Weight loss after an ED ( vanity pounds)
I am 131 ish lbs, and only 166 cm.
This is the heaviest I have been in my life, basically.
I want to lose to about 125 ish- which is a BMI of 20. something.
Question: I had an eating disorder in the past, a mild one - I know it that being heavier prevents against re- lapse.
The thing is: I feel that I am fairly safe from a relapse - I am the heaviest I have been, yet I am very happy, with a boyfrriend who makes me feel that the way I act determines how attractive I am, more so than merely looks.....
I am WAY mroe focused on getting my life back; getting a job, friends, saving and travelling with my boyfriend, and working on my personality. Being very thin is not something I aspire to . AT all.
I have b een at a heavy enough weight, for a long enough perido of time, for me to have lost all ED urges and compulsions ( to be thinner than is healthy for my body type).
HOnestly - I just want to be a slim yet healthy version of myself. For me, I have discovered that this is about 56 -57 kilos. I am slim, yet have plenty of weight to protect agains illness - as in, it is SLIM for my bodfy typoe, but I have extra weight, so I could lose 5 kilos due to illness, and still be a healthy e nough weight to support my body.
My current weight is the result of; inactivity, over eating, overeating CHEESE ( weakness). Visually, and from my personal preference, 55 - 58 kilos is the healthiest looking weight for me.
Even at 118 lbs ( about 54 kilos), every one complimehts me, and says thast I look very fit and healthy - not too thin. HOwever, I do not want to be that thin, due to my history with an ED.
I have had no desire to relapse or starve for ages. I do not feel I have an ED mentality in the slightest. I honestly feel it is safe for me to lose some vanity pounds.
IT is not only about losing weight - I enjoy the notion of being a gym junkie - working out 5 days a week, and having a toned and healthy, active looking body. Having that body type through hard work at the gym, is the way of life that appeals to me.
I love looking slim ( my bodies version, not too thinb for what is healthyf or ME of course).................I love going out clubbing and partying, but only when I look fit. I do not like to opver eat, nto ex ercise, and then wear good clothes.
QUESTION TO ALL: because of my history, I want to know how to look out for my " healthy" yet slim weight, that is NOT too thin for me.
I felt fine and slept well at 54 - 55 kilos even - I look healthy, and I do not LOOK too thin, at that weight, either ( it is about 120 lbs....) HOWEVER: just to be careful, I will aim for 56 kilos. AS I said - it is about being at the gym daily and having a good looking body - that mjay be 58 kilos or 57. I may attain that look at ah iogher weight than I envisioned.
ANY advice on losing a few vanity pounds, when u had an ED in the past, and want to not go to far?
I honestly do not feel that I will keep losing too much weight - to be honest, I will be SO THRILLED just to be 57 kilos again - I took it for granted when I was that slim, always thinking I should be better.
Where as NOW: I have over eaten and let myself go ( too much cheese and food, no gym), and NOW I see that women would KILL for a slim, 57 kilo figure....... &n bsp;
This time around, I will be so happy with being a slim version of my body type, that I will flaunt my body and be soooooooooo happy with it, Ido not feel I will take being slim for granted again! I will buy nice tight clothes and show it off to my boyfriend for a change.
I will be thrilled with just losing 2 lbs and being 57 kilos; I have NO desire to be super slim, at 54 kilos again. NO urge. I just want to be a slim ,m yet healthy version of my body type, which is 56 ish kilos.
PLEASEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE come and share your stories, on losing weight after an ED - vanity pounds, once u were weight restored, and simply wanted to be your hottest weight ( hot in ahealthy and fit way, not a thin way).
I am not aiming to be the thinnest girl in the room - just a slim and good looking version of my own body.
I do not count calories. I eat more than all the girls I know, however. I tend to be a big eater. I would estimate I would eat 2000 or sligthly more, when nto active, to maintain.
Should I count calories for a week to see if I can maintain on large enough amounts?
HERB - I feel safeguarded, because 57 kilos or 58 kilos, is still a veryhealthy weight for me, and therefore mentally, why would my mind shift, while still a healthy weight?
I found that I could be as low as 55 or 54 kilos, and mentally feel repaired' I found that when I lost beyond 54 kilos, that is when I became ill again, metnally ( as physically I was still not emaciated or ill looking, as I tend to be curvy at low weights still).
Of course, I do not want to aim that low again:) 57 kilos is more than enough for me. Again - I am WRITING here, and therefore, if I continue to lose and lose, u will then see evidence of relapse.
I have nto relapsed ofr about a year. I was never severely under throw weight, it was only mental for me. I had to maintain that weight and felt big if I went over, and weighed several times a day.
I was satisfied at my low weight, I knew I was very thin. I just let it define me, above having a life, job, friends.. and elt the scales and meals dictate my mood.
That was the nature of my ED. I never got to the emaciated stage in my 20's. I was anorexic once, for about s 6 month period at the most I think, when I was about 18. One day I became so horrified that I had the huge urge to just eat and eat myself heallthy:)
Since then, I never got emaciated or anorexic, but I did let being very slim define me, and had no mental capacity to have a normal life, seeing as even being a tiny bit too thin for your body type, can give you an ED, and hinder you progressing in life.
The Lady doth protest too much, methinks. You are so insistent that this is safe, this time is different. Who are you trying to convince? I don't know you, my opinion should matter not at all to you. I don't think you're trying to convince me, or others on this list. I think your ED is trying to make a comeback.
When we are ill, we are miserable. When we get better, we don't remember how bad it was. This is the nature of pain and discomfort: we forget the pain we felt.
Can you remember how bad it was during your ED? If not, why not ask people who know you, who've suffered with you? Ask them if you were withdrawn, lethargic, depressed and generally difficult to be around.
Then ask them if they would like you to risk this, to see you 3lbs lighter. The ED was trying to define you by how thin you could get. I don't think much has changed.
I do not think I will get into the ED mind set 3 lbs lighter, cos it is still a high enogh weight for me, to still be healthy at.
If it was a too slim weight for my body, then of course the ED mentality would return - as will alway shappen to girls like me, who are predisosed to an ED as soon as we lose beyond our comfortable weight range.
Lastly - I do not define myself by my weight - I simply enjoy being slim, and working out. I LOVE spending a mere 1 hour most days working out, so the remaining 17 hours I am awake are more pleasant.
Well, since you are already slim, those 3lbs should be of no importance to you. You can *love* the exercise you do, eat the proper amount to fuel it, and be better at it. You can feel proud of growing stronger every week. You do not have to lose any weight whatsoever, and can enjoy eating more.
Look, I too am thinking about looking better, but I've decided that, since I'm healthy, it is much better to have fitness goals than weight goals. If I had your issue with EDs, I would be even more careful.
I can't imagine any doctor or psychologist who specializes in EDs would tell you what you want to hear. Mine have always said I shouldn't be weighing myself at all and shouldn't have weight-based goals. (I agree with Linden that a goal of being more fit or eating more healthy foods would be more wise). I don't think it is being 3 lbs too light that may cause you to return to your disorder. I think it is the fact that you care at all what you weigh and care enough about 3 lbs to repeatedly insist that it is okay for you to lose it that suggests that you are already on your way back there. I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, but when I read your argument of why it is okay for you to do this, I hear the voice of an ED not of a recovered person who has let go of the weight obsession.
Its simple really, just stop the habits that got you up to the weight you are now and if your body is meant to lose, it will. Get active again, cut down on the cheese and eat intuitively. If that doesn't work, it just wasn't meant to be.
You need to get your head sorted, you are exactly like and alcoholic rationalising that if you just one drink will be ok, it won't change anything. If you lose just a 2nd you'll be okay, it won't affect your recover.
That fact you can't see this shows how sucked in you allready are. And it sounds like this isn't a first.
I'm sorry that you can't accept the way you look, 60kg on a girl of your height looks fantastic. It's pretty much perfect.
If your really worried about your health, do some good exercise, and eat healthy. If you eat bad food all the time you will gain weight.
Original Post by linden:
The Lady doth protest too much, methinks. You are so insistent that this is safe, this time is different. Who are you trying to convince? I don't know you, my opinion should matter not at all to you. I don't think you're trying to convince me, or others on this list. I think your ED is trying to make a comeback.
When we are ill, we are miserable. When we get better, we don't remember how bad it was. This is the nature of pain and discomfort: we forget the pain we felt.
Can you remember how bad it was during your ED? If not, why not ask people who know you, who've suffered with you? Ask them if you were withdrawn, lethargic, depressed and generally difficult to be around.
Then ask them if they would like you to risk this, to see you 3lbs lighter. The ED was trying to define you by how thin you could get. I don't think much has changed.
Precisely what I was thinking.
I originally was going to comment that I was coming from a similar place but after reading the whole thing, I don't think that we are anymore. I used to have an ED too, and am currently losing weight. From my perspective:
It has been over 4 years since I've had any real serious problems with starving myself. It's been 2-3 years since I last self injured. The notion of vanity is pretty damn common in western society. The psychological reasons for my ED stemmed from sexual assault and self-loathing. I've healed from these things and have become more psychologically stable. Having disordered eating is so intensely private. You have to hide everything. Even when you do eat you have to hide it because your diet becomes so abnormal. You feel trapped in your own diet. I'm public about my desires to lose weight with friends and family. I'm also public about my goals, and also my eating habits. With the psychological trauma, the root of the problem truly healed as much as it can possibly heal; and with the ability to love my body for what it is, something beautiful that should be nurtured, something amazing that lets me do awesome things like climb on stuff or learn to play the guitar, or have amazing sex; having been sick I feel like I can "diet" healthier now than most people. I still have the obsessive energy/love for numbers as before, but now the calorie count is focused on being around 1400 (what CC recommended), not under 300. My natural cravings often don't afford me enough vitamin C so I watch that. I'm trying to keep my cholesterol intake low because my dad has high cholesterol. However, I will *never* turn down a good creme brulee.
Perhaps I was hoping you'd sound a little more like that. I agree that it sounds like you're trying to convince yourself that your ED is no longer relevant. If that were true you wouldn't be focusing on it, worrying about it, trying to convince the world and also yourself that what you're doing is fine. There is one part on here at least where you've been shown as not being honest (your lowest weight). Why lie? That doesn't speak to me as someone who is healthy. You also go back and forth between describing your ED as mild and as being more severe.
You also talk an awful lot about your boyfriend's opinion of your body, and I worry that your newfound "self esteem" about weight is too heavily based on his opinion of you.
Als the fact that you need to have your scale locked away from you is not a good sign that you're mentally able to handle dieting. I have my own, for about a year. I can weigh myself whenever I want, however I want. Sometimes I weigh myself every day, but never more than once a day. Often once a week, or less.
Meditate. Don't think about weight loss right now. If it doesn't have any power over you, waiting a little bit to lose weight shouldn't be a big deal, right? You're still focusing on a specific number being the answer, being a solution. Also, it doesn't sound like that's a real final weight, based on how you keep mentioning that you could totally be a few pounds lighter and still look completely healthy. In my head I picture you getting to 125, then saying well 120 also looks totally healthy and getting down to that, then saying well people still thought I looked good at 117 and getting down to that, then whoops I didn't even realize I was still losing weight and suddenly you're 112, and soforth.
You wanted advice from somebody who's been there? That's my advice.
I stopped over eating, did 30 mins of walkign daily, and am back to 58 kilos....... Without trying to " lose" weight. I just stopped over eating as much.
I wanted to get below 60 kilos, because it looks better. JJUst vanity..... not for some perverse, ED related reason......
How is wanting to look better a sign of having an ED? Vanity, it is..... I like how my body looks at about 58 kilos. I have been lower and higher than this weight - and I find I look the best at about 58 ish kilos.
I am totally happy now, at 58 kilos. I have no desire to lose. I just want to improve my fitness and tone up.
I wish u could understand, that I simply look better at 58 kilos - and that is why I wanted to get back to about that weight? It really is that simple.................
I really do not want to get any lower than this weight, as having extra weight on me makes me feel better - it just makes me feel more secure and protected againstr the horrors of my past.
As I mentioned previously - physically, my body looks just fine from about 54 kilos onwards.............. that is how low I can get, while still being very curvy. When I get any lower, I still LOOK " hot", body wise; unfortunately, when I lose any weight from about ther 54 - 53 kilos mark, THAT is whhen I want to keep on losing.
I am listening - I Just cannot fathom WHY, wanting to lose like, a mere 2 kilos for vanity, screams of my ED returning?
I over ate. I stopped working out at all. I want to just get back into good shape again - which means naturally losing the weight I become when I sit around, emotionally over eating every day......
I do not want my weight to define me; I do not want to use my weight as a means of feeling " high:" or " good about myself; I want to change who I am as a person. I want people to LIKE me, for my personality.....
I mean, sheesh - just cos I had an ED, it does not mean wantingt o lose a vanity pound or two, because I feel I would look slightly better, signals that I am stuck in my ED
If I ate normally, worjked out 5 days a week in the routine that suits me best, and STAYED at 60 kilos - GREAT:) so be it....... it just so happens that I only reach 60 kilos or over, when I over eat, when I never eat due to hunger and never let myself get hungry, and when I do no exercise......
I am 58 kilos now - I have no desire to lose more weight...... so..... yeah. What's more - I do not feel any different - I still have massive personality flaws, which have all but destroyed my relationship with my boyfriend, the only guy I have ever loved in 25 years......
My relationship deteriorated, due to my ED causing social isolatio, anmd in turn, poor social skills. We cannot have fun when we go out to concerts, because I cannot dance well and mingle with his friends well all of the time.
I am learning to literally handle myself around people after eyars of having an ED and being isolated - THAT HAS NOT changed, and that is my focus right now - I need to change who I am, to an extent, for me to truly be happy in life.
Original Post by personaltrainer87:
As I mentioned previously - physically, my body looks just fine from about 54 kilos onwards.............. that is how low I can get, while still being very curvy. When I get any lower, I still LOOK " hot", body wise; unfortunately, when I lose any weight from about ther 54 - 53 kilos mark, THAT is whhen I want to keep on losing.
So you want to park your body-weight within one 'flu or stomach bug away from that weight. Are you really protected against the "horrors of your past" (bit harsh for a "minor" ED, but your words, not mine)?
Also, your self-awareness is impressive: you've calibrated to the last kilo, have you, the point at which your ED manifests itself? You must not be like me, or most people I know: feeling low some days, just enough to make you feel miserable, however your life is going, whatever you look like.
Original Post by personaltrainer87:
I am learning to literally handle myself around people after eyars of having an ED and being isolated - THAT HAS NOT changed, and that is my focus right now - I need to change who I am, to an extent, for me to truly be happy in life.
Your focus seems to be on being 58kg. It won't do anything to improve your relationships or make you happy. What if, in a week, 56kg seems like the new 58?
It is not the fact that you had an ED, and you now want to lose a few pounds that is the problem. Your responses are long, long justifications as to why it is right to spiral down that plughole again. It is the stuff you are saying that worries me.
Why are you actually writing these posts? For us to say, "Hey, sure PT, we misjudged you. We're sure you'll be fine if you lost a couple of kilos. Bet your boyfriend would be happy, because relationships miraculously get better with current weight minus 2kg"?
Change something else to be happy. Something unrelated to how you look.
I think your issues lie much deeper than fat or muscle.
You haven't even been recovered for a year... you REALLY think you have control of the situation?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't your body begin to naturally lose weight once you maintain a higher BMI and eat intuitively? I think that's one of Hedgren's theories, that your body's set point will always be reached (whether it's weight that's lost after the initial recovery period or extra weight needed).
LOL. Some of u are hilerious................. really? I hacve to have some hidden agenda, for wanting to lose a few pounds?
And yes, I have naturally lost 2 lbs just through not over eating, and not eating out of boredom, lonliness, procrastination, just to name a few reasons why I over eat.......
I have not been back at the gym as yet, I just walk on my cross trainer for an hour when I can, and do ab work a few nights a week at home, if that.
I also agree with the theory, that if you eat when hungry, and work out to improve your body shape, you will just be at a happy weight.
I find the late 50's ( kilos) range allows me to eat a LOT, not work out like a maniac, and maintain it...
it is when I get more into fitness, and do propper tonig work with weights twice a week, and run 40 mins 3 days a week, that I lose to about 56 = 57 kilops without trying .
And I did not have a set WEIGHT I needed to be - I said AROUND 57 = 58 kilos. whatever, I do not care what number it is really, I am 59 now, as I am eating a lot still and not gyming.......
ANy ways, u people are overly cautious..... I am BMI 21 now, I am a healthy weight ( for my body any way), and mentally, this allows me to NOT want to be unhealthy again.
AT the very least, 57 kilos is the slimmest I would hope for... I just do not want to be below that again, cos it would mean having to work out and eat strictly, where as I would rather be a BIG eater, and work out moderately, not strictly.
If you aren't 100% sure it's safe and will not cause a relapse, you shouldn't do it.
And if you are sure it's safe and healthy, why are you asking for our permission? It's not your losing weight that necesarily concerns me, it's the fact that you need to justify it so much, to all of us and especially to yourself.
DOLL EYES - I was never as ill as someone like u ( I have rea dyour posts)... I wwas never severly underweight, I have just been very slightly too slim for what is healthy for me. Still enough to metnally offset me, but not enough for a full blown eating disorder.
I am honestly happy where i am, about 59 kilos. For vanities sake, I look better at about 57 ish kilos, or thereabouts, but I assume I will lose that weight naturally when I go to the gym 4 days a week, and stop emotionally overeating, and stop having two or 3 helpings.
I tend to eat past when full, and rarely out of true hunger.
For me, it is a matter of being satisfied where I am, but wanting to just lose a pound or two for vanities sake. It wont make me happier pesonally, but it will make me more confident, to have the body of my dreams.
I guess I should have made my post about this : I am about to undergo a gym routine, and also I aim to stop emotionally overeating.... & nbsp; I always lose weight naturally when I do this, BUT........ I had an ED in the past, so what are some ways in which I can safeguard a relapse?
Luckily for me, I never had a serious disorder, and am also at a healthy weight now. Therefore, I mentally can think c back clearly, as to WHAT WEIGHT i DID start to relapse again.
I know the weight I get, from which if I lose anymore weight from, I get disordered again. I am far from that weight. even 56 kilos would be far from that weight. And I am aiming for no less than 57 kilos.
JENNY - what " help" are u infering to? wanting to lose a couple of vanity pounds, because I think it LOOKS better? Losing weight or getting proceadures done are VAIN - doing things to make yourself look physically better looking ( in your eyes).
I do not see how feeling better about going to the gym, stopping over eating, and losing a couple of pounds in the process, is screaming " help".
..... NOthing I think sounds disordered to me.... I know I am at a healthy weight, but would like to lose a tiny but of weight, as it seams I am only this weight when I over eat, and do not do much exercise THEREFORE I feel unhealthy, and do not look in my best shape.
..I have no desire to be an unhealthy weight.... like..... wtf is your problem? PEOPEL here are WAY overly cautious.
....Let me lose weight naturally and stay there.. only when I want to keeo on losing and losing, should u get worried...
