off, mostly, over the last two years, but it has been a constant struggle- two years ago I married a wonderful man, who bless him, can eat anything he wants whenever he wants. I have tried to explain to him that I need support, and that weight loss and maintenece involve life long challenges and changes for me. Maybe because he has never been overweight- he just doesn't understand.

On top of this, I recently changed jobs- I was working in a restaurant, on my feet, running around all the time, and am now at an office job, sitting on my butt. I guess I didn't realize how much activity I was getting before! Since changing jobs I have gained 10lb. I can't even explain how devastating this is to me. I am having such a hard time feeling motivated to keep going when the scale keeps going up.

So sorry to go on and on, I was just wondering if any of you have any helpful husband tips or advice for me!
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Hi, welcome to CC glad you are here. I'm not sure what to say about your husband. You on the other hand must do what ever you need to do to ensure a healthy lifestyle. I believe that if you do what you need to do to lose weight or maintain your weight your husband will come around and see that by supporting you he will "win" too. Good luck and again welcome to CC.
Hi,

hang in there girl! I also have a wonderful husband who eats whatever he wants and can lose weight just by thinking about it. Soon he will come around in my case I was constantly on a diet and trying to lose weight so when ever he jumped on the band wagon I had already jumped off! So once your hubby see you are seriously not eating those chips maybe he will sympothize a bit more and have them when you go to bed or buy you some alternative. Good luck! And I am sure he loves you and supports you its just hard when you have never been there! How can you understand?
Good luck and I have a supportive husband but when he opens that bags of chips or has that late night snack I want to smack him! It is my problem and not his but STILL it gets me thinking about those cozy late night snacks and feelings that I associate with them - YUMMY. I know that if I have the snacks I will not sleep well and will pay the price in the morning waking up sleepy and not full of energy. I try to focus on the health aspect and that helps me. Sometimes I will grab a healthy treat and pretend to enjoy it but meanwhile my heart really wants those unhealthy treats! I am not terribly overweight but am struggling at 44 years old with trying to be healthy and usually my husband is very supportive when i let him know that i could use a little enouragement or a healthy substitute that he can enjoy too. Just try and be kind and he will appreciate you for it.
Thanks ladies- this actually helped me put into perspective a few things.

I guess I have been so upset about gaining weight back that everything was starting to become a huge deal to me, including my husbands eating habits.  Which is a bit crazy.  I'm having a hard time with the whole dinner time thing more so than the snacking. Dinner is us time, you know? We work jobs with crazy hours and sometimes don't see each other for days. And while I would probably prefer to make my own meals separate from him, he really enjoys big elaborate dinners, which he really wants me to make (which is a whole separate issue).

Is it unreasonable for me to want to make my own meals separate from him?
Of course it is unreasonable to want to make your seperate meals from your husband. Cooking and eating together is what binds a family.

And if he wants you to cook for him, then it's best, 'coz you get to set the rules. Cook healthy and tasty meals. Lotsa men don't like to eat healthy bcos they don't find it tasty. And am sure with a few minutes of research each day for healthy recipes, you can also do that. That's what I do.

Second is, you don't have to eat a huge dinner if you are cokking one. For eg, I try to follow southbeach diet which has some forbidden food in it like potatos. So what I do is, make two dishes like lentil soup which is common to both, and some suateed potatos which is for him only.

Good luck!
lovelin,

what do these "elaborate meals" consist of?  would he be willing at all to maybe only have these once or twice a week?  i agree, he probably has no clue why you are health conscious, but in a sense i think he should be too.  obviously it's up to the individual but i think that he should at least try some of the healthy meals you eat.

it's understandable that his eating habits bother you, because this is something very very important to you...and if he is as sweet as he says, he should respect that. 
notalone, I guess your reply was for Tania and not for me :)
oops :)
ajy
Aug 01 2007 20:05
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#9  
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It took a few weeks for my husband, who also eats whatever and whenever, to realize I was serious about eating healthier and smaller portions.  He usually cooks dinner for the family, so it was a real struggle at first.  But when he saw I was sticking to it, and loosing weight, he got on board.  Try substituting some healthy foods for you to eat, for some of the less healthy he is eating.  When my husband is frying potatoes for the rest of the family, he fixes me a baked sweet potato.  Or try to load up on vegetables and/or salad and just take small portions of the rest.  It sounds like mealtime is important to your relationship, if you don't get to see eachother much, so be sure to find a common ground so you don't end up dreading the only time you might get to see each other in days.  Good luck!
Oh my goodness, I think I need to be more clear! LOL

Honestly, I don't so much care what he eats for his sake- I mean, I would love if he ate healthier because I love him and want him to be around for as long as possible. But that is about it. I have a hard time not eating his snack or junk food, which is hard for me. I know in the back of my normal brain that it is unreasonable to resent his Oreo habit, for example, and yet I find that I do.

As far as dinner goes, we just seem to like different foods. I like big and tasty meals as much as the next person, but I will gain weight eating the kind of stuff he likes as well. And he doesn't like the things I would chose to eat- simple and balanced meals. He has pressured me repeatedly in the past to cook the kind of meals he likes, and I end up feeling stuck in a catch-22. I'd like to feed him as he likes, or make food he would enjoy, but then I am making food I won't enjoy and end up feeling guilty for eating it or resentful...

does this make any sense?
Aw, once I started living with my boyfriend, I definitely put on what I lovingly refer to as my cuddle weight.

Why? Because I ate like him and instead of exercising, cuddled!
My soon-to-be husband has food issues too, and that's a tough nut to crack. He's a really big guy, works hard and feels he "deserves" those big, heavy meals. I've noticed that as I've been working on better nutrition, he has silently and slowly gotten "onboard." Best to not comment either way...don't holler if he eats wrong or offers me the wrong stuff, not make a big deal of his need to eat healthy and harp on him. Sooner or later, he'll try on that Tux and find he has to do it too!
I've found that any time I've gotten my husband to get on board with me with weight-loss, it's ended in disaster. I can't rely on him to stick to it because he's not as motivated, and if I do lean on him, he ends up giving up and it makes it even harder for me to continue. So I decided to just go at it on my own. I want this for me and I can do it alone. I told myself I don't need anyone to hold my hand. I'll have to live in the real world around people who aren't eating healthy, surrounded by junk food for the rest of my life so I had better get used to resisting temptation. That's why I don't like having a partner in any goal.

As for your dinners, I say cook one meal for you and your husband but make it healthy and if there are parts of it that are too calroie-dense, let him eat them and you leave them alone. Eat what he's eating in moderation, and pad your plate with veggies. Use a smaller plate. Find healthy substitues like Smart Balance Light instead of butter or margarine. Have a small baked potato instead of mashed potatoes. Use light versions of things whenever you can stand it. Maybe invest in a light-cooking cookbook. :)
ajy
Aug 01 2007 20:21
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#14  
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Tania, maybe I didn't say what I was trying to say.  I think you can and should make for you what you like.  For example:  He wants fried chicken, he gets fried chicken, grill you a chicken breast.  He wants cheeseburgers and french fries, get yourself a turkey burger and baked sweet potato, or what ever it is you like and want to eat healthy. 

I don't think you should feel compelled to eat what he eats, or feel guilty after.  It's not important that you eat the same food, as long as you are still getting to eat together and enjoy each other.  You say you sometimes resent feeling like you have to eat the food he wants you to fix him, if this continues you may end up resenting more than the food.  That's all I'm trying to say.  Eat what is good for you, fix him what he wants, but just keep having meals together when you can. 
ajy- thanks for the reply. I accidentally didn't see your post before I posted mine...oops. I understand what you are saying and it makes a lot of sense.

Thanks a lot ladies, it helps to know that A) I am not alone and B) that even though I am crazy ;), it is fixable. LMAO
Tania,

I agree (although I'm single, so I probably don't really get it) that you should make what you want or a simpler version of his elaborate meal.  He wants chicken parmingana(sp?), go ahead and make it, just do a grilled chicken breast for yourself and serve the sauce on the side for you...just dip your fork in it before you eat your bite.  Make brown rice or whole wheat pasta and eat a double portion of veggies for yourself, give him cheese sauce if he wants it.

You might consider joining the August Intimacy challenge over in the games section...it will burn some extra calories. ;-)
#17  
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Wait til you've all been married 25 years and you don't really *care* if he doesn't like what you feed him LOLOLOL

My response is, "If you don't like what I fix, get off your @$$, quit watching tv, and fix it yourself!" ;o)

My problem with my husband is, he is *cheap, cheap, cheap*. I should say, also, that I'm currently unemployed which is not helping the situation (I feel like I couldn't get hired as dogcatcher, at this point).

Anyway, he looks at the grocery bill now that we're eating healthier, and r-e-a-l-l-y complains. He tracks our expenses on the computer so I know we really are spending more than we used to, even though we're doing it as cheaply as possible.

When we met, he had a 28 waist, now he has a 34 (he won't admit it, he claims it's still a 32). And since he has always been able to pretty much eat 'whatever', he thinks it's still OK to hit Burger King for 99cent Whoppers, and buy the absolute cheapest hot dogs, and live on that kind of stuff. To "save money".

Since I'm losing weight and being really stubborn about buying fruits, veggies and better food in general, he's complaining less, but he's still complaining.
#18  
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my boyfriend  also makes it harder for me to stay on track. its wonderful to have someone be "blind" to your weight gain and tell you you look beautiful regardless (if he said otherwise i wouldnt be too happy, so hes smart heh) but he's constantly harping on the fact that i don't cook meals that i use too, and that the food i buy now is too expensive (which i find funny because we have seperate budgets). Sometimes i feel like him shoving nachos and guacamole in my face is him trying to sabatoge my pound shedding ways, but i think he also doesn't want me to get too carried away and worry about it too much. ohhhh boyy
smwhipple- that sounds like fun! I'll be sure to take advantage of that, especially since my hubby will be leaving for training for four months at the end of august :(

as a part of the advice here, I told hubby I would rather do the grocery shopping (so that I can control the little things, like light versions of whatever I can) and to stock up on yummies like veggies and fruits.
amonaco, you are on the verge of figuring him out, aren't you? Loves you no matter your size, then complains you're not cooking what he likes as you lose...pretty clear message isn't it? Why is it the men in our lives feel threatened when we look/feel better? Seems they need a little confidence boosting of their own, not worry about whether we'll still be with them if we find our own sense of self appreciation.
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