The "Friend Zone"

What are your thoughts?

I'm curious what experiences you've had.

Does it really exist?

In my opinion, attraction exists in almost all male-female friendships (except perhaps when you're already involved in a serious committed relationship).  I don't really believe in the "friend zone." 

Meh. You're young. When you get a little older, you have friends - male and female with no attraction involved at all.

Original Post by kathygator:

Meh. You're young. When you get a little older, you have friends - male and female with no attraction involved at all.

Where's the fun in that?

So the reason you believe there is no such thing as friendship between males and females is because you never feel that, eh?

Original Post by yountsmonster:

Original Post by kathygator:

Meh. You're young. When you get a little older, you have friends - male and female with no attraction involved at all.

Where's the fun in that?

 The fun is with your wife, husband, SO, or ISO.

ummmm...ponders my 'friendship' with dave  

sweet! LOL

i'm kinda confused what you are asking about here? are you saying you can't be friends with someone you find attractive?

i think it's very possible to have a strictly platonic friendship with someone who you find attractive. i mean, i find some of my girl friends attractive, that doesn't mean i want to have sex with them or date them.   

admit it Jules...you want me

Everybody wants you Kathy - it's your positive attitude. :D

Original Post by jules817:

i'm kinda confused what you are asking about here? are you saying you can't be friends with someone you find attractive?

i think it's very possible to have a strictly platonic friendship with someone who you find attractive. i mean, i find some of my girl friends attractive, that doesn't mean i want to have sex with them or date them.   

Well, I'm referring to male-female friendships.

Some people think men and women can't be friends without eventually fooling around.

What I'm really curious about is if the "friend zone" really exists.  Have you ever met a guy... found him very attractive... considered dating him but never followed through... then became friends and, even though you were initially very attracted to him, over time lost interest simply because you were close friends.

I have had a couple friends like that...thought about dating, but the friendship was too good to risk on it getting weird if the dating didn't work out.

 

Original Post by kathygator:

Everybody wants you Kathy - it's your positive attitude. :D

 {{kathy}} thanks!

Original Post by yountsmonster:

What I'm really curious about is if the "friend zone" really exists.  Have you ever met a guy... found him very attractive... considered dating him but never followed through... then became friends and, even though you were initially very attracted to him, over time lost interest simply because you were close friends.

actually yes i have! a guy i met in my dorm freshman year. we had a mutual crush on each other i think, but nothing ever happened. then he actually ended up being my roommate a few years later, and is still one of my close friends. i think he's awesome, but i am NOT attracted to him at all anymore. i'm actaully attending his wedding in June!  

Original Post by kae03:

admit it Jules...you want me

 dang it! you've figured me out

Yeah, the friend zone totally exists. I currently have a number of very close male friends, none of which I have ever been romantically involved with. One was even my roommate for a year. However, I was generally very careful not to give anyone the wrong impression - you know, not being flirty or anything.

Of course, there are male-female friendships that do not necessarily remain in the friend zone. My husband and I had known each other for 5 years and had been very good friends for maybe 6 months before we even became involved romantically.

I have a guy friend. The closest to the consideration of dating him ever got was me thinking "he'd make a good boyfriend".  I'm sure he would be a good boyfriend - for someone else!

I joke that he's like a Ken doll - he doesn't actually have any parts that I can imagine below the belt. We're great friends but neither of us are remotely interested in anything more.

I think a lot of the time the 'friend zone' gets confused with one person who wants to be friends and another person who wants/expects more than that. You've both got to be on the same page to have the 'friend zone' work.

 

If the "friend zone" didn't exist, I would be considered a cheater.

I have more male friends than I do female. I've been dating my boyfriend since the first week of college. I don't have feelings for any of my attractive guy friends. Most good looking guys are fun to chat with once in a while, but they have too big of egos to form a relationship. Thus, they remain in the "friend zone" :)

My closest friends throughout my life have always been male.  I must say that I ended up dating most of them at one point or another during our "friendship." I can also attest however, that the friend zone does exist and I have had that with 3 of my male friends.

The first two friends I had met during my teenage years and we partied together alot.  They were both attractive people and one in particular used to have women fawning all over him.  I'm a rather attractive person also (and humble teehee) and have never had problems in the men department.  I can't explain what it was really.  There was just always a mutual understanding that we were "just friends."  There was never an attraction there on any level for whatever the reason.

The other friend I knew since elementary school.  We would ride bikes together and we continued our friendship throughout adulthood.  We also partied alot together in the past.  He and I got along so well that one night, he finally mentioned, "You're beautiful, I'm cool so I wonder why we've never hooked up?"  We joked about it for a minute and then we decided to just try and kiss to see what it would be like.  After the kiss, we just both looked at each other and in unison shook our heads no and were just like, "eww".  It was like kissing a sibling or something.  Friend zones exist.

There are two ways the friend zone can exist:

1. There is no physical attraction whatsoever between both persons.

2. There is an attraction (mutual or not) and they both talk about it. After that is cleared, they can either stop seeing each other or they can remain friends. Their friendship can work as long as they staty honest with each other.

Original Post by yountsmonster:

What are your thoughts?

In my opinion, attraction exists in almost all male-female friendships (except perhaps when you're already involved in a serious committed relationship).  I don't really believe in the "friend zone." 

Well that depends how good your friends look, doesn't it? ;)

No, really, I've hooked up with a number of male friends, but there are others who while they may be really nice people who I enjoy hanging out with...ummm, no. This may sound harsh but that's how I feel.

Then there are friends who are already married or involved with someone, especially if you're also friends with the person they're involved with.

And lastly there's the, I guess, RE-friend zone, where you dated at some point and it didn't work out, but they're not a jerk or anything so you just end up being friends with them.

Original Post by yountsmonster:

What I'm really curious about is if the "friend zone" really exists.  Have you ever met a guy... found him very attractive... considered dating him but never followed through... then became friends and, even though you were initially very attracted to him, over time lost interest simply because you were close friends.

Yes, there have been a couple of attractive guys like that. Usually because I find some other factor that makes me not want to go there. One guy was cute but expressed a desire to have kids someday, something I don't want. Another guy had sort of a reputation of being argumentative and high maintenance with gf's more so than friends...not worth it. And once back in college me and this tall attractive guy were giving each other the eye at some Pagan event or other. He approached me and struck up a conversation and within five minutes started boasting to me about a party where they "snuck a keg in and got sooooo wasted"--I was over 21 and in college and I was talking to a mature-looking (if not acting) 17 year old! No jailbait in this coffin, critter.