frustrated with people who are insensitive about weight

if anyone has any venting they'd like to release, GO FOR IT. i am so sick and tired of people who are naturally thin and don't exercise... but make fun of people who don't have that kind of metabolism.

this guy"friend" of mine has mentioned my weight on more than one occassion, and to him, anything above 10 lbs underweight is obese. i'm 5"8, i'm muscular, and i've lost 24 lbs since june of this year. i've been an athlete my whole life, i love healthy food (sometimes a little too much...) and running is a daily outlet for me.

things he has said:

"hey, next time you run... run faster."

one time, we were talking about clumsiness and i mentioned how i do have my occassional run in with countertops, but i'm not the type to trip over everything, and he responded with "and by trip, you mean avalanche..."

after that i pretty much stopped talking to him because who wants to be involved with someone who is so insensitive and ignorant... but, unfortunately, he isnt the only person out there like that. it's not like i hate naturally thin people, i have a lot of friends who are like that... but it's just frustrating when people who have never battled weight problems in their life make fun of others who deal with it on a daily basis... and they have no idea the kind of damage they cause. they haven't a clue how touchy that subject is, and it just bothers me.

I agree with you that it is a shame that anyone would say something to intentionally hurt someone or to use someone as a convenient butt of a joke.

It does make you wonder what some peoples' mamas taught them...

It can be very empowering, however, to realize that a person like that can only make you feel bad if you go along with it.

When I was growing up, I wasn't even overweight, but my brother and his friends called me names like fatty and such.  Later when I was overweight, I have been called names by strangers that didn't even know me.

I don't like being called derogatory names and I think you'd have to search pretty far and wide to find anyone who does.

BUT, and this is an important but, I AM THE ONE WHO DECIDES HOW I WILL FEEL.

Imo, a person is right to feel angry about injustice. But I'm not sure that name-calling exactly rises to the level of "injustice".  I would just consider it rude, anti-social, or perhaps cruel. (debatable point to be sure)

When confronted with rudeness, anti-social behavior or cruelty, I have learned NOT TO INTERNALIZE what other people say.

I know who I am.

I know I treat others fairly.

So someone else's statement about me, can only make me feel bad if I let it... if I think they have a legitimate point.

And if someone decided to call me fat, I'd sort of feel like, Well, good job, Sherlock!  At least we know you don't need glasses.  But I'd also know the intellectual and emotional level that person is operating on - and that's a good thing to know, because I will know not to trust that person very far.... 

People get called names if they are "too fat", "too skinny", "wear glasses", "look different", or come from another country... I guess there's always going to be someone who can't think of anything clever or intelligent to say and so will just resort to 'an easy laugh'.

I know I'm personally very glad that we have this site -- a place for EVERYONE who is pursuing good health in a safe manner.  We're here to support and encourage one another and a lot of us feel that we are the better for it.  :)

I live with two naturally thin ppl.  they can eat whatever they want they wake up thin.  Like Ground Hogs Day Movie.  over and over thin thin thin.   I've never tasted that! 

But you know what?  They love me and need "me".  There is more to a person than their thickness or thinness.  Trust me.  I think that person your talking about has a sad concept of life and ppl.  so, there you have it.  Why would you even entertain something warped out of his warped words. 

Wow that guy sounds like a douchebag, no offense. I would never say anything like that to anyone, especially my friends. Obviously he's insecure about himself and makes himself feel better by putting others down. 

I totally agree with you! I'm 21 and have been overweight for a long time. I remember getting made fun of in Kindergarten because I was chubby. I weigh 240lbs right now only after having a baby 7 months ago. I don't remember who told me this but someone said to me that having a baby is not an excuse to be more then 50lbs over weight. I did get mad but I think the reason why we hate skinny people and people with faster metabolisms is because we know that sometimes they are right. But hey some skinny people are f~ ugly at least we can diet, they will always be ugly. LOL!!! Oooh this feels good to vent.

A couple months ago I went out to a club to have fun with some friends and this girl pushes me (she was like half my size) so I pushed her back and asked her why she is being rude. All she said is that damn! you are a fat girl. I wanted to go into the bathroom and start crying or kick the s~ out of her.

I am going to have to agree with babyd about that guy. He probably has a lot of self-esteem issues as well and gets enjoyment from making other people feel bad.

I just started my diet on tuesday and I already hate it. My husband is not very supportive. He is tall and skinny and can eat whatever and how ever much he wants and not gain any weight. Yesterday he teased me with egg nog and tonight he is teasing me with Chinese food. I'm on a very strict diet. 

I went to see a weight loss doctor because nothing I had been doing was working. My self-esteem is so low that I look in the mirror and I get so disgusted with my self. I was made fun of all the time. Elementary school, Middle school, and High school. I can't even go to a club with out someone telling me that I'm fat. I'm sick of all the hurt and pain I have inside. My mother is over weight and my father made fun of her which is why they are divorced now. I picked up bad habits from my mother and I don't want my daughter to do that with me. I want to be a healthy role model for her. I know they say that you can only truly loose weight if you do it for your self. Well I'm doing it for my self and all those mean people that called me fat. Just wait till my 5 or 10 year High school reunion!!!

It's sad because I can't even go anywhere with out thinking that someone is making fun of me or if I hear people laughing I think that they are laughing at me. I just wish that skinny people could know what it feels like to be fat. It's like you walk into a room and everyone is staring, not because you are pretty but, because you are the biggest person in the room. Then you go hide all your pain in a big bag of chips or m&m's. It's almost like we cut off our own noses to spite their face. It's almost like telling a smoker how much you hate it and they smoke more just to spite you. Like telling an overweight person that they should not eat chips or m&m's cause it will not help them, but they do anyway cause they feel there is no ending to their pain and suffering, nothing will help me lose weight so why bother.

Overweight people tend to eat all the wrong stuff at the wrong time. I counted my calories and the time of day that I was eating the most calories what at night after dinner. Always ice cream and high calorie foods right before bed. Man I know that's bad but I did it anyway. I love food. Especially food that tastes good. I eat when I'm bored, depressed, or under a lot of stress. But I'm here to say that the old me is gone and the new healthier me is on it's way and I'm not going to let anyone stop me!!! I don't care what anyone thinks anymore because I know that I'm beautiful and I have a family that I have to be strong for and live a healthy life for. They need more then anything. I would rather live a long healthy life then a short unhealthy life. You only get to live once so I'm going to make the best of it. 

Thanks so much this was a really good vent session for me.  

ooo, a baby!!! that's so exciting, congradulations tquinn!!

i can't believe (actually yes i can, because some people are just so f*cking mean) that girl in the club said that to you. i would have introduced my fist to her scrawny nose.

well, not really but i'd think about it :)

but yea, it really is just the most frustrating thing. especially since for me personally, it's not because i eat m&ms or chips... in fact, i don't eat either, and haven't for a very long time. i've eaten very healthy foods my entire life, and i can count the amount of times i've eaten fast food on one hand.

my point is... some people are just born with weight as a challenge for their bodies. so i wasn't born with a fast metabolism... it doesn't mean i'm lazy, lack self-control, or anything like that, and stupid boys like him and stupid girls like that chick from the club just don't get it. and they never will, but you know what? being forced to deal with weight is a test on ones mentality, and for people like us who push through it and beat the weight and become fit are stronger for it.

i have no shame in having a slow metabolism: reality is, i cannot help it, so it's no use crying over. but i can change other things in my life to become someone less vulnerable to mental bullying. i choose who puts me down, and i can assure you it will never ever be another loser like him. i may have battled weight in the past, but i could run circles around him anytime, anywhere.

Wow, runner232 I cannot believe the things that your guy "friend" was saying to you.  With friends like that, who needs enemies?!  I have seen your picture on this forum and think that you are beautiful, but that is not really what counts.  It is who you are on the inside that really matters.  Please do not let yourself be convinced that you are less than in some way because you are not your "ideal" weight just yet.  I would say that to you as well tquinn.  Both of you have been hurt by people with their own self-worth issues.  Please don't take them on yourself and let them become your self-worth issue.  Know that you can still be proud of who you are whether you are fat, thin, or whatever.  I know what it feels like to be hurt by others because of your weight.  I got teased a lot in elementary school and even some in high school.  I went to a Christian college so that wasn't too bad.  One day my dad even told me that I would never have a boyfriend until I lost weight.  Nice, huh?  By the way, he was wrong.  He used to make me carry around 25 pound bags of dog food and tell me that was what it was like carrying that much extra weight around on  my body.  It was all supposed to motivate  me.  It didn't.  It just hurt and humiliated me.  My mom was like him for a while too, but she backed off when she realized that it was not helpful and it was actually hurting me.  Anyway, I just wanted to encourage you that both of you are beautiful and special no matter what anyone says or does to tell you otherwise. 

 Doorfry<><

thankyou doorfry, seriously that's really nice of you.

and oh my god, he made you carry around 25 lb bags of DOGFOOD?!?!? okay, that is like bad parenting. sorry, no offense intended but you should never like... make fun of your kid if they have  weight problem. here i am bitching about some boy making fun of me and there are people out there whose parents do the same thing. i think that's terrible.

my dad hasn't ever really made fun of me for weight... but he has definitely mentioned it. the only thing that i guess "hurt" me that he said was like 2 weeks ago. we were talking about my weight loss success, and i mentioned how my doctor said that i should aim to be 150, due to my height and amount of muscle (i've played 9 years of tennis, so ive got a lot of it) and my dad laughed out loud... i was confused so he was like "i think 150 is still pretty damn heavy." and i said "what, do you want me to weigh 120??" and he was like "120 would be good."

i asked my doctor specifically what i would look like if i weighed 120, and she told me that if i weighed 120, i would be in a hospital bed, being forcefed at an eating disorder clinic.

I am frustrated that obese people think thin people have no problems with their weight

Yes, life is such a struggle when you can't put on the weight that you want to.  I just don't understand how overweight people complain about life threatening problems when there are thin people with the devastating problem of not weighing as much as they want to.

Thats just what I mean... Do you really think being underweight is no problem... well think again...

I know people who have and had problems with their weight... with to much of it in fact... friends by the way...

And by the way... there are more people with underweight that have problems than people with over weight...

just look to afrika...

so much to overweight...

I am underweight... so if you do not think that to be life threatening... sorry can't go along with that

I think that what the others have trying to express is about the insensitivity of other people toward the overweight or obese. I don't read anything here that makes light of a person with underweight issues. There are indeed many and that should certainly be acknowledged and compassion should go out to them as well. In fact, that insensitivity this thread is talking about can extend to insensitive remarks made to people who are underweight as well. Best wishes to all.

yea, boys yall understood me a little wrong. i am soooo not saying that people with underweight problems should be less taken care of. i'm not ignorant to the subject, one of my very best friends have issues gaining weight, and it bothers him.

i definitely didn't mean for it to sound like people who are overweight have it harder than people who are underweight. that's not how i think at all, i was just venting about some issues.

I was just being sarcastic towards ol' sparky.  I know that it is much harder and much more of a problem trying to lose weight than put it on.

i think both are equally important, and should be catered to. but notice...i didn't label it "frustrated with people who are insensitive about OVERweight." i was concious to write "weight" because i know that battling underweight issues must be difficult as well.

but i think you might have a point about it being a little harder to deal with... society doesn't exactly accept overweightness... at all. i don't think it should be accepted though, because then health would be more easily neglected.

but it certainly doesn't justify ignorant people sticking their noses into situations where they ought not be present. but if this is motivation for anybody... last weekend i went to a football game and ran into that boy who was mean to me... he looked at me and was like "uh... you look... different..." yea, even though this is really childish, that felt a little good.

and... a little note to sparky---i'm not saying obese people are frustrated with thin people... 1. i'm not obese, nor have i ever been anywhere near it, and 2. i never said that it was only thin people who were insensitive. in the 1st grade, this really chubby little boy used to make fun of me because i was taller than the other girls, and eventually he turned that into calling me fat... for being taller... my point wasnt to be bitter toward thin people. being thin and being insensitive aren't positively correlated, if that was the point i was trying to make, i wouldn't run 4 miles every day...

Anorexia and obesity are both big problems. Thin and fat, your choice on nomenclatures. I think there is a big problem with “Blanket statements”, like “All obese people think there is no problem with thin, or underweight.” well I am fat, I was also once underweight, and both are problems, with health and self-image. Both deal with behavioral problems and some with physiological issues. Do you not think we should all be tolerant of the differences?

I've never had anybody makes remarks about my weight, because im really not at all overweight. I feel like im at the perfect weight for me, and always have been. Im jsut here to make sure i dont start eating terribly and start gaining like all my friends are starting to do. But i do ahve tis one friend,Sharlee, who is very naturally thin, and eats large mcd's fries everyday, and somehow is at the most 110 pounds, and probalby around 5'4,5'5. she's tinny, and double zero. And one time we were all making nicknames for eachother, and she called my other friend,Amelia, fatty. My friend isnt overweight, she's average, but my really skinny friend thinks if you arent anorexic looking, your fat. As much as my friend Amelia was hurt by what Sharlee said, it motivated her to stop eating terriblyt and start exercising. So although these words are very hurtufl and unneccessary, theres also an iupside to them, whihc is motivation. My friend is now in the process of getting inshape, and i can see hre changing. Im proud f her, and i dont talk to my other frined anymore,because shes rude

I think that guy was very very clueless. Its going to be very difficut for him to have caring friends if he thinks it clever to make such remarks.  From what I've read over time such people turn of the most infatued lovers with their remarks.  (exampe Howard Stern's former wife. She over 20 years had enough of his jokes about her even if she KNEW it was part of his job and that he loved her and was faithful to her.  What a stupid thing to do to yourself. Bet Howard wonders about every girl he wants involvement with nowdays. They are very unlikely to have his former wifes tolerance developed before the days of his sucess.)  Once you get over your mad about that guy's remarks, you are likely to be somewhat sorry for him and hope you would be blessed with never having to raise such an insensitive child.  The best revenge - VOW you will never allow children with that tendency to grow up to be him if you can help them. Vow to give him NO company of like minded.

oh, don't worry. my future children will never be the bullies on campus, i will make sure of that.

and as for the boy... i haven't given him any further attention. he tried to be all nice to me again when he saw me when i started wearing a size 4/6 again, but he must be crazy if he thinks that i'll be friends with someone who is only nice to me when i'm "thin".

runner232,  your Dad wanting you to weigh 120 when that would make you underweight reminds me of something that drives me nuts! For some reason, it seems that everyone assumes that women need to weigh between 115 and 125 pounds. I can't tell you how irritating this is. I believe I read that average weight for women of average height is 149 or something like that, yet when you mention a number, like 145 or 155, people act staggered, as if it's a huge amount. It's as if people think that weighing more than 125 pounds is "unladylike." I used to lie about my weight successfully and claim I weighed 125 pounds when in fact I weighed 150.  It's like people have no CLUE what 150 pounds actually looks like.