Friendship Etiquitte... What do I do??

Okay... so my best friend recently broke up with her boyfriend of 6 months and it's been pretty tough for both her and the ex. The thing is that during their relationship, I always hung out with the two of them and became good friends with her boyfriend. Now that things are broken off, I don't want to simply ignore the ex because he's become my friend too... but I also don't want my best friend to think I'm taking sides, or not respecting her feelings about the whole break-up thing. I'm so confused as to what I should do? Not talk to the ex anymore even though we're friends, or keep in touch with him?

To make things more complicated, my best friend wanted a clean break so her ex has had to de-friend me off facebook... but, we're still messaging each other through email. I kind of feel guilty about talking with him behind her back, but I realize that the ex is also hurting from the break up and needs support. AAAHHH!!! What is the right thing to do!?

Explain to both of them that you have a friendship with each of them.  Neither of them gets information from you about the other, but you'll continue your friendship with both.  They can't make you choose sides, if they try do you really want a friend controlling you?

If your best friend had the ex delete all her friends off his facebook, doesn't that mean the right thing to do is to ignore him for the time being?  She's your best friend, you've only been hanging out with him (and her) for 6 months.  

You should feel guilty about the emails with him.  Either tell her what's up or stop the contact.

Hmmm. =/

Tough. On the one hand, OF COURSE you should be able to remain friends with both of them.

But then I think, if it was me, and my best best friend was talking with my ex behind my back... I'd be SUPER angry and upset.

Ask how she would feel, then approach it like that - if you switched places and she was talking to your ex behind your back, what would you want her to do about it? 

Wow! Thanks for the rapid replies guys... yeah, I think I'll be upfront with my best friend, letting her know what's going on... I don't want some recent relationship drama to ruin my friendship with my best gal pal. Thanks guys...

Original Post by smwhipple:

Explain to both of them that you have a friendship with each of them.  Neither of them gets information from you about the other, but you'll continue your friendship with both.  They can't make you choose sides, if they try do you really want a friend controlling you?

^this. Sorry to say it, but your friend is being controlling and immature. As long as you are not talking to her ex about her, your obligations end there.

Do be honest with her, but also be clear that you are not going to choose sides.

The only exception to this would be if they broke up because of something truly awful and harmful that the boyfriend did.

Yeah, I also wonder if the boyfriend did something rotten, or if your friend is just a dramatic. 

Curious though, is your friendship with the ex at all flirtatious.  Not accusing, just curious?

No... the ex didn't do anything wrong. It was actually my best friend who decided that she needed time apart to get her life together and broke it off. And nope, I'm not interested in flirting with the ex, I actually have my own special someone whom I adore :)

Be honest with all parties involved about what's going on.  Your friend may resent it a little that you're still friends with the ex, but she'll resent it AND be very upset and probably hurt if she finds out later that you've kept in touch "behind her back" so to speak.

Do keep in mind though, that this is your best friend of (I don't know how long) and a guy you've known for 6 months and are only close to now because of her.  I'm assuming he won't, but if he tries to put you in the middle or talk about her, tell him flat out that you're not cool with that.

Just dump the jerks.

Let her know what's going on, and be prepared for total hell.  I've had similar problems.  I just let the least important one go.  Than again, I can be a bit on the colder side and have no problem cutting ties with anyone, close friends and family included.

Be honest with both of them about what's going on. I know these situations are sticky--I have a friend who insists on remaining friendly with the ex I detest. I don't like it, but I also know that at the end of the day you can't really tell people who they can and can't hang out with.

I've had similar situations, I've kept the least manipulative or in some instances both and in other neither.  It really depends on how good of a friend they are and whether or not they want to be your friend or your owner.

Okay, so it's all worked out now... thanks everyone who responded. I just let my gal-pal know off the bat what was up and let her make the rules. I honestly couldn't care less about losing some friend that I'd known for only 6months... because my 4year long friendship with my gal-pal is way more important. She let me know that she felt it inappropriate that the ex was still contacting, and she saw it as being a manipulative move since he knew I was her best friend... so in the end, to honor our dear friendship I chose to cut the ex lose... ahhh, I feel so much less guilty :) <-- I think this sudden sense of ease is telling me that this is he right thing to do... always trust the instincts

I think you handled it very well given your situation and the way you feel about the people concerned :)  Go you!