Weight Loss
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My story HELP. binging, 1000 calorie diet, self hate.


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I've been on this "Healthy Lifestyle diet" whatever you want to call it for about 2 months. I have lost 40 pounds and I am extremnly happy. I have to lose another 50 and I'm working hard. I'm a sophmore in college and I reached the 240 pound mark. I started working out every night for an hour or a bit longer eating a diet of 1000-1500 calories a day and the pounds were coming off just fine. Every now and then something will get into me and I would just binge, like one day I would be eating fine, my healthy turkey sandwich and fruit and the next second I would eat something like a brownie and would keep eating until I felt sick. It had happened 3-4 times in 2 months and I cant control it it seems. I tend to "purge" or eat nothing the following day out of pure disgust to myself and somehow it makes me feel like I have the control all over again. Anyways, that binge just happened today. I ate cereal and a banana for breakfast, low cal soup and a sandwich for lunch and greek yougurt for a snack and then my brain just went out of control and I ate a good 3 servings of rice and chicken leftovers from my mom's dinner last night. I overate by 3000 calories the least. My stomach literally hurts. I feel disgusted, depressed and the first thing I tried to do was purge, make myself vomit and since I couldnt I took laxatives in the hope all that food would get out of my stomach. I know that is just plain ridicolous and it sounds like an eating disorder but it's not. I promise, I am writing this and I just want to cry. Im working out daily, cardio and weights, I want to do this so badly and I KNOW i can I just need to be able to control this binges. I hate myself for it. I dont want to ruin what I've accomplished so far. Please help me... I dont know what to do. I want to literally curl up and cry but I cant because my stomach hurts like a bomb just exploded there.

anyways here are some stats.

SW-240

CW- 200

GW #1- 180

GW#2- 170

UGW- 150

I'm a 19 year old female/ 5'8,5'

5 Replies (last)

You are probably going to hate my advice, but you have to eat more! At the minimum, you should be eating 1,500 calories. You will still lose weight this way. In fact, you can eat more than 1,500 calories (I'm just not sure how much more, so hopefully someone else can give their opinion)

If you consistently eat enough, you will not have these binges.

I think it's admirable that you're doing well at losing the weight, and congrats on your accomplishments!

That being said, eating disorders come in all shapes and sizes, and are not restricted to 80 pound girls who refuse to eat. Anytime you're talking about impulses you can't control around food followed by a self-loathing, eating until you feel like throwing up, and "regaining a feeling of self-control" through not consuming food, you're talking about eating disordered behaviour.

Bulimia is characterised by the impulse to binge eat, and then to get rid of the food, or to not eat for an extended period of time to make up for the negative behaviour. I know you are convinced you don't have an eating disorder, but your symptoms are very telling of someone who is developing an eating disorder.

Focusing too intensely on your weight...at any size, even if you're working to get healthier and happier....can cause disordered thinking about food. More than one "Biggest Loser" contestant has gone public with an eating disorder developed while trying to reach a weight loss goal.

You don't need more problems in your life; you need to get healthier and happier. I think you could benefit from some sessions with a therapist specialising in eating disorder issues. You may not have a problem right now, but if your brain is pushing you towards these behaviours, you're heading there. It's a good idea to find out why.

 

Best of luck,

*~ Alayna

Hey girl.  First of all, congrats on the AMAZING work you've already done.  Please throw out the laxatives- you don't need those.  Your body is fully capable of taking care of everything the way it it supposed to, in good time.  I know it's uncomfortable sometimes, but I'm sure your stomach is pretty small with the amount of food you're normally eating.  

One thing I noticed is your height.  Us taller girls need more calories to live than the short/average ones.  My BMR (basal metobolic rate) 5'10" is 1650 just to keep my organs, blood vessels, etc going, and my net calorie burn on days when I sit all day and don't do any exercise is 2100.  I'm older than you though, and although you may not think it if you do some research you will find that your body is still developing, so you need even more!

If you plug your stats into this calculator-

http://health.discovery.com/centers/heart/bas al/basal.html

You burn 1747 calories if you were in a coma.  That is the calories your brain, heart, liver, kidneys, lungs, etc need to keep you alive.  You're not giving your body even that much, and I suspect that's why your body is lashing out and reacting to try and keep it healthy. I would up the calories, and that should help out a lot.  :)  Remember, losing weight is a marathon so slow and steady wins the race. 

You take care,and keep up the great work!!

You may not see it yourself but it does sound like an eating disorder. Eating disorders take on many shapes and forms. Some people eat and eat and eat while others will starve for days. The puking and laxitives are an extreme warning sign to your "self" and confidence. I would really advise you to see a counselor and a nutritionist. I saw a counselor once a week to discuss my goals and howI was doing and then right after I met with my nutritionist. They both kept me on track. You may not have a disorder now, but if you keep going on this track you will soon find yourself there.

I wish you luck! 

binges happen when you undereat. so the advice above is something I concur with. Make sure that the cals you eat are well divided over the various nutrients. They are there for a reason so use it.

I wonder though if you can over eat on 3 servings of rice and chicken by 3000 calories. I think you need to find out how big the damage really is. Your body just needs it right now and you have to start feeding it what it needs.

The fact that you feel you cannot control it is because your body will always be stronger than your mind. If you don't feed it, it will find ways to feed itself. It will do it by creating urges so big that you feel you can't control it. It is all because you are undernourished.

The fact that you hate yourself and use laxatives after you eat too much (because you are under nourished) worry me though. This sounds like the start of bigger problems that you need to address right away. People without a bowel problem do not use laxatives nor do people without a problem try to throw up. I've thrown up for 20 years and I really want to warn you for behavior like this. The sooner you learn to fight this urge the better and it all starts with feeding yourself the proper nutrients. You will ruin your life (and your health) if you go on like this. Please talk to your parents about this.

Good luck,

Jolanda

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