Weight loss and sex

I'm not sure if this is the right place to post this, but I have a comment re: weight loss and sex. I have lost 15 lbs so far (with another 45 to go) and my sex life has increased dramatically already. It seems like my boyfriend is way more interested in sex now that I'm losing weight. I was always into it, but he didn't seem as interested as me before. Now I can't keep him off of me.

Yes, I am happy about this and it makes me feel great that he thinks I look good already, but it also kind of makes me feel bad that he must not have found me that attractive before. He never said anything, it was just a feeling I had. Part of me is like, get over it, that was you before and he still loved you and I didn't like the way I looked, so why would I think he would be attracted to an overweight body. I should just be happy and look forward not backward and think of our sex life as yet another bonus to my weight loss right?

Has anyone else experienced this and how can I just be happy with the increased sex drive of my boyfriend and get over the lack of sex before?

Thoughts?

I have experienced this a bit lol.  For me it was more that after losing nearly 30lbs I am more willing to have sex with my husband rather than feel fat and awkward.  It did cross my mind that maybe I was just too fat for him before but he always has said that he would no matter what size I was.  Maybe you are just more confident now and he is effected by that.  I think that maybe you should just ignore it so you won't feel so hurt (even if it is too late).  Enjoy your new body and sex life! ;D

Yeah I completely get what you're saying. Seeing as part of the reason I'm trying to drop all this weight is to be more attractive to guys. haha. So I think as long as he still loves you, the only thing you can do is accept that he now finds you more hot (and you probably find yourself more hot) and move on!

Just make sure he'd still want to have sex with you if you put the 15lbs back on. :-)

And keep in mind - more sex is a bonus for both of you, but essentially you're doing this for yourself. My husband always tells me that I don't need to lose weight, and I always have to tell him that this isn't about him. This is a battle that has raged since long before he was even in the picture.

You're all right. My boyfriend has never made me feel bad about my weight gain (which started before I met him and has been a struggle for me for since my late 20s). The fact that he has never known me as anything but overweight shows me he truly loves me for who I am. He has only ever said he wants me to feel good about myself and be healthy. He has been nothing but supportive in my goals and is even trying to lose a few pounds himself. I guess it's all my own insecurities coming through. I am just going to let it go and be happy that I feel better about myself and that probably comes through and makes me more attractive to him as well.

As for gaining 15 lbs back, yes, I believe he would still have sex with me (it's not like we weren't ever having sex before, it's just that we are having way more now).

Thanks!

My thoughts on this are...He had to be attracted to you greatly in the first place to be dating you.

My husband is more excited than ever to have sex now that I am losing weight because I am having more confidence in myself (and more energy) and he finds that sexy.

(Normal) Men are attracted to confident women and I'm sure it's flowing out of you now and he just thinks it's hot.

Congrats on the 15 lbs.

Original Post by jamibuch:

Just make sure he'd still want to have sex with you if you put the 15lbs back on. :-)

And keep in mind - more sex is a bonus for both of you, but essentially you're doing this for yourself. My husband always tells me that I don't need to lose weight, and I always have to tell him that this isn't about him. This is a battle that has raged since long before he was even in the picture.

 My boyfriend always tells me he likes me the way I am and I also tell him this isn't about him, but he doesnt get it.

To a lot of guys, there is nothing more attractive than a confident woman.  Don't be surprised if the additional interest doesn't have something to do with other changes that come with weight loss as well!

Original Post by elblume:

Original Post by jamibuch:

Just make sure he'd still want to have sex with you if you put the 15lbs back on. :-)

And keep in mind - more sex is a bonus for both of you, but essentially you're doing this for yourself. My husband always tells me that I don't need to lose weight, and I always have to tell him that this isn't about him. This is a battle that has raged since long before he was even in the picture.

 My boyfriend always tells me he likes me the way I am and I also tell him this isn't about him, but he doesnt get it.

Yah, my BF says not to have too low of a goal weight because he wants me to be able to maintain it without depriving myself. The thing is, my body type and "normal" weight is 125-130 lbs. (I am 5'3"). That is my goal because that is where I feel good and that was my weight all through most of my 20s (I was 110-115 lbs. in high school and early 20s). He has never seen me less than 150 though so I think he thinks it's unrealistic to expect to lose that much.

Anyway, you're right, it's about you, not him. It's great to know my BF found me attractive before and does now, but I feel the most attractive at my goal weight so that is what I am aiming for. 

Of course, if I get there and find it is too hard to maintain I will be flexible on it as I know that things change as you age, but the bottom line is it's my body and I have to do what I feel is right for me. I want to be healthy, fit and happy. It's good to know my BF likes me for me though :)

Original Post by blukernot:

To a lot of guys, there is nothing more attractive than a confident woman.  Don't be surprised if the additional interest doesn't have something to do with other changes that come with weight loss as well!

Good point...I am more confident and happy these days :)

Original Post by elblume:

Original Post by jamibuch:

Just make sure he'd still want to have sex with you if you put the 15lbs back on. :-)

And keep in mind - more sex is a bonus for both of you, but essentially you're doing this for yourself. My husband always tells me that I don't need to lose weight, and I always have to tell him that this isn't about him. This is a battle that has raged since long before he was even in the picture.

 My boyfriend always tells me he likes me the way I am and I also tell him this isn't about him, but he doesnt get it.

My husband honestly doesn't either. He's introduced a reason for me to want to lose weight. Before I met him, I never thought that I would ever get married or have children, and now, suddenly there's this whole new future ahead of me. I have PCOS, and my doctor tells me that women with PCOS have an easier time conceiving if they can achieve a healthy BMI. I'm not far off from a healthy BMI, maybe ten pounds, but if those ten pounds can make a difference in how easily we get pregnant, then they're worth every bit of trying to lose them. We're not ready for kids yet, probably another year or two, but when we're ready, I want my body to be ready.

Went through the same thing myself. I think about it this way: I adore my husband not for how he looks, but for who he is. I also think he looks great and is the most handsome man in the world. BUT, if he all of a sudden got a body like Josh Holloway, um yes, I would be all over him all the damn time (yes, a little more so than now).

Does this mean I love him less now? No. Nor does it mean I'd love him more then.

Hope this helps a little!

Original Post by bethany_ann:

Went through the same thing myself. I think about it this way: I adore my husband not for how he looks, but for who he is. I also think he looks great and is the most handsome man in the world. BUT, if he all of a sudden got a body like Josh Holloway, um yes, I would be all over him all the damn time (yes, a little more so than now).

Does this mean I love him less now? No. Nor does it mean I'd love him more then.

Hope this helps a little!

Hahahaha! Good point!

you have to understand, YOU are more attractive now...not just your body, but YOU are...this is VERY typical.

you were not feeling great about yourself before, and it came through, THAT HAS WAY more to do with his attraction to you than your jean size.

listen, your negative attitude/self image is what got you fat to begin with (i'm the same, btw so don't take it personally!) so what i'm telling you is DO NOT sink back into these patterns of negativity (that is what this is, btw, a PATTERN of negative thinking). just let it go, and enjoy the sex!

I haven't gotten any more sex unfortunately, but reading your thoughts make me think about what my husband says about me, that my body is different. I don't think your husband must be thinking that you're hotter, you're just "new"!

You know, with a new partner things are steaming hot, then you get used to him/her and it cools down a bit. Don't worry about it, it's still you!

I know what you mean though. I remember when I lost weight before I had my kids, people asked about it, if had lost weight and they told me I looked good. I kept wondering if they'd say the opposite if I'd gain the weight again...

 I agree with ikiwaru. He may just be responding to your increase in confidence. I'll bet you've been feeling better about yourself and it's showing. Perhaps you've been dressing and carrying yourself in a sexier manner.

I've always been plus-sized but during college I changed my style and got better at carrying myself in a confident manner and guys did start responding to me more positively.

I think the bottom line is that most guys like women who are confident and comfortable in their own skin. It is probably the most attractive thing.

If he's gotten more active or started eating healthier with you, even if he's not trying to lose weight, that's something that could make him feel a lot better about himself and so increase sex drive.

Or he could be supporting you by helping you work off calories ;)

Good point! We are both exercising and eating healthy but I never thought that maybe he was feeling better about himself too which is why he seems to have an increased libido. I bet it's a bit of both. Thanks for all the comments everyone!

I know i'm a couple days late for this forum post, but my impression on the situations is that being that you're feeling better about yourself now that you've lost 15 pounds has made that confidence contagious. He feels that you feel better about yourself and that you're happier now so he's happier now too. Happiness is contagious and being that you're feeling confident, so is he. I wouldn't view it as a bad thing at all. I would just take it for what it is and what it is is a healthy sex life. Take advantage of it and have fun with it