Funny Things I've Seen At the Gym

I don't have an iPod or radio, and the tv's play only sports or CNN, so I'm bored as hell at the gym.  People watching is the only thing I can do.  And I've noticed people do some pretty amusing stuff...

The Stairmaster...Unmastered

I hate the stairmaster.  It is my mortal enemy.  Every time I go to get on the thing for 20-25 min, I stand there glaring at it before climbing onto it.  Then I enter all my settings on it, and it tells me to "enjoy workout."  I flip it off.  Without music or tv to distract me, my one source of entertainment on this death machine equipment is watching macho guys fail miserably at it.  You know the type.  They do weights all the time, but very little cardio.  Then they get on the stairmaster next to me and assume it's going to be as easy as the treadmill. 

They sneak a peak at my stairmaster screen, to see what level/duration I'm at, then set theirs to about level 10 for half an hour.  Then they start marching with perfect form, knees lifting high and back straight.  Five minutes later, they're sweating, leaning and panting in a most un-macho fashion.  They can barely lift an arm to switch the machine off.  Most of them are too embarrassed to make eye contact with me after that, and drag themselves off to the showers.  Some are apparently so embarrassed they actually turn to me and make some excuse for wimping out!  I've heard everything from "Guess I shouldn't work out when I've got a cold" to "There's something wrong with the settings on this thing."

I see this at least once a week.  It makes the hell that is stairmaster-ing worth it.  Which is good, because Lord knows the calories burnt don't seem worth it.

Another funny thing I noticed, just today, was this skinny girl on the stairmaster who was leaning so far over that her elbows were sticking straight up in the air and slightly hyperextended over her wrists.  She sort of looked like a praying mantis trying to climb up the down escalator. 

Anyone else have funny gym stories?

Not exactly funny, but there is this REALLY pretty fit little old lady at one of the gyms I go to. She's "frail" looking, very short, very thin, but then she definitely DOES NOT do like the younger women do and relegate herself to cardio. She has her weight lifting gloves, and does most of her workout in the "other" half of the gym.

Frankly, I hope to be like her if I live to be that age xD

Otherwise, the people at the gyms I go to pretty much keep to themselves, heh. The real buff weight men kind of stay in that area, but a few do migrate over to do treadmill walking. None I know of really approach the stairmaster on a regular basis.

Actually, I was probably the funny gym story of the day. After doing a set of 10 box jumps, on the 8th jump of my second set, I crashed into the box with one leg and skinned my lower shin. It wasn't too loud of a spectacle, but the people in the area certainly noticed. I was so embarrassed I walked out of the weights and stuck with cardio for the rest of my session. My shin's still throbbing against my boots T.T

I didn't think it was considered overestimating myself since I did a set, but apparently I just didn't land. x.x

Your story is exactly the reason I stay away from box exercise. 

For some reason, its really popular for the guys to wear flip flops at my gym. I almost always see guys working out or walking on the treadmill making that awesome flop flop flop flop sound.

One time I made eye contact with this guy who was wearing flip flops. I thought he was going to ask me something since the eye contact lasted longer than usual. He walks a little and then BAM! Stubs his toe right on the weight he put on the floor. I could tell the guy was pretending it didn't hurt him. I cringed. I actually am cringing right now just thinking about it.

WEAR REAL SHOES, PEOPLE!

Ah, I love gym stories!! : D

Though I do listen to an iPod, I tend to turn it to low and people watch. It's one of the few times you can really blatantly stare. 

Funny stories? Hmm... None really come to mind. I mean, I occasionally notice when people slip up, but there's been nothing too unfortunate. I know just the kinds of guys you mean though - I've had that happen to me, only on the elliptical instead of the stairmaster. Okay.

I have one semi funny story. But the idiot is me.

So I was on the recumbent bike, and they're really close together. Like really really close. It's stupid, because really overweight people can't even really get to them without a bit of trouble. I *just* fit through the opening. In this one instance the guy next to me was a larger man, so I was trying to squish a little bit so I didn't bump my thigh into him. The stretchy material of my pants caught on the handle because I was pushing into it, and when I tried and walk away I got pulled back, essentially putting my butt into his hand and my semi-yelp alerted everyone else in the gym to this.

Yes. Awkward.

Also, Luhluh, that very story made me cringe! :P

Original Post by yamisui:

Your story is exactly the reason I stay away from box exercise. 

 One time, I was trying to psych myself up into jumping on the high box. I just couldn't do it (mentally) and after several false starts, some guy came up to me saying "do you want me to hold the box for you?" I had to tell him "no, I'm just overthinking it" and I did bench jumps instead. It was embarassing.

But I can do high box jumps now!

I am at my gym at the same time the city firefighters do their workouts. At first it was  bit intimidating...all these macho guys running around...but then I started just watching while doing my eliptical routine, and I noticed that they absolutely stare at ANYTHING female walking by...it's pretty funn to see four heads move syncronised while a poor unsuspecting lady is walking by...for some reason it makes me laugh...like when you move a dog treat in front of your dogs face, and you can make him nod yes or no...same thing here.

Something else that's more gross than amusing:

I no longer swim laps at my gym because there is a huge group of hairy old Italian guys who hang out in the pool (not the hot tub, the pool!) and leer at the women trying to swim.  Most sport man-boobs and copious amounts of grey chest hair.  They either sit across the steps leading into the pool, so that most of us are too uncomfortable to use the steps, or they stand around talking in the pool, taking up lanes.

One guy was hanging on the lane ropes the entire time I was swimming.  I could feel his eyes on my butt every time I passed him.  Then I noticed him scratching himself on the ropes.  He was rubbing his chest, armpits, shoulders and stomach on the thing.  It reminded me of the zoo, where you see the rhinoceros scratching its butt on the fence. 

Ok in the vein of being the funny one... I'm sure I gave people a laugh, I sorta laugh at it myself =p

I walk everyday and used to walk on the treadmill to get more 'mileage'.  Now I use the ellipitical a lot and rarely the treadmill... Anyway I was on the treadmill and doing a nice pace, lost in my music and just going along.  Suddenly I decided that I didnt want to listen to the song playing so not really thinking I stopped to take a look at my playlist and BOOM! Rolled right off the end of it.  I don't know what I was thinking its not like I was on a sidewalk and could stop but *shrug* I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed sometimes LOL.

I'm waiting for this to happen on the elliptical I  know I'm just going to stop and smack into the thing cause it doesn't stop on dime =p

I like to people watch too and we have a balacony at the gym I go to that has treadmills and ellipticals, its usually my fav spot cause I can either watch the tv cc or watch the weightlifters in the mirror along the wall.  Very amusing! I watched a guy stare at himself for nearly 10 minutes.  Just standing there with watching himself staring at himself.  I couldn't figure out what he was doing he wasn't moving, watching flexing ... just stared himself down - sorta like when dogs catch sight of themself in the mirror and think its another dog.  I guess that his way of psyching himself up... but for 10 minutes?? :)

Men's behaviour and that of dogs...I'm starting to sense a theme here... Maybe that explains this http://www.bewareofthedoghouse.com/

yamisui

That hairy old Italian men story is why I swim off hours, but at the city pool. Where the water tends to be too deep for people to just hang out, and there's only a bunch of like minded serious lap swimmers around.

The city pool does have a shallower 3-5 ft section, but I still don't want to go in it because of the slightly icky idea of babies in diapers having their classes in their before the lap swim time. Diapers...in water...:cringe: (sorry) I mean its very cute and nice that the babies are learning to swim now, but I suddenly turn into a germaphobe when I have to go swim.

<random story aside, sorry>

OH YES. There is this guy that comes to the gym and does crunches and such on the mats. Except he literally looks like he is having an orgasm/makes noises like he is having an orgasm. It is both funny and disturbing all in one. My friends and I get a kick out of it. We call him "orgasm guy" now when we see him roaming around campus. We used to stare b/c we couldn't help it. He probably thought we liked him hahahah

Ha Ha Ha...All of these are pretty interesting! I haven't really encountered anything too funny per say, but I've found something pretty inspirational. There are two elder ladies who are regulars at the gym I go to and they believe it or not mostly focus on the weight machines. I tell you, you haven't lived until you've seen two old ladies at the gym working the pull up bar! I don't even do that! Puts me to shame. Lmao.

One time on the elliptical I was going at a regular pace then Nickelback's "Just to get High," song came on and that song always pumps me for some reason. So to the tune I started going faster without really realizing it and in the process my cord to my headphones grabbed one of the inner bars of the elliptical and bam off goes my headphones! I was pretty embarrassed as a woman was right next to me...so I just said "Oops!" and kind of laughed and the woman just kind of smirked. Teaches me to get amped to a beloved Nickelback song. Ha Ha. ;)

I wouldn't call it "funny' per se, but it certainly is annoying. A lot of guys obsess over their chests. One guy in the gym I use has this elaborate bench press routine that is beyond absurd. He does 8-10 sets, with a 3-4 min recovery between, during which he spends much of the time fixing his hair in the mirror. One day he was working on the bench press when I started my cardio on the cross trainer. 30 minutes later, I was finished and he was still benching. I got tired of waiting and used the selectorized chest press. He finally moved on after 45 minutes or so. It's tough because it's a small park district fitness center with only 1 bench press.

Since then, if he is there, I just go up and work my way in. As is often the case, I have never seen him do any work on his lats. Like a lot of these guys, he has this well-developed front and a back that looks like a 13 year old.

Original Post by azdak:

I wouldn't call it "funny' per se, but it certainly is annoying. A lot of guys obsess over their chests. One guy in the gym I use has this elaborate bench press routine that is beyond absurd. He does 8-10 sets, with a 3-4 min recovery between, during which he spends much of the time fixing his hair in the mirror. One day he was working on the bench press when I started my cardio on the cross trainer. 30 minutes later, I was finished and he was still benching. I got tired of waiting and used the selectorized chest press. He finally moved on after 45 minutes or so. It's tough because it's a small park district fitness center with only 1 bench press.

Since then, if he is there, I just go up and work my way in. As is often the case, I have never seen him do any work on his lats. Like a lot of these guys, he has this well-developed front and a back that looks like a 13 year old.

I think this happens to a lot of guys. For some reason a lot of guys seem to think that their strength/manhood is measured in how much they can bench. While it is cool to be able to bench press a lot, I would much rather be strong in my whole body. I will be the first to admit that I was obsessed with benching at one time though. For me, I became obsessed with how much I could bench back when I first started getting into lifting when I was 16. I pretty much ignored my lower body, and just did bench, military, and bicep work. However, over the years as I learned more and more about fitness, my goal was to become much more well rounded. So now I try to make up for what I ignored back then. The squat and deadlift have become two of my favorite lifts and the bench press is a lift that I am somewhat bored with now. Also, I haven't done a bicep curl in months. It is funny because when I started focusing more on various types of pull-ups and heavy rows, my biceps grew way more than they ever did with curls..LOL

Original Post by vyperman7:

Original Post by azdak:

I wouldn't call it "funny' per se, but it certainly is annoying. A lot of guys obsess over their chests. One guy in the gym I use has this elaborate bench press routine that is beyond absurd. He does 8-10 sets, with a 3-4 min recovery between, during which he spends much of the time fixing his hair in the mirror. One day he was working on the bench press when I started my cardio on the cross trainer. 30 minutes later, I was finished and he was still benching. I got tired of waiting and used the selectorized chest press. He finally moved on after 45 minutes or so. It's tough because it's a small park district fitness center with only 1 bench press.

Since then, if he is there, I just go up and work my way in. As is often the case, I have never seen him do any work on his lats. Like a lot of these guys, he has this well-developed front and a back that looks like a 13 year old.

I think this happens to a lot of guys. For some reason a lot of guys seem to think that their strength/manhood is measured in how much they can bench. While it is cool to be able to bench press a lot, I would much rather be strong in my whole body. I will be the first to admit that I was obsessed with benching at one time though. For me, I became obsessed with how much I could bench back when I first started getting into lifting when I was 16. I pretty much ignored my lower body, and just did bench, military, and bicep work. However, over the years as I learned more and more about fitness, my goal was to become much more well rounded. So now I try to make up for what I ignored back then. The squat and deadlift have become two of my favorite lifts and the bench press is a lift that I am somewhat bored with now. Also, I haven't done a bicep curl in months. It is funny because when I started focusing more on various types of pull-ups and heavy rows, my biceps grew way more than they ever did with curls..LOL

You mentioned the magic word: 16 years old. You outgrew it--these other guys never do.

From a functional standpoint, given what the muscles do, the rule of thumb is that one should do 3 sets of back work (lats, upper back, not lower back) for every 2 sets of chest.

Original Post by vyperman7:

Original Post by azdak:

I wouldn't call it "funny' per se, but it certainly is annoying. A lot of guys obsess over their chests. One guy in the gym I use has this elaborate bench press routine that is beyond absurd. He does 8-10 sets, with a 3-4 min recovery between, during which he spends much of the time fixing his hair in the mirror. One day he was working on the bench press when I started my cardio on the cross trainer. 30 minutes later, I was finished and he was still benching. I got tired of waiting and used the selectorized chest press. He finally moved on after 45 minutes or so. It's tough because it's a small park district fitness center with only 1 bench press.

Since then, if he is there, I just go up and work my way in. As is often the case, I have never seen him do any work on his lats. Like a lot of these guys, he has this well-developed front and a back that looks like a 13 year old.

I think this happens to a lot of guys. For some reason a lot of guys seem to think that their strength/manhood is measured in how much they can bench. While it is cool to be able to bench press a lot, I would much rather be strong in my whole body. I will be the first to admit that I was obsessed with benching at one time though. For me, I became obsessed with how much I could bench back when I first started getting into lifting when I was 16. I pretty much ignored my lower body, and just did bench, military, and bicep work. However, over the years as I learned more and more about fitness, my goal was to become much more well rounded. So now I try to make up for what I ignored back then. The squat and deadlift have become two of my favorite lifts and the bench press is a lift that I am somewhat bored with now. Also, I haven't done a bicep curl in months. It is funny because when I started focusing more on various types of pull-ups and heavy rows, my biceps grew way more than they ever did with curls..LOL

Same here, except it was when I was 15. Took weightlifting as a PE class. I blame the school or maybe the coach. Our grade was based on much your 1RM improved for bench, incline bench, and squats. I rarely did squats and barely made the improvement needed to pass. Up until I was 17, I could bench more than I could squat. Weird, I know. Then I discovered Gym Jones :) I do bench press maybe once a month now. A TON of push-ups though.

This is why I exercise alone....!

That is not even close to the weird things I see.

I live in an area where there are a lot of very, very conservative Turkish Muslims (yes they do exist but only outside Turkey). So the Women are covered from head to toes, with a Hijab  and usually a shapeless heavy outer garment. No matter how hot, humid, wet ETC it is outside.

I went to check out this womens' only gym here. And to my surprise there were several women working out, in long pants, long sleeve shirts with a turtle neck or mock turtle neck,a and a Hijab!

It certainly wasn't cold in that Gym either so I can imagine that they were cooking under those head scarves. It just confused me though, I thought that the head covering was so other men did not covet a women because of her beauty, I did not think it applied to women also.  Maybe they were afraid of lesbians?

In any case, I kind of regret not checking out the locker room now, because I am curious if this gym was supplied with changing booths and private showers for the women to change in. There was a sauna also.... which really raises some questions for me......

Oh I have another one I wanted to share.

Its not exactly funny. More embarrassing, but everyone I know got a kick out of it, so I hope you guys do too.

The other week I was running on the treadmill. The treadmills are right in front of these huge windows and unless you have the blinds drawn, everyone from the outside can see you running. Well, I was running as I normally do and the blinds weren't drawn but I thought I didn't really care who saw me. And also, my gym is also right near a bike shop and a park so a lot of kids pass by. Okay. So this group of like 13 year old boys passed by and this little boy makes it a point to imitate me running. Well, I rolled my eyes but then he put his hands in a cupped fashion over his chest and imitated my boobs bouncing (exaggeratedly) as I ran. His friends laughed and rolled away on their scooters but I was so embarrassed that I couldn't finish my running session. Yeah, they were a bunch of lame little kids but the guys on the treadmill next to me looked over and smirked at me and it made it even more awkward than the little boys pointing my boobs out in the first place.

I don't wear tank tops on the days I run anymore. Haha.

These stories are the reason I go to a 24 hour gym at the off times.

But one time this guy was running full speed and I watched him start staring at this girl and the next thing I knew he flew off the end of the treadmill and crashed into the one directly behind him.  It was bad, sort of.  After he got up (with myself and another person helping him) he went to the locker room with a bruised ego.  The next day he was back but I never have seen him get distracted again.