Friendless?

So I've found myself in a situation.

I am virtually friendless.

Sure, I have friendly acquaintances, but I really don't have anyone with whom I can really hang out with out of school...

2 girls, who i only rarely hang out with are all I've got, really.

I know that personally, I have a lot of trouble hanging on to friends, because whenever I get too close to someone I do something to frack it up.

But I'm wondering, has anyone else found themselves in such a predicament? And what did you do?

Other than just get a hobby or 'meet new people,' which would be all well and good if I could find some people in my tiny school I don't know. =/

I am in a similar situation.

I used to have best friends, I actually had friends fight over me... and then one day they decided I wasn't good enough for them...

Ever since then, I haven't had much luck making any real close friends. Like you I have many, many acquaintances and "friends" at school but not very many that I can really hang out with outside of school.

idk what to do either because I am always afraid of losing my friends again so I think that I unconsciously don't let myself get close to people just in fear that I will end up losing them.

This is really no way to live my life, but idk what else to do either.

Omg me too! I have a large group of "friends" at my school, and we have fun and all, but I only have maybe one or two other friends I can actually hang out with other than that, and we cant chill often as they go to other schools...

I try to be approachable and nice but I cant seem to bond with anyone just that well...I've been told to do the club thing and join some things to meet new ppl, but I don't wanna go there alone and risk being a wallflower until someone comes up to me! Gahh..

I had this problem too as a teen.   I had to grow up really fast when I was young.  My mom died and I pretty much had to raise myself from 13 on.  My biggest problems were relating to people my age because I had to grow up fast  and also as a child we moved constantly so I never was able to get attached to people because I didn't know how long they'd be in my life. Once I did make a tight-knit circle of friends I decided to move across the province to live with my now partner and didn't know anyone except for his friends, then at 17 (not on purpose) I became a mom so what new friends I had made; I no longer felt I had much in common with. 

My advice is general; try new things and explore your interests which will allow you to meet new people which you have things in common with.  For instance I met a lot of new friends by joining parenting groups, taking cooking classes, working in different jobs, and joining a hiking group.  I am not sure your age or if you are in college or university but things should also get easier once you get to college.  You meet people with similar interests and goals since they are in the same program as you are and there is more diversity. 

Also, seize every opportunity you can to meet new people.  If a friend or acquaintance is hosting a party, planning a girl's night out, going out to dinner etc. then go.  The chances are with you that you will meet new people and make new friends.

Also, don't judge a book by its cover.  Someone may look on the outside like someone you have nothing in common with but you can be surprised by just how nice they are and how many interests you share.  For example I have a great friend who is a total punk rocker, she is covered head to toe in piercings, has a mohawk, wears strange (to me) make-up even wears dog collars.  While we look and dress completely different and definitely have opposite tastes in music we have the same interests when it comes to books, places to hang out, coffee, biking, poetry, movies, etc. and she is such a loyal, funny, and true friend and has been to me for years.

In the meantime it never hurts to make online friends like you do here on CC and learning how to enjoy your own company.  I am now 22, my social life is very fulfilling now and my son is now 4.5 years old and I am still with his dad but I love, love, love my alone time!!!  When you are alone whether by choice or not then do the things that you like to do. 

Good Luck!

When I was in High School I had trouble making friends.  Then I just started hanging with people.  At random I would just sit with someone at lunch.  At first there wouldn't be much convo.  But after a few days things really started with little convo.  Then more and more.  By the end of High School I was basically friends with everyone in my class.  :-)  Hope this helps!

It can happen if you're not careful. Just put some effort into it. That goes for anything important. Tell yourself you'll talk to three strangers everyday. Meet three new people everyday.

I feel for you. I really do. I found myself in a similar situation about a year ago. I hate being lonely.

You sound like you may be a very intelligent girl - which sometimes translates to a less than raging social life during the teenage years.  When I was in high school I found that I couldn't relate to others my age and their interests.  I didn't think I was better than anyone - I just didn't "get" the things they were into.  I think that translated into people thinking I was aloof, or "bitchy".  As a result I only had a few friends - but they weren't really close and I didn't really like them all that much.  I was also pretty turned off by cliques and the way they excluded others - so although I was friends with many girls who were members of such cliques, I never had any interest in really joining their clique and pal-ing around with the same girls day in and day out merely b/c they belonged to the same group I did.

Looking back, I realize that at your age - it's not as important as you may think to have lots of friends.  I'm 28 and i only have a handful of very close friends - and i LOVE it that way.  As you get older, you have a much wider and ever-growing pool of people to choose from to become friends with.  Right now you're stuck with a small group of people with whom you may not have much in common.  When you go to college, for instance, there will be a much more diverse group of people with more varied interests and personalities - and as long as you are YOURSELF, you will naturally gravitate toward the sorts of people you are meant to befriend.  I found that in college and beyond, I was more myself and I didn't ever try to "fit in" or alter my personality to get along with anyone.  And THAT is when I began to make tons of friends -  who liked me for me. 

It really just comes with time, patience, and confidence.  My best advice would be to always be yourself.  If the few people in your high school don't like it, others will appear out of the woodwork who do - and your life will be so much richer for having true friendships instead of artifical ones.

Susan ....that is exactly how it was for me in highschool...im in college now and i do have 1 friend that i talk with in my classes...I spend most of my time studying so its still hard for me to meet ppl and i dont join clubs b/c i dont want to go alone and end up just being by myself....All i can say is just that for some of us highschool is not the best yrs of our life..heck even college may not be the best yrs of our life....it just depends on the person. id rather wait and find 1 true friend than have a group of so called "friends" that may come and go.

I've had MANY of those "come then go" friends.   But it was only weeding through them that got me the 4 "true" friends I have now.  :-)

I'm the same way. It's awful. I had a massive group of friends in HS, but now in college... I don't. Because I don't drink I don't go out with anyone. I had a group of friends last year but my lack of partying caused us to drift. I also had/have an eating disorder, so I really pushed away all my friends. I was sick of people asking about me and thinking they could help me, when they had no idea what was going on. Now I have aquaintances, but all I do is study. I have to work 6 days a week to pay for school and I have a minimal social life. I really hope this gets better after I graduate.

Sorry if that sounds sad. I generally life my life. I just wish I had a group of friends.

Original Post by misschicago:

I'm the same way. It's awful. I had a massive group of friends in HS, but now in college... I don't. Because I don't drink I don't go out with anyone. I had a group of friends last year but my lack of partying caused us to drift. I also had/have an eating disorder, so I really pushed away all my friends. I was sick of people asking about me and thinking they could help me, when they had no idea what was going on. Now I have aquaintances, but all I do is study. I have to work 6 days a week to pay for school and I have a minimal social life. I really hope this gets better after I graduate.

Sorry if that sounds sad. I generally life my life. I just wish I had a group of friends.

 Thats what we are here for silly!

It sounds like you described me there! Old me anyway!

I didnt have many friends in school, but when I came to uni I really was all alone. I didnt have any friends int he first year! People tell you to go out to clubs and societies to meet likeminded people, and I did! I frequently went to meetings all on my lonesome with the hope of meeting people. It was soul destroying!

The first time I actually made a friend was in second year. I was really unhappy because I had been to the welcome back bar thing and the people I kind of met the year before totally blanked me, so I went back to the flat and put angry music on. That was when she actually moved in, so when she was unpacking her stuff in the kitchen I had a rant. I didnt worry about whether she liked me or what she thought i just let off steam! and we became great friends! And I think it was because I wasnt worrying about everything i said.

I now have lots of friends, partially because of the confidence boosts she gave me, partially because of luck. Actively putting myself out there doesnt really work for me, I try to spend time with those that are already nearby rather than spreading myself too thin over hundreds of societies. And most people Ive met like this are lovely, and I love them to bits!

The best bit of advice I could give you really is, stop worrying about whether they like you, ask yourself if you like them!

Hope things pick up. Give it time. Don't fret too much. The people who make the biggest differences in your life tend to come along unexpectedly :D

Oh and message me if you fancy a chat. Im a people person now!

Original Post by malomadame:

 

Oh and message me if you fancy a chat. Im a people person now!

 

Yay for people people!

Original Post by misschicago:

I'm the same way. It's awful. I had a massive group of friends in HS, but now in college... I don't. Because I don't drink I don't go out with anyone. I had a group of friends last year but my lack of partying caused us to drift. I also had/have an eating disorder, so I really pushed away all my friends. I was sick of people asking about me and thinking they could help me, when they had no idea what was going on. Now I have aquaintances, but all I do is study. I have to work 6 days a week to pay for school and I have a minimal social life. I really hope this gets better after I graduate.

Sorry if that sounds sad. I generally life my life. I just wish I had a group of friends.

Ugh, right?! I'm like YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHATS GOING ON, DON'T ACT LIKE YOU DO.  :P

Original Post by cadysue:

I am in a similar situation.

I used to have best friends, I actually had friends fight over me... and then one day they decided I wasn't good enough for them...

Ever since then, I haven't had much luck making any real close friends. Like you I have many, many acquaintances and "friends" at school but not very many that I can really hang out with outside of school.

idk what to do either because I am always afraid of losing my friends again so I think that I unconsciously don't let myself get close to people just in fear that I will end up losing them.

This is really no way to live my life, but idk what else to do either.

 

Omg, yeah!  Its like, suddenly, I'm not cool or fun anymore.  They used to FIGHTT over hanging out with me.  And look at me now :(

I think we're the same way :( :(

I am a 23 year old full time college student mother of two and a wife. I don't work and I have a few people that i talk to at school two of which are people I would really like to keep after we no longer attend the same school and when me have more free time. I got pg with my oldest when I was 16 and pretty much got rid of all the people i had previously considered friends. I kept one and she was a great friend until we had our falling out this past september. I had another pretty good friend for two or three years and then she moved away. the only true friend I have anymore, besides my husband, is a girl friend I have had since I was seven years old. We have both been busy with life and live thousands of miles away from each other, but we both consider ourselves sisters still. I wish I had friends that lived close to me and shared my interests of going to school and being a great mommy and that don't require having to get drunk to have a good time (this is why I can't hang out with my bio sisters very often with out my children). Also, I don't think I am that great a person, so perhaps in my case there is a self esteem issue and putting to much value on needing to be with people all the time. I grew up in a huge family so that is whatI am used to. However, if I did have friends I probably wouldn't be keeping straight a's. I don't know if it helps to share my story, but i hope it did.

yep. i was like that in high school. my eating disorder caused me to push people away because they would go out to eat or something like that and i wanted control. but they also wouldn't reach out to even help because they were afraid i was going to go overboard if they did. i pretty much had a boyfriend who i could confine in all through high school and i always felt more comfortable talking to them, then a bunch of girls who i didn't share the same interests in. even after my eating disorder, i've always been told i'm very independent and mature for my age, so interests are just different. i don't care about celebrity gossip or drama, so it makes a different.

even now in college, i don't like the hardcore drinking scene, i liek going out once or twice a week but i don't like beer or house parties really, perfer social drinking rather than drinking to get "****" all the time. however, i've found people here and there that i can confide in and honestly... i work 15 hours a week plus full time student, and im pre med. its hard to find time to even socialize outside of the weekend. in the long run... i have 2 or 3 close friends from home that have stuck by through thick and thin. and even now i've been more open with people at school and im finding im not the only one alone in my situation, in fact its how i've met my future roommate!! and for her its even harder because she doesn't drink at all, but its not like she's a weirdo or anything. we know how to balance having fun and getting good grades, however as a freshmen in college, its very hard to find others that know how to do that.

but were here for you!! just talk!

I freak out when people get too close to me.

I yelled at my boyfriend yesterday for called so much, then immedietly started crying and apologized.

Original Post by discoqueenx322:

yep. i was like that in high school. my eating disorder caused me to push people away because they would go out to eat or something like that and i wanted control. but they also wouldn't reach out to even help because they were afraid i was going to go overboard if they did. i pretty much had a boyfriend who i could confine in all through high school and i always felt more comfortable talking to them, then a bunch of girls who i didn't share the same interests in. even after my eating disorder, i've always been told i'm very independent and mature for my age, so interests are just different. i don't care about celebrity gossip or drama, so it makes a different.

 

even now in college, i don't like the hardcore drinking scene, i liek going out once or twice a week but i don't like beer or house parties really, perfer social drinking rather than drinking to get "****" all the time. however, i've found people here and there that i can confide in and honestly... i work 15 hours a week plus full time student, and im pre med. its hard to find time to even socialize outside of the weekend. in the long run... i have 2 or 3 close friends from home that have stuck by through thick and thin. and even now i've been more open with people at school and im finding im not the only one alone in my situation, in fact its how i've met my future roommate!! and for her its even harder because she doesn't drink at all, but its not like she's a weirdo or anything. we know how to balance having fun and getting good grades, however as a freshmen in college, its very hard to find others that know how to do that.

but were here for you!! just talk!

ahh, its good that you have some people you can still confide in!! :)

:) thank you, its good to know i've got someone to talk to :)

Original Post by scarredbeautyjulie:

I freak out when people get too close to me.

I yelled at my boyfriend yesterday for called so much, then immedietly started crying and apologized.

so you're kinda like my opposite.  i always want to be close to people...but when i get close i mess it allllll up

Hmmm well i think th 2 close friends r the only thing you need, i mean, i do hang out with a group of friends, and we hav a laugh and everything but i just hav one best friend... and its alright =D