Just a quick back story - I've been on a weight loss programme for the past few months - while it is rewarding to see the scales moving in the right direction I can see in my body that I still have a very long way to go until I reach my goal.
The main reason why I'm posting today is because my partner (who I have been with for 3 years, is absolutely wonderful and who I only see at weekends because we are in a long distance relationship) has no interest in eating healthily with me! He eats cookies, sausages, pizza and is always encouraging me to break my healthy eating!
It's coming up to the weekend again and I need some support from CC people please to help me keep losing as I know I won't be happy if I give up on my goals!!!
I would love it if he started eating healthily with me, not necessarily from a weight loss perspective, but from a health perspective and to encourage me. Has anyone else encountered this difficulty? Do you have any advice on how I could speak to my partner about this without it sounding like I want him to lose weight?
Hoping to hear from you soon....
You probably won't be able to do that. What you can do is ask him to stop encouraging you to break your diet. You want to eat healthy. You have a right to do that. He also has a right to eat crap.
Good luck :D
I found these answers on the ask Mary page in this site- hope they help.
Well done for your weight loss so far :P
I totally know where you are coming from as my lovely other half (bless him) does stuff himself constantly and is a major bad influence.
He has been one of the biggest causes of my previous diet failures because he seriously cannot seem to support my healthy eating at all and constantly pressurises me to eat...seriously, I do not need pressure to eat junk food on a good day!
He is also a rugby player so needs to be quite big and also goes to the gym for atleast an hour everyday and plays rugby all day Saturday and has training twice a week, which means he pretty much has to, and can eat as much as he likes whenever he likes. Because we live together as well it means that I end up eating the same as he does, including the same portion size which is my biggest downfall.
I feel like as a loving boyfriend he should support me and at the end of the day I am doing it for him as well as myself, but he just spills out the same 'but I love you the way you are' thing which is great, but not.
I guess just sit him down and have a proper heart to heart with him, explain why it is that you are doing for him and explain your longterm goals which include weight loss and also involve him (you want to be a lovely slim beautiful bride, you want to be healthy for when you have his child etc).
Let me know how it goes! :)
If my boyfriend pressured me into eating junk because he didn't want me to lose weight, that would be a deal breaker, or at least a warning sign that he's a control freak.
I don't think it is as difficult or complex as you think. Just tell him that you're perfectly fine with what he eats and how he looks, but his diet won't work for you and that you need his help to stay on track.
Just curious, does he need to lose weight? You said not "necessarily". If he does need to watch his diet, that adds in a different element and another set of emotions to factor in.
My boyfriend doesn't NOT want me to lose weight, he just says he likes me the way I am and that I don't need to change, which I obviously do considering my health is at risk. If he turned around and told me that I DID need to lose weight I would be seriously upset, because in my mind, a boyfriend should love you the way you are, and it is nice to hear him say that at the end of the day.
It is not so much that he pressurises me into eating junk food, but he encourages it and because he eats it he doesn't see what the big deal is for me to eat it too.
Thanks for all of your replies so far! Charcharbana, it sounds as though we are in a similar situation indeed - he's a rugby player too so is used to eating big portions of whatever he wants. I've had to start making different things for him and me (eg - last sunday he had 2 absolutely massive sausage sandwiches for breakfast and I had a fruit salad and some coffee...!)
Shashley23 my boyfriend doesn't want me to lose weight, he does love me just as I am and when I first started dieting he said he didn't know why I was doing it. Of course he has a right to eat crap, and I want him to be happy but perhaps I do need to ask him not to flaunt it!!
I must say though he has really noticed the difference in my body and he says I look amazing which is just so nice to hear, but I don't want the weight loss to stop here, you know?
Superclauds - thanks for the links and the encouragement...!
In reply to you tsjej - the reality is that he is a little overweight, hence it being a bit of a sensitive topic. The main problem is that I don't want to be tempted into eating awful foods by him, but it's so difficult to bring up!!!!
Thanks again for your support - all advice is gladly received!
My husband eats whatever he likes and is about 30 lbs overweight (he's 6'1"). Although I would love it if he made healthier choices about his diet, I have never asked him to change for me. He ate like that when I fell in love with him! He jokes about my obsession with healthy eating but secretly he admires my conviction and is proud of me.
I am my own biggest supporter with regards to my own health. You can be that for yourself, too.
Just enjoy the time you have with your sweetie! If eating healthy becomes a natural part of your lifestyle, like brushing your teeth, you won't require anyone's encouragement or support to do it. You'll do it for yourself.
All the best!
i am in a similar predicament...i moved back with my family recently, and i realized it was easier to eat healthy when living alone than with one's family...all that yummy food in the house that i would never buy when i was alone...damn...i don't know what to do...i can't even exercise in this house...i think i just need a strong dose of willpower if nothing else :(
When my husband doesn't support me, or doens't workout with me (when he says he will >.<) I say,
"well, I'm going to workout. You can look forward to getting fluffy."
Note: Fluffy is my favorite way to describe getting chubby.
This usually works with lifting weights.
When it comes to food, it's harder. I get things like "So some self-control. Don't blame me because you don't have will-power". And then I turn into a raging psycho. He is somewhat learning that having certain foods around brings out addictive traits in me so now, he hides the naughty stuff. I know where it is, but because it's not in the normal go-to kitchen, I crave it less.
Just another rant:
I can't stand it that junk food is acceptable to eat daily in our society. Didn't it use to be a nice treat? but now we're conditioned to accept it everyday. I think that should be one of my goals: Treats only every other day to start.
Please read this letter by Laura Harris
It's very true and may help.
I was in that situation as well, my husband was always baiting me to break my diet and eat junk with him. His favorite thing to do was go out and get some fat nasty fast food at like 11pm and when I told him I didn't want anything he would bring me back a meal and make me feel guilty for not wanting to eat it, so I would cave and eat it.
This time it was more than vanity that made me want to lose weight, even though I didn't have any symptoms or really nothing that put me at high risk for it, I was terrified of getting diabetes! As well as being horrible examples to our kids. I went to my husband and told him all my concerns and told him how I felt when he would sabotage my diets. He didn't even realize that's what he was doing. So he promised he would try not to do that anymore, and I didn't say anything about what he ate. It made him want to change his habits when he saw my will power and determination. It may be that he doesn't even realize what he is doing, but once its put out there he will probably be more aware of what he is eating around you. It may even inspire him to join you :)
Original Post by pjud614489951:
Please read this letter by Laura Harris
It's very true and may help.
Just FYI - I spoke to him about it on Friday evening!
I just asked him not to try to tempt me or complain about there being no chocolate in my flat etc, and he was really good about it! At first he joked around, but he knew exactly what I was talking about and he was really great!
We ate very healthily for the majority of the time (although we did go out for dinner on Saturday AND Sunday and my menu choices weren't so healthy!) and he said he really enjoyed eating my healthy food.
We also spoke about how I'm feeling in my new body as it's changing - I spoke about how I have more energy, and how everything is easier because I feel lighter and leaner... he actually said he was jealous of that!
I said he was welcome to join me if he wanted to, so who knows, over the next few months I may start to see changes in him, but maybe not! I'm just elated that he was so understanding and supportive... I think I knew he would be :)
Thanks again for help - I hope the feedback is helpful for those of you who were struggling?