I just want to give up
I hate being fat. Why is that not enough to make me lose weight. I know how to lose weight. But nobody helps. My doctor doesn't even help.
I can count calories and exercise but by 2 or 3 days I get the craziest urges to just eat everything. Every day I'm like fighting the urge to to eat. Like I just want to eat 24/7 and everyone's like eat, fiber and drink more water. Okay, I do that. It doesn't curb my appetite at all. I still want to eat everything.
The worst part is, the more I eat the more I want to eat. If I starve/severely restrict I want to eat less, but when I try to eat like a normal human being I want to eat everything and end up binging on whatever snacks are in the house.
I don't know what to do anymore.
I'm currently struggling with the same stuff. I am in a horrible cycle of restricting, binging, restricting. I often feel like giving up completely and just staying overweight forever, but we can't.
We just can't.
We are miserable. We have issues that we can't deal with on our own. At least, I do.
I feel like reflecting kind of helps.
WHY do we want to eat so much? What are we trying to distract ourselves from? What feelings are so uncomfortable we can't face them? If you can identify it, exercise it out, or right it out, or cry or do ANYTHING other than eat.
Like I said, I'm struggling with this. I think we often 'know' what to do, but putting it into practice is much harder. Recovery is hard. We didn't get where we are in one day, and we will have to fight every single day for our health, but I firmly believe it will get better. It has to get better. How can it be any worse than this?
Sounds like you are way to hard on yourself. Beating yourself up only heightens the problem and makes you helpless and hopeless. I hate to say this but only you, not your doctor or freinds or anyone for that matter are responsible for your weight loss but you!! You need to take control by empowering rather than victimizing yourself. You do have the power within you to take control. i always empower myself by reading self help books and deliberately looking for inspiration to propel me.,like other peoples success stories. Be kinder to yourself, be patient and itll happen. I wish you much success.
So one thing I heard you say was that you "hate being fat." If I can make a suggestion. YOU are not fat. Fat is fat. You cannot BE fat. Inside of that fat, is you being the person you are. I suggest you think of being you. What would YOU be like if you were not inside of that fat? If you were the person you ARE without the fat, what would that look like? It would look like you as the person who eats what is needed, not the person who binges OR starves/restricts. It would be the person who doesn't have snacks in the house that are not good for you, but instead purchases things like apples and other fruit as a snack. It would be a DIFFERENT person than the one who IS currently in charge of your weight loss. It would be the person who reads about what foods are good for you and learns how to make them and finds enjoyment in doing so, knowing that the choices that YOU are making are good for you. It would be the person not in the mirror, but the one inside of you who is waiting to get out. KNOW that you are that person, not the one in the mirror. Tell that person they are no longer in charge of your life, but instead you have taken charge and know that you can do better than that person ever did. Lastly, keep in mind that the person in the mirror won't like that you have taken over and will want to fight to have control again, but you have taken that control away from that person forever. Please try this mindset on for a while and let it take hold, don't let it give up. Stand up to the person in the mirror and don't let it take control again. Visualize the person inside you instead, standing in front of the mirror and reclaiming it's rightful position in front of it. Here's to your success!
I also noticed something else in your post, that you "want to give up life." Please understand one thing. This is NEVER the answer to a problem. That is what you have, "a problem." All you need is a solution. If you were to take a math problem as an example, say 1 + 1, the answer is never "stop the pain, terminate, or "the end" - there is ACTUALLY a proper solution to this math "problem." The key is only to find the RIGHT solution. It is apparent that you have yet to find the proper solution to your problem, but the fact is, there is a proper solution out there waiting to be found. You already know that it is NOT any of the solutions that you have tried before because the problem is still there waiting to be solved. Don't try those same solutions any longer, try something different. I used to love solving math problems, it gave me such a sense of accomplishment. The same will happen to you when you do finally find the solution to your current problem, and you will experience that same sense of accomplishment. It will feel so much better than if you had given up and didn't succeed, especially when you realize that you in fact were able to accomplish it. I hear your current pain at solving your problem. Wait for the solution and you will be satisfied beyond belief.
I noticed another thing from your profile, that you like acting, music and singing. Next time you look in the mirror and that other person tries to take over again, try developing a song about the person who should be in front of the mirror, about how that person took over your rightful place in front of the mirror. Make it a strong ballad about what you did to defeat the fat that surrounded you as a person and didn't allow you to be who you are. It sounds crazy, but I believe you will find power in it. "Act out" in your mind what the thin you will do when you get there. Let your mind tell you of all the great things that you will be able to do when you are again who you were meant to be. Allow yourself the right to imagine what you will enjoy about life when you get to your position as "you." That is all I will say for now, man I hope something I have said helps.
Original Post by rawrleslie:
& not just give up dieting, but give up life. What's the point if I'm going to be fat forever?
I don't mean to be harsh, but try to stop wallowing in your own misery. There are people out there who are in poor health and no matter what efforts they take, they cannot do anything about it. There are people out there who are paralyzed or with other physical infirmities who would give anything to have your body. Again, I am not trying to be harsh, but I recognize in you the same attitude that I have had in the past and sometimes still have. Such a defeatist attitude will not help you. Take the focus off of yourself for a while. Volunteer for something. That will life your spirits.
Original Post by rawrleslie:
The worst part is, the more I eat the more I want to eat. If I starve/severely restrict I want to eat less, but when I try to eat like a normal human being I want to eat everything and end up binging on whatever snacks are in the house.
You're not alone. I know many people who are this way (me, included, sometimes). Some people have had great success with Intermittant Fasting. There are various ways to do it, but basically, you're confining your meals to a certain eating window. The idea is that you get to eat a substantial amount but your calories are naturally controlled because you get full during that restricted window. Outside of your eating window, you eat nothing or just drink no-calorie beverages. I know that some on here will view this negatively, but I know of many people who are doing IF and have had good success with it. It is just another way of restricting calories.
It really does come down to all the advice no one wants to hear as they want a quick fix. Eat right, keep portions normal, and exercise. But if you do not have the right tools, education, and mind set you fail.
The bottom line is you can achieve anything you set your mind to, but your mind has to be healthy. Please seek help.
I am a therapist and see people change their lives every day. However, it is up to YOU to take the actions and make the choices, stick with it even when it gets hard, and FOLLOW through! As for blaming others, please stop. Your md "not doing anything" means nothing. It is up to you. Stop the pitty party (sorry! Thats what it is and it is the most toxic part of your problem) and start working toward a halethier life! Please don't give up.
And if you need this: 1-800-273-8255 is the suicide prevention hotline.
Thank you for your responses. I was feeling really hopeless when I wrote this. I just feel like being skinny will solve all my problems, or at least make my life better.
Original Post by bpdonz:
I noticed another thing from your profile, that you like acting, music and singing. Next time you look in the mirror and that other person tries to take over again, try developing a song about the person who should be in front of the mirror, about how that person took over your rightful place in front of the mirror. Make it a strong ballad about what you did to defeat the fat that surrounded you as a person and didn't allow you to be who you are. It sounds crazy, but I believe you will find power in it. "Act out" in your mind what the thin you will do when you get there. Let your mind tell you of all the great things that you will be able to do when you are again who you were meant to be. Allow yourself the right to imagine what you will enjoy about life when you get to your position as "you." That is all I will say for now, man I hope something I have said helps.
I always imagine what my life will be like when I'm thin. I don't think think there is ever a day when I don't. it's all I think about. But that doesn't make it come true. In the end, it's just wishing.
ok then, now turn that wishing aspect into visualization. Almost the same thing. Its a technique that Olympic athletes and triathletes use to acheive their goals.Like bpdonz says....visualize that woman in the mirror and believe in her. Shes just waiting to come out.The only thing stopping her is your attitude. Im not an expert by any means and Ive never had an eating disorder so I cant honestly say that I know what your going through. Try and seek some proffesional help as they will have a program to help you take back the control you need and the mental tools to help you help yourself.
What people don't realize is that when your losing weight you don't need to eat LESS, you just need to eat the right stuff, I eat more when im dieting due to me not drinking coke, pepsi, etc, which gives me more room for more food.
Right now go in your house and throw away any of the chocolate crisps bars, pop, buy diet pop (not healthy but if you want weight loss you need to start somewhere)
Replace them with healthyier bars, some fruit
Buy some small meals have your three meals as standard but instead of snacking have a small microwave meal with a glass of water, every bite take a gulp of water this way you feel more full.
Have more sleep, if your sleeping your not eating.
P.s Do an hour of exersize how to motivate yourself to do this? with food if your urge to eat food is so intense then use that to aid your targets, do an hour walking then have a healthish meal.
Its all about spacing out your day, finding foods which keep you full for longest, and self control, when I pig out and order a pizza I realise in my head thats nearly 3 hours worth of exercise and normally this puts me of ordering it, while when i'm doing exercise im doing the opposit im thinking what I want to eat knowing full well ive already burned it of.
Buy a reclined cycle bike, sit at home with your laptop next to you or tv and just peddle away, do a few jumping jacks randomly, walk up or downstairs an extra once, drink more water, eat more meat, make sure you feel good when you have a good day, this push's you onto having another good day, dont think about how close you come to stuffing yourself think about how you didnt. Days connect faster than you think.
Have you ever had your blood sugar levels checked? I used to struggle with terrible cravings and felt like I could never control myself around food, especially sweets. Once I ate a little bit of something, it was like I HAD to have more until I had eaten WAY too much. Then I would try to eat very little for awhile to balance it out. It was very destructive and unhealthy. I eventually found out that I have PCOS, which is connected with insulin resistance and blood sugar swings. Once I learned how to eat to control my blood sugar levels, my cravings were gone. It was such a relief to learn that it wasn't just a 'willpower' thing--there was something physical actually going on in my body. I would highly recommend asking your doctor about it and reading up about PCOS and insulin resistance to see if you have some of the symptoms.
Original Post by blast204:
What people don't realize is that when your losing weight you don't need to eat LESS, you just need to eat the right stuff, I eat more when im dieting due to me not drinking coke, pepsi, etc, which gives me more room for more food.
Right now go in your house and throw away any of the chocolate crisps bars, pop, buy diet pop (not healthy but if you want weight loss you need to start somewhere)
Replace them with healthyier bars, some fruit
Buy some small meals have your three meals as standard but instead of snacking have a small microwave meal with a glass of water, every bite take a gulp of water this way you feel more full.
Have more sleep, if your sleeping your not eating.
P.s Do an hour of exersize how to motivate yourself to do this? with food if your urge to eat food is so intense then use that to aid your targets, do an hour walking then have a healthish meal.
Its all about spacing out your day, finding foods which keep you full for longest, and self control, when I pig out and order a pizza I realise in my head thats nearly 3 hours worth of exercise and normally this puts me of ordering it, while when i'm doing exercise im doing the opposit im thinking what I want to eat knowing full well ive already burned it of.
Buy a reclined cycle bike, sit at home with your laptop next to you or tv and just peddle away, do a few jumping jacks randomly, walk up or downstairs an extra once, drink more water, eat more meat, make sure you feel good when you have a good day, this push's you onto having another good day, dont think about how close you come to stuffing yourself think about how you didnt. Days connect faster than you think.
I'm a broke teenage college student, and I'm currently home w/ my family. I can't throw my mom's food out. I don't have a problem motivating myself to exercise. I would like a cycle bike though, I have a treadmill already but it's kind of boring. Also I only drink water, I haven't drunk something other than water in almost 2 months.
I don't have the symptoms of PCOS
And it's not like I binge on sweets. It'll be anything. Nuts, bread... we don't have sweets in my house.
Just so you know, the first 2-3 days are the HARDEST, and most horrible ones. The whole first week is bad, but the first couple days are the absolute WORST.
Then, it gets better. By the end of the first week, it's easier. By the end of the second, even easier. I promise you.
But the first couple of days are HORRIBLE, and I think a big part of why I have (many times) cracked during those days is, there is a part of me that thinks "if I am having such a bad time, maybe I am SUPPOSED to have a snack?" (BTW, there is no junk in my house either, but I am also inclined to eat "everything.")
So. Use the tools on this site (or others) to figure out what your intake should be. Plan your meals for a week (or at least 5 week days). And stick to the plan. Resign yourself that the first few days are going to be hideous. Plan some activities for yourself to distract you from food, prepare some carrot or celery sticks if you REALLY need to munch (although you should learn not to munch if you aren't really hungry), but, above all, mentally prepare yourself for the fact that it WILL SUCK. Don't worry. It's supposed to suck. You're supposed to feel restless, and deprived, and possibly even have hunger pangs. Eat your allotted calories (no less! so you have no mental excuse for being hungry), drink tons of water, and if you start just LOSING your mind, slowly sip a diet soda. Or have some gum. But try really hard not to. Your desire to snack, to chew, to taste something nice - that's your habits sabotaging your intent. The idea during the first week is not so much to lose weight, it's to begin reforming your habits.
Do NOT deprive yourself. That's why you want a healthy plan that has plenty of calories and nutrients to sustain you. It can even have treats! But, personally, I have found that, for that horrible first week, the best thing to do is to try to stay away from treats completely. You are training your MIND that you don't need to follow your whims and cravings.
Good luck. It does suck. I know, it does. But it's SUPPOSED TO. Think of it as detox. It honestly gets easier quicker than you think. (But it won't feel quick that first week.)
Original Post by MmeFalco:
Just so you know, the first 2-3 days are the HARDEST, and most horrible ones. The whole first week is bad, but the first couple days are the absolute WORST.
Then, it gets better. By the end of the first week, it's easier. By the end of the second, even easier. I promise you.
But the first couple of days are HORRIBLE, and I think a big part of why I have (many times) cracked during those days is, there is a part of me that thinks "if I am having such a bad time, maybe I am SUPPOSED to have a snack?" (BTW, there is no junk in my house either, but I am also inclined to eat "everything.")
So. Use the tools on this site (or others) to figure out what your intake should be. Plan your meals for a week (or at least 5 week days). And stick to the plan. Resign yourself that the first few days are going to be hideous. Plan some activities for yourself to distract you from food, prepare some carrot or celery sticks if you REALLY need to munch (although you should learn not to munch if you aren't really hungry), but, above all, mentally prepare yourself for the fact that it WILL SUCK. Don't worry. It's supposed to suck. You're supposed to feel restless, and deprived, and possibly even have hunger pangs. Eat your allotted calories (no less! so you have no mental excuse for being hungry), drink tons of water, and if you start just LOSING your mind, slowly sip a diet soda. Or have some gum. But try really hard not to. Your desire to snack, to chew, to taste something nice - that's your habits sabotaging your intent. The idea during the first week is not so much to lose weight, it's to begin reforming your habits.
Do NOT deprive yourself. That's why you want a healthy plan that has plenty of calories and nutrients to sustain you. It can even have treats! But, personally, I have found that, for that horrible first week, the best thing to do is to try to stay away from treats completely. You are training your MIND that you don't need to follow your whims and cravings.
Good luck. It does suck. I know, it does. But it's SUPPOSED TO. Think of it as detox. It honestly gets easier quicker than you think. (But it won't feel quick that first week.)
Thank you.
I just expect it to be as easy as the first time. When I just woke up one day and had this intense like high feeling of motivation, were I just had the urge to eat healthy and exercise and I dropped 70 pounds. But the next 80 (that I want to lose) is so **** hard, and I've never been that motivated since.
I know it's supposed to hard, and that it's going to be hard. I just can't seem to keep to it. I keep failing over and over and over and over again. It's a stupid cycle and it makes me believe that I will never have the body I want. Because I'm such a weak human being I can't even manage to eat less with out going crazy and binging every two to three days and not even getting right back on the bandwagon.
I think if I actually had something to do it'd be easier. I have nothing to do. It's summer. I'm looking for a job but no one wants to hire me, so I'm in my house 24/7. So I'm able to just go get food, and I always eat more when I'm bored.
I think if I actually had something to do it'd be easier. I have nothing to do. It's summer. I'm looking for a job but no one wants to hire me, so I'm in my house 24/7. So I'm able to just go get food, and I always eat more when I'm bored.
I understand exactly what you mean. I'm the same way. And I can totally relate to the "no one wants to hire me" thing. I don't know what your transportation situation is, but maybe you could try getting super dolled up and checking out your home city's main street. Turn your job search into your exercise. Park somewhere and walk to all of the local businesses, and have the confidence of looking your best to motivate you and inspire them to hire you.
I have a desk job now but I'm losing it at the end of June. It royally sucks but I'm hoping to find work that's a little more active, such as waitressing. I'm sure being on my feet all day would help with the weight loss. And anyways, no one is going to come to me with a job offer. If I want it, I have to power through the rejections until someone gives me a "yes".
It sounds like you need a goal - something you just REALLY want. And don't say "I want to be skinny." Make a goal that you can obtain within a month or so, and use the pride of your success to rocket you through your weight loss. Maybe you want to learn how to paint. Maybe you want to write a bestseller. Maybe you want to double dutch jump rope. I have no idea. But at the very least, it's another hobby to eat up all of the spare time you currently have.
Also, I know it sounds corny, but whenever I'm really bored with too much time off I try to get involved with a community project or charity. It helps put things in perspective for me and gives me a lot of confidence in myself when I'm able to do something good for someone else. It sounds like you're too hard on yourself. We all have days where we feel worthless, like we have absolutely nothing to be proud of. We, as humans, are entitled to mopey days. The world is friggin' depressing! Just don't let them consume your whole life.
If you are truly unhappy with your life, change it. To me, the knowledge that I am my own master is the greatest respite of all.
We are all hard on ourselves. I still am.
By the way, I ended up working as a professional dancer for 10 years and am now a singer in a band, living the live I thought I had no chance at. From the age of 17 to 21 I made the change to being healthy. I now weigh 53 kilos at 32 but fluctuate.
I know At my biggest size was not too big at all but I just wanted to tell you how I made my change mentally so if it helps you in any way at all, you might feel a bit inspired. I never thought in a million years I would where I am but I did ....
Darlin', (if I may call you that :) words cannot adequately describe how completely I am feeling everything you say. BTW, I was also living with my parents the first time I lost a lot of weight. And I completely understand how hard it is - you aren't in control of the fridge and pantry. It's awful.
But you are in control of you. Start with that. (I know you think you're not. But you are. When you choose to eat, you are CHOOSING to do it. Which is fine! But remember, no matter what you do - even if you do nothing - you are ALWAYS making choices. You are always behind the wheel.)
I would guess that there are some psychological issues that are preventing you from trying your hardest to lose weight. I know it sounds crazy, and I would NEVER have believed it if someone had told it to me, but when you begin losing weight, you undergo a lot of psychological shifting, and it can actually be uncomfortable and hard to adjust to. But beyond all of that . . . you need to stop telling yourself that you are a weak human being and will "never" have the body you want. Seriously. That does no good. And it isn't true. You lost weight once. You're here now. You're facing facts. You want to change. That's not weak. As for "never," none of us are psychics.
Try this for now. Don't alter your eating, just be mindful about it. Next time you go to get a snack, ask yourself, "why am I going to eat? Am I bored? Am I sad?" And go ahead and eat it. But as you eat, ask yourself, "am I honestly less bored or less sad now?" You're going to forget to do this a bunch of times at first, but that's fine - just try to remember next time.
The idea is not even to reduce your calories, it's to train your MIND to think differently about food. I know - I've been "motivated" too, and it was so easy, so wonderful. But at some point, it stops being easy, and you have to figure out what exactly is making it hard, and then figure out a way around the obstacles. I know, it sounds so silly - but, I think I am like you, in that my mind often plays tricks on me. So I have to create new pathways for my thoughts to follow. I promise - after you've been practicing this for a while, when you are bored, your brain will tell you "I'm bored!" instead of "Feed me."
And it is a REALLY good feeling when you regain control of your impulses. And you should feel free to celebrate yourself for the tiniest victories. I used to do a secret mental victory lap every single time (!) I didn't eat a cookie. Seriously, every time. Because only people like you and I (and others here) know how freaking hard it is . . . every time.
Find something to do outside the house. Seriously. Find a nice park you can walk in with an iPod, or even just read a book on a bench. Explore your town. Find a coffee shop where you can surf the web or something. (And when you go to the coffee shop, bring no more than a couple of bucks, so you don't go for the scones :) Take a class at a community center. Reconnect with friends. Look up touristy suggestions for activities in your city and do them. Take up phone-cam photography. Seriously. GET OUT :) (my mother's house is STILL a danger zone every time I visit)
You're here. You're already doing it. You're not weak. You haven't failed. You're just in the middle of a hard part on the journey.
