My Story - The Fat Girl

All my life I'd been over weight or "thick" is what my friends said. If for some reason you didn't like me, you would eventually call me "fat." Nobody ever made fun of my face, my clothes, my family, my home, I was always just, "the fat girl."

For 13 years I played Travel Soccer, I was a cheerleader all through high school, I loved to swim, I was always very athletic but I was still heavy. I never got down on my weight though, if I saw a skinny pretty girl I secretly was insecure and when I met my boyfriend I always thought he'd think those girls were prettier than me, but he was always so nice and told me how perfect I was and how he thought I was beautiful. I don't want to say I was happy being 190 lb and only 5'4 but I never did anything about it because It wasn't a top priority. Then one day my boyfriend's old best friend called me fat and I looked at her and she was so much tinier than I was and she's actually not a skinny girl shes pretty thick herself but I was so upset and that's when I realized I didn't want anybody to be able to call me fat again.

After that day, I started to work out 7 days a week for 45 minutes a day. I stopped drinking "pop" (coke or soda for all the southerns :] ) and only water or water with crystal lite and I carried a gallon jug around with me and made sure I drank two a day and I completely cut out fast food from my life. The weight started dropping like sweat and I'd got to my goal weight of 150 but I was so proud I wanted to lose more and then more and then more.

Now I weigh 125, and I'm obsessed with my scale. I get on it every morning, after I eat something and before I go to bed and this repeats every day. I always have water in my hand and I work out every day for 2 1/2 hours and 4 days a week I'm in Muay Thai class. I've become addicted. I've come to realize that I'm not a girl who can eat whatever she wants and be thin, for the rest of my life if I want to be little I'm going to have to work out. My boyfriend works out constantly too and he trains at the gym we go to. But now people call me anorexic, and are always making comments about my weight especially my boyfriend's mom and sometimes I wonder if it's because she would like to be skinny because she goes on a "day diet" and then its back to her candy bars. I feel like no matter what I'm in a no win suitation because when I was fat people talked about me behind my back and now I'm thin and people talk about me to my face and behind my back. I'm not very confident, I think it's because for almost my whole life I'd been over weight. I don't know how to not be so obsessed, I'm so scared I'll become fat again and I don't know how to be confident and look at myself and be able to say I'm beautiful like my boyfriend does.

First of all, congrats for loosing weight! It's never an easy thing to do, but you stuck to your guns and got to a lower weight.

HOWEVER, it worries me that you're obsessed with the scale as I am. It sounds like you've developed the starts of an eating disorder, and THAT is what worries me.

It won't hurt you to have a treat here and there, ESPECIALLY if you work out that often. Also, working out 7 times a day with no break day in between can be counter-productive. If you over work a muscle, it will start to deteriorate/ Sure, you'll be smaller, but weaker as well. Working out is fine, but like candy bars and 'restricting' it is best done carefully.

I say hide the scale for 6 days, or have someone do it FOR YOU if it's that far along. There's no reason to weigh yourself four or five times a day, unlessyou WANT to go crazy.

People are going to talk about you no matter WHAT size you are: Obese, thick, average, thin or underweight. People talk. It's in their nature. As horrible as it sounds you're doing it as well about your boyfriend's mother. You can't escape it, I'm afraid.

But if your problems start to get excessive, SEEK HELP. Your feelings about food, from what I understand, are skewed, and you may have an over-exercising disorder. They do exist, and you can get help for it.

I wish you luck :)