Living with a man who eats it ALL and gains NOTHING! Help me...

Well, it's safe to say I pretty much already know how to remedy this situation and get myself back on track, but I suppose I'm just looking for some support, motivation, and guidance!

I started here on Calorie Count last summer, and it really changed my life. I finally realized that I actually COULD lose weight...magically, it was no longer impossible. I lost 25 lbs by counting calories and I was feeling great.

Well, then my boyfriend moved in with me. It's been WONDERFUL, don't get me wrong...we've been waiting a long time to move in together and it's been great. However...

Something he and I have always enjoyed sharing together is eating out and cooking great meals together. Well, apparently I lost my ability to say "no" to these sorts of things when now in the company of my boyfriend, so needless to say, in the past few months I've gained 21 lbs of it back and KICKING myself.

The thing is (as I'm sure many women on here have experienced), he can eat everything and everything and still remain positively stick thin. I can eat the same things and suddenly become Jabba the Hut in the bedroom. I'm jealous, sure, but I'm mostly upset with my own willpower when it comes to eating with my boyfriend. Before he moved in, it had been an absolute BREEZE to stay within my calorie limit and lose every week. Now I just can't resist eating out with him, and throwing a slab of ribs on the grill, and having a little ice cream during our movie, and, and...you get the picture.

So, I suppose my question is...how do all of you women who live with husbands, fiances, or boyfriends STICK WITH IT when your other half isn't on the same regime as you? How do you have meals together without either eating too much yourself or making your man feel like he's eating birdseed? HOW?? I've been used to living by myself, when I could just steam up some vegetables or pop in a lean cuisine and call it dinner. Now I somehow feel as though I'm disappointing him if I don't partake in a fantastic dinner or take him up on his offer to eat out at a nice restaurant...again.

I do love him dearly, so unfortunately, kicking him out and reclaiming my castle is not an option.

HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

haha, great question.  I just started dating someone who is the exact same way.  I'd like to hear any suggestions on this one too!

 

My boyfriend use to eat and eat all day and never gain an ounce.  He then tried to tempt me(knowing that I'm not suppose to have these things)with sweets and fatty fried foods.  I've since had a chat with him about how important it is for me to stick with it and for both of us to be healthy.  Try making a list of healthy snacks and meals that you both love.  Maybe take a cooking class together and learn healthier versions of the old favorites.  Good Luck!

My fiance is the same way, too! Before I started using this website, I had tried "dieting" several times, but I just couldn't resist going out to dinner with him, or cooking delicious calorie-dense food together and sharing it. Now that I'm actively counting calories and thinking about food, I've realized that I don't have to eat the same things that he does.

For example, if we eat sandwiches for lunch together, I make sure that we each make our own sandwiches. I use whole-wheat bread (which he hates), two slices of turkey, two slices of ham, and skip the cheese. He uses a giant roll, lots of meat, and several slices of cheese. I also make sure to have a lot of veggies on the my plate next to my sandwich (cabbage, carrots, tomatoes, broccoli), so that I feel full, and am not tempted to have dessert with him.

It helps me to be accountable for the amount of food I eat. If I'm tempted to eat as much as my fiance, I imagine having to go to my laptop and logging all those calories. Suddenly, the food just doesn't seem worth it anymore.

Plus, now that I've filled our fridge with healthy food, and gotten rid of a lot of the old junk food, my fiance is starting to snack healthy, too! And sometimes, he'll even take some veggies off my plate at dinner. So if you keep at it, you might wind up influencing your boyfriend's eating habits, instead of the other way around.

My husband needs to eat a lot just to keep his weight up, it's sickening to me LOL. But I love him more than anything and I often make us 2 dinners; a light version for me and a more calorie dense version for him. I use a lot of the same ingredients, I just use more olive oil and bigger meat portions and stuff like that for him.

I also take a free day every 2 weeks and get to eat anything he eats and more. It's fun and I've lost 65 lbs doing this.

I have a husband and two boys who can eat junk all day with no weight gain issues.  When I do the grocery shopping, I get quick things such as salmon and tilapia filets to cook for myself...and my family has to eat what I eat for dinner.  They can do what they want to do for snacks.  For quick snacks I get apple cinnamon mini rice cakes and reduced fat oreos to keep me from binging on the regular junk that sits around my house.  While the hubby is snacking on snack cakes and regular chips, I usually will grab rice cakes or a serving of reduced fat Oreos if I have enough calories for the day.  If I don't, I usually sip on Minute Maid Light Lemonade or Raspberry Passion which are about 10 calories per can.  The key is to not run out of calories before sunset.  You need to have at least 300 left after dinner for those late night cravings that will almost always occur.  My calorie intake right now is about 1400-1500 per day and CC says I should consume 1600 per day to lose about a pound per week.  I lost the first 5 lbs in 3 days, but the next 5 are hard.  Beginning next week, I will cut back even more and consume about 1300 calories per day until I get to my desired weight of 150 lbs.  Increasing physical activity and decreasing calories are a must to lose stubborn pounds.

I know EXACTLY what you all are talking about.  My wonderful husband can eat whatever he wants, chips and dip, cheese, beer, chocolate, doritos, you name it, if its junk food, he eats it!  Its been very difficult for me, since before when I lived alone, I just didn't keep those things around the house and then I wouldn't be tempted.  Plus, he is one of those people who will skip meals (never eats breakfast) and on days where he isn't snacking I worry he is going to waste away to nothing.  So I have just focused on portion control more than anything else.  Luckily, he is a big fan of having a salad with most dinners, so I find this the best way to fill up before I start eating dinner.  I try to do most of the grocery shopping, and if we do have something that is a bit calorie rich with dinner, I only have a few bites and try to fill up on the healthy stuff (veggies and meat).  Being that I am feeding a husband who may waste away to nothing if I don't feed him enough and a 2 year old daughter who I think luckily inherited her fathers fantastic metabolism (unfortunately, that means she is always snacking too!), I try to make a healthy dinner with wide variety and a few "temptations" for me.  I make sure to have a lot of fresh fruit and low fat yogurt around the house for when I need a snack I turn to them, and I keep healthy snacks for my daughter too, but my husband is a lost cause!  Mostly, it takes serious discipline, but I am finding that it is getting easier with time.  Also, I try not to beat myself up too much if I slip up.  Breakfast and lunch are easier because I work full time, so I eat in the morning quickly before heading to work and am gone all day so I pack my lunch and snacks for work. 

Oh and if all else fails, and I am rumaging for a snack, a lot of times a piece of sugar free gum will help lessen the craving. 

I can totally sympathize!

My husband not only eats a lot, he EXPECTS me to do the same thing!

When I'm by myself, I eat minimally and expect that I'm going to eat the bulk of my daily calories at dinner. Same principal for the week/weekends - I know I'll eat more on the weekends, so I make up for that during the week by cutting back and exercising.

Also, when we eat together, I make sure that I'm eating about 1/3 the food that he is.  For dinner, I make only as much as we're going to eat, serve it all up at once, and when it's gone, it's gone. He can get a snack if he wants to, but I'm done!

But of course, it's such a blessing to have him around that I can deal with the minor inconvenience of having to eat a little bit more. :)

The way I handled it was to cook a meal everybody could eat that was low in calories, then serve the thin people at the table bread and butter, gravy or sauce, and a higher calorie side dish like scalloped potatoes, which I didn't eat.  That way you're cooking just one meal but everybody is satisfied.

A typical menu would be Roast chicken with parslied potatoes, steamed carrots, & broccoli, and a salad with a light dressing.  I'd have all of that with large servings of the two vegetables.  Then I'd put on the table, gravy, rolls and butter, cheese sauce to be served with the vegetables, and a dessert, none of which I'd eat.  The ones who needed more calories had second helpings.  I didn't.

My husband is soon to hit 50 and he is still a bottomless pit! He recently though has noticed that he is getting a "kangaroo pouch"- his words, not mine- But he still eats more than me.  It was hard first starting out together because I did feel I had to keep up with him- but over the about 20 years we have been together- I'm finally realizing that he is himself and I am myself- we are two different people.  I try to buy healthier snacks and such and then he ends up eating "my things!"- He loves the Luna Bars- which I tried to explain that they are for woman!  I bought him some Cliff Bars and showed him those are his. We have his and hers towels and now apparently- we have his and hers food! It is a funny world we live in.... he actually is my inspiration to eat more healthy- he's a good fruit/vege eater- sometimes that is all he'll have for dinner- is a big bowl of steamed veges.... so- just hang in there and don't try to keep up. 

My husband cannot gain weight to save his life. This man eats all day long and alot of it is just the sort of thing I can't even look at. I cook dinner every day for my family so I eat a much smaller lunch on the weekdays then only eat small portions for dinner. I use a small plate instead of dinner size plate also. My suggestion is to stick to your diet most of the time, but plan time for cooking and eating out on occassion and simply watch portion sizes and add an extra work-out after that day. That way you will still lose weight, but you will reward yourself for all your hard work. My husband and I enjoy walking and hiking together when the weather permits so take a walk after you eat. Just be creative in how to handle all the ups and downs. Having alternatives keeps us from worrying and becoming too bogged down with all the cannot do's.

When you can't beat 'um... ask for their help.

I have to say, when my hubby & I married, I thought I would never stand a chance at losing weight again. And for the first 6 months, I was right. I ate when he ate and as much as he ate. I don't even know how much I gained.

Then I had my cholesterol checked and oh my! So I went to my hubby and told him I had to start making changes for my health, expecting him to whine about it. Boy, was I wrong. That man is the most supportive person I have ever been around. If I ask him to leave out the butter, he does. He never complains that I can't have junk food just laying around the house to tempt me. And- he exercises with me! We are planning a Rocky Mountain Hiking vacation in September.

So what I'm saying is this: sit him down and tell him what you told us. He might surprise you.

And if all else fails, remember these two words: Portion Control

Being a guy, not a family man, only thing I can suggest is eating what YOU want. When I go out with my family, I always pick from the guiltless or healthy section. Sure, I look like a dork, and they tell me I need to just eat "normal" but I just brush it off. At home, eating some ribs and junk food isn't going to hurt you so bad, if you eat it in MODERATION. Don't be eating the same serving size as him. Thats most likely the key.

Ok, the problem I see here is this:  Alot of women are complaining that their men can eat all the junk food they want and not gain anything.  What you all are failing to remember is that just because they "can" eat all that junk does not mean they "should".  Just because they are not gaining weight does not mean it's a healthy lifestyle.  That is exactly how I approached it with my husband.  I simply told him that we BOTH needed to start eating healthier; for me to lose weight and for BOTH of us to be healthier.  This is what you all should be doing as well.

On a side note, I suggested that both of us go get our blood checked and it turned out that even though my BMI was way higher than his, his cholesterol was higher than mine....not good for him at all.

These are great and helpful responses, thank you all! It does seem remembering my portion control is a key point here. Just because we're having barbequed ribs doesn't mean I need to eat an entire animal's worth myself.

And peaches0405, you're absolutely right. I'm constantly on my boyfriend about his unhealthy choices. He's very strange...some days he'll go with hardly eating a thing, and when he does finally graze on something it'll just be a slice of toast or some steamed veggies. Then somehow, the next day he'll eat a huge dinner and then want popcorn and ice cream and cookies for desert! He loves fruits and vegetables but I think as I get back on track myself, I'm going to try to get him to be more consistent with his eating habits.

Thank you everyone! It's nice to hear how other people work through this kind of thing.

I do sort of the same thing as clairelaine. When I cook (I make maybe two-three dinners a week, he makes one or two, the rest of the time we just forage for ourselves) I make meals that are healthy but tasty, and it's all about portions. Sometimes he'll eat a sandwich or something if he's still hungry after.

But he needs to lose weight too, so he's starting to adopt my healthier eating habits. It's a good thing. He's gotten more health-conscious by osmosis, and hopefully at some point he'll get the mental "click" and start counting calories, just like I did. He's about 80 lbs above a healthy weight. We always "matched" in our excess weight, both ups and downs - and now we don't anymore! I think it makes him worried, though there's no need to be - I love him more than anything.

This is definitely a problem for women... We need about 1200-1500 but they can get away with 2000 (SUCKS!!)
With my husband, I made it clear that I cannot eat as much as him and still remain somewhat attractive( it works if you somehow make it about them!). Anyway, so now when we go to restaurants, I have a light salad with steam veggies while he gets ribs slathered in who-know-what.  I know it might look ridiculous to others but it works for us.

My husband is about twice as big as I am and burns twice as much per day as I do.  When we eat, we generally eat the same things healthy or not, I just make sure to only eat HALF as much as he does.  I've discovered it doesn't work when one half of the couple is eating a different diet then the other half, it just creates resentment.

That's been my problem, patches403...I've had a hard time in the past eating small portions of healthy food while he eats juicy meat and cookies because, well, that's all so delicious! And I like to sit down and enjoy meals with him. So I do find myself resenting him somewhat when he can eat the things I WANT to eat but can't, and without me...and at the same time, he seems to somewhat resent me when I don't want to eat the same thing he's eating or I don't want to share the popcorn when we're at a movie, etc. Old habits die hard.

Portion control really is going to be the key for me. I made a nice dinner tonight of pork loin, sweet potatoes, and green beans...and I just ate half the amount that my boyfriend did and still stayed within my calorie limit for the day, and got to enjoy a good meal with him. Hallelujah!!

rogyn24- last night I was at the grocery store to make my family, key word family cheeseburgers and baked french fries.  As I was getting the meat I could taste the cheeseburgers, my mouth was watering.  When I got home the first thing I did was look up the grade for the meal on my new best friend. (calorie count)  I could eat it!!!!  I had enough calores left over to eat the sandwich and have 20 baked french fries.  I thought I had just won the lottery.

The reason we are on this site is more than likely not what we ate, but how much.  I couldn't just eat 1 cup of ice cream I ate the whole carton! not really but close.

I've also found that now it takes me forever to eat.  By the time I'm done with my plate I don't want seconds, because 1 I'm full and 2 the seconds are cold.

My husband is the same way, but He is not healthy.  I cook the food, he gets it healthy now.  Case closed.  However he loves some of my healthy food.  so do my children.

We crave the fat and grease. Together we can lose the weight.

Tbowlin

Great words of encouragement, tbowlin -- thank you!!