Frustrated with friends that aren't supportive...

I'm friends with a group of 7 girls. We've known each other since grade school and have all grown up as a tight unit. We're all fairly average weight, no one too skinny and no one that is dangerously over weight, yet we're all usually on a diet, watching what we eat, getting fit for an event, the average BS a twenty something goes through with self-image. 

About 2 months ago, I found this site and started counting calories. This has been the ONLY "diet" that has ever worked for me. It makes perfect sense and I can see the science behind it. I know it's not a gimmicky get slim quick deal. It's something that, if done correctly, will show great results and in a healthy fashion. 

I feel like I have found a sunken treasure or something. I'm finally starting to understand my body and the role I can play in reaching my personal goals. 

Well, to make an already long story slightly less long, I excitedly relayed the calorie counting info to my girls and they all seemed to be on board, ready to start counting calories. We were going to be each others support group and keep each other motivated. 

A week went by and everyone was stoked, flash forward two months and no one can stand the sound of the word calorie. They've all stopped the counting and gone back to their old way of "dieting" and seeing little to no results. I'm still pushing strong. I've seen some results and I'm happy that I'm staying so active. It makes me feel great.

Now, when I'm out with my friends, everyone seems so fed up with the fact that I won't eat certain foods with them or skip dessert or frozen coffee. All of a sudden I'm like a wet blanket because I won't eat fried calamari or drink five beers at dinner. 

Tomorrow I'm going to a brunch at one of their houses and on the menu is twiced baked potatoes, stuffed chicken breast, and who knows what else. I'm already tensing up knowing that they are all going to be mad that I won't eat the fatty foods. 

Does anyone else have people that they love not support them? AND/OR Any advice as to how to deal with the rolling of their eyes and the smug comments?

 

focus on what you love about your friends (assuming that you do love them).  let them roll their eyes and make smug comments.  you know what you're doing. 

I wouldn't ask for support.  Eat what you want to eat.  Drink what you want to drink.   But be flexible about it and enjoy the baked potatoes and chicken breast.  It's only one meal after all.  When you start being the diet bore that's picking holes in your host's cooking that's when you can expect raised eyebrows.  Sometimes you have to leave the calorie-counting to one side in the interests of friendship. 

I remember a few weeks down the track in my weight-loss journey going for supper to a Czech friend's house where she made me a national speciality... deep fried cheese!!  I could have upset her and refused to eat it or suck up, smile and enjoy the hospitality.  I did the latter and it didn't harm my weight-loss in the slightest.

I agree with gi-jane

there is a time and a place for calorie counting one meal won't really hurt your weight lose but one meal could ruin a friendship.. i know i would be gutted if i cooked and meal an someone sat there saying "ooh i can't eat that"

It's difficult i know my friends all think ive gone totally crazy but on the days i eat with them i allow myself to splurge .. we get together every saturday and on that day i eat my maintaince i have a few drinks and enjoy myself ... 

I watch my calories all day and i keep them lower than i would normally so i have more left to go out with than i normally would by that time of day .... i've switched to spirits with low cal mixers, i don't go crazy on the drinks and i try and pick somthing healthy off the menu some weeks i expect i may even slip above my maintinance but the odd meal really isn't gonig to undo days and day worth of good work so im not gonig to let it bother me.   

Go out say nothing just pick around eat alittle of everything so they don't think your being funny and fill up on the healthest items on the menu, call it a cheat day and for goodness sake enjoy yourself and your time with your friends.

 

I know what you mean. I've got a situation similar to yours but the difference is that only two out of the group would do something such as calorie counting. That being me and another friend of mine. Since I found this site (and I've been to many similar ones, none have helped), I've been more successful that I ever thought I'd be. In fact, I was so excited that I told my friends about it, but to my dismay, they weren't excited or even interested. It's not exactly their frustration with the fact that I'm on a diet but the fact that I feel totally alone in this. I'm sure you feel the same way?..Nonetheless, when I hang out with them, I eat pretty much the same stuff they do. The thing is, I try to "save up" my cheat days and use them whenever I'm going to hang out with my friends. They probably think that I'm just kidding on the diet part, seeing how I eat all the things you shouldn't eat when you're on a diet. It's fun on my part, since most of the time I count every single calorie I consume. Like a double agent, y'know.

I've been going through the exact same thing!

Over the past 5 years, I "accidentally" gained 45 lbs and have made a few futile attempts to lose the weight, however, this time I mean business. 4 weeks ago, I got on this site and back on the treadmill, and I have lost 7 lbs so far.  

Problem is, some friends with their own issues are uncomfortable with my success. Whenever I mention going running, or playing tennis, or trying hot yoga, I get comments like "what are you, a weekend warrior all of a sudden?", or my favourite, when I declined a drink, "why don't you just give up and stay the way you are" !!

I would love to hear "way to go!", but I have resigned myself to the fact that some people are indeed threatened when the status quo changes, so it might not happen.  

Even so, I'm not at all angry with my unsupportive friends.  I figure we all have our problems and issues, so I'll take care of mine and let them take care of their own, for now.

So, for you, I will say, do what you want, and don't worry about other people's feelings (sorry if that sounds harsh).  If you have to say no to certain foods, do it, or have the smallest portion you can, and know that you can get back to your way of eating for your next meal.

Anyway, I will say Good Job to you for your success!!

 

Weight is SUCH a personal issue.  You really don't know what is going on in other people's heads, but there is sometimes a jealousy or envy of other people's success in this really difficult endeavor that people subconsciously react in ways that may sabotage another's success.  There is a lot of life wrapped up in food and if you are breaking the cycle of weight gain, your friends might feel a little threatened.

I agree with the others on going ahead and eating with your friends, but making the best of it calorie-wise, logging what you eat and moving on.

You may want to try and make plans with your friend that are more food-optional, like going to the movies, cultural events or other things like that.  People really tend to plan too many events around eating, I've noticed!

Have you thought of saying something? Not at the party, but maybe a day or two before the party so they can mull over it a little. Tell them exactly what you told us, about how good it makes you feel and that you are moving into a different lifestyle and if they are good friends and love you then they will quite with the eye rolling and the comments and accept it.  Have any of them changed since seventh grade? Have you accepted those changes? Shouldn't they do the same for you?

Thanks for all of the advice and comments.

I went to the party, the menu was as follows:

pesto phyllo dough pinwheels

ham and cheese empanadas

bacon/mayo/cream cheese pastry puffs

stuffed chicken breast

caramelized carrots

twice baked potatoes

mexican rice

gravy

rhubarb crunch w/vanilla bean ice cream

OKAY, see what I mean? Not one fresh fruit or veggie. No salad??? The one vegetable that they did serve was doused with butter and brown sugar!!! That's a really gross menu to me. I've never eaten this way, it's not in my nature. In fact, I was a vegetarian for about 10 years and recently started eating meats again.

I ended up eating a small portion of pretty much everything, even dessert! I did have to put my foot down on the deep fried, bacon/mayo/cream cheese appetizers. It looked as awful as it sounds. While it was probably a good thing that I joined in, I have to admit, it wasn't fun eating the fatty foods. I don't enjoy them as much as a fresh salad or soup. I just don't have an appetite for overly greasy food. It's not like I hold back or anything, I simply gravitate towards a healthier diet and this has been always, not just since starting the calorie counting. Overall, I had a great time with my friends, but I can't say that I'm glad I ate with them.

hey!  at least it's not your family!  LOL  i need to deal with this crap every single day.  i finally am eating right & exercising & i have lost 77 pounds since 9/4 due to this site.  hubby lost around 60, but he quit on christmas eve.  he hasn't lost a pound since then.  i've lost another 34 since then!  he's not trying...

they are sick of this & want me to stop eating right & stop exercising & stop losing.

you just need to be strong & do what you KNOW is right!  :D

Wow! Congrats! Thanks for the advice :)

It's possible that when they roll their eyes at you and nag you, it's because they don't think you're a weirdo, but they're actually jealous of you for having the willpower to keep counting calories and skip dessert, etc. Think of it that way.

 

Original Post by snowfence:

hey!  at least it's not your family!  LOL  i need to deal with this crap every single day.  i finally am eating right & exercising & i have lost 77 pounds since 9/4 due to this site.  hubby lost around 60, but he quit on christmas eve.  he hasn't lost a pound since then.  i've lost another 34 since then!  he's not trying...

they are sick of this & want me to stop eating right & stop exercising & stop losing.

you just need to be strong & do what you KNOW is right!  :D

 I really have to second this.  People take things so differently and I'd say they might be sick of what you're doing...probably more so because they tried and couldn't stick with it.  Don't let that hamper your progress. 

I would go out and eat with them too and use those times as practice with portion control and the "live and learn" part of this whole lifestyle.  You can pick things at restaurants that are fairly safe, or you learn to build up a bank of calories to dip into for that meal, or what-have-you.  The point is, stay strong, do what works for YOU, ignore the rolling eyes and you may just be surprised one day when they come to you for advice on how to get and stay started with counting.  :D

I guess I could think of it that way, but it's not like I like the idea of my friends being jealous of me. I'd rather them not say anything at all. I never preach or nag at them when they're eating heavy foods, I simply don't partake and keep my comments to myself. If one of them was trying to lose weight or get fit, I would never try to deter them, on the contrary I would motivate them and join in on their workouts. 

We have a friend in town from NYC for tonight only and we're all meeting her at the closest restaurant to her hotel, The Cheesecake Factory for dinner and drinks... here we go again. My plan is to order a simple salad and soup and leave it at that. We'll see how it goes.