Weight Loss
Moderators: coach_k, spoiled_candy, devilish_patsy, nycgirl, Mollybygolly


Losing Friends Since weightloss..etc...


Quote  |  Reply

Hey Friends!
.. So ive officially lost 107 lbs. Yesterday we had our Easter dinner tho so i'm guessing this week will be a maintain week because I couldnt stay away from that yummy stuffing!! lol... anyyways

for those that don't know me. I was 342 pounds and am now 235 pounds.
I still have a ways to go.

I guess I more or less want to vent and get some opinions by posting this.
I started out my weightloss journey with a lot of girlfriends and man friends but I notice I am losing more and more relationships as I lose weight. I think it's more to do with me not wanting to be friends with them anymore? It's not that I think i'm better than them but when I share my excitement about a weekly goal or monthly goal they tend to be negative or not interested in my success. Some times I think it's envy or they feel like i'm rubbing it in their faces but i'm not :(
I don't know why everyone seems to be dissapearing ? Is it because i'm no longer super depressed and willing to binge out on food and alcohol with them on my free time? Or because I'm doing something positive in my life? ... I have no idea what it is.

Also I'm still struggeling with having lost so much but having so far to go. I know it will come off with time but I get comments that make me feel great like " holy heck girl you have lost a lot of weight, you look great " ... then I get comments from friends or family like " oh .. really you've lost over a hundred? hmm " ... and comments like " oh i can see it in your.... face and chest. " ... I'm sorry but after losing ONE HUNDRED POUNDS .. i kind of expected people to be more happy for me? :( Am I expecting too much. Should I stop including people in the updates of my ups and downs of my journey and just turn to this awesome threat for support so I dont bother my "Friends" ??

56 Replies (last)

Firstly, congratulations on your success, and I mean that sincerely :)

Secondly, and I hope you take this in the spirit that it is intended: generally speaking, people don't want to hear intimate and constant details of the diet/exercise routine/weight loss of others, even people they care about very much. At best, they can find it dull (as you'd be if anyone went on and on about the same subject ad nauseum, no matter what the subject was) and at worst they can find it judgmental ("I lost 3lb this week" can sound like "what did YOU do that was worthwhile?", "I am eating the right things" can sound like "so if you aren't eating what I'm eating then your diet is crap and you should feel bad.")

I was at a family get-together yesterday when this really came home to me. I'm eating healthy; my mother has sworn off carbs. I had salad and fruit without comment and enjoyed myself, my mother neurotically started complaining about the things she couldn't eat because of The Evil Carbs, and not only did she not enjoy herself, she brought EVERYBODY down.

So my advice would be yes- tone it down. You're on the right path, and there are people to talk with about your success and your struggles- but generally, as said above, weight loss, nutrition and exercise are a personal thing, a personal journey, one you very much need to take on your own. If someone tells you that you look great, of course it's fine to say "thanks, I've lost ___ so far!" but you needn't announce every pound you lose? (Not saying you necessarily do, but for argument's sake.)

Thx.. I didnt realize until now how annoying I must be to them :( I remember when my sister started her weightloss journey and I didnt want to hear about it all the time. I just get so excited and I find if I talk about it.. im less likely to fall off the wagon. I dont announce every pound but probably every 15 lol. :( I dont know how to undo all the annoying ive already done to my family and friends... maybe just start now and keep 'er to myself?

Original Post by shadyamy:

Hey Friends!
.. So ive officially lost 107 lbs. Yesterday we had our Easter dinner tho so i'm guessing this week will be a maintain week because I couldnt stay away from that yummy stuffing!! lol... anyyways

for those that don't know me. I was 342 pounds and am now 235 pounds.
I still have a ways to go.

I guess I more or less want to vent and get some opinions by posting this.
I started out my weightloss journey with a lot of girlfriends and man friends but I notice I am losing more and more relationships as I lose weight. I think it's more to do with me not wanting to be friends with them anymore? It's not that I think i'm better than them but when I share my excitement about a weekly goal or monthly goal they tend to be negative or not interested in my success. Some times I think it's envy or they feel like i'm rubbing it in their faces but i'm not :(
I don't know why everyone seems to be dissapearing ? Is it because i'm no longer super depressed and willing to binge out on food and alcohol with them on my free time? Or because I'm doing something positive in my life? ... I have no idea what it is.

Also I'm still struggeling with having lost so much but having so far to go. I know it will come off with time but I get comments that make me feel great like " holy heck girl you have lost a lot of weight, you look great " ... then I get comments from friends or family like " oh .. really you've lost over a hundred? hmm " ... and comments like " oh i can see it in your.... face and chest. " ... I'm sorry but after losing ONE HUNDRED POUNDS .. i kind of expected people to be more happy for me? :( Am I expecting too much. Should I stop including people in the updates of my ups and downs of my journey and just turn to this awesome threat for support so I dont bother my "Friends" ??

Congrats on your weight loss! I looked at your pictures and you look amazing. I can tell a big difference besides just in your face and your chest. You look half the size that you were before and you should be so proud of how far you've come!

As far as your friends, I've found that for me it's best to have a select few people that I tell my weight loss ups and downs to. Usually it's my mom, my boyfriend, my boyfriend's mom, and one friend. Besides those people, I don't mention my weight loss unless it's saying "No thanks I'm trying to watch what I eat" if they offer me something unhealthy or mentioning how much weight I've lost when people specifically ask.

I think that many people (mainly those that have body image issues and/or are overweight) get uncomfortable when weight loss is mentioned, especially if they'd like to be thinner but aren't yet ready to make the lifestyle changes that it takes. I agree that theoretically, a true friend should always support you in things that make you happy and healthy. Unfortunately that's not always how it goes. The insecurities of others will often overshadow any happiness they would feel for your accomplishments.

So try to find a few people that you can talk to about your weight loss. I think others that have already lost weight, people that are satisfied with their bodies, or people that are currently trying to lose weight are your best bets. Or people that will love you unconditional like family and wont let jealousy get in the way. People that are overweight and aren't making any attempt to be healthier are often not the most supportive of your weight loss because they feel jealous and even more insecure about themselves.

I've had friends that are overweight/obese that told me I was getting "Way too thin" when I was still overweight. Other people have said "Aw, I miss your fat cheeks. Your face is kind of sunken now." It's hurtful and annoying. You can still probably be friends with these people (if you're still interested in doing so) as long as you don't mention your weight loss, but it's understandable if you don't want to be friends with someone that doesn't support you.

Thank you Rachel! I think you look beautiful!
.. i'm really going to try and keep it to myself a bit more. I just started out my journey telling everyone because the way i saw it was if EVERYONE knows ... ALL EYES are on me to fail and I wont let them get that satisfaction but I guess I just gotta do this for me now and if someone compliments thats good and if they dont notice then whatever?

Was it hard for you to adjust to how your body was changing ? do you still have days where you feel really big or other days where you feel tiny? lol.. I get that some times.. Some days i'm like WHOA THERES A BONE STICKING OUT OF MY WRIST... or i can see my ankles . Then some days i feel like a beached whale lol.. usually the days I run into family or friends and they give me the up down and not say anything or only mention that its a bit noticeable in my face. :( that hurts more than anything because I dont think that much weight could have only come off of my face? the scale doesnt lie? and my pants size is way smaller? ... I think my brains having problems catching up with what's going on... so when they make comments like that.. I instantly panic and wonder if i truly have lost any weight or if i'm imagining the lose skin and smaller body parts? Does that make sense?

Original Post by shadyamy:

Thank you Rachel! I think you look beautiful!
.. i'm really going to try and keep it to myself a bit more. I just started out my journey telling everyone because the way i saw it was if EVERYONE knows ... ALL EYES are on me to fail and I wont let them get that satisfaction but I guess I just gotta do this for me now and if someone compliments thats good and if they dont notice then whatever?

Was it hard for you to adjust to how your body was changing ? do you still have days where you feel really big or other days where you feel tiny? lol.. I get that some times.. Some days i'm like WHOA THERES A BONE STICKING OUT OF MY WRIST... or i can see my ankles . Then some days i feel like a beached whale lol.. usually the days I run into family or friends and they give me the up down and not say anything or only mention that its a bit noticeable in my face. :( that hurts more than anything because I dont think that much weight could have only come off of my face? the scale doesnt lie? and my pants size is way smaller? ... I think my brains having problems catching up with what's going on... so when they make comments like that.. I instantly panic and wonder if i truly have lost any weight or if i'm imagining the lose skin and smaller body parts? Does that make sense?

Thank you! You look beautiful, too! You look amazing! I understand the "telling everyone so all eyes are on me". I used to start diets and deliberately NOT tell anyone because if I didn't stick to it I didn't want to have to explain it to them. So doing it the other way around makes sense to me.

Yes, it's still hard to adjust to how my body is changing. I still have "fat days" and "skinny days", just like I did before I started losing. Some mornings I'll try on everything in my closet and think "God, I look awful" and other days I'll feel like a million bucks. I'm sure that when people give you the up and down looks and don't say anything it's probably because they don't know if it's appropriate to say that you look thinner! I think some people think it's rude to say that...like saying it means that they're also thinking "And you were really fat before." Many people are actually offended by the "You've lost weight!" comments (I know because once I posted a topic on here regarding compliments about weight loss and a few people said they don't like it when people mention that they're thinner), so that definitely could be why people don't say anything. Also, people that see you everyday probably don't notice that you're thinner because you lose weight gradually over time. I never get many comments from the people I see everyday unless I'm really close with them but I almost always get comments when I see someone I haven't seen in a few months.

Don't let people not mentioning your weight loss get you down. You're MUCH smaller than you used to be. Your face is smaller, but so is the rest of you. Just look at the pictures if you need to remind yourself how far you've come. But you're right, you do need to do this for yourself. Don't do it because you don't want others to have the satisfaction of seeing you fail, do it because you love yourself and you want to live a long, happy, healthy life without feeling insecure. Do it because you feel better when you're healthier and active and fit.

First of all, congrats on your achievements. I must say, I am struggling with much less to loose :)

Talking from my experience, I think one can be slightly annoying if too excited... I had to curb myself a bit down too. It's just like with any other hobby - not everyone is into it (may sound a bit funny to talk about loosing weight as a hobby - but just imagine having a good friend who would become obsessed with bird watching or so and couldn't talk about anything else...) As Edhla said it sometimes can look as a bit of a pointing out their own bad habits... And finally, I find that sometimes I just find now more interesting things to do as I am trying to be more active - and that can be a little annoying for others too. I mean, I used to go for coffee and cake and that would be, now I would probably avoid it and sometimes I would go around before I find a place that would have healthy snack - I can see my boyfriend hates it takes me so long to decide what to eat as I am thinking about the calories.... SO I would say it needs patience on both sides. On the other hand, if your friendship was based on overeating over bag of chips in front of telly, you may find it is a bit hard to maintain - BUT you could just eat a few chips and watch the telly with a friend if you wised so ;) 

Shadyamy, congratulations for your success! You look great! Today is my first day here. Bear with me if I am kind of lost in posting in this forum :)

I agree with Rachel, only tell really close people about your progress. Sometimes even that select group will be a difficult one to deal. While visiting my mom, 2 days ago, she told me "you have to be careful because if you loose too much weight, your face will be too skinny and you will look older" I was like -whaaaattttt, I do not even have wrinkles!-

I believe that those kind of comments, even though are negative and discouraging, should be an additional challenge to motivate in keeping focused. It is not easy, I know, support is needed, always. For example, I have lost only 10lbs (30 more to go), but people have started to notice. To strangers and most of my friends and acquaintances, I say "thank you, I am eating more fruits and veggies". I never talk about my complete lifestyle change because, like you, I have dealt with the disappointment of knowing that not everyone cares about it. It has to do with people not wanting or not having the courage to change their whole lifestyle. It is kind of a "in your face" lesson that we never asked for by realizing how selfish and shallow society can be.

Talking about exercising and eating healthier, can be boring and annoying to some people. Even if you are very excited about it, unfortunately, most of the people will not feel the same way as you do. Some people can even discourage you to follow your goal by saying comments like for example: "you are pretty, real women have curves, you will not look good skinny, you will stop being nice if you are too beautiful, it will not be you" etc. Do not let those kind of comments put you down. This is not only a physical challenge, but a mental challenge too. Try to share with people that are into changing their lifestyle too or people who have already accomplished their goal i.e. reaching their ideal weight, improving body fitness, etc. Those people will support you and encourage you to keep on track.

Remember, be very selective about the people you choose for sharing the details of your progress, kind of a secret. In the forums, post your progress, goals, happiness and even share when you are feeling down. The rest of us here know what you are going through because we feel the same.

Again, congratulations for your success. You have done an amazing progress in improving your overall health, which will add up years to your life to enjoy with your loved ones.

Congrats to you on your continuing success ! My only opinion on reading your story is don't dim your shine for anyone else. You love yourself now. You are proud of what you've worked hard for and have accomplished. Surround yourself with people who support and help you celebrate that as well. Speaking for myself, I know exactly what you mean about losing friends. For the first time, having always been the "fat girlfriend," (and i still am) I experienced jealousy from girlfriends for the first time and it was hard to deal with. If you aren't rubbing it in their faces or comparing or putting them down, they are being bitter. And I don't like to use this word but, haters as well. To me my weight loss was some times embarrassing because it made me feel like, oh great another compliment with such SHOCK, I wonder what exactly I used to look like before to them. And the question that they always ask "OMG What are you doing How did you lose so much weight?" And you're like.. uh, have you tried eating right and exercising ? Weight loss that's always about how "skinny" you now look totally ignores that you are more healthy now, which is what's important. Other than what you can't shrug off as ignorance, don't be afraid to tackle bigger issues with friends you don't want to lose, just be honest if it's hurting you. There shouldn't be any problem you can't fix with a real friend. Best wishes and good luck !

Hello shadyamy,

Losing friends and other parts of your life is not a direct part of the process but it can happen. Here's why. Have you ever seen a program that had "A new you" as part of the title? Whether they work for you or not is irrelevant. What they suggest is what you are experiancing.

You are a new you. You started living that way when you started losing weight. The you that drank and binged is gone. The friends that left when that you left were only friends with that part of you. There is nothing wrong with who you are now. You are living your life as a perfect Being. You will find people who enjoy who you are just as you found people that liked who you were.

Don't think about how far you have to go in your process. Think of it like this. It may have been something you heard before but let me add to it. The place you want to be in your weight loss journey is not out there somewhere. You are there already. The part of you that is losing weight is the same part that will be there when you get to your goal. To keep the weight off you will have to stay the same as you are now.

The way you are able to lose weight is by placing a value on what you are doing right now. Live each second of each day as it happens and don't worry about where you will be in the future or where you were in the past. The only thing that exists is right now. It's what I do and it works.

Good luck and have a blissful day

ROLAND

#10  
Quote  |  Reply
You need to surround yourself with people who aren'blosing weight. The people who can eat anything are the friends you want because they don't understand your struggle and will be more supportive. They will also be the ones who don't pressure you when say no. I lost 100 lbs and gained half back. I'm now on my easy to my goal, but my support group is awesome.
Congratulations on your success! I find the only folks who seem to welcome my comments on goals met, etc, are the folks who are on the same path to wellness. And it's great to have that in common. I am so fortunate right now to have my husband, and four relatives all on the health train. We like sharing our stories with each other. We are not all losing weight the same way, but that doesn't matter. It's going to be a great summer! Keep up the good work, girl!

I can totally relate to this.

I have three sisters, all of whom are heavy, and when I started dropping weight they were totally unsupportive. They would always be like, "Just shut up and eat the cheesecake." They even made jokes like, "Who paid for your gastric bypass?" That hurt because, as I'm sure you know, weight loss takes a lot of effort and dedication and I didn't like the implication that I had some quick surgery.

I really think it's because my healthy habits made them feel bad about themselves. It was easier for them to make fun of what I'd accomplished than do anything to change their own lifestyles. Everyone has goals but very few people actually follow through with them.

The point is, you look great! And ultimately, you made this change for yourself and not to impress anyone else, right?

Whoa! You look amazing! What a wonderful transformation! I'm sorry, but how could anyone in the world be surprised that you are proud of your accomplishment?!? If your comments bother them, they should think about why that is. They have you as a source of inspiration in their lives; they should appreciate you and try to emulate your strength and commitment to living a healthy life. It's true that talking about it ALL THE TIME would be irritating for some, but - at the same time - I'm sure that's not what you do. And at the same time... boy, look at you! You should be wearing T-shirts with your before and after pictures every day :P Well, maybe not EVERY day... :)

#14  
Quote  |  Reply

Great success! first let me tell you something..to me u r a role model and i am interested to learn more about your journey..i need to lose 30lbs that have been with me since high school and have been trying too long...share with us the presistance and ur success story..i am really impressed

 

2nd, its sad but true sometimes people feel bad when u feel good. try to surround urself with people that are making u feel good about urself rather than people that u see as a burden..if you care to continue ur fantabolous journey...what u r describing is very normal "Jealousy" specially if they are overweight or even normal but they were feeling superior and now getting some competition...feel good about urself and get surrounded by +VE people!!!

waiting for ur tips :)

sara

 

Great Job! There is an old expression that is still true. "Misery loves company."  Sometimes friendships are based on mutual misery.  When one makes drastic life alterations it can stir up resentment in your closest friends and relatives. When you are no longer miserable you have less in common.  My daughter lost over 150 lbs. and she has had some of the same experiences.  She has been hurt deeply but she knows it is more important to walk her own path of wellness.  I think you are an inspiration to others.  I agree with Sara, we need your encouragement.

Congrats thats fabulous. i know where you are coming from. I hardly mention my journey to my friends anymore unless they want to know something and Im also choosey what i tell them now. I wont let them make me feel guilty for achieving my goal. Keep going have fun loosing. :)

Congratulations!  Be happy, no matter what the naysayers say or do.  Sadly there is something dark in human nature that likes to keep others down.  Somehow it perversly makes them feel superior.  I'll bet most of these people who are negative already weigh less than you did when you started, and perhaps even still weigh less.  They don't want you to weigh less than they do.  They want to feel superior in that way.

This sounds mean, and it's hard to think of your "friends" as being mean, but please believe me, your real friends will be soooo happy for you, and will be celebrating with you, not pulling you down.

Don't let them affect you or your determination to lose weight.  Don't even mention how much you have lost to them anymore, just let them see the great new figure you are developing.  Keep up the good work.  Be proud of your accomplishments and please, realize these people aren't worth worrying about.  

Definately keep up the awesome job you are doing to work on your self.  You are amazing!  ;-D

People will tire of hearing about your weight loss.  My friends did, and I had to learn to talk about other things.  You might do better to find a "weight loss buddy" who is willing to talk about this stuff day and night.  Use your support group here if you can't find someone on the outside.

And you may be running up against a whole other issue, which I like to call the "rainy day friend" syndrome.  About 10 years ago I went though a really difficult divorce, like it's ever easy!  I was super depressed and had some friends rally around me and keep me from going totally over the edge.  Sounds great, right?

After a year I started to pull myself together, started dating again, and met my totally amazing hubby!  Wouldn't you know it a few of those friends suddenly were unavailable.  I lost a few really long time friends, but clearly they were only interested in enabling my misery.

Congrats!!!

It is the old saying "Fair Weather Friends".....These are your "Friends" who are only capable of  supporting you when you are choosing a path known to them.

As you progress along your Journey of Wellness and Contentment you will Learn Healthy boundaries with Food, Emotions and People; due your Healthier Self Esteem; therefore, you will start to "Weed" out old relationships that are no longer good for you. Now this is A Good Thing!!! Realize that it is Your choice in this world to be Happy and is Your choice to surround yourself with those who support you....You Are Not Being A Snob!! You are gaining a stronger sense of Self and You are No Longer Willing to take Second Best.

These old friends may become acquaintances or may fade away but either way just because they are no longer in your Inner Boundaries of relationships does not mean you Do Not Like them. Relationships change and end throughout our lives due Us Changing and Others Changing.....It is Normal--Healthy.

Don't worry about going out and finding New Friends ASAP. I think you have found a Very Good Friend in Yourself....Cherish, Nourish and Grow that relationship. Take the Time to Get to Know Yourself and Love yourself completely. You will find over time you will attract new relationship that Nourish and Full Fill your Needs. Just like Calories....Make whatever Relationship you have Count!!!

Keep up the Awesome Work.....I am Excited for You----WHOOP WHOOP!!!

Jenn

The weight loss is only part of the reason your old friends are not so friendly. Fact is, the status quo has changed. You are HAPPY. 

DO NOT TONE IT DOWN! Express it, don't suppress it. This is who you are and you are never going back.

People who don't share your joys are not your friends. You need friends with like minded positive, "can do" spirits. 

This would have happened if anything wonderful happened to you. If you had won the Lotto, landed a great new job, fell in love with a terrific guy, got a divorce that was long over due or won the Nobel peace prize. Doesn't matter... You would have been happy and they could not accept that. 

So be it. There are new and better people you will meet on this journey. The old friends will say that you have changed. . . they are right. You needed to. 

I lost my sister when I lost weight and got a divorce. I am dancing. . . to the music in my head. I am happy. She cannot except that. 

She would REALLY hate me if she knew I was being honored at a banquet tonight. She will never know... she don't talk to me anymore. Her friendship is not worth my happiness and good fortune. Life has infinite possibilities. I can not wait to see what is next.

Good luck to you, my dear... You are experiencing a rare gift. Never let them steal your joy. Life's ride is a wild one and you are just cresting the hill.

56 Replies (last)
Advertisement
Advertisement
Allergy Remedies
Is It Possible to Go Natural?
The side effects of allergy medications keep some people from using them. Natural remedies can be a great alternative, but some are more effective than others.