Freakout!!! Wth dude!

Okay, so my boyfriend and I have been having some communication issues lately. I thought, no big deal, we'll get over it. Then Friday, I just made it home in time to catch him leaving my things at my house with a letter. We talked about the letter and he decided that no, he doesn't want to break up after all. But hey, this letter is all wrong!!! See copied letter below;

     I listened to your voice mail. You said I’ve compromised just as much if not more than you have. That isn’t true. You’re the one that’s made all the compromises; I haven’t done anything besides try to change you. Before you met me you were a Buddhist, Punk rocker, dedicated baseball fan. Now you’re neither of these things, all for the sake of accommodating me. It’s no wonder you’re going through an identity crisis.

      I haven’t been fair to you. I should have unconditionally accepted you for all of your quarks, flaws, and beliefs. I never really did. I thought I could change you. It didn’t seem that hard. You did it on your own.  You should have just left me instead.

   You told me every guy you were with put you at the center of their universe. You were never at the center of mine. I’m at the center of my universe. I recommend you start being at the center of yours.

   Your love language is words of affirmation. But that’s not enough. You want me to text and email you throughout the entire course of the day. I always hated that. It’s embarrassing when I’m talking to Norman or Mike and my cell phone is going off every five minutes because for every text I sent you, you would have already responded with 4. It may seem like I’m exaggerating, but that really does happen. For future reference, it’s a little smothering. If I know you’re with your friends I wouldn’t hammer you with text messages, it’s rude. The point is, I can’t keep up with you. It’s not enough that you want me to tell you I love you and how pretty you are six times a day but you want this consistent channel of communication. I can’t do that. And to be honest I don’t think any other man could either.

       I hate drama. And it seems lately all I’ve been getting from you is drama. I know we’ve already been over this but I just want to re-iterate it. I never had a problem being your emotional outlet. As a matter of fact I liked being your shoulder to cry on. You are the most irrational woman I’ve ever met. You cry about everything. It’s taken a toll on me.  You’ve exceeded my limit.  It’s no longer desirable to be around you. Even when you’ve been offered reasonable advice you manage to dwell over the same **** for weeks. I need a woman who has her **** together. And you don’t. You’re a mess. You’re not only irrational, you’re inconsistent. You’re a roller coaster. Some days you’re pleasant, other days you’re a real bitch. You’ve even admitted it. And I quote, “I was just being a bitch”. Remember? I had you repeat it. Even when we climb I don’t know if you’re going to be doing nines or sixes. No offense, it sucks climbing with you. It was great at first but then you just got this preconceived notion like you have to be **** Steph Davis. I hate watching you climb new routes, especially mine because if you don’t climb it I have to brace myself for a bitch fit. You just can’t except it that you’re not on your game but you freak out over it and the rest of the day sucks.

   You told me the other night that you can’t be yourself around me that you have to monitor everything you say before you say it. That isn’t love. It’s suffocation. We’re not right for each other. We never were. All we do is consistently work at making it better. And it’s never going to get better. It’s only going to get worse. We can’t live like this. We’re always at each other’s throats. You need someone who is going to love you for all your worth. It’s over. Don’t bother coming over. I won’t be there. Don’t talk to me for at least a week. Please take this time to think and reflect. Talk to your friends. And do it rationally, I promise within a day or two it’ll all make sense.

I don't think our relationship will be the same after this!! I personally have no clue how I should approach it. It seems somewhat after the fact to bring it up now, but it's somewhat harsh and there wasn't a whole lot of communication about any of this beforehand.

I'm sorry... you'd want to stay with him why?

is what he saying true. why do you like him.

I think this is a thoughtful letter from a decent guy who has tried to work things out but has come to the conclusion that he's not a fit for you. Based on what I can tell from the letter, there's some more maturing needed for both parties.

he sounds very honest and very done with the relationship. but i think he is not being honest when he said he doesnt want to break up. i bet its only because you caught him and he is avoiding more drama. hates confrontation...

its scary that you thought everything would be fine "we'll get over it" and you got that letter.

let him go. sounds like yall are so not even on the same planet. anyone who tries to change you cant accept you for who you are. you dont change people, and trying to do so is futile. if he cant accept you as is, help him pack.

oh, and tone down the emotional roller coaster and the smothering. in general, guys dont do well with that. when you meet the guy who will voluntary strap himself in beside you, hang on tight to that one. :)

does wth=what the hell?

Yes it does.

Sounds like he was being honest with you, but also a total wimp if he can't say it to your face and was planning to break up with you via "letter".

I say you can do better.

If you feel that some of the things he said were true, then really evaluate that for the future. If you don't feel that some things were true, then ask yourself why he would say that. It definitely doesn't seem that you guys do have good communication, if he never brought these things up before. Yes, he may be saying how he really feels in the letter, but it wasn't fair for him to not tell you how he felt all along, and then just suddenly drop thison you. If he had an issue with you, he should've told you ahead of time, so that you could have an opportunity to change it. Overall, if you really have had to change everything about yourself to be with this guy, then he wasn't right for you to begin with. To answer your question, it sounds like you guys are on two different planets all together. You may have strong feelings for each other, and this makes you want to work things out, but you'd be better off finding someone that operates more on the same page as you do.

i agree with cajun and WG.

his letter seemed well thought out. while in parts it was pretty damn harsh, it was probably what he thought you needed to fully understand.

and i think he got caught leaving the letter, and felt guilty and/or cowardly, so he said he didn't want to break up with you. i'm sorry, but if the letter had been shorter, that maybe would have been believable.

i think it's over...whether you guys want it to be or not.

Really he sounds like a smart guy who can write his thoughts down even if he can't say them out loud.
I went out with a drama king once.  Dropped him fast.  I can relate to not wanting that kind of drama in my life.

My best advice, find yourself.  He is right about you needing to be the centre of your own universe.  Find out why you need drama in your life, it is probably covering up for an issue that you need to work out on your own.

Sorry if this seems a bit harsh, but I was a former drama queen.  I worked out my issues, it took two years of therapy to work them out.  Now I like the calm that I created out of my life.  Never going to go back to that old self.

Let the poor guy go.  He's even given you an opportunity to break up with him so you can save face.

LOL omg that guy HATES you. Break up with him you loon!

Jackattack, the fact that you continuously say rude things just to get a rise out of people is getting very very old.

Not knowing either of you, and basing my opinion strictly on what's in his letter, I'm surprised he didn't leave a long time ago.  Most men don't like being messaged constantly.  He makes you sound smothering and selfish.  I don't know if that's true, or not.  But, if that's the way he feels, then it doesn't sound like you belong together.  It also doesn't sound like this was an overnight decision on his part.  Sounds like you've been having problems for a while.  Again, just basing my comments on what's in his letter.  You haven't really explained YOUR side of the situation.

jackie speaks the truth in her own way. no sugarcoating. personally, i like how she cuts through the happy-dappy bs and gets to the heart of the matter. pffft.

If you love yourself, let this guy go.  If you even like this guy, let him go.  The only future you have at this point is pure poison.  Don't just wait a week, give it at least a few months or years before even attempting a friendship.

- You've changed for him, he hasn't changed for you.  You resent this.  It's not surprising, it's not fair, go back to being who and what you want to be.  Change only works when it's for yourself.

- See above.

- Life is too short not to be selfish about being the center of your own universe.  Really live for yourself, not others, even if you have children you can't live for them.

- Give it a rest on the constant text messages and phone calls.  If that's his thing, he'll be sending you a ton, if it's not it's annoying.  And the constant validation is just over the top.  "Aren't I pretty?" - nope, not after asking that.  "Don't you love me" - nope, not at the moment although maybe tomorrow.

- drama, save it for times when it's really important or really effective.  Daily drama is wearing.  Constant PMS isn't fun for anyone.  How do you function with daily crying or bitch fits?

- you have to constantly monitor what you say so that he won't break up with you or disapprove...seriously?  What are you 5 and he's your daddy?  If you have to constantly check what you're going to say either he's way too disapproving or you're way too outrageous, possibly some combination of the two. 

Break up, have the last word, whatever makes you feel good at the end of the day, but finish it.  Go cry with your girlfriends, your boyfriends, go bar hopping and cry on the bartender's shoulder, whatever you need to do.  Then make a list of what you like about yourself and what you don't like and then what you're willing to change and work on yourself.

I wouldn't say that he hates, you but he definitely hates being with you.  The letter was actually kind.  If I were him I'd just disappear, change my phone #, move and never talk to you again.

Original Post by watergirl:

jackie speaks the truth in her own way. no sugarcoating. personally, i like how she cuts through the happy-dappy bs and gets to the heart of the matter. pffft.

 It's completely unecessary to laugh at the girl, say her boyfriend hates her, and then say she's a loon. I don't see where there's truth in that or how it's helpful.

Original Post by jackattack07:

LOL omg that guy HATES you. Break up with him you loon!

Hey, don't badmouth loons. Loons are awesome.

Original Post by jblarghp:

Original Post by watergirl:

jackie speaks the truth in her own way. no sugarcoating. personally, i like how she cuts through the happy-dappy bs and gets to the heart of the matter. pffft.

 It's completely unecessary to laugh at the girl, say her boyfriend hates her, and then say she's a loon. I don't see where there's truth in that or how it's helpful.

 

A lot of the time, people need a serious wake up call. I like to think that my rude and blunt comments usually get through to people easier than "oh hunny, he might not be the one."

I don't care whose feelings I hurt on the internet. If something is funny to me, I'll laugh at it. And this was funny!

Original Post by jblarghp:

Original Post by watergirl:

jackie speaks the truth in her own way. no sugarcoating. personally, i like how she cuts through the happy-dappy bs and gets to the heart of the matter. pffft.

 It's completely unecessary to laugh at the girl, say her boyfriend hates her, and then say she's a loon. I don't see where there's truth in that or how it's helpful.

 

Once again I agree with WG.  I like the little brat too.

brats are delicious. with a little hot mustard.