Friends should help friends with weightloss :/

Hello everyone.

I'm a college student, so I'm home for the holidays and hanging out with all my friends that I haven't seen in months. Most of my friends are overweight and don't share the same nutritional goals that I do, which is fine with me (to a certain extent). But every time I try to bring up how I"m trying to stay on a specific diet or whenever I count calories ( I have this notebook I bring with me everywhere to write nutritional information down in and calorie intake) they get quite bitter at me. I'm getting the same reaction from my family, but family is easier to deal with than friends.

I'm not really sure what to do or say that will allow them to respect and take me seriously without sounding preachy or upset at them.

 

Any ideas? 

i totally agree
my entire family gets so bitter at me when i try to eat healthy

my mom has told me at least 4 times per week since november that "since the holiday season is only once a year" i should eat a lot of good food and its "ok to gain some weight"

she KEEPS trying to stuff me
she bought tamales yesterday and i didnt want one but she got PISSED. like, she started slamming the refrigerator door as she was putting the groceries away and stuff. just because i said i didnt want one.

so i finally had one. and then i felt guilty for giving into pressure and ate a ton the rest of the day.

i  think its hardest when the people around us are either
1. Really really skinny (like my mom) and don't understand why we care so much about what we eat 

or

2. Also overweight but not trying to lose it. It seems like these friends don't want us to change and become healthy

eh. idk.

but i guess the only thing i can say is its OUR body and WE control it.

im not listening to my mom anymore

err...tamales

 

As a welcome back present my mom bought 50 dollars worth of tamales for me (there were like....12 different kinds o_o) even though she knows I can't eat them...so yes, I can feel your pain.

 

Its definitely hard when every time I hang out with friends it ALWAYS involves getting food. Its definitely quite frustrating 

They are probably jealous of your success in weight loss and it sounds like they obviously have no self control over what they eat so they are probably wondering what you are doing. Or they see you as thinner and wonder why you are trying to lose weight. I've gotten that too. I'm not overweight and other people are always like "you're not going to get fat if you have ___!" or you don't need to lose weight! It's annoying.

But yeah, jealousy is my best bet or just them being upset that they can't control themselves. Keep doing what you're doing and ignore them.

I totally understand where you're coming from.

Luckily for me, my family has been supportive... too supportive in fact to the point where it feels embarassing.

My friends on the other hand are a mixed bag.  
I find that my thinner friends have been more accepting of my
weight loss achievements than some of my other friends.
In a way, I totally understand how they (my heavier friends) feel because it indirectly forces them to check their own status of their health, which the majority of the time they feel they should avoid at all costs (this is exactly how I felt before).

Instead of taking their reaction the wrong wa y, just understand 
that they're probably reflecting how they fee l with their 
own bodies when they act bitter.

What I tend to do is not say a word. Although  it would be 
nice to hear reactions from my friends, I jus t tell myself that 
I'm doing this for myself than for the approv al of others. 
Health is the most important thing than the o pinion of others. 

I'm definitely in the same boat! To top it off my grandma was nice enough to send me a 5 pound box of cookies and chocolates in the mail a couple days ago (thanks grandma haha)  Unfortunetly my family has seen how much my weight has yo-yoed in the past years from 150 to 200 to 110 to 220 to 170 to a current weight of 203.  It seems like they don't even take it seriously anymore, and i think thats the hardest.   As for my friends they think im a prude or stuck up now because i don't want to just eat junk all the time, and more so because i don't drink anymore and usually turn down going to the bars (I cant even imagine taking in so many empty calories, and just the health factors alcohol induces) and they always give me crap and even have distanced themselves from me now.  But what i have concluded is that they must not be that great of friends if they cant stand by me through thick and thin.  My advice to you would be just to keep on being honest with them and what your goals are they can either accept it which makes them truly great friends or they can withdrawal from you which shows that they may not be the greatest of friends.  Hope that helps...sorry for the rant. 

Samsuni you're right. It's just a fact of life and law of nature that we are always gauging the "competition."  And we'll do our part to sabotage someone we perceive is getting the upper hand. 

No one likes being fat no matter what they say. It might be easier than changing your habits and losing weight.  It may be a convenient way to avoid living life or risking hurt. But still no one *likes* being fat, at most they just prefer it to doing the work (physical or emotional) at this point in time.  Does that make sense?

Anyway, if it causes problems try not to mention your diet to your friends anymore.  I hope this doesn't sound fatalistic but there will probably come a time when you realise you need some new friends who are more in tune with your new lifestyle.  At this point maybe it would be best to not make waves so you have good memories of them and your vacation.

At any rate, stick to your diet so you go back to school on a good note.  Your determination will speak for itself.  

  

As your needs change I would think it's natural for your friends needs to change, too.  Right now you're needing support in eating healthier and losing weight. Perhaps your friends have never had that interest and take your obsession as an indirect cut at them.  I've had really skinny people make all kinds of remarks about their diet as a purportedly polite way of telling me that I should watch my diet so that I lose weight.  I don't take those remarks very kindly as they are meant as a criticism from someone who does no more than make remarks.  If they truly knew me then they might know more about my eating and exercise habits and not be prone to being such idiots.  Perhaps your friends are taking your interest wrong or perhaps they're afraid that once you're no longer overweight you'll lose interest in them. Since it's obviously a problem, perhaps finding a common activity that doesn't involve food might be in order or if food does come up explain what you're doing and ask them to ignore you while you do your obsessive thing.

My friends have been very supportive of my weight loss, but I have one friend who is about the same size as I was when I started losing who I think my loss has really affected.

Now, whenever I am with her, she is constantly complaining about how fat she is and that she needs to lose weight. I've told her about this site and about how I got to where I am today, but he still hasn't done anything to change her lifestyle.

omg same!!

my mom is constantly saying "i bet that would taste could with butter and sugar" im not kidding...EVERYTHING! i love love love green beans, plain! they're delicious! and she is constantly trying to get me to eat them with butter. i love boiled butternut squash...soooooo delicious. "you know if you just sprinkle some brown sugar and butter on that it tastes like pie!" i dont f-ing want pie!!!!!!!  "one cookie wont hurt" "one piece of chocolate wont make a difference" "do you want me to bake you those 7 layer cookies you love?" "its the holidays, one meal wont do any harm"

also since i started at a new school this year, i made alot of new friends who didnt nknow me before when i was heavier, and when i turn down things like pizza, cookies, candy, they say things like "do you have an eating disorder? one piece wont make you fat!" AAARRRGGHHH!!!

I feel your pain... Ever since I've lost weight (went from 170 to 110) I've found that it is impossible for me to hang out with friends the way I used to.. Has anyone noticed how everything in the realm of "Socializing" revolves around some form of food or drink?? Be it a full 5 course sit-down meal, finger buffets, cocktails after work or in celebration of someone's promotion..... All such events are essential for maintaining friendships and networks but I find it so difficult to attend and not have people gossiping abt how they never see me eat anymore these days or forcing me to drink alcohol (all those empty calories!!!!! YUCK!!!).

 

:( 

This is an insightful discussion of one of the knottiest problems associated with intentional weight loss.  Thank you all.  I want to introduce one more dimension:  the institutionalization of "food nurturing" aka to those of us with chronic eating issues, as sabotage.  I hope my anecdote will clarify my meaning:

I teach high school, and about 10 years, our new principal decided that each department should furnish snacks for the monthly faculty meetings as well as all other committee meetings she attended.  Yes, the principal is a woman, a thin woman all her life, and she did not consult the staff or take a vote on this issue.  I was disturbed, since I have ranged up and down from 20 to 120 lbs overweight throughout my life.  I took action and spoke up.  I wrote her and the school nurse a letter that explained my eating issues as well as the stress that seeing a large display of foods in an unexpected situation would cause me and other staff members with similar problems who might not speak up.  I suggested people who wanted snacks could certainly bring their own, that the staff might not appreciate the expense or responsibility for hauling in quantities sufficient to feed 90 people, and that perhaps we should be consulted--take a vote--on food at meetings. Well, it's a decade later and we still have food at meetings.  I don't remember her reply, but she's not the democratic type of administrator, and this was, from my point of view, one of the first times she revealed an autocratic nature under the guise, I suppose, of nurturing the people she leads.  The food still bothers me; I don't have a choice in that matter.  Sometimes I give in and eat cookies or chips or candy, though I try to ameliorate the situation by eating carrots and celery or drinking fizzy water.  Often the conflict I feel at confronting this "out of place" eating opportunity and "winning" by not eating anything causes me to binge later.  I rarely participate when it's my department's turn to host, but sometimes I do give into the pressure to conform and contribute soda or napkins.  Either way, I feel bad.  

People like my principal don't understand the complexity of the emotions that food can provoke in people like me.  Trouble is, their behavior discounts my struggle.  She wouldn't dream of serving wine at faculty meetings.  That might relax the staff and make a meeting seem less like a meeting, even more than food.  But serving alcohol sounds ridiculous and unacceptable on its face.  Foodies, on the other, should take care of themselves.  They just need to exercise some will power and walk away, like "the rest of us" do.  Shame on them if they can't control themselves.  Right?

 

My friends are not so bad actually, I'm the heaviest one.  They've actually been good about seeing if I want to go for a walk or bike ride.  My Mom can be a piece of work, but whooshi hits a good point, I really think it is her way of "nurturing" me.  She will actually place food on my plate at the dinner table or make a fuss about not wanting "the last piece" of whatever, trying to get me or others to take it instead.  Always raving "Mangia! Mangia!" and she's not even really Italian, lol.  I have become very direct with her on occasion, strong-arming the spatula out of her hand, etc.  JUST KIDDING!  But I have had to stop her mid-air with the scoop of this or that or state adamantly "NO! Thank You!" when she tries to share her food at restaurants, etc.

I find it best, or maybe just superstitiously, to not talk about my eating plans and dieting to avoid drawing attention to it.  I mean really, thin healthy people don't talk about what they eat, they just order sensible food or don't finish the plate.  No one's probing them with ladle's full of gravy and fried chicken.  I have not talk friends specifically about this website, but a select one or two know that I'm onto something and making good changes.