gained back more than i lost...words of encouragement needed.

I had lost about 15 pounds during school (down to 95 and 5'2") and really concerned my family. so i gained weight (not the healthy way, i was so excited that i actually needed to gain that i started a binge cycle i can't seem to break). i had gotten up to 105 which was my goal when i first started this site and i felt very good about myself. but the binge cycle has continued and i now weigh 115.6. i know its not "heavy" and its a healthy weight but i have such a small frame that i look terrible bloated, even in my face. i'm just very depressed and down on myself. i was at a good place and blew it for love of ice cream....ice cream. how stupid.

You should see a Dr. about this and let him know how you are feeling. I think a nutritionalist would help you. A nutritionalist should be able to let you know how to maintain your HEALTHY weight and eat right. Dont give up eating ice cream. If you give up eating all the things you like then when you do eat just a little bit your body will go into shock and retain water and possibly some weight (not that you need to worry about weight). You need to keep in mind that you are beautiful and you eyes are the only critical eyes on you not any one else. If you think that some one else is looking at you as bloated then your mind is deceving you! Hang in there and try to come to the realization that the problem is not your weight but how you view your self. Besides if you stress yourself out you can cause bloating. Keep eating that yummy ice cream! 

Oh yea and another good thing to remeber...for each junk food you eat drink a big glass of water with it. It will help keep that water weight down.

It sounds like you probably wish you could just stop binging and start calorie counting/losing weight again back to 105.  But from personal experience, trying to stop binging + trying to lose weight at the same time = disaster.  I think you should not worry about your weight and work on eating 3, square, healthy meals per day.  I find it helpful to also pick times that you will eat every day. (For example, breakfast at eight, lunch at 12, dinner at six...).  I just think if you try to eat like a "normal" person for a while you will be satisfied and able to ease out of the binging cycle.  Eventually when you have a healthier outlook you can lose a few pounds.  (not that you even need to!)

Just my 2 cents

I agree with Manda. It's probably a good idea to just start eating normally for a while - eat when you're hungry, stop when you're full, to avoid bingeing. And have treats in moderation. Some of that weight will probably just fall off if it is more than your natural weight. I'm kind of in the same situation: 5'2", recently down to 99 and now on my way back up :(  and learning to eat because of hunger rather than boredom or cravings. Good luck to you and don't lose too much weight because you  are still healthy and probably look good, too.

thanks so much for the support guys. i'm having a very hard time the past few days and my mom finally said something. she kept patting my belly as she walked by and saying "my goodness that can't be all bloat!" "what have you been eating?" etc etc. back when she was trying to lose weight she told me to gain (by this point i was at 102-103 and actually looked very healthy) and now that she's lost weight (110 lbs and 5'5") she keeps commenting on how good other people look and keeps asking me how much i ate at lunch, etc. it's almost like i do it in spite of her because i wish that wasn't all she saw. but i need to do this for myself. my bingeing is out of control, but my weight isn't yet. i need to control this before my weigh skyrockets and i'm up 15 more lbs.

i agree with you guys, i need to just focus on eating 3 meals a day before i focus on losing any weight. i imagine as well that a few pounds will just come off with that because i excercise a lot and am going to have time to excercise more after this week. plus i'm going back to school soon and will be walking to class.