Frustrated with Jealous Non-Dieters

None of my friends eat healthy, and although a few of them can do this and remain thin-most of them are overweight. This sounds so horrible, but I need to tell someone. These overweight friends are so unsupportive of my healthy lifestyle. Frankly, it's obvious that they are jealous and threatened by my newly slim figure. I don't rub it in their faces, but when they're pigging out on cake and ice cream and actually get angry when I don't join them- it's frustrating. I can eat what I want to eat, just like they can. But whenever I politely refuse the junk food they offer me, they say "Why? Do you think we're fat or something? This won't kill you." Or whenever we go out to eat, they make me feel so uncomfortable while I order my meal specially (to make sure it's low-cal). How do I deal with this?

I just ignore it....It's hard for people to be around someone who eats healthy because they feel like they should be trying too...

I get that all the time from my co-workers, and I just laugh it off...I know that its their conscience bugging them, and there's nothing I can do about that....

As long as you're polite without a "healthier-than-thou" attitude, they'll get so used to your eating habits that they will ignore them...believe me!

BTW, good for you for not caving in!

If they are really nasty about it..I'd be just as nasty back just once to show them how it feels. .."You can have my slice...I can see you don't mind filling your body with junk"..okay that's mean, but people get what they give.

Otherwise, I'd just say "I just don't care much for sweets." or something similar. Blow them off, laugh it off and don't let them know it bothers you. You're healthy and that's what's important.

They want you to cave so they won't feel bad about themselves.  Just keep YOUR attitutude right and remember that it too you a while to be at the point where you were ready to make a change.  Once they see that you are living a real life and not living on celery...maybe they will jump in too!

I have a similar problem with my boyfriend.  He's always been the person who's able to eat whatever and not put on weight, but he can't seem to understand that there are people out there who need to watch what they eat in order to not gain.  (People like me.) 

When I started eating healthier food and exercizing a few months ago, he started on my case about the extra money I'd spend on fruits and veggies.  He'll occasionally make snide remarks about the food I eat, especially if I decide to indulge and have a sweet or two.  "So, how many calories are in that?" he'll ask.  Or "If you eat that, aren't you going to gain like 4 lbs?"  I know he's teasing, and it's just his way of telling me that he doesn't think I need to diet, but sometimes it frustrates me. 

Just ignore the remarks your friends make.  If they say something, shrug it off and change the subject.  If they keep at it, just nicely explain that you've lost the taste for certain foods.  (This is what's happened in my case.)  Maybe your slim figure will eventually inspire them! 

Keep up the good work!

It sounds to me like the good old misery loves company routine. I quit smoking and have friends that still smoke. They are constantly ragging on me since I've gained weight to start smoking agian. I just politely say no and go on about my business. Maybe you should try saying something like I prefer to eat healthy foods. If they ask if you think they're fat, tell them that's not for you to judge and you'd appreciate it if they would quit judging you. I hope they stop harrassing you. Eating healthy is a GOOD thing, no matter what they think.

BG

Jealousy is a tricky one. I get that attitude from people a lot as well. It bugs me, but I try to ignore it. When people try to convince me to "break my will power" - and so many people actually do this - I try to look at it as a challenge and stick to my plan even more. Over the past 2 years, I've actually had more people try to follow my lead rather than sabotage my efforts. Hopefully this will happen for you eventually, and your friends will stop trying to trip you up.

I gotta say though - it felt good when one of my friends actually said "you've got more willpower than anyone I've ever met" and remembering that has made me want to keep up the good work.

Find new friends.  A true friend would only be there to support you, not kick you down and make you feel guilty about yourself.

skyrider, you are absolutely right, many times it's our "friends" that are our worst enemies, simply because they are not supportive.

I would just say in sincerity and in as nice a voice as possible, "why does my heathy eating bother you so much?  Your constant references to it are really annoying. If you can't be supportive, then please be silent."

That is passive-agressive, manipulative, unsupportive behavior on their part. Some friends you've got there! I've got a "friend" who tries to manipulate and peer pressure me as well. She tries to get me to cut class and drink when I don't want to and a whole host of other things. I stand my ground -- the way I look at it is, if she's really my friend she'll understand. If not, she can take a hike. I'm in my 30s too -- I've had the MOST peer pressure at this age (never even had any in my teens or 20s) -- it's unbelieveable. haha I tell this girl that I respect HER (when she makes choices) and I would appreciate it if she did the same for me. 

Well I have one thing to say: when your friends say "have a bite, it won't kill you"...uhhh...since when does being overweight and obese not kill you..? or at least damage you slightly in some form?

Your rejection of 'their' food could very well be saying to them "no i'm not going to eat that, i see what it's done to you", but, they'll get over it eventually.

Be blunt if you have to.  If your friends are overweight, I'm sure they know it, and it's not your job to hide that fact just because you're at a healthy weight.

I definitely understand where you're going through. I'm vegetarian, and trust me, we get this stuff ALL the time.

I say stick to your guns. You've done amazingly so far; they just have to get over themselves.

It's all fun and games until the doctor diagnosis health problems.  Let them dig their own graves.  Smokers do the same crap to their "friends"; so do drinkers.  Divorce yourself from them if need be, but your health, fitness, self-worth and self-image comes first.

UGH! I was just thinking to myself today "i wish i had a fat friend to go out to eat with, shop, and go to the mall"  how awesome would that be?  Being around people that truly understand.  Now that's a friend!

i'm new to this area, so I lack friends already... well I dont have any to put it blunt, and was really wishing for some sort of amazing friend find.

good luck with yours!

I don't think we necessarily need a fat friend exactly... but it would be nice to have a friend who was fat and did the CC thing to get thin to motivate.

I shudder to think how my one really good friend is going to react when we go out to eat and his vegitarian/vegan family pigs out on stuff and i have a small portioned meal.   It's going to shock em I think.

hiya - think everyone has this problem, we've all got friends who get offended when you don't eat the same as them 'what you're not having any cake? what's wrong with you?!'

I find it a bit easier if you make out it's more difficult than it really is, like "oh I'd so love a a big burger and I'm really hungry for something good to eat - and all I'm allowed is a dull salad" (boo hoo pity me) even if that's not how you feel and you're looking forward to lovely salad!

People tend to take pity and leave you alone!!

I'll be 40 in August and I have a set goal, so I'm very blunt. I just say "No thanks, I want to be FORTY and FAAABULOUUUUS". That pretty much does it. So if you have a goal just tell them that you're trying to fit into some jeans or whatever.   When you're maintaining, I would say, "Are you kidding me? Do realize how hard I had to work to get where I'm at?" 

Ok, you also need to know that everyone I know, knows I'm strong willed, and they all think I'm funny. But when it comes to something I've put my mind too, they know better than to get in my way :).

I'd have to agree with inalianprincess.  Once they see that you have changed your life and are happy they will either join you or try and find a group that supports their habits

I have found that it's not simply jealousy that makes our friends and family members respond as they do to our weight loss and new lifestyle.  When we change, we sort of upset the apple cart. 

I know I used to be the 'fattest' in my family and amongst my friends.  That is no longer the case.  My losing weight has caused someone else to be the 'fattest'.  That makes people uncomfortable....they're now in a different role.  And, I am no longer someone's 'eating buddy'.  That 'ceremony' of eating out like gluttons and stuffing ourselves was 'our' thing....now that person doesn't have me to justify the gorging. 

When we change, it causes the dynamics of the relationships we have to change too.  That, I believe, makes people very uncomfortable.

hello skyrider5,

I am experiencing this problem too. I actually had someone roll their eyes when I was telling a friend that all my clothes needed to be taken in. I joined a "Dump the Plump" charity event where me and 4 friends tried to  lose weight. You could do it individually or as a team. I wish now, that I had gone individually as my team members have not had the success that I've had. I am the only one who's really trying.

Accept that they are not unhappy that you've lost weight (your TRUE friends are very excited for you.) They are unhappy with themselves and they want you to fail so they can feel better about themselves.

I don't know how much you had to lose or still have to lose and even though I don't know you personally, I applaud your success because weight loss is a lonely venture, and often difficult to do without encouragement. One of my team members even said I was starting to look anorexic. If anyone was going to supportive I would have thought it would have been her. I am a long way from anorexic. I have only lost 15.5 pounds. GO Me, and others like us.

Melissa

I have a few people like that at my work, especially my boss, which makes it hard.  I think she just wants me to eat to make herself feel better, as she has weight problems; however, just the act of eating itself I know will not make me feel 'all better'.  I just continue to put my foot down and stand up for myself, and the comments subside.