Friend/Boyfriend Troubles
So basically, I have a goal to lose 10 pounds by the time Christmas rolls around, and I've let my friends know VERY well that i'm on a diet. However, my self control when i'm out with friends is... pretty lousy, even though I try to make healthy choices. And I feel like even though I've told my friends and my boyfriend that i'm trying to stick to a diet, they're not helping at ALL. everytime i'm around, they still crack out the HUGE family size bag of Lays. For example, I went to Subways today (good choice on my part, cuz i got a Roast beef, no sauce, so not that many calories) except my boyfriend, who went with me, got this thing dripping in mayo and cheese with a coke, chips AND a cookie. Now i know its all good and dandy for him to eat it, cuz his metabolism is the speed of light, and he burns more sleeping than I do at the gym, but i just felt like its wrong for him to dangle the stuff in my face. Is it bad for me to want him to eat healthy with me (he's not healthy at ALL. think cheeseburger + large chili fries for lunch, and large pasta at BJ's for dinner, then haagen daz for dessert type of person) or should I just go on refusing his offers of cookies (he's just trying to be nice ><;;) and just deal with the fact that he's going to continue to tempt me with his menu choices?
.. i'm kind of scared about asking him to eat healthier around me, cuz when I went vegan last year, he was pretty unsupportive =d cuz he LOVES meat, and if we share a meal, he can't order meat.. and this time when i told him i was gonna start dieting again he was like "OMG do NOT go vegan" and got really freaked out... even though he, imo, thinks i need to lose a few pounds too.
You don't want your friends/bf to demand you stop your diet, so it's unfair to expect other people to change their eating habits because you're on a diet. But it's also difficult when you have people offering you goodies you can't have. I think when your friends/bf offer you things you can't eat, you should remind them you're on a diet. If they continue to offer ask them to stop offering you those sorts of foods, and hopefully they will.
i think its a bit harsh of your bf to tell you what you can or cant eat - that would annoy me! however, it would be exactly the same the other way round for you to ask him...
my bf and i live together and he refuses to go on a diet - which can be extremely annoying but i do respect. i used to eat nothing but 'diet food' as he put it, but between us we have managed to come up with even ground foods, that range from mega healthy to slightly naughty but managable. for example, he loves sausages but will quite happily eat quorn sausages which are half the calories and none of the fat. i will eat mince but we always get the leaner meat which is lower in cals.
there are of course foods that one of us will eat and the other wont. i LOVE pasta, he loves pizza lol... we do have the odd few meals a week that we each eat separately, and he is allowed to eat whatever he wants in front of me with the exception of cheesecake (my willpower does not cover cheesecake lol!) saying no makes me feel so much better about myself. your friends/bf will eventually get the hint. its taken my friends and family a long time to get used to it but they will eventually accept your healthy ways!
you should think of it as a challenge... for you to resist all these people eating in front of you
you're on a diet, not them. so just think of it as a test to see whether or not you're strong enough to block it out.
a trick that always worked for me is when people around me are eating as much as they want, whatever they want, i just think how disgusting it would be for me to eat what they're eating and gain weight. then i just concentrate on my food and enjoy. knowing that i will NOT be tempted by something that i hate the most right now: food that can make me fat.
Just because your friends and family have a high metabolism does not mean it is OK for them to constantly eat junk food. Their arteries will be getting clogged up with all that fat.
Just remember than when you watch your boyfriend tuck into his next mayonnaise sandwich. Not only are you losing weight, you are eating healthily and your body will thank you for it in the long run.
The only person that has a right to try to control what someone eats is the parent of a minor child, and outside of that, all we can do is advise if asked (unless it is a crisis situation). Since your boyfriend isn't on a diet, it would be wrong to try to control his eating habits in any way, even by requesting that he not order the foods he likes when he is eating with you at a restaurant. It would also be wrong of him to say anything negative about *any* diet choice you make--freaking out over the idea of someone going vegan is a little odd, so he may have some misconceptions about that, but unless you plan to actually do that, that isn't the issue. HOWEVER! Actually *offering* you food that breaks your diet IS inconsiderate and thoughtless! So the bottom line is that while it does hurt to watch other people eat stuff we are denying ourselves, it would be rude to expect them not to, but on the other hand if we've TOLD them we are dieting, it's just callous to continue to offer us forbidden foods. Next time he offers you a cookie you should explain to him that you would appreciate his support for your current endeavor and that he can best do that by not offering you food. As for what HE eats...unfortunately we all gotta live with that, but if you can manage to be proud of yourself after the meal for not buckling and for sticking with your diet, then you win.
Thats a tough situation. I know years ago, the first time I ever went on a diet my husband was always offering me goodies. He wasn't doing it to be mean, he just felt bad for me because he felt like I was always hungry--which I think I probably was! Not to mention, we live in a society that feeds people because they care about them. (i.e., when we throw a shower, we feed people, when we celebrate a wedding, feed em, when someone passes away, we feed the family, etc, etc, etc) I finally had to tell him not to feed the bear! It's dangerous on his part because if I gain weight then I'll blame him---LOL!
I think if you are firm and clear on the issue and ask for their support without expecting them to eat likewise, eventually they will get the message. You could tell them "I really appreciate that you want to give me yummy stuff--but I'm trying really hard not to sabotage my weight loss so it would be really helpful if you didn't try to give me such tempting goodies"
I feel you! I wasin the same type of situation, with me still about 35 lbs away from my goal and my BF being underweight! The whole weight thing wasn't huge until I gained weight during my pregnancy, then kept it on because it was being stubborn and not coming off. Sometimes it's very difficult to keep the will power that I need to have to reach my goal because there is temptation EVERYWHERE! However, my BF was just diagnosed with Celiac Disease, so now he has to adhere to a strict diet himself, which I know is going to be difficult for him, but a teensy bit better for me because that takes French Fries, cake, cookies, pizza, etc out of the house!
Don't tell your boy what to eat. I know personally how hard it is to tell someone who isn't overweight or visibly unhealthy to eat healthier. They don't care for the most part, because they don't feel they need to. But, again, don't let him tell you what to eat. If you want to be a vegan, do it. If you want to eat a raw food diet, do it! It is your body and your health that you need to be concerned about, and if you are not happy with your weight/health, then he won't be happy, right? Do what is healthy for you and don't build your life around what he tells you to do.
As for the friends issue, just work on your self-control. They might give you a hard time at first, but overall they will admire you for saying no when you need to. Just keep up with your own plans and keep a positive outlook on it. The more you think about how much you think you have to give up, the more you will feel down!
It really is a tough situation to deal with.
Two things have worked for me:
1) NO BOOZE - If I have a drink, my will power evaporates.
2) Look for things to enjoy with friends that don't involve eating or are incompatible with it. Exercise is great. Movies and other performances are pretty good too.
You can do it!!
haha thanks for all the advice and encouragement, guys! I actually (kinda embarassed here) never thought about it from that perspective, and now that ya'll mention it, it makes a lot of sense. So i had a talk with my boy yesterday, and besides giving me a lot of tips from his physiological science class on what stuff is healthy, and telling me where I should be eating on campus next month (i'm going to college! whooppee!!!) he agreed to stop offering me goodies, and occasionally go with me to the gym!
so thanks for all the advice, everyone! it really helped a lot XP
It is very interesting what you are saying, however I see you need a help from outside to make you stay close to your decision about dieting. It is more - you demanding help. You want your boyfriend to change habits because his eating style doesnt help you.
It might be hard for you to understand that your point of view is not a centre of EVERYTHING.
If you can make your own decision about dieting you can be responsible for it by yourself without puting everybody else around you into guilt of your mistakes.
Sorry Sweetheart, did not want to hurt your feelings, but if you want to move forward, start to be responsible for your own choices...
I have a friend, she is vegan absolutely! She does not touch leather things, she will not seat into the car with leather inside, because it is awful!
I'm OK with her choices as long as she started make those laud comments which hurt people feelings... "ooo, you dont care about our mother earth! you eat meat! you know how they feed those caws? they cut half of rain forest to do it!Oooo!
or " you have leather wallet! you know that is a part of some poor pigs body, dont you"
and she does not understand that if animal was killed once for food, we can use its skin to do something better that throw it to garbage and produce even more plastic wallets.
What it is about?
Respect your own decisions by sticking to it.
Also respect decisions and actions other people as we want to live together in peace one beside another.
