Fostering Children's Social Interaction

I have a toddler that will be 2 1/2 in a couple of weeks that has a hard time being social with other kids her age.  She takes a long time to warm up to people, still prefers adults (esp me) to other kids, has a hard time with transitions between activities, and prefers to watch and learn and show only me what she learned at a later time.  I know that part of it is just her personality and part is just her very normal stage of development.  I want to encourage her to grow socially before headstart next year.  I put her in 2-3 yr old gymnastics class to give her another opertunity to be around other kids her age, as we really just stay at home most the time.  She has been to three classes so far.  She refuses to participate in circle time (warm up) at all.  She watches intently and I know she is learning the activities b/c she will do them at home.  I practice with her at home so that she has the confidence to do the activities in class, but it has not made a differance yet.  When it is station time, she will do about half of the activities.  Sometimes she needs me, the teacher, or another parent to help her stay on task.  Sometimes she does not want to follow the direction and prefers to do something eles and throws a tantrum when we try to direct her.  She also has a VERY hard time understanding that at the end of class, all the kids have to leave.  The teacher is very good about doing the same set of activities at the end so the kids know class is ending soon, giving them warning, and allowing them to just play for a few mins once class is over.  I give my DD the same amount of free playtime at the end each time reminding her that we will be leaving in X mins.  Everytime, I've had to carry her out barefoot and screaming.  I know that she is not "ready" for the class.  That's why I have her in it!  I want to use it to TEACH her those skills.  Does anyone have any advice on how I can help her develop these skills?  Particularly participating durning circle time next to the other kids.  My goals for her in this class are: 1) At least sit in the circle (she stands outside of it the whole time) 2) Follow the directions of the teacher and allow me to step away 3) Understand the events leading up to leaving and be complient and 4) Interact with the other kids.

It is awesome how you have planned out what you want her to be able to do.  That kind of forethought is SO HARD to do as a mom!

At 2 1/2, circle time may still be a difficult concept, as well as the routine of the class.  And some kids do take a while to understand what is expected of them.  When I was observing a preschool (4 & 5 year olds), the teacher would occasionally give treats (ie, A skittle or M&M) to everyone that was doing what they were supposed to be doing during circle time, but that might be hard to do in this situation.

Really, the best thing I can suggest to you is to act consistently.  Kids this age need to know what to expect, and if your attendance is sporadic, she isn't going to learn it.  Three classes really isn't enough for her to get the general idea of the routine, especially if they are weeks apart.  And she has NO concept of time, so telling her the time she has left is not going to make a big impression with her for another year or more.

As far as leaving - try distracting her.  We always wave goodbye to a fun place, then immediately start talking about something fun we can do at home.  Bring a loved stuffed animal and leave it in the car, so you can mention that "Snuffles" is lonely.  And I'm not above bribing with a special treat once we get in the car, either, to make it past this phase.

Be patient, she is very young for a classroom type setting - it will come.  Some kids are more ready for it than others - don't compare her to the others in the class.  At this age, you can't really "push" it on her.

Good luck, and enjoy your little one!

I think that so far you are on the right track. I think rux has some great ideas. They say that practice makes perfect. Maybe you could look to see if your library has story time? You  might try taking her there just for some additional practice at concentrating and getting involved with other kids. Might help. These types of things take time and lots and lots of practice. My twins still have trouble playing with other kids, sometimes. They are very shy. I used to try to take them to as many things as I had time for, just to get them in the groove, so to speak. They also started a nursery school 2 1/2 playgroup. And since they were toddlers, I had joined a moms club that had a playgroup for kids the same age. I used to take them to that for some social interaction as well. Good luck!

Haha, I run my house like a preschool.  I have written goals for everything and plans on how to meet them.  We have a special hat we leave in the car that she cannot have until we are in the car, buckled, and not throwing a fit.  I also make sure she wears her fav shoes up there so she GETS to put them back on, not HAS to put them back on.  The class is only once a week.  I know she remembers the last class, but I know it must seem like a VERY long time between them.  I know that just three classes is not nearly enough for her to have mastered ANY of the goals I have set for her.  I just want to make sure I'm on the right track teaching her.  Last class, I had her try to stand near the other kids and tell them "good job" and clap for them when they were doing what they were supposed to.  Think that will help?  I read that many kids are just not capable of this type of thing until three years old, so these aren't short term goals to me.  I just want to do everything I can as a parent to help her learn, esp since social skills of any sort are her weakest area of development.  I am pregnant right now (8 months!) and I would love for her to be able to have "friends" and an activity outside of the family to help with her sense of independance.  I'm sure bring home a new baby will be difficult for her.  I will look into the library and see if they have anything for her age group.  All the stuff I've heard about through them are for 6 and up so far.  I am in a stay at home parents group, but we only meet once a month which is not often enough to really impact DD.  It seems like I'm on the right track. *sigh of relief* Any more suggestions are welcome!

You sound like an awesome mom!  Wow.  I'm a speech-pathologist, and I haven't managed that sort of forethought with mine!

Really, the best advice for social skills is to just give her lots of opportunities to practice, talking about it immediately afterward, kind of an analysis with her.  Go to the playground when there are other kids there playing, usually right before or right after lunch is a good time to find other moms and kids.  The classroom setting of the gymnastics class really isn't the best choice for practicing social skills - I would think it is too structured, though it is still a great experience.

There are lots of books and videos about emotions and social skills for kids of this age.  Looking at and talking about those with her would be a great idea.  Teach her to introduce herself to strange peers with her name, then ask the other child their name.  This works great with my little ones.

And seriously, unless she is really behind other kids of her age, I wouldn't worry too much about it - by the time she is 4, I imagine she will be competent enough to play with other children.  The great thing is, MOST kids are geared to learn these things without being taught, if they are given ample opportunity.

If you are REALLY concerned, states usually offer some sort of developmental screening program.  Where I live, there is a program called Parents As Teachers, which is really awesome.  A parent facilitator visits the home several times a year to check development and show parents how to foster development in their children.  This is free and provided by the school district, I beleive.

If you are wondering what is normal - just type in "toddler social development" in a search engine and you'll find a number of resources.

I hope this helped - I didn't set out to write a book!

Original Post by puh8suwrux:

You sound like an awesome mom!  Wow.  I'm a speech-pathologist, and I haven't managed that sort of forethought with mine!

Really, the best advice for social skills is to just give her lots of opportunities to practice, talking about it immediately afterward, kind of an analysis with her.  Go to the playground when there are other kids there playing, usually right before or right after lunch is a good time to find other moms and kids.  The classroom setting of the gymnastics class really isn't the best choice for practicing social skills - I would think it is too structured, though it is still a great experience.

There are lots of books and videos about emotions and social skills for kids of this age.  Looking at and talking about those with her would be a great idea.  Teach her to introduce herself to strange peers with her name, then ask the other child their name.  This works great with my little ones.

And seriously, unless she is really behind other kids of her age, I wouldn't worry too much about it - by the time she is 4, I imagine she will be competent enough to play with other children.  The great thing is, MOST kids are geared to learn these things without being taught, if they are given ample opportunity.

If you are REALLY concerned, states usually offer some sort of developmental screening program.  Where I live, there is a program called Parents As Teachers, which is really awesome.  A parent facilitator visits the home several times a year to check development and show parents how to foster development in their children.  This is free and provided by the school district, I beleive.

If you are wondering what is normal - just type in "toddler social development" in a search engine and you'll find a number of resources.

I hope this helped - I didn't set out to write a book!

Thanks!  I'm a stay at home mom so I have a bit more time to focus on her than working moms can often afford.  We are involved with Parents as Teachers.  Its wonderful!  She is really advanced in all other areas.  I know she is right on track in this one.  I put her in gym b/c of the structure.  I want her to be learning how to follow directions from someone other than me and learn the kind of behavoirs she will need come preschool time.  This is kind of an in between step from staying at home to preschool.  I didn't even think about taking her to the playground to socialize!  I tend to miss the obvious.  I'm about as backwards as her, just I should have outgrown it by now.  :D  I have to really make an effort to demonstrate social behavoir for her benifit.  I haven't found any flash cards or books or videos that teach emotions.  We point out how people feel when watching tv, that Nehow Kylan (sp) seems to be pretty good about it.  Can you recomend specific books or videos?

I'm a stay at home mom, too.  A highly unorganized one, but I'm getting better!

And I'm reserved too, so I am really surprised at my oldest, who is a social butterfly.  Basically, they learn by imitation, so you show them how you want to act toward others by acting that way toward them.  Kids who have the best manners and always say please and thank you have parents that say please and thank you to them.

You can also do pretend play with a doll or stuffed animal, to act out social situations.  Exaggerate your facial expressions while you are acting situations out, while saying something like, "I'm so sad."

Some websites I found quickly were these:

http://www.babiestoday.com/articles/guiding-b abys-development/building-your-toddler-s-soci al-skills-3099/

http://www.parentingbookmark.com/pages/LM03.h tm

http://www.parents.com/toddlers-preschoolers/ development/social/

Your friendly neighborhood librarian might be able to point you toward some good books or videos that your library has.  Off the top of my head, Sesame Street & Callou would be a good start for her age (and there are books with these characters also), and deal a lot with social interactions.

There are specialized materials for teaching social skills - but I really don't think it is necessary.  Generally, unless a child has a disability like Autism, they don't need them, especially at this age.  And it is ok for a child to be reserved.  Just give her lots of opportunities.

You sound like you are doing a good job, and I think the gym is a good opportunity for her.  She'll probably relax after a few more times and participate more - at 2.5, they like to just soak stuff in, or at least my kids did!

I have two boys, 4 and 7. We also started teaching them to identify emotions when they were about 2 years old. Our school district offers Early Childhood and family education classes. The educators there always stressed helping children identify their emotions, theoretically it helps diminish tantrums, arguements etc. The classrooms always had some kind of emotion posters in them, such as this. I took pictures of my boys showing their emotion faces and hung them on the fridge. They loved having their photos taken of their emotions, and really did point to how they felt, especially when mad or frustrated by something. Not independently, but if I asked "can you show me how you feel". As they have gotten older they really do use words like frustrated, super duper happy, sad, jealous, etc.

Here is a link to the MOMS clubs. You might find one locally in your state. The one in my community is very active and was a great place to meet more family's in the extended neighborhood. They not only schedule weekly playdates, but mom's night out also! Good luck, happy socializing!

You guys are so supportive and are helping me come up with some great ideas!  Thank you!  My DD's half sister has autism.  I do not think that DD does, but am always watching for signs just in case as catching it early would be the best way to help her.  DD seems to have a great sense of empathy already and can name/demonstrate sad, happy, and scared.  What kind of learner would you classify a kid who sits back and observes?  A visual learner or auditory?  Maybe both?  Can you tell at this age?  How?

Hmm - I'm not sure you can tell learner classification at this age.  However, from an educational perspective, all children learn better using ALL processes: visual, auditory and tactile.  What comes into play is that if a child is capable of learning in the classroom without intervention, then there is no need to make things more difficult for the teacher.  Auditory learners have an advantage in the typical classroom, especially in the higher grades.

If a child is having difficulty, then everyone tries to figure out how to optimize learning.  But everyone learns best using a mixture of processes.  So I really don't think it is a big deal to know which is the predominant one at this point.  But, here is a chart that might help.

And no, it does not sound like she has autism, not that I'm an expert, but is just a bit reserved in new situations with new people.  Nothing wrong with that, and pretty common!  Empathy is an awesome thing to build into children, and beign able to name emotions is great at this age.  Remember, kids at this age are still into parallel play, where they play beside each other, rather than with each other.  As she gets closer to 4, she'll start role playing with other children (I'm the mommy and you're the baby) - it is a real hoot to watch!

Another thing you can do is practice directions with her.  Simple games of Simon Says (maybe without the trickiness of having to listen for "Simon Says"), where you give her 2 things to do at a time (2-step directions like "Pat your head and stomp your feet") is always fun.  You might even try to incorporate your own "circle time" during the day, just to reinforce the behaviors you are wanting in a one-on-one setting.

She does engage in some pretend play with me.  She "cooks" for me.  She's learning to diaper her baby.  She has me say good morning and goodnight to every one of her stuffed animals (with hugs and kisses).  I can tell that she is learning things, I think she just prefers to "practice" with me before anyone else.  I'm her safe zone.  Like I said, she seems to be right on track and I'm not worried about her, although she has not begun parallel play yet.  I just want to make sure that I'm doing all I can to make sure the growth continues.  I worry a little about it b/c I'm not so good at modeling social behaviors for her, and her daddy is the same way.  I want to make sure I give her every opportunity I can to be who she is.  If she's just shy, works for me...I'll be able to relate to her better.  But if she is a social butterfly, I want to make sure I'm not holding her back or neglecting to teach her the tools that will help her.  I don't want her to have learned negitive emotions about interacting socially or feel that she does not have the skills to make friends or whatever like I often do.

The chart didn't help me, since it covers things that she cannot communicate yet.  That was more just my curiosity.  I think that if/when you can identify which learning style is predominate, you can both work on the weaker two and make learning more fun by picking activities that focus on the streangth.