I am 131 ish lbs, and only 166 cm.
This is the heaviest I have been in my life, basically.
I want to lose to about 125 ish- which is a BMI of 20. something.
Question: I had an eating disorder in the past, a mild one - I know it that being heavier prevents against re- lapse.
The thing is: I feel that I am fairly safe from a relapse - I am the heaviest I have been, yet I am very happy, with a boyfrriend who makes me feel that the way I act determines how attractive I am, more so than merely looks.....
I am WAY mroe focused on getting my life back; getting a job, friends, saving and travelling with my boyfriend, and working on my personality. Being very thin is not something I aspire to . AT all.
I have b een at a heavy enough weight, for a long enough perido of time, for me to have lost all ED urges and compulsions ( to be thinner than is healthy for my body type).
HOnestly - I just want to be a slim yet healthy version of myself. For me, I have discovered that this is about 56 -57 kilos. I am slim, yet have plenty of weight to protect agains illness - as in, it is SLIM for my bodfy typoe, but I have extra weight, so I could lose 5 kilos due to illness, and still be a healthy e nough weight to support my body.
My current weight is the result of; inactivity, over eating, overeating CHEESE ( weakness). Visually, and from my personal preference, 55 - 58 kilos is the healthiest looking weight for me.
Even at 118 lbs ( about 54 kilos), every one complimehts me, and says thast I look very fit and healthy - not too thin. HOwever, I do not want to be that thin, due to my history with an ED.
I have had no desire to relapse or starve for ages. I do not feel I have an ED mentality in the slightest. I honestly feel it is safe for me to lose some vanity pounds.
IT is not only about losing weight - I enjoy the notion of being a gym junkie - working out 5 days a week, and having a toned and healthy, active looking body. Having that body type through hard work at the gym, is the way of life that appeals to me.
I love looking slim ( my bodies version, not too thinb for what is healthyf or ME of course).................I love going out clubbing and partying, but only when I look fit. I do not like to opver eat, nto ex ercise, and then wear good clothes.
QUESTION TO ALL: because of my history, I want to know how to look out for my " healthy" yet slim weight, that is NOT too thin for me.
I felt fine and slept well at 54 - 55 kilos even - I look healthy, and I do not LOOK too thin, at that weight, either ( it is about 120 lbs....) HOWEVER: just to be careful, I will aim for 56 kilos. AS I said - it is about being at the gym daily and having a good looking body - that mjay be 58 kilos or 57. I may attain that look at ah iogher weight than I envisioned.
ANY advice on losing a few vanity pounds, when u had an ED in the past, and want to not go to far?
I honestly do not feel that I will keep losing too much weight - to be honest, I will be SO THRILLED just to be 57 kilos again - I took it for granted when I was that slim, always thinking I should be better.
Where as NOW: I have over eaten and let myself go ( too much cheese and food, no gym), and NOW I see that women would KILL for a slim, 57 kilo figure....... &n bsp;
This time around, I will be so happy with being a slim version of my body type, that I will flaunt my body and be soooooooooo happy with it, Ido not feel I will take being slim for granted again! I will buy nice tight clothes and show it off to my boyfriend for a change.
I will be thrilled with just losing 2 lbs and being 57 kilos; I have NO desire to be super slim, at 54 kilos again. NO urge. I just want to be a slim ,m yet healthy version of my body type, which is 56 ish kilos.
PLEASEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE come and share your stories, on losing weight after an ED - vanity pounds, once u were weight restored, and simply wanted to be your hottest weight ( hot in ahealthy and fit way, not a thin way).
I am not aiming to be the thinnest girl in the room - just a slim and good looking version of my own body.
I wanted to be nice to you, personaltrainer87. I thought you had at least deserved a chance to have your own story heard.
Then you attacked doll_eyes by saying you will 'never be as ill as her'. I'm sorry, but whether or not that makes her own ED feel good, it's rude to say that. Stop comparing yourself in that manner and apologise to her.
You are becoming aggressive in your words; I can sense that. Your posts seem very heavily ED-inflicted. I can relate on the level that you need validation from others, particularly other ED recoverers, but at this stage you are becoming defensive to the point at which it is very suspicious.
If you felt you could lose weight healthily, with no ED-influence, then you would not need to keep on justifying your actions in this way. Go on your own merry way all you like, but it's evident that this could very well be the beginning of a relapse.
Stay safe and don't let your ED win. Wait a week or more, let this pass.
I never set out to OFFEND any one... I meant that I WAS not as ill as many people on here! that is NOT an insult ot personal attack!@
I have no ill will for anyone here.... I Just do not see how being 59 kilos, and wanting to lose to about 57, is " relapse worthy, as they r both very healthy weights.
um, what is unhealthy about going to the gym, and getting into an optinal fitness routine ( not e xcessive)?
I am not going to restrict to the point where I feel hungry, or over execise more than I know is healthy..............
... so how is that related to a relapse? I do not want to lose for ED related reasons, just for vanity.... I won't fdo it through restriction, I am assuming, that once I start working out normally again, like normal ppl, nothing excessive.. that I will just naturally lose a pound or two.
Where I go the vanity pounds from, is: when I do work out 4 = 5 days a week, and do not constantly eat for emotional reasons ( I wind up stuffed and over full most days), I always end up at about 55 -58 kilos.............. it is where I feel I am look and also feel the best?
but yes - I will commence my fitness routine, and I will make sure I have wno hunger that I leave unresolved, lol.......... if I am hungry, I will eat, and not make it so I feel I am losing.
I do not need to lose, but I do want to be at my fittest and best looking again. I have never once relapsed since being over 55 kilos....
All right then, okay. Take your bad grammar and go. We are not telling you what to do. We just care for you, and if you relapsed we would feel responsible if we did not tell you losing weight post-ED can be dangerous.
Keep yourself happy, not ED.
I tent to type very fast and do not care much for sounding gramatically correct all the time
Taking a stab at my bad grammer is petty............. shame on u lol.
And, I eat above 2000 cals and more when active. I eat more than other girls. I stopped counting long ago, maybe I should to check i am eating wellover 2000?
I am not tall, by the way - 166 cm, is a mere 4 cm above average...... 59 kilos, my current weight, is very healthy... which is why I do not think I am in real danger of losing 1 or 2 kilos ( as I would still bea healthy weight for me).
I wanted to hear similar stories, I do not need people telling me I should not be this weight, to begin with.. I know my body, u don't.
Is there anyone who has been BMI 21.4 ( I am that now), ferlt fine, felt no desire to lose too much weight, and was able to go from: eating out of emotion rather than hunger and NO exercise ------- to eating mostly when hungry and once or twice a day for the taste ( junk food lol), and working out ?
I want stories on women who have gained to a healthy BMI, and lost a pound or two after an ED, without wanting to go lose more and more....
Over eating to me, is eating when bored, lonley, and doing a lot of emotional eating, way past the point where u feel full: where u feel full and uncomfortable at least once a day, every single day: where u routinely eat so much, u feel ill from the calories
I do not binge, and I have not had binge sessions for a long time. I eat lenty and do not restrict any food type/eat what I want, I tend to eat a whole pizza once a week with boyfriend.
I would eat average amounts or above average. I seam to maintain 55 - 59 kilos, while I over eat twice the usual amount once every week.
Basically, I can get ddrunk once a week and eat EPIC mounts, and maintain: on a day to day basis, I eat a fair amount, and can maintain 55 - 59 kilos.
I find that i tend to eat far more than people around me. I have always been a big eater, it was always " my thing"
I was always 58 kilos growing up in my teens, eating 3000 - 4000 normally MORE. I ate extreme amounts when younger and remained BMI 22 at the most.....
Therefore, if I can maintain my weight by eating a lot, what is wrong with working out ( 45 mins 5 days a week at the gym), and naturally losing to 57 kilos? I find that I do lose a pound or two from this current weight, when I work out and eat normally.
I have the same height and I maintained 59 kilos for around 8 years. I ate a lot of sweets and fast food and didn't exercise at all. But I felt fat and unattractive (I was really in a bad place just because I thought if I was slimmer everybody would like me) so I wanted to lose a few kilos. So I started being more active and being more careful of what I put in my mouth. I dropped a few kilos quite easily and didn't have much difficulties maintaining it. I got my self esteem back and suddenly my life completely changed but not because of my weight but because of my new mindset. But because of some stressful situations I relapsed and became underweight in a short time.
What I'm trying to say - be careful because there's a very high possibility that you'll relapse. The way you're defending yourself is also very worrying. Maybe you'll fell better at 57kg and stay there but I highly doubt that you'll stop there.
It's your body and your life - your decision. My experience is that I wasn't mentally prepared and that's why I relapsed. I wish I sorted out some problems when I had those 59 kilos/before I started losing weght and maybe I wouldn't be here now - misearble at 51 kilos.
Wish you all the best.
ntesan - THANK YOU. FInally, a pesonal story of a person with similar stats..
I am going to just maintain my weight, and aim to work out in a way that I know will give me a very hot and " toned" looking body.
I will not weigh myself, but I have a feeling a will naturally lose a kilo at least, as I tend to be 58- 56 kilos, when I work out and eat well ( well, being what I want, within reason, he no restrictions, etc...)
I think what happened to u ( and would happen to me) would be, this: Although 59 AND 57 kilos MIGHT be a healthy weight for our bodies, it does not afford us much wiggle" room..............
Basically.,.. although I am sure 57 kilos is a healthy weight for me, physically and mentally, getting much lower may not be.
I am not losing weight to please anyone really... I just like to look good, with a slim body. I am not losing the weight to validate myself, but to just look better.
I am saddened to hear that you felt u had to lose weight in order to raise your self esteem, and get your " life back". I have read such experiences from other people like yourself, and I have decided to actively gtry to derive my self esteem through how I act as a person, and non boI dy related issues ( like how I make other people feel, what sort of a person and friend and worker I am, etc).
I initially developed an ED, because I lost weight from a healthy 59 kilos..... I was fine until 54 kilos, and then I could not stop losing.I had nothing else going for me in life, and therefore my weight and the compliments I got from being thin, were all I had......
fortunately, I have seen the error of my ways, and had no real happiness when I let my weight dictate everything in my life. Now, I am so eager and excited to develope myself as a person, from the inside.
I am literally shaking with excitment at times, as at 25 years old, I get to start a new life, and make friends ansd get a job and be normal for the first time in years. Getting a life and maintain it, is in my mind way more than the need to be thin.
I guess what I meant to say, regarding vanity pounds.... is that I tend to naturally be 57 ish kilos when I work out and eat well, and only really gain more, when I eat a lot and do little exercise.
I will no longer make a conscious effort to eat a litte less, but I will move a little more, for my health.
I also initially lost the weight from 59 kilos, by just eating a little less, and moving more. Not a big effort at all. I went from being unhealthy, to being more health conscious.
I guess tha question is not weather 57 kilos is healthy, and therefore sustainable; it is, what if I lose more and more weight from hat point? I cannot see myself EVer getting the desire to be 51 kilos again, though, as I WANT a life, a WILL NEVER want to go back to having nothing.......
I got my boyfriend at 52 kilos, but he likes me way more now, as I have developed more of a personality, the more mentaly healthy I am.
Here's the thing...you've had an eating disorder. You shouldn't necessarily trust "how well you know your body" as the deciding factor when it comes to losing weight. The body dysmorphia is the sneakiest part of the disorder. If your BMI is healthy, than you need to be extremely careful. What you think is "on the slim side" might not be reality.
Can't you focus on increasing your fitness goals and intensity and continue to eat a healthy, maintenance amount of calories?
You keep saying that you want to be at your fittest and look your best. This sounds suspiciously like body dysmorphia, especially considering your weight and BMI.
Yes, all I want right now, is to get back into the gym, 5 days a week, 40 mins running 3 days a week, and plenty of variation in my activities, and I will feel and loook great:)
I like to work out 5 days, and have two days to eat what I want. if I am living in a way that promites my best body ( or a good version of it), I do not really care what I weigh - so long as I am not over eating beyond what feels healthy.
I am about 59 kilos now, through doing no exercise, but not overeating and emotionaly eating as much. When I work out more and eat better, I always lose to a lower weight any way- the difference now, is that I will not LET myself get to low.
I love eating, socially and otherwise, without feeing " guilty", therefore, when I got to 58 kilos the other day, I thought to myself " yay,. I can pig out for a day and eat what I want "
Basically, now, when I get to about 58 kilos or less, I would feel " gee, I can afford to have an extra burger" . Where as,. in the past, I thought 58 kilos was too heavy... ( now, I see it as a slim and great weight)