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I've ruined my relationship with my entire family


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I just realized I have nothing left and nobody left. Like me and my dad used to be best friends. Now all he does is abuse me and sit around the house while I cook and clean (he tells me to). We used To do things like bike and ski and walk together but now he just beats me up and it hurts. The same with my mom. We used to be friends and now she wants me out of the house and she curses me and hits me a lot. My brother an sister absolutely hate me and my brother abuses my little sister and beats her a lot. I can't stop him I'm just too tired to. I get tired a lot. I never really had any friends, I only have one friend who is suffering with depression and I don't want to burden her by telling her this.

I feel like I destroyed everything. Sometimes my parents scream at me for being so stupid and turning out wrong they said they don't want to see my hideous face anymore it's kinda mean but I'm sure I did something to deserve it.

Umm I just want things to go back to the way they were, happy and all when we all together as a family and did fun things together. I try to be very nice all the time, and I'd have more friends if I wasn't so shy and antisocial. But I don't like to talk to people I keep to myself a lot and try to avoid getting beaten or insulted.

What should I do??? How can I make things the way they were? Advice please??
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You should really talk to a counselor. It sounds like you and your family need some guidance. I hope you will speak to a church member, counselor, or extended family member about what's going on. Also, physical abuse is against the law. A police officer may not be able to mend your family, but he/she can sometimes help the family see how serious the problem is.
I don't go to church. Also I'm scared to talk to people and I have a fear of people. I know it sounds weird but I just can't talk to anyone. Besides its not my parents fault, and they said if I call the police the police will put them in jail and then I'll end up dead on the streets not that I care or anything. And they don't hurt me too much I'm only bruised in several places on my arms, legs, and hips (dont ask i bruise easily)

I'm used to the beatings and I'm sure they beat me to displine me which is fine.

At one point I was seeing a phychiatrist because of my depression and othe problems but it didn't help.
The only thing that really hurts me is when my parents tell me to go did in a whole and when they call me a fat ugly stupid b***. That makes me very very sad. I dont mind being hit sometimes but when they insult me it feels worse.

I just want things to go back to the way they were when I was younger. Life was better then.

Sorry if im ranting I just don't really know who to talk to and how to talk to people.
Original Post by supwrskinny:

The only thing that really hurts me is when my parents tell me to go did in a whole and when they call me a fat ugly stupid b***. That makes me very very sad. I dont mind being hit sometimes but when they insult me it feels worse.

I just want things to go back to the way they were when I was younger. Life was better then.

Sorry if im ranting I just don't really know who to talk to and how to talk to people.

I second what lanitanail said, but I wanted to add this: I'm in my early twenties now and I feel like my life was just like yours when I was younger (I assume you're a teenager?) My family also used to do things together a lot, and then suddenly my parents were mad and yelled at me all the time, insulted me like yours, and I could never understand why they suddenly seemed to hate me so much. That all ended (and we are now close again), and I've slowly figured out why: They were under a lot of financial stress, having no luck finding a job for one, tired from 12 hour days at work for the other, and my siblings mood went down right along with theirs. As parents, they should have handled their stress better and not let out their anger on me, but they didn't and I've forgiven them. What I'm saying: As awful as it feels, it probably has nothing to do with you. Do you feel you can sit down with them and tell them that you want to improve your relationship? That you miss the time you did things together and that you don't want them being angry with you? It worked for me (I know families are different), maybe it can help you.

#5  
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Original Post by supwrskinny:

I don't go to church. Also I'm scared to talk to people and I have a fear of people. I know it sounds weird but I just can't talk to anyone. Besides its not my parents fault, and they said if I call the police the police will put them in jail and then I'll end up dead on the streets not that I care or anything. And they don't hurt me too much I'm only bruised in several places on my arms, legs, and hips (dont ask i bruise easily)

I'm used to the beatings and I'm sure they beat me to displine me which is fine.

At one point I was seeing a phychiatrist because of my depression and othe problems but it didn't help.

No it is not fine.

How is your depression going to get better if you are in an unhealthy environment?

Besides its not my parents fault, and they said if I call the police the police will put them in jail and then I'll end up dead on the streets not that I care or anything.

WHAT? I cannot believe a caring parent would blackmail and threaten their child like this. THEY MUST change their behaviour. This is criminal. You have to talk to someone.

You need to go to the police.  Of course it is their fault they beat you.  They are using fear and intimidation to keep you quiet and keep you subservient to them.  You have all of these fears.  Do you want your sister to grow up the same way, with the same phobias.  

There are resources out there to help you.  If your parents were sent to jail, you wouldn't be left homeless.  Do you have any relatives you can live with?  You might be able to get a foster family or live with friends.  Your parents lie to you and want you to feel bad for their wrongs.  Don't believe them.  What they are doing is ABUSE.  It is not discipline.  There is nothing to excuse or justify it.

Your brother needs help.  He acts the way he sees his parents act.  Do you want him to grow up to beat his wife?  How about his children?  A cycle of abuse is being born right now, and you have the power to stop it.  

If you can't talk to the police yourself, call a teacher, a counselor, the national domestic violence hotline 1-800-799-SAFE.  You're a teenager right.  You're going to go to college soon.  What about your sister?  What if she doesn't survive?

 

Original Post by smashley23:

You need to go to the police.  Of course it is their fault they beat you.  They are using fear and intimidation to keep you quiet and keep you subservient to them.  You have all of these fears.  Do you want your sister to grow up the same way, with the same phobias.  

There are resources out there to help you.  If your parents were sent to jail, you wouldn't be left homeless.  Do you have any relatives you can live with?  You might be able to get a foster family or live with friends.  Your parents lie to you and want you to feel bad for their wrongs.  Don't believe them.  What they are doing is ABUSE.  It is not discipline.  There is nothing to excuse or justify it.

Your brother needs help.  He acts the way he sees his parents act.  Do you want him to grow up to beat his wife?  How about his children?  A cycle of abuse is being born right now, and you have the power to stop it.  

If you can't talk to the police yourself, call a teacher, a counselor, the national domestic violence hotline 1-800-799-SAFE.  You're a teenager right.  You're going to go to college soon.  What about your sister?  What if she doesn't survive?

 

^All of this.

Beating is not about discipline but about control.  As is the mental manipulation about you'd end up dead on the streets.  That's a controlling scare tactic on their part because this simply isn't true!

I will add to the voices that say you need to call someone.  I know you say you can't talk to people, but you must.  If not for yourself, for your siblings.

Being brave isn't the absence of fear but doing what you must in spite of the fear.  You can do this!!

Thanks for the responses. :)

I have sat down with them before. They said they'd only change once I stopped being a b*** and changed my rude attitude. We dont have financial problems. but my parents spend a lot of money on my brother and sister (I don't ask for much).

And I really don't want to go to anyone because I need to be disciplined. Plus I have no one to go to. It's just that they make me feel so so so depressed when they insult me. And it's only me for some reason. They always go out of their way to hug and please my siblings but not me. I love my parents lots. And besides If I don't end up dead on the streets I'll probably end up with my physchotic aunt/grandparents (I don't want to say if there from my moms side or my dads). Plus well have no more money and well lose our house and I like our house.
Original Post by supwrskinny:

And it's only me for some reason. They always go out of their way to hug and please my siblings but not me.

have you ever heard of the book "A Child Called 'It'" before? well that's what your post reminds me of right now:(.. sweetie you NEED to get out of there. and i mean NOW! how dare your parents, i mean really how dare they treat you like they do! i know you say you love them but hun, are you sure that's love or is it really fear? nobody and i mean nobody deserves to be called a b**** by their own mother and father..:( nobody. you my dear are not a b**** and have done nothing wrong from what i can tell..please i am begging you to not let this carry on any further:s so what if you lose your money and your house? there will always be more money and houses just like yours for you to have. but there will never be another family. i don't really know what else to say that will convince you of just how important it is you get help, but i hope somebody else will because i worry for you. i honestly do:(!<3

Your life is more important than a house, so is your safety, security, and self-worth, all of which your parents are stealing from you.  

Talking to them hasn't worked. Abusers always blame their victim.  There is nothing that you could do that would warrant your parents abusing you.  I am going to say it over and over again until you get it.  It isn't your fault.  It was never your fault.  It never will be your fault. 

My dad said hed never really hurt me because then hed suffer in prison. and I don't really want to lose my House because then I'd end up nowhere. Literally. Or In a foster home which could be a lot worse.

And Wait. If its not my fault then why is this happening?? I thought good things happened to good people (I think I'm a good person overall).

I heard that if you act super friendly they'll change. I'm going to try that when my parents come home.

Just how old are you and where do you live?  

Good things don't happen to good people, life happens to everyone.  Being super friendly to them is just going to frustrate them, they want you to be sad, upset and not in control.  It seems that they thrive on drama and you trying to be the good little girl is not going to work.

There are resources out there that can help you if you want to move out or stay.  There are programs that will help you find a place to stay and still stay in school.

If you do decide to stay, please go and take some self defence classes.  You would be surprised how fast your dad's abuse stops once he knows that you can defend yourself.

Take care and PM me if you need anything, because I could tell you a story about how wrong your life could get if you stay as things are.

#13  
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Hun, no it's not your fault this is happening. It's your parents' way of dealing with something, and their way is the WRONG way. If you try to be nicer to them, it WON'T help. It will only give them the feeling of even more control over you. I don't care about the STEREOTYPICAL foster home image plastered on in movies. Trust me, a foster home or living with your relatives will be much BETTER that dealing with abusive parents. After all, isn't your LIFE and the lives of your siblings much more IMPORTANT than living in a certain house?
Ok I'm 15 and I won't say where I live for privacy reasons.

My mom came home yesterday early to help my brother with something. My god was she ever pissed. Especially since my brother didn't "need her after all" lol. She screamed at me actually :S being very nice helped only a little bit. I cleaned the entire house for her and She calmed down. The only thing is I don't have time to do that everyday cause of exams and stuff.

I guess whether They are nice to me depends on what goes down at work haha. My parents mean well I'm sure. :) maybe things will continue like this and everything will be ok and no one will hit each other and scream anymore :D

Didn't want your address or town, just a state or province.  All countries have different laws about everything.

Okay, even on my worst day of work I would never take it out on my girls.  What happens at work is to be put away once work is done.  What happens at home stays at home and doesn't come to work.  The ride to and from work is for transitioning and calming down.
Your parents need to set some boundaries in these areas.  If they are bringing work home with them, they are doing a disservice to your family and that is when the craziness starts.

I hope that you fairy tale of what your life should be like works out for you.  But it is not all up to you to make it work.  It has to be a two way street where your parents meet you in the middle and treat each other with respect.

I repeat what I stated earlier in my previous post.  Please get some help and learn some skills to understand what is going on.  At fifteen you need to learn some tools to help you cope.  One of the tools would be self defence classes, even if you never use them they are a tool that will last you a lifetime and give you confidence to face a lot of things that life will bring to you.

Take care.

Ok yeah it's never going to happen. Ever. My dad pushed me down stairs ( only for steps nothing big) when I tried to hug him. Then he said he hated my guts and said we'd never be friends like the "good old days" and what's really sad is that he meant it and now I believe it.

And I already know karate but my dad took me out after a few years and he knows both kung fu and karate. I honestly hope one day he just kills me and i never have I see him ever again. My brother said when he's 18 he's going to kill my dad. It's funny because my dad loves him. Ha. I hope my sister is alright. She talks about death a lot and shes nine. Ha. My family is hopeless. Absolutely hopeless.
You sound very dramatic and what your saying MAY be true but I honestly doubt it. I come from a family with a lot of problems and no one like it. No one wants it. It's just a terrible situation but to me you sound like very oh, he pushed me down the stairs! Oh tee hee! Yea I wanna die! My sister wants to die! My brother is gonna kill my dad! Isn't that wunda-full?! Soooooo I don't know what your hoping to accomplish but good luck? Have fun with that?

Oh but what do I know? I'm just a stranger
I'm not asking anyone to believe me. I don't really care. It's not like any of you have to live with this. And yeah my family is slightly screwed. We used to be better. We used to crack open coconuts for fun. Sounds stupid yeah. Once i thought there was cream inside but it turned out there was cloudy water. We also used to make smoothies and milkshakes together and we went for ice cream together :'(

And back to my Point My sister is a little drama queen so I think she wants attention. My brother has some serious anger issues.

Idk I just wanted someone to talk to because I keep everything inside and t depresses me :(( i have no one to speak to but my ED voice and its really pathetic. and yeah my dad pushed me down the stairs. But only four stairs. I'm not even hurt.
You sound sooooo fake sorry but you really do! If it wasn't a big deal.... WHY BRING IT UP! Eh? I'm sorry for you but if you didn't want support or help or for anyone to believe you or blah blah, then WHY did you post it? Hmmmm? Excellent question #2: what is the point? WHY the melodrama?
Original Post by Smudgie98:

You sound sooooo fake sorry but you really do! If it wasn't a big deal.... WHY BRING IT UP! Eh? I'm sorry for you but if you didn't want support or help or for anyone to believe you or blah blah, then WHY did you post it? Hmmmm? Excellent question #2: what is the point? WHY the melodrama?

Why are you judging so much..?? How do you know she isn't going through that..?? Some people deal with things differently! Maybe her way of dealing with it is laughing it off and trying to convince herself that it isn't that big of a deal.. You can not blame her for needed to be heard.. Everyone needs advice now and then.. If you have nothing good to say on a post forum then keep it to yourself. Thanks. :)

And if your parents really are doing such things then maybe you need to tell somebody, like everyone else is saying. You could talk to a teacher at school or even ask the counselor at school if you can talk to her about the situation; she might be able to help you even if it is just being there to listen to what you have to say. I hope everything turns out alright for you.. :/ My dad is sometimes mentally abusive to me too, but not as severe as that.. :/

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