fostering a healthy lifestyle or screwing up my kids?

So today my daughter (3) was sitting at the table with her snack. She got up from the table, went to the kitchen, got my food scale and "weighed" her snack. Then she asked me if it was enough or too much. I couldnt help chuckling because it was just so cute. She will also get on my scale and ask how much she weighs. I always tell her..you are 28 pounds, a nice healthy weight! good job! must be all that cauliflower!

Obviously she is going to see what i am doing and try to imitate me. that's what kids do...my question is...is this healthy or should i be concerned? She isnt worried about losing weight..she's 3 for petes sake. I think this is probably just part of the process of getting healthy but i wondered if anyone else has had something like this happen.

i personally think having her weigh her food/portion it out correctly is a great thing. i was never taught what a correct 'portion' was, or even that there was such a thing as a suggested portion! when i started calorie counting i was shocked to see that a 'serving' of oreos was only two cookies-- i'd have guessed 4 or 6!

her and the big scale is a bit troubling-- you don't want her to get obsessed with the number and begin to measure her self worth in it (the way a lot of us women do...). however, being conscious of being healthy is a good thing...

I think as long as your keeping it positive and showing her a balanced way to eat it's fine. I learned my healthy eating habits from my mom and I'm very thankful to her for it. She was never negative about food though, just always encouraged good habits and healthy foods, and being balanced :)

yes, i agree with zoraj. keep her off the scale, but continue to teach her good eating habits.

the media keeps reporting how bad childhood obesity has become and I think its true. the other day my boyfriend (who is an ex-college football player and in the police academy) ate dinner with his adorably chubby 4-year-old neighbor. He told me that she ate more than he did!

stuff like that worries me. also, try not to tell her to "clean her plate." i was always told that, so I ate even when i was full. knowing a limit is important even if you have yummy leftovers.

i don't put her on the scale. she likes to get on it because she sees me do it. So instead of telling her she can't use it, i make it positive and tell her she's healthy. She's actually small for her age but healthy which is all that matters.

as far as cleaning her plate, she doesn't have to do that. I dont think making a kid eat when they are full is a good thing. it just teaches them to eat even when they arent hungry.

My gut reaction is that you are correct in that she's just at "that age" where she wants to do everything just like mommy does.  And I think you are doing great in keeping it light and positive.  If you get her in the mindset that there are "good" amounts and "bad" amounts of food early on, then it'll probably stick with her and she'll be less likely to overeat. 

I'm sure that as she gets older, her "do just like mommy" phase will naturally end.  I'd say that if it doesn't, then it will be time to maybe change your strategy.  In the meantime, keep on giving her all that positive encouragement! :)

And good for you for not being one of those "clean your plate" moms.  I agree with the others that a lot of damage is sometimes done when there's a "clean your plate" rule; makes children lose touch with what it feels like to be full.  In fact, teaching her that there are correct portions for everything will probably make it so she will be less inclined to pile more food than she could/should eat onto her plate to begin with.

Keep up the great work and tell her she's beautiful. :)

I think you are doing the right thing FS. Weighing, measuring, counting - these are merely math. As long as you are certain to make only positive references to the numbers for both you and her, you are creating a proactive healthy environment.

She is learning by example: Pay attention. Do your best. Make smart choices. Get fit.

nothing negative here, IMO.

I think it depends on your attitude. For example growing up I seen lots of adults who were diets..and also meant an uphappy attitude about the whole thing. I still remember my rather obese cousin telling my Grandmother to wait six months to cook a certain caserole so she could have some. 

However I am on a weight loss journey and wieghing food and myself is part of a healthy life style.  I am actually happier because I am going this route.  My DS likes to see how much his food weighs and that's fine. He knows it part of my life style for living healthy.  I haven't always lived this way.  But we've always had our 5 servings of fruit and veggies, and very few processed foods. 

.btw he's nearly 4 and weighs 45lbs, 43inches tall. The kid has six pack most of dream of.

My only concern is that my step daughter will be in less than a week.  She has always been chubby.  There was once when I was going to lose weight and she found out about it and wanted to jump on board. The problem, she was only 10. I quickly dropped the idea of actively trying to lose weight because I didn't want her to think she had to lose weight.   I plan all of the meals in my house, so they include lots of fresh foods and very little junk.  I just don't want her to think she has to count calories. She's entirely too young for that and I DO NOT want her on the scale in the bathroom.

 

Denise

I think both things are fine. Kids get on the scale at the doctor's office, doing so at home is no big deal. Look at it this way, a scale is a measure of health not weight and so long as you only say positive things about it, I don't think she will become obsessed at this age. Once she starts school other girls may impart some unhealthy ideas in her head. I saw this happening with my own daughters as early as second grade. So you might want to lay down some foundation before that happens, explain to her the difference between eating fruits and veggies and say…Oreos.  If she was my daughter I would tell her that to be healthy you have to eat a lot of the good things because they give her (And everyone else) the vitamins and minerals that her body needs to grow and be healthy (I would stress that healthy is a good thing---not thin) and that eating this way only leaves a little room for treats like ice-cream, Oreos, pizza, whatever. I would never say that a particular food is “bad” because that might create a problem later in life.

Teaching a child serving sizes and balance can only be a good thing in a society where we see a big mac, super sized fries and drink as a normal lunch

I guess I should explain why I think labeling any food as “bad” isn’t a healthy idea when it comes to kids.  At school people will bring in treats, there will be pizza parties, ice-cream parties, birthday parties and later in life when she’s at the age to participate in such events she shouldn’t have to feel that she’s doing something bad (Or taking something into her body that less than ideal) by participating in these events.

It’s funny how kids think. I remember a health teacher convincing me around fifth grade that a veggie pizza was VERY healthy because it contained bread, cheese and vegetables. Nowhere in this explanation did he explain portion sizes or daily calorie needs---at my kids school they still don’t. Also I remember thinking a diet was when you ate as little food as was possible because that’s what it seemed like the adults around me did when they “dieted” Also my mom made comments that had me thinking, milk, turkey breast and cheese were things you could eat as much as you wanted of because they were ‘healthy’ foods…everything in moderation was never taught in my house.

I don't keep scales in my house because I weighed myself obsessively as a kid because of my own weight issues (I was underweight and hated it).  My son (8 and autistic) likes to copy me sometimes and I was concerned that he associated exercise with trying to lose weight.  I told him that it's for fitness and I allow him to work out with me if he has proper form.  I have to remind him because he's self-conscious about his size (he's' growing really fast and has a belly). 

I actually warn him about sweets not because of weight but diabetes.  It's in the family history and I don't want him eating too much sugar.  He gets this idea that "it's juice so it's good for you) and he over does it.  Being autistic also presents challenges since he limits his diet drastically and is reluctant to try new things (anything crunchy).

Keeping it positive is good and trying not to talk about your own desire to change your body helps your child see it as healthy.  My parents had so much self-loathing that it took many years after I gained weight to try a weight loss program.  I vowed never to "diet" in front of my kids. 

The whole clean you plate issue is a really hard one for a parent, i know i struggle with it on a daily basis.

when my kids where very young they used to eat everything, veg anything they loved fruit and all sorts of healthy things and i never needed to be a "clean you plate" mum, so when they said they where full i could happily let them leave any leftovers.

But as they got older and they watched other kids at school they picked up on the other kids bad habits as alot of these kids where from familys who lived off unhealthy foods.

these days i have 2 children that will do ANYTHING to avoid eating thier vegatables, won't touch fruit and will reach for the candy EVERYTIME and i have to admit im at a loss as what to do about it...

I don't want to be a "clean your plate" mum because i do think it teachs kids to ignore the full feeling and over eat, besides who am i to say when my kid is full i can't possibly know when he's full and the last think i want is to make him sick.

I really worry about what my kids eat daily because although thier school does try to offer healthy choices they eat 2 of thier 3 meals at school and i have no control over what they eat and the teachers can't force a child to eat the veg and ill bet you any money my kids veg gets left at the side of the plate EVERY day. 

I like to make sure i have seen them eat at least one "healthy home cooked meal at day" but the problem i have is that they stuff up on rubbish at school come home and do thier best to avoid my healthy meal.

As more and more time go's on my kids seem to get VERY VERY full at the dinner table, if they eat anything it's all thier meat and possibly a little potato and the veg just sits there every time .... along with thier new favorite line of "but i don't like it" or "im full"  

The trouble is no sooner have they excused themselves from the dinner table they are after unhealthy snacks. I've never let them have more than one unhealthy treat a day.... and i don't really feel i should give them to them when they quite possibly havn't eaten anything healthy all day, so i try and encorage the "well if you hungry get an apple" idea or i sugest so other heathier option but my attempts are shot down everytime as they reach for the candy.

i've tried not buying the unhealthy snacks so they are not an option but then i feel cruel because all the other kids in the street have them and i don't want my children to feel like they miss out on normal kid treats.

So then it becomes very difficult not to fall into the trap of "you can't have snacks unless you cleaned your dinner plate" but i feel really bad about this because i hate to think of my kids force feeding theselves beyond being full just so they can get snacks because i don't think this is a healthy way to view food. 

i think that food awareness is a really good thing to be fostering at an early age, but letting her weigh herself is a little scary.  right now it's no big deal, because when you tell her that she's perfect and celebrate her growth, she'll believe you.  within a couple of years, though outside influences are going to become more potent.  she'll be getting mixed messages about weight and it will be confusing for her.  add to this the fact that most kids are concrete thinkers until they're 13 or 14, i think it's a recipe for trouble.

if it were me, i think i would tell her that little girls don't need to weigh themselves unless they're at the doctor's office. 

Personally, I don't really think you need to keep her off the scale. If she has to ask you how much she weighs, then the numbers must not mean much to her. It's just a cute little attention-seeking thing at the moment.

It's always possible for her to become obsessed with her weight when she's older, but I don't think that her being on the scale right now will do anything but promote a healthy weight. You might want to edge her away from it when she understands the numbers a little better though.

I was a chubby kid raised by chubby adults.  I'd always been extremely active - skating, riding horses, riding motorcycles, etc.  During the summer, the only time I was indoors was to sleep or eat.  I was baked brown and bleached blond by the time school would start the next year.  Eat what you want, when you want, and as much as you want. Because of my activity level, I managed to burn most of it off.

In fact, getting ahold of a particularly tasty snack item was rather competitive, even though I'm an only child.  I took to hiding things in my room because I didn't want to eat them right away.  I knew that I left the Doritos in the pantry that they'd be gone in a day or two.  That meant that I wouldn't get any at all.  Since I didn't want them at the time, I hid them so that I could have some later.  My mother found my stash and hauled me into see a shrink.  She was convinced I had an eating disorder and that I was purging or something.  I think I was 11.  I explained to the shrink why I did it and he told my mother to leave me alone. 

As I got older, it got worse.  I got more tangled up in academic pursuits and less in the physical activities that I'd always been a part of.  When I got ready to start high school, we packed up and moved to the city.  We ended up in a horrible neighborhood and I was afraid to go outside by myself. We had gang markers up all over and you could hear gun fire a lot.  But all through that, my eating habits remained the same.  It was all I knew.  You don't want to know how quickly I gained weight. 

One of the best things that ever happened to me was getting into a really bad argument with my parents and moving out at 14 to go live with my aunt.  My aunt and I have always gotten along well.  She's a no-nonsense kind of woman but very loving and supportive.  She made me stay in high school, get an after school job, and keep my grades up. She's probably the only reason I finished high school. After I'd lived with her for about a month, she pulled me aside and had a long talk with me about my eating habits.  I hadn't even really known that there was such a thing as a portion until then. 

 Imagine my surprise in finding out that 1/2 a pan of lasagna is not a "serving".  Then this light bulb in my head clicked on and "Oh...that's what this is all about."  I started eating pre-portioned meals from places like Lean Cuisine.  Once I stuck to those, the weight peeled off me.  And it stayed gone until a couple of years ago when I hurt my ankle.  When you can't walk, roller blade, bike, skateboard, shoot hoops, go bowling, or any of the other things I love to do, it's amazing how fast the weight comes back on.  Now I'm fat and I have do something about it. 

I didn't learn anything about *how* to eat until I was 14 or 15 and until recently, I've never really learned how the rest of the world eats.  I've always been active enough that I could just shove what ever I wanted into my mouth with impunity.  I've seen the day when I had to consume 3000 (not a typo) calories or more per day just to keep my weight up.  So now, here I am, 40 years old, 60 pounds overwieght, and trying like holy heck to unlearn a life time of bad habits. 

Your daughter is lucky to have you.  It's obvious that she's picked up portion control and choices from you.  These are valuable weapons when it comes to keep the mass media machine at bay.  How likely is she to supersize her meal for another 69 cents if she understands what it will cost her in terms of her health?

 Now that youv'e armed her with that information, arm her with the rest of it.  Explain to her that there aren't any good scientific studies done on what children should weigh.  Growth spurts have a huge impact on body weight.  Many children start to eat more right before they grow.  Much of this is poorly understood.  Explain to her how to let her body be her guide on what to eat and not eat.  Explain to her about eating slowly so that she has time to feel full before she's stuffed.

If you want her to understand body weight, explain it to her.  If you want her to be able to discard the stupid, dangerous, or outright ridiculous things her friends are going to tell her about weight, you must arm her with the truth. 

faierersunshine - i didn't mean to imply that you put your 3-year-old on the scale. my bad.

i agree with what you said. she just wants to be like mommy :) and if you're being healthy, she will be too.

I agree with the idea of arming her with the truth. My kids both know i'm not on a diet. I'm eating to get healthy and I want them to be healthy. They know i'm excited to be losing weight but we also talk about how much better i feel eating the foods my bodies feel to be healthy.

My daughter has no clue what the numbers mean on the scale. I could tell her she weighs negative 30 or 872 and it wouldnt mean anything to her. I think she is just having fun and being like mom.

I also think that it's a good idea to teach her to eat healthy and to teach portion size at a young age. I have a friend who had her kids tell her how many calories were in a serving of doritos. They told her 150. She then asked how much was a serving. They thought it was the whole bag. So i think it's definitely important to teach our kids how to eat healthy but equally important not to give them mixed or bad messages about foods. My kids know there are no bad foods if eaten in moderation; a lesson i wish i had learned at their age. I hope that when they are adults, they won't have the problems i have had as an adult. Being a parent is teaching your kids what they need to know to help thm be productive, healthy, happy adults; this is just one more step.

I think it's wonderful that you are showing your daughter healthy habits as well as sharing her "triumphs" with her. Not only are you sharing physical health habits you are nurturing her mental health as well. With a firm relationship bond it will be so much easier for her to come to you with her own personal struggles.

Cheers to you for your efforts.

i always wonder the same thing. my daughter is 5. she is weighed each morning. we both weigh in the morning. i am trying to lose. she needs to gain. everytime she gets on the scale i say, WOW, your so healthy, you must be eating fruits and veggies. she doesnt know if i mean her weight is high or low. just that is it right (Actually it is low).

she likes to know what is healthy. sometimes she tries to convince me that candy is healthy. i tell her, yes, some candy is healthy. but not all day.

i worry, am i doing it right, or am or teaching her to obsess over food, what is ok to eat and what not. but then i watch her. she doesnt freak out over treats. she stops when she is full. OH, that is one thing i do with her. I dont say 'finish your food' or 'clean your plate'. i always ask if she is full. after she finishes a meal she normally says 'look i am full' and lifts her shirt so i can see her belly. like so many families have their, "if you dont finish your food you dont get dessert" thing. who the heck eats dessert right after dinner? if she had only picked at her food and haddnt ate, i put it in the fridge for later, instead of allowing a snack or dessert (ussaly air popped popcorn with red pepper sauce, yes, a 5 year old who likes hot and spicey). but had she of ate enough of her meal, 2 hours later when we have a snack, YES she gets her serving.

she is a hungry kid, i swear i dont know where she got her metabolism. She is normally starved before bed. we often have no clue how to fill her up before bed. she will drink 1 liter of milk, 4 turky dogs and 2 quesadillas and then pass out. we started haveing her have a glass of water between each item. hot dog and water. quesadilla and water. we do this simply cause we are not sure all that food before bed is healthy on her digestion, and also we worry she is thursty and not STARVING cause we live in mexico. but if she were to say 'i cant drink anymore water, i am hungry', we listen to her.

i think it is wrong to give the message 'it is only a hour till dinner, you can wait'. if you kid is hungry, you give them something, apple slices with s bit of cheese. something. you know!

i know this is not exactly what you had asked, so i wasnt saying this directed at you. it is my own thoughts, and i do think about this allot.

my mom tought us to over eat, i saw her 'deit' and binge. so, what do you think i did? well i spent most my life over eating, never tought about portion, saw bad examples. so i dont want that for my girl. but i always wonder how i will screw her up!

I think it's just a cute phase that she's going through.  Good for you not forcing her to eat or focusing on the numbers beyond healthy.

leiela is there any chance that you could trick your kids into eating healthier foods.  For instance, make Black Bean Brownies or Pumpkin Muffins?  There's sugar, but it's offset with the fiber and protein from the beans and nuts with the healthy fat and they don't taste like they're beans in either of them.  If you make them in the mini muffin size then a couple of them would be a good snack or even a breakfast.

Skinnycow22- I know you didnt mean that i put her on the scale! I was just saying that it's something she thinks is fun!

 

What i really think is sad is the differences between how boys and girls are perceived. I see it even with my own children. When my son would eat a lot, family and friends would say things like wow he's a good eater! that's great! he's going to be a big boy! and it was always positive. With my daughter the tone is different it's wow she's a big eater and they grimace. i know they are thinking i hope she doesnt get fat like her mom. heck, ive even had people say you better watch that. its frustrating. i want my kids to be healthy. i dont want them focused on weight.