Most of us probably have self-esteem/-confidence issues or have had them, so this should be an easy topic to give advice on, I'm hoping. I know that my situation is not unique, but I need help nonetheless.. perhaps because it isn't unique is all the more of a reason as to why I do need help.
I am about 5'6'' and weigh between 127 - 130 lbs. depending on the day. I know that this is a healthy weight for me. In the last year I lost approximately 40 lbs... perhaps slightly less. About 20 of those lbs. were lost within a 1 or 2 month period when I was starting to have anorexic tendencies. Most likely due to that, I am now at a lower weight but feel as if I look the same, probably because I think that I have excess skin/fat. Whether or not it actually appears that way to others, I honestly don't know. I know I look slimmer, as people have told me. My mom especially does. However whenever I look in the mirror I don't see it. I always see things that need improvement -- especially my abs.
It isn't the weight that I am not happy with, but rather the appearance. I feel as if I could just tone up my abdomen, I would be happy with myself. But it seems like whatever I do doesn't work.
Anyway.. I don't want to have to worry so much about my appearance. I'm 17 years old and have never felt comfortable in my own skin, even though I know I'm healthy and "physically fit".. whatever. I have never thought of myself as beautiful. The kind of person that I am attracted to, physically as well as personally, is the type of person that I can't see being attracted to me -- especially physically. People say that men like women to have curves and some "cushion for the pushin" or whatever, but my curves aren't in the right places and I think that my cushion isn't the type that is what people want.. you know? It's not attractive. I know that most men are attracted to -- or at least say they are -- a woman's confidence, so I figure that if I am able to build my confidence and self-esteem, no matter what I look like, I will appear more attractive.
Yet in the back of my mind I still can't see anyone being physically attracted to me. Not unless my stomach gets smaller and I don't have quite so much.. of me.
Is there any way that I can gain more self confidence and self-esteem? For those of you who have acheived this and who are comfortable in your own skin.. how have you managed it? Any help would be much appreciated. Thanks..
A lot of confidence comes from age and experience. The more positive interactions we have, the better we tend to feel about ourselves. We all have our moments, but if looking in the mirror is making you nuts, then stop.
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Although I do agree with smwhipple, that a lot of confidence comes from age and experience, there are some (like what I was) that have trapped themselves within themselves and have not allowed for this natural growth to occur.
One day I was reflecting on my lack of self confidence and everything like that (something I almost annoyingly do all the time) and I realized "Damn it! I've trapped myself!!" There is no way that I can just assume this without effort and just with time! I then decided upon a "fake it 'till you make it" approach. From that day on I faked the hell out of being confident! And slowly but surely I noticed that I had to fake it less and less and that I was it more and more! It really really worked for me!
But mind you, I don't believe in "get confident quick" schemes nor do I believe in the "get rich quick ones". Any good change in your life takes time because this way it builds up the strength to be a lasting result. Just like if you lost 100 pounds in a week versuses a year or so . . . which one is more likely to stay . . .
But yeah! So far this has really worked for me! I'm still working on the body image part, like I said, but I didn't focus on that from day one . . . but lucky me a started to assume a better body image as soon as a started gaining self confidence!
I hope this helps! :)
Hey, I'm probably your mom's age. I have or had before I lost 20Lb self image issues as well. It was getting on my husband's nerves with it. It is normal to want to feel good about yourself. You are healthy weight, but still you see yourself little better. Unless you get too obsessed I wouldn't worry. Moms always worry, yours is probably worried you will get unhealthy and she wants to put her opinion in.
To be attractive to other people is important to you at this age, but you will be so ahead of the bunch once you acknowledge your unique personality trades and focus more on what you have to say to the other people than how you look.
I just remember little trick someone told me when I was your age. I was always very ashamed of my body.... now I think I was crazy. I was hunched up, horrible body posture...teen mess. I have no idea who, when, how we got to it, BUT if you feel not sure in situation imagine you have giant diamond up your..... You know about it, but no one else does.... It is weird, I don't know why it worked for me?
I hope some sensible adult will not read this and tear me into pieces.
Later in life (once I had the money for it) I was buying fancy underwear.... same effect. Made me feel like I have something special and nobody needs to know about, but I carried myself with much more confidence.
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