Friend making backhanded comments

Okay, I have a class with one of my friend's. She is always making these subtle comments that I really don't like

Today we were having a conversation about something, and she mentioned once we graduate we'll have nice cars, and then she said, "then all the men will want to talk to you then. you know how they are"

I've always been considered very attractive. And like most attractive women, I get looked at and approached rather often. (not everyday but enough) I've been pursued heavily by some guys. So I don't know what she means by "all the men will want to talk to you then".

She is always talking about how so many men are always trying to talk to her, and other things like that. It's like she desperately wants other people to know that other men find her very attractive.

I am humble and never talk about what guy wants to date me, or bring up how some guy was looking at my ass the other day (she does this a lot). Because this happens to MOST women and there are better things to talk about.

Sometimes I feel that she is jealous and this is just her way of trying to level me below her or something.

I work with a woman like that.  I just chalk it up to insecurity.  It can be frustrating at times, but I usually bite my tongue and let her talk.  I have other things to worry about then if someone likes me or wants to talk to me.
On the other hand if she notices someone talking to me and not her, she will go out of her way to turn the conversation to herself.  She works way to hard to be popular.
I like this woman, but her self esteem issues drive me insane.  At least I don't have to see her outside of work.

Original Post by dreamofbeingthin:

Sometimes I feel that she is jealous and this is just her way of trying to level me below her or something.

Exactly.  If she's your friend and you care about her, try not to pay it any mind.  Maybe even give her some compliments - perhaps if she is happier, she'll stop with those little barbs.

Sounds as if you don't much like her, so I suggest you just spend less time with her, and blow off any comments she might make about her or your own attractiveness.

I find that most people make casual, meaningless conversation that doesn't really warrant taking too seriously.

You can always laugh when she says something like "you know how men are" and ask "no, how are they?".  Don't let her insecurity be your problem.

Sounds like she's being a little bit passive agressive.   Then next time she makes a comment that you're unsure how to interpret, you should smile sweetly and hit her in the face with a brick.

She is definitely jealous and INSECURE. I would question what kind of friend she is. Throughout our lives we have different kinds of friends: some are there for a purpose, some for a season, some for a lifetime, some through different chapters of our lives. And we also have friends from differnet environments to meet our different interests: college, book clubs, hiking, church...not one friend can have all the same interests. You need to decide what kind of friend she is and what her purpose is in your life, what your purpose is in hers, and just leave it at that. Don't be too heart-broken. Friends come and go...keep those that are worth it :)

Original Post by dkenworthy:

Sounds as if you don't much like her, so I suggest you just spend less time with her, and blow off any comments she might make about her or your own attractiveness.

I find that most people make casual, meaningless conversation that doesn't really warrant taking too seriously.

You can always laugh when she says something like "you know how men are" and ask "no, how are they?".  Don't let her insecurity be your problem.

 She's beginning to annoy me. She is ALWAYS talking about how she has so many men to choose from, and that there is some guy who is checking her out over in Rm 101. Like who the f*** cares? Yet, if I bring up a guy who may be interested in me, she doesn't even have the attention span to listen for a good 2 seconds. Everytime I talk to her, she never fails to bring up a man and his attraction to her.

Maybe she thinks I don't get hit on much because i never talk about it.

Maybe neither of you are as attractive as you think you are.

Original Post by soniadelgada:

She is definitely jealous and INSECURE. I would question what kind of friend she is. Throughout our lives we have different kinds of friends: some are there for a purpose, some for a season, some for a lifetime, some through different chapters of our lives. And we also have friends from differnet environments to meet our different interests: college, book clubs, hiking, church...not one friend can have all the same interests. You need to decide what kind of friend she is and what her purpose is in your life, what your purpose is in hers, and just leave it at that. Don't be too heart-broken. Friends come and go...keep those that are worth it :)

 She's an old friend that I've known for a long time. Recently we reunited after we discovered we are taking the same class this fall semester. So I"m grinning and bearing it for the semester.

Original Post by dnrothx:

Maybe neither of you are as attractive as you think you are.

Ouch.

maybe she's so shallow/insecure that she judges worth by how many men want her/you.

(where's the person who's pet peeve it was for people to type/post words with the slash in between? teehee)

Original Post by crazydiamondchrysalis:

maybe she's so shallow/insecure that she judges worth by how many men want her/you.

(where's the person who's pet peeve it was for people to type/post words with the slash in between? teehee)

 She is that type. Every conversation is about how all the men want her; she even says that our professor has a crush on her when he has shown her no interest at all

Original Post by dnrothx:

Maybe neither of you are as attractive as you think you are.

Original Post by dreamofbeingthin:

Original Post by crazydiamondchrysalis:

maybe she's so shallow/insecure that she judges worth by how many men want her/you.

(where's the person who's pet peeve it was for people to type/post words with the slash in between? teehee)

 She is that type. Every conversation is about how all the men want her; she even says that our professor has a crush on her when he has shown her no interest at all

 I just have to state for the record that you may not know what the professor has/has not done.  One of my friends was approached by a professor who was later kicked off of her campus for misconduct.  He didn't approach her in class with lots of students there.  He did it behind closed doors when she went for help on a paper.

But yes, otherwise I think it sounds like she's insecure.  If you value her friendship maybe jokingly mention that you'd like to talk about something else once in a while.  You know "I get it!  You're hot!  Now, about the mid-term..." or just don't pay attention.  If you don't value the friendship much, start spending less time with her.

Original Post by lilsammi23:

Original Post by dreamofbeingthin:

Original Post by crazydiamondchrysalis:

maybe she's so shallow/insecure that she judges worth by how many men want her/you.

(where's the person who's pet peeve it was for people to type/post words with the slash in between? teehee)

 She is that type. Every conversation is about how all the men want her; she even says that our professor has a crush on her when he has shown her no interest at all

 I just have to state for the record that you may not know what the professor has/has not done.  One of my friends was approached by a professor who was later kicked off of her campus for misconduct.  He didn't approach her in class with lots of students there.  He did it behind closed doors when she went for help on a paper.

But yes, otherwise I think it sounds like she's insecure.  If you value her friendship maybe jokingly mention that you'd like to talk about something else once in a while.  You know "I get it!  You're hot!  Now, about the mid-term..." or just don't pay attention.  If you don't value the friendship much, start spending less time with her.

 The professor hasn't said anything to her at all. I am with her before and after class. She has a pattern of saying this about a few of her professors, after awhile it just sounds desperate and ridiculous

Original Post by dreamofbeingthin:

 The professor hasn't said anything to her at all. I am with her before and after class. She has a pattern of saying this about a few of her professors, after awhile it just sounds desperate and ridiculous

 Ah, different situation then.  I just wanted to point it out because it made my friend really uncomfortable.  She had asked him about the paper after class and he asked her to come to his office the next day, that's when it happened.  She didn't tell anybody but a few close friends until after some other campus girls had made accusations because she was afraid nobody would believe her.

Anyway, I stand by the other part.  I think she's just insecure.

Your friend is insecure. I think many girls, and even women, are like this, but the degree to which they are insecure/jealous and how they display it varies.

Personally, I only like male attention from my boyfriend. Any other time a guy hits on me, stares, etc., it makes me feel uncomfortable and even lowers my self esteem. But even when other girls talk about guys hitting on them, I still have that quiet voice in my head asking, "Do more guys hit on her than me? Is it because she's prettier, smarter, funnier, etc.?" And hell, I don't even like getting hit on--Imagine the reaction from girls who love getting hit on! They'll become super jealous.

Girls are competetive. Some will even go to measures of lying to make it seem like they are "winning" and better than you. Don't let their insecurities get you down!

Original Post by dnrothx:

Maybe neither of you are as attractive as you think you are.

This

Strange comment to make, though unless it is paired up with a trend of denigrating you and your attractiveness, perhaps it was just her insecurity again. I don't mind people who brag about themselves if it makes them feel better, as long as they don't try to tear down others.

She is wrong, BTW. Overall, you will get less attention from men once you are more financially successful. However, you might increase the attention you get from more confident, less sexist men. (That includes a fair amount who are educated professionals themselves).

I had/have a friend like that. We aren't as close anymore due to living in different countries.

She would go on and on about guys checking her out, how flawless her skin was, how sexy her lips were, etc. I just found it entertaining to be honest. I couldn't tell if she thought really highly of herself, or if she was insecure. It was hard to tell.

She would also compare our weights and always imply she was smaller than me. Now, I'm 112 pounds and 5'4", she's 130 and 5'2." It never bothered me though. I didn't really care if she thought I was larger than her. It's funny because it seemed to bother her other friends more, they would roll their eyes and such.
One night after she had been drinking she actually told me (out of no where non-the-less) that she knew she was bigger than me, and she was really insecure. I just assured her it wasn't a problem, but I was shocked she even said anything. Alcohol does wonders.

I'm going to guess that your friend is insecure. You can either deal with her, tell her how it makes you feel, or cut her out of your life.

Original Post by rosieblue:

Original Post by dnrothx:

Maybe neither of you are as attractive as you think you are.

This

 agreed... you seem to think pretty highly of yourself. Maybe it's about time to come back to the real world and realize that maybe a bit of critizism would be good for you.

you don't have a picture so I can't exactly judge you on how "attractive" you are... having confidence is one thing, but being boastful and self absorbed is another.

If you truely felt confident in your appearance, then these comments probably wouldn't bother you.

Maybe she's jealous, or maybe she's trying to bring you down a bit so that you realize that you're not as fantastic as you seem to believe you are.

I'm trying to say this in the least offensive way possible, but I am very suspicious of people who claim they are "very attractive", and obviously you are young (still in highschool?)

she's not telling you what you want to hear so immediatly the red flag goes up