Some friend!!

So I had a church thing last night and I was meeting a friend there so we could sit together. I had had a small dinner beforehand and worked out so I didn't have much time to eat. I got there and I was starving, and nothing really looked good but then I saw they had a bunch of donut holes. Not really healthy, but I had been good all day and I still had about 250 cals. I grabbed a couple and had just taken a bite of one when my friend walked up with her mom. Now let me just say she is very health conscious...almost too much so I think. All she eats is sugar free, fat free yogurt, Luna bars, and salads with fat free dressing (pretty much...I've seen her fridge!) She got this horrified look on her face and she was like, "Are those...donut holes??" I was trying to finish chewing and I was like "Yeah" and she goes, "Oh, me and my mom were just talking about how they never serve anything HEALTHY here." I wanted to disappear! I finished eating and threw the plate away and went to sit with them, but I felt awful, like I just wanted to go home.

This has been the last in a long list of things that makes me think maybe she's not good for  me. Anyone else have an experience like this...what did you do/say?

You have to ignore that! What's good for her isn't the same as what's good for you...think about how you described how/what she eats....taht's way more restriction than I would EVER put on myself! Sometime you NEED the donut holes....and it's not like you were stuffing your face. You were aware that it wasn't the healthiest choice, but you were aware that you had calories left that you could eat 2 of them.

My sis is a total health nut, and she has suggested other entrees at restaurants besides the one I wanted....I looked at her and said I'm in the mood for this and I'm going to have it, but if that looks good to you then you should get it. I don't take that! But I can be very confrontational!

Thanks, I know it's not the worst thing I could have eaten...and you're right, I would never want to be as restrictive as her. That would be miserable! I also have to remind myself that I am not doing this for her or anybody else...I am doing it for me!

I don't think what she said was that bad. I mean, you yourself wrote that the donut holes wouldn't be healthy - and she was just reiterating that the church never has healthy stuff (confirmed since the most appealing thing there was the donut holes - I'm guessing if they had had some veggies and dip, or similar, you'd have had that instead?)

When I started my weight loss, I was at work, and they brought in donuts - I lifted up the lid, and stared at them, til my coworker (a very skinny young woman who I rarely saw eating anything but salad) said "They're not worth it." And I closed the lid - it was exactly what I needed to hear, because really, they weren't worth it. I still say that, when I look at something that I know won't taste that amazing, it'll just satisfy a sugar craving. She wasn't judging me - she was judging the donuts!

In your case, you were hungry, and you knew that you'd be better off eating a little bad, and not starve. So you know what you did was fine. All she was doing was complaining that the CHURCH never had healthy things, not that YOU were doing something so horribly wrong. If anything, I see it as commiserating with you.

I'd say in the future, if you are in a similar situation, just reply, "I know - I wish they'd have something better, but I didn't eat enough at home, so I got stuck with this." Then maybe suggest that she volunteer to bring healthy snacks to functions. :) 

Thanks, I really needed to hear that. Yeah, they didn't have anything healthy there, and if they had had veggies and dip I would have chose those. I guess I always feel like I'm being judged whenever someone makes remarks about my food choices. That is something I need to work on.

Please, I never let over-dieters bother me. If they can't figure out that you can totally have a cookie, a donut hole, a piece of cake, a beer, a cheeseburger, a WHATEVER, every once and a while and still be healthy and lose weight, too bad for them. THEIR LOSS! I'm so tired of people poopooing some food (and usually the person eating it) because to them "eating well" means complete self-denial at all times.

If your friend cared so much about the quality of the snacks she could lead by example and sign up to bring some healthy food herself instead of making catty comments.

I'm sorry you didn't get to enjoy your treat.

I agree with everyone else here! Let her diet the way she wants too, and you just do your thing!! Jeeze! Its not like you were trying to tackle her and shove them down her throat! ( as appealing as that might be some times:0)

Some people view "friendship" as a way to control their enviroment by controling those closest to them. Seems like this one may be in that frame of mind.

Original Post by m0m6:

 Its not like you were trying to tackle her and shove them down her throat! ( as appealing as that might be some times:0)

 

Believe me, the thought did cross my mind!

Yeah, don't worry about what she said; you already know they're not nutritious, and that even things like that can be eaten in moderation anyway so it doesn't matter.  If you feel judged by your friend, maybe you should point out to her that she's not all that "health conscious" anyway:

"All she eats is sugar free, fat free yogurt, Luna bars, and salads with fat free dressing..."

• Sugar-free foods typically replace their sugar with dangerous unhealthy chemicals like aspartame
• Fat-free foods usually replace their fat with added sugar
• Many fat-free yogurts (especially with "fruit at the bottom") contain high fructose corn syrup

Also, if her food choices are generally this limited, then she's probably missing out on some significant vitamins and minerals too.  Your friend really sounds like she's just one of the many people in this country who's notions of what "healthy" foods are has been skewed by the media, uneducated/fad dieters, etc.

Maybe if you point that out to her she'll think twice before commenting on what others are eating, and will take a second to look at herself too.

If not, it sounds like you're moving in a positive direction, so keep it up :)

Responses for next time -

And they taste great! Want one?

They're better for you than a whole glazed donut...

Just the right amount for dessert...

I haven't had one of these in AGES...

Only X amount of calories each.

Luna bars have a ton of sugar and calories, for the record.

Thanks for the responses, you guys cheered me up :) Yeah I know, Luna bars are not that healthy, but she keeps boxes of them on hand and once I pointed out they had a lot of sugar in them and she was like "But they're low GI, it says so on the wrapper! They're healthy carbs."

kajikit - I love those - thanks!

Original Post by emilyd22222:

Luna bars have a ton of sugar and calories, for the record.

I can't argue about the sugar, but if you're eating a luna bar as what they are intended to be (a meal replacement), the calories are actually pretty low.

Congratulations!  I think you did great!

You were hungry.  You were in a social situation.  There were no "healthy choices available.  You allowed yourself a small quantity of a tasty treat.

Good for you!

There's nothing wrong with allowing yourself an occasional small treat.

It sounds like your friend and her Mom are obsessive.  That's not a good thing.

You on the other hand, acted normally and maintained control over your eating.  That's something to be proud of if you ask me.

Besides learning good clean eating habits, we also have to learn how to react when confronted with just such situations as you described ... and not lose control!  You did it!  I'm proud of you.

thanks gpm! :)

Oh, I've known people like that, and I always try not to let them get me down... though it is hard.  It's irrating when you're trying real hard and the one time you let it go someone makes some remark.  I personally am a great believer in "all things in moderation" and feel that having an occasional treat won't kill my diet.  If I do that every single day I will never get where I'm trying to go, but better to have the doughnut holes or the chips or whatever when I want them than trying to avoid it and ending up binging on a large amount of "substitute."

Original Post by argylesweater:

Original Post by emilyd22222:

Luna bars have a ton of sugar and calories, for the record.

I can't argue about the sugar, but if you're eating a luna bar as what they are intended to be (a meal replacement), the calories are actually pretty low.

You're right. But a lot of people eat them as a snack. They're so delicious though, why can't they be 10 calories???

Healthy is all a frame of mind... seriously, your "friend" whoever she is may be eating what she thinks is a healthy diet, but her social life is apparently not turning out to be so fruitful. Clearly, she has to learn when to watch her tongue and just live a little... seriously, I would rather eat a donut-hole once in a while and enjoy it than stick to artificially sweetened anything for the rest of my life... blegh.