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I Don't Know How To Not Feel Ugly....anyone with me?


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I feel ugly most of the time. I won't say all the time; for example, right after I fix my hair and do my makeup in the morning I usually feel OK. Sometimes not. By the time I get from my house to school (via the bus) I feel hideous. I fix my hair again and again throughout the day-it never looks good. My concealer rubs off and you can see my huge dark eye circles and my bad skin. Honestly, most of the time I want to shave my head. I get so depressed thinking how plain and un-special I look to all the guys I pass. Today I walked into a room of attractive soccer players and my hair was hideous as usual, my skin bad (dark eye circles, a few zits) and my eyes are nothing great, short eyelashes with the curler and mascara and eyeliner.

Mostly it's my hair. I know how superficial I sound, but I hate it with a deep, burning passion that most people can't understand. I have curly hair and I NEVER wear it down, maybe a few times for special occasions after hours of preparation. I put it in a bun everyday and once in awhile it works but usually it gets frizzy and curly by the end of the day-with mousse and all my hair supplies. I tr yot mimic what I did on the good hair day but I can't-it's just luck when that happens.

I feel so hideous because of my hair. It's the equivalent of feeling ugly because of a big nose or something like that. I feel like my hair mars my face and everything about me even when it's up which it always is.

I came home so depressed today I couldn't even do my work. It took me forever just to get one thing done. Now I'm trying to get myself to work out, but I feel like honestly it's just no use. I feel depressed which makes me tired and listless and hopeless. Even if I suddenly got the perfect body, I feel like it wouldn't matter because my face and hair and skin and all are nothing special :/

Anyone ever feel this way?

16 Replies (last)
I can't exactly relate, cause I have straight hair. But I have 2 curly haired friends, one embraces her curly hair and loves it! And the other sounds just like you, she has it in a bun or spends hours a day frying it with a flat iron. I'll tell you one thing my friend who loves her hair always looks better! (And her hair is not prettier in the first place either) me and my sister both have braces, she hates hers and I actually kinda like mine. Just love what you have! Of course I have my own issues too but keep your chin up!
You'll figure out how to work your hair eventually. Have hope! I was like you--curly frizzy hair that I wore in a bun every single day for my entire high school career. I honestly believed my hair was hopeless and it would never ever look good no matter what I did. But you just have to keep trying!! I finally found a way to make my hair work about 2 months ago after years of giving up hope. I got long layers cut into my hair, and stopped brushing my hair. I just wash it every other day, condition, and put in some argan oil to kill the frizz a little bit... Twirl it as it dries... And then it turns out just perfect! So low maintenance and it looks good--soft sleek curls with hardly any frizz. The only thing I do is straighten my bangs because they get kinda crazy. Really, my biggest advice is just to leave your hair alone as much as possible. Stop over washing and STOP BRUSHING! Honestly, curly haired girls have been taught lies forever. I haven't brushed my hair in over a month (except brushing through with my fingers in the shower) and its AMAZING the difference that it makes!
Hello:) 1. I have the thickest, frizziest, curliest hair 2. I also sometimes hate it BUT if you look around at people, the majority have straight hair..when I straighten my hair people say that I'm just like everyone else and my curly hair makes me unique. I realise that people who don't have curly hair don't know what a mission curly hair actually is! But everyone always tells me that they love my hair-even when I'm hating on it- and that makes me feel a bit better:) so, just see it this way, your hair makes you unique and different, not something that 'mars' you but makes you special:) I guess I should be listening to my own advice here haha...
#4  
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Hey,
So I have some seriously thick and curly hair coming from both sides of my family. It can also be a frizzy mess. However, I've learned to use a few products ad tricks that help. I'm not saying what I do is what you should do but maybe this will help.  Also, some of this has already been stated above and if I'm not supposed to list product names someone please inform me so I don't get in trouble.

1) The bun can be a bad thing. Not all the time of course but constantly putting bands/scrunchies in your hair just makes follicles break more...and if you're at all like me the fly-aways are already a pain. I use buns still but rarely...more often I buy the biggest hair clippy things (those ones with teeth) to put my hair up. I will do a ponytail with a soft scrunchy too. Headbands are something you might consider if you want to be sure it stays out of your face, but they either snag in my hair or slide a lot so I avoid them.

2) My aunt uses/swears by mousse but I don't and really think it depends on your hair. If you want straight hair I can't help..it takes a professional a couple hours to deal with mine and I'm not going through that mess on my own, but if you want to just make your curls work for you (more) then here's a few products you might consider: Curly Sexy Hair or Curlesque for shampoo/conditioner, Aquage (a lil pricey but worth it) this oil has very little scent and has done WONDERS for my hair...it's the softest its every been and lays flatter now, also a leave in conditioner would be good. All these things are meant to help with frizz...keep in mind they won't stop it completely (especially in a humid climate) but do work to tame it.

3) You probably already know these things but if you're curls are like mine never try to brush through your hair when its dry or blow dry it. It just makes things worse. Also, the longer the hair the easier to tame when it comes to curls. And layers do help.

4) Perhaps most importantly, (and the hardest to do) realize that your curls are beautiful even though they frustrate and upset you at times. There are days when I hate that bit of frizz in my ponytail or can't get curls to stay out of my face, but these moments are countered when others compliment my curls and ask if they're natural. 

 

I hope this helps. :-) 

I used to be the exact same way as you about my curly hair! Now I have a mousse that kind of tames my curls but they are still very much there! No one is going to feel beautiful everyday, I've learnt that, everyone (even my most beautiful friend) has off days. It's all just part of being a girl! But accept who you are and what you have because that's exactly what makes you, you. :)
#6  
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A real woman is confident and satisfied with her looks, despite what others opinions are. Stop worrying about your hair and look and focus on becoming someone who is REAL. Not someone who hides and depends on makeup. The sooner you grow up, the better life you will have
^^harsh and irrelevant comment

Thanks Noodles....I really don't "hide" behind makeup. I wear makeup, but not a lot. I just feel I need it, even if just a little. I do focus on being real, I am not materialistic or superficial, really, I just have a lot of insecurities. I don't understand the growing up comment TBH....what does that have to do with being insecure? I was insecure at 7, and my grandma's insecure at 80....it kind of defies age.

I also struggle with my apperance and super insecure. Its hard to go to school some days just because i don't feel/look as pretty in comparison to the other girls at my school  so i can certainly relate. What i do is i try to give myself a spa like day. Maybe you could try buying some nice spa salts and bubbly stuff. I like sugarbath's lemon bath cubes, ginger float cream bubble bath, philosophy's shower gel and lush's both bombs, bath melts and body butters, and body tints.  They also have really nice face masks or you could make your own!  Heres what i doo :)

. Nice warm bath, exxxtra hott.  I usually add lemon bath cubes then ginger float cream bubble bath. relax, read a book. wash, exxxfoilate.  wash your hair ( i like to shampoo then add olive oil and honey together and then wash my ends with it, let it sit for 10 minutes and wash it out .Not my whole head because it can be a pain to get out then once its in your roots but it makes it really soft and shiney)then all the other stuff depending on what i have on hand. I put on my mask, body lotion/self tanner (body tint.) Paint your nails. Give yourself a medi pedi. Maybe try the marbling effect? (google it! so cool.)  then do your hair and makeup. Concentrate on only your hair or makeup at a time. Don't focus on anything else. Put on your favorite outfit and go out for the night or do it before school. ( wake up extra early though bc its a process!) I usually almost always feel really good after that and for a few days after that because your skin and hair are so soft and glowey :) 

 

TIP! : Buy a flat iron. I have really frizzy curly hair too and i usually flat iron it every other day. Its not healthy for your hair and you'll have to get it treated and cut often but heey if it makes me feel better about myself :p

I know how you feel! But believe me, you are beautiful! I know it sounds cliche but it's true... There will be aspects about you that are stunning, people need to truly appreciate... I would personally love curly hair... We are creatures of opposition... We have something and want the opposite! Learn to love yourself, it is worth it- believe it!
#11  
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I'm not going to tell you to "just love your hair!" because I know it isn't that easy. Im actually having similar problems. I always go t school self conscious and embarrassed about my hair (curly and frizzy like yours) and I'm relieved I'm not the only one who feels like this...

For now, I've just accepted the fact that my hair is the way it is. I don't exactly love it, but I'm hoping I will one day. Just remember that you're not alone and if youre ever feeling really down or depressed you can message me ( is there a feature for that on here? If not I'll give you my email)

thank you ALL so much! you've helped me feel a little bit better and if anyone has any other advice, please share :)

Hi again:) Last week I got a treatment in my hair at the hairdresser (called Brasilian Cauca). It's a bit pricey but totally worth it because it has tamed my frizzy, tight curl, unmanageable hair and made it softer with a looser curl:) I would totally recommend it to anyone since it not only helps us curlies but also makes your hair healthier:)
I have very thick curly hair and its difficult to manage. Sometimes it frizzed up an looks AWFUL but usually it will look okay. Have you considered getting your hair thinned out a little? It made me feel a little better about my hair which is a big insecurity of mine. Also: avoid short haircuts. At all costs. Trust me lol
Oh also, go to Naturallycurly . Com

They have REALLY good tips and advice

I used to feel this way aaaaall the time! 

I have thick, extremely curly hair and it looks gorgeous in the morning when I first get up, and my make up looks pretty, and I feel confident. But then by the time I'm in school it's fluffy and my make up seems runny and I'm just a nervous wreck about it.

My trick is that now I look at myself and instead of letting it bother me, I embrace it. I've taught myself all kinds of new ways to fix my hair, like sleeping with it in a braid or two braids. Plus, I put on less make up so that it doesn't get runny. The first few days I made myself more "natural", I was even more self conscious. But then I realized hey, I don't have to look just like everyone else, and I started to like my curls and stuff. Sometimes I do still straighten my hair or add a lot of make up, but now I'm a lot more confident when I do.

So basically yeah, it's a confidence thing and it's hard to deal with. You just have to remember that you're gorgeous the way you are. :) And I have that problem with buns too, try dressing it up with a bandanna or a headband if it gets frizzy like that. Embrace the frizziness and turn the negatives into positives. :)

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