Do You Gain or Lose Weight When You're In a Relationship?

I've been with my boyfriend for a little over three years and we are extremely happy (we live together now) but I've gained about 50 pounds since we've started dating!  I always seem to gain weight when I'm in a relationship.  You know, going out for romantic dinners, wine tasting, not getting up at 6:00 a.m. to hit the gym (gee, that's a no brainer:  gym or "snuggling" in bed with the boyfriend ), etc.

Unfortunately, I have the "live to eat" mentality and have always had issues with compulsive overeating.  I'm really trying to change that behavior but it's not easy.

My boyfriend loves me the way I am and is very supportive of me trying to lose weight and be healthy.  However, he doesn't have the same issues with food that I have.  In fact, he'll "forget" about food in the cupboard and it will sit there but I'll obsess about it!

So how about you all out there?

Not to play the blame game or anything, but I gained 70 lbs over the course of a relationship that was seriously flawed, talk about comfort eating. I then lost all 70 lbs while breaking up and after the break up, despite all the late nights and alcohol that being single often involves. Then, I starting gaining it back, but really stepped up the weight gain when I began a new relationship with an awesome guy who is wonderful and supportive and affectionate and loves me for me (still with him obviously ). Ummm...maybe joy eating? I dunno. So on the surface it would appear that being in relationships, good or bad, led to a lot of weight gain!  When I regained almost all of the weight I had previously worked so hard to lose, I had to have a serious talk with myself about the way I used food in my life! Now I am back on track, with my awesome bf behind me all the way, and emotional eating a part of my past (I hope!)

Hi Victoriagirl: 

I can also relate to gaining weight while in a bad relationship!  Many many years ago I was in a five-year relationship and I weighed about 150 (I would kill to weigh that now) but after putting on about 15-20 pounds my then-boyfriend would belittle me about how "fat" I was and that I needed to go on a diet.  I'm 5'9" tall, so I wasn't exactly petite but I was certainly not obese by any means.  But the more he kept making his little digs, the more I would eat!  Maybe it was out of spite?  Anyway, I finally had the strength to leave that loser!

Sounds like we're in the same boat with our relationships.  It just proves there are men out there who love us just the way we are and support us trying to become healthy again! 

Good luck!

Michelle

Being with my bf of 3 three years lead to a bit of a weight gain for me too. I think it was partly because he was trying to help me recover from my ed though without any knowledge so he basically made me eat whatever he was eating (not the most healthy or cal free). Also even when i was ok for a bit, i found i'd spend any time that i used to use for exercise to spend with him which was usually pretty relaxing because my schedule's is usually pretty full. In all though, i think its a result of decisions I've made.

I think most couples who like to eat out and have martinis together and such gain weight because if it's just you you can make yourself eat healthy but if your significant other wants to eat junk food or whatever you'll usually go with it. At least then you're both fat:-)

I think I generally lost weight in my relationship. We eat together a lot, and I usually only eat half of my meals, partly because I think he'll still be hungry and finish the rest of mine but mostly because I don't want to stuff food down in front of him. And by only eating half of my meals, I've come to realize that I don't have to finish the whole thing to be full. I also lose my appetite when we fight :[

It's also easier to be conscious about my body image when there's somebody looking at me all the time. He likes vegetables too so eating healthy is easier.

ya I def do haha. what we're doing now to kinda keep hold is when we're not together we send a daily text reminder saying 'go to the gym!' then at the end of the day when we catch up we need to confess if we di or not... it makes us both feel like we need to go not to let the other one down... kind of a weird way but it works and its like were doing it for the other one. We also have a confession of whenever we eat bad food haha.

We don't nag one another and together we just try to keep it in moderation when we eat together. luckily he isnt the type to just eat and eat and eat and not gain a pound like my ex so when we go out to eat our portions are controlled and it makes it easy for me.

i gain weight in relationships because i get comfortable. when i'm single, i'm trying to find someone so i want to look good to get noticed in the first place haha but once i find someone, i think, hell, he already likes me, i dont have to worry so much, then it alll comes back

I have thought about this too, every time I am in a relationship I lose weight, every single time even if its a bad one. I think it has something to do with my self image, I don't want to look bad for my boyfriend,,, i dont pig out, im more active when im with someone too, and usually happier. When i'm single i alwaysssss gain some weight, and I think its cause i dont care because i dont really have to look good for anyone. I'm trying to get over this and trying to focus on getting and staying in shape for my health. So maybe it is a comfort issue, It is VERY hard for me to be physically comfortable with my partner when I'm not comfortable with myself.

I think one of the biggest factors is that men can generally eat more than women without gaining weight because they burn more energy being bigger than us.  But when we move in with one we start matching their food choices and portion-sizes.  We also pick up ad habits like takeaways and fridges full of beer etc.  So the woman ends up eating too much and gaining weight.  The man notices this but covers with comforting but unhelpful phrases like 'I love you regardless of your size'... so there's no incentive to change and it's all very cosy.

I find it essential to be in control of the food and the shopping.  Otherwise far too much junk starts creeping into the house!  The rule is that everyone eats healthily but some get bigger servings (him) than others (me).  What he eats outside the house is his business.

It takes a certain amount of understanding and cooperation for everyone to accept that the house is a junk-free zone, or that we're not going to drink wine with every meal or whatever.  But then it can work with a little application.  Best of luck

hmm, pre-relationship...when i still have the jitters when i first see him before a date...when i'm super ridiculously giddy...i tend to lose a little weight.

 

then the comfort sets in and LOTS of eating together occurs.  booo.  so now i go for the active ones who don't compromise physical activity for snuggling.  well, not too often.  although that is VERY tempting. 

Hi Victoria,

I too have been in your situation and through my experiences I would suggest encouraging your boyfriend to live the "healthy" lifestyle with you.  If both of you are on the same page, there will be less opportunities for you to get sidetracked, over-eat, not work-out, etc. 

As you spend a lot of time with your boyfriend, one tends to develop the habits they have, therefore, it does help to be with someone who already has the healthy habits you want.  It'll make sticking to a healthy lifestyle much easier as the daily temptations of a boyfriend with bad habits simple won't be there.

Good luck!

Well, sadly men can eat about 500cal more than women, that is their BMR!!!

Obviously you want to kill them when think that they could have a piece of chocolate cake everyday on top of whatever we've eaten and still be in peace with themselves....

Men! Love them or hate them!!!

 

I gained about 10 pounds the first year I was with my boyfriend for two reasons. 1) He was over 21 and I started drinking (not binge drinking, but I would more or less have a beer most evenings before dinner) and 2) he likes snacking after dinner, which I never did much of, so when he got out the pretzels or fruit or whatever, I'd have a few bites of it even if I wasn't hungry just because it was there.

But I have since learned that if I don't want something to snack on or a drink, I don't have to have it just because he is.

i lose.  when i have a witness, i give up all my secret bad habits ;-)

I had 3 best friends when I was in high school, when they got married, they instantly put on the pounds, we're talking 50 - 60 each person! I was the only one of all my friends that maintained my size when I got married. They each attributed the weight gain to the fact that they were comfortable in their situation and no longer had to worry about what they looked like and who they were impressing, so they didn't care about it as much anymore. I maintained my weight and then started losing when my marriage went sour. I've lost 30 pounds since the  end of my marriage, and I'm still losing. I have found that as long as I know that the gym is a priority for me, then I will continue to lose. I don't have the urge to "comfort eat" and it keeps the depression and other health issues at bay. I have found though that the prospects of new relationships really motivate me to keep at the gym and losing. I have decided that it's not worth the harm for my body to let go of myself once I do get into a relationship.

I am more active in a relationship and I'm usually maintaining or losing. It was when I was single I was out drinking and partying all the time. It probably helps having an athletic boy friend who isn't as much of a crazy party person as me. Plus, he lets me cook so I have control over what we eat. He eats like crap sometimes and I hate it because I want him to be really healthy and live for a long, long time :)

I gained about 15 lbs. with my current BF, who I've been with for 5 1/2 years. However, last year we needed to live apart for a year for graduate school, and I went back to my healthy habits, losing the 15 lbs and more! Now that we live together again, I have made a conscious effort to keep those habits up, and have maintained the loss. He's even lost about 8 lbs! The big thing that got me before was eating out/take out, which we did a lot. Eating in has helped us drop weight- and helped out financially, as well!

Original Post by matea:

Hi Victoria,

I too have been in your situation and through my experiences I would suggest encouraging your boyfriend to live the "healthy" lifestyle with you.  If both of you are on the same page, there will be less opportunities for you to get sidetracked, over-eat, not work-out, etc. 

As you spend a lot of time with your boyfriend, one tends to develop the habits they have, therefore, it does help to be with someone who already has the healthy habits you want.  It'll make sticking to a healthy lifestyle much easier as the daily temptations of a boyfriend with bad habits simple won't be there.

Good luck!

 THanks for your advice and support! As it happens, we live in different cities right now so don't get to spend a lot of time together...and when we do, I am the influence on him! He is trying to lose a bit too, so loves it when I am around to cook healthy meals, drag him along to the gym, etc. You are right that it is easier (and actually very gratifying) when your partner is on board with you!

My girlfriends and I always gain weight in a relationship, especially the beginning.  I tend to eat out, drink wine, and spend a lot more time watching movies, playing games and other sedentary 'hang out' kind of activities a ton at the beginning of any relationship.

BLAME THE BOYFRIENDS!