gaining on 2000 rather than 3500?

hi everyone

ive been recovering from anorexia and eating on ave btwn 1950-2250 for about the past 2 months.  at first i did gain but in the past 3 weeks ive gone from 93.5 to 95, to 96.5.  now dont get me wrong, im very happy to finally be recovering and gaining and getting back to life, i just dont understand why some ppl are told or need to consume much more in order to gain than what i seem to need?  i almost feel jipped in not being able to eat as much altho i dont even know that i necessaraly would(slight Ed thoughts).

also, id like to eventually be able to maintain on a nice amount of food, 2000ish id think, and since im eating that now and gaining, im a bit scared?  maybe once i weigh more ill need more to maintain my weight and then what i need now to gain, ~2000, will be my maintenenance?

any insight would really be appreciated!

thank you!

hi!

never in my life, especially with having a history of being over weight for most of my life, would i have thought that eating more, 2500ish, would be this hard!  jeez, maintenace, if i am able to maintain on 2000, will be no problem!  im eating foods i havent had in years, or ever, like oil, honey, just to get the cals up there!  it is odd but in a way freeing!  no way do i have to worry about being hungry bc if i am, i can eat.

i made ravioli for dinner, i needed to test 1 to see if it was done, i had 1 ravioli, to taste, i would not have done that last week even bc it wasnt the portion i was planning for dinner, its an extra, but i did it, and that is a HUGE step for me!

i do feel like im eating sooooo soooo much and not comparing to other ppl is so hard bc theyre eating what looks like so little compared to me, but it doesnt matter, we have diff priorities at the moment. 

i found that taking a picture of myself shows a much clearer picture i think of how i look compared to looking in the mirror and actually helps me to eat more.  yes, i feel humongous, times 10, ha!  but i cant be, its impossible for 3 days of eating 2500 to have made me gain 100lbs, just not possible.  i need to focus on my health, i still am focusing on the illusive magic number that will bring me recovery, metabolic recovery, health,, but i think, or hope, that 2500 will be ok and maybe ill get the guts to switch to full fat rather than 2% witch could easily add like 800cals a day!

keep trucking everyone-this is for our health+future!

Hey Agru,

I had to drop you a line and say what an inspiration you are, reading your posts are really helping me up my cals and eat! I'm so so happy that you are doing so well, you really are on the road to recovery! Also congrats on the ravioli tasting, I too have occasionally have been able to do a similar thing, my daughter and I were baking and I managed to lick the spoon!!I am getting there slowly, I'm frustrated at myself as I am finding that I still bank all my calories for the evening where I go a little crazy. I would just love to be able to eat in a normal manner, eating when I'm hungry and stopping when I'm satisfied. The thing is I am always hungry, even after an hour after I've eaten a good meal. The more I eat the hungrier I am? I'm hoping that as I gain weight that this will ease off. I too have managed to up my cals though and as my T said as my BMI increases so will the positive voice.   I was wondering where the heck everyone is located? I'm a British expat living in Nova Scotia Canada.

Agru please keep posting, just reading your posts is helping me push and challenge myself! I have to say everyone on this forum really is outstanding and such an incredible form of support!

hi GILLY and everyone-

im glad to hear im motivatingsomeone bc it is tough butttt, i know itll pay off in the end, no pain no gain, rt?  im sort of doing this alone so it really is important for me to get the chance to "talk" to the ppl on this site bc no one knows what it is that were going through.

i know i cant eat normally now but once i gain to a healthier weight, then i can experiment w listening to my body or not counting, but it doesnt work when youre underweight and recovering from an ED, i have to tell you, you really need to eat mechanically, according to a plan, whether or not youre hungry, etc.  if you want GILLY, post your meals THE TOP THREAD ENTITLED "WHAT DID YOU EAT" and maybe get some suggestions.  i dont see a therapist or Nut or anything and all the ideas i get are from ppl here.  its hard, i mean even when i look at a calculatoe for how much i need to gain, it might say 2300, but not 2500 or more, but supposedly 2500 plus will restore my metabolism and my health, and thats what i want!

keep going everyone, there is a point to all this!

hi everyone-

me again! lol so its day 4 of doing 2500 and i think im getting the hang of it.  im drinking some of my cals and using oil in cooking, things i would never have done even last week!  i am so determined to recover at the moment.  im not weighing myself for 2 weeks and i suppose ill see what it says  then, and then decide where to go w my cals at that point.

i hope everyone is doing well and focusing on their recovery and their future-its worth it!

hi everyone-just bumping this up bc i really ffel its helpful and think it could help many get thru those difficult times bc its worth it, youre worth it!!!!!!!!!!!1

hey arug what are u up to now ?

im tryin not to drop below 2000 now use to hover round 1800 b/c i was told 1800-2000 so i took the low end but now im gonna fix to up again to like 22-2300 im so scared i dunno what of tho

why am i scared of calories? its a (*#^% unit of energy what's it have to do with my life?!?!?!??!?

MALIBU-im eating 2500 since Thurs, and its amazing times 10.  if youre going to gain on 1300, 1800, 200, wahtever, might as well gain on more and eat and supposedly recover your metabolsim and internal organs.  i want to finsih the garbage and just gain it back.  what has been your rate of gaining on 1800?  i was gaining 1.5 on 2000ish and i was still hungry, yet scared to eat.  i havent weighed myself on 2500 and wont until ive had 2 weeks at this, and if ive gained 15lbs, then cool, bc then i can stop eating like a robot and what not and begin to eat a little more relaxed, try to listen to my body, etc.  i am so happy now and happy i did this.  you really just need to do it, decide to make the change and DO IT, bc as TUFFSTUFF has said, and i truly love her for helping me so much, its not until you do it and make the change will it happen.  who cares how fast you gain, i just want health and happiness already!

hopefully this wohle eating more now will bring me to health and restore my metabolsim bc maintaining on 2000ish in the future would be so amazing!

good luck and deff keep checking in!

When ED tells you to be scared of calories or big portions or certain foods or breaking his rules, tell him you're a WHOLE LOT MORE SCARED of what having you, your life, your future smothered and destroyed by him will be...and do JUST THE OPPOSITE of what he wants just to shove him outta your business!

yes, not to sound redundant, but it really is the action, doing whatever it is that youre scared to do, that will cause a real change in your thoughts regarding food, you really have to make a change in your actions!

I just want to second what has been said. After living for years in fear of taking action and waiting (hoping) for the day I wouldn't be afraid to take the action I am amazed that taking the action negates, or at the very least, lessens the fears. Actions before feelings, not the other way around!

i just wanted to say that you all are inspirational. i've been eating 2500+ now and it's not hard physically, just mentally. i keep having doubts and tend to "save" calories and end up eating a lot of it at night because i'm afraid that i'll be hungry (because eating more had gotten me to be hungrier). 

i want to be more confident about eating and, at the same time, not develop bad habits because i don't want to become a binger. any advice?

thanks and keep up the good work!

DARKOUTTHERE-hi! so ofcourse its diff for everyone and im not sure fo your story, also, ive never binged or experienced any of that, but i thin kas you continue to feed and noursih your body, replenishing any deficiencies, the urge or thought to "binge" will subside.  i think that happens when the body is starving but when you eat more and on a regular basis, you will have more "control" over your eating habits and will be able to create a good eating pattern. 

i try and think how i want to live for the rest of my life, both food+excercise wise.  yes, i want to be healthy and at least semi-physically fit, but i also hope to have a life and social engagements that will take up a lot of time and include eating out etc.  i dont want to set myself up for a life that is a hard to maintain.  i dont think being at the bottom of my bmi or working out daily for an hr is something that id wat to keep up in a hopefully busy life in the future.  i want to be able to erat a good amount, socialize, etc.

i hope that in eating 2500 im not only gaining weight but also restoring my metabolsim so that i am aboe to maintain on a good amount in the future.  yes, its diuff in a world that is diet obsessed and when i read posts of others on this site who say they eat 1200 cals, but think of yoursekf and the future, your health and your life, say you do gain a lot of weight, first of all, being underweight is very unhealthy, its ok to be at the higher range of the bmi, also, you can figure out how to handle weight in a hwealthy manner in the future, through healthy eating and excercise.  anything possible, you just have to do it!

good luck!

Hi Darkoutthere,

I completely relate as I do exactly the same thing and I too have the same fear. I agree this is not a great way  to establish  a healthy way of eating.   I have been trying to stick to  my N's  advice, after finishing whatever you  have  eaten wait 20mins as this is the time it takes for you to digest food and then see if you are still hungry or if you would like something else, for me this stops any desire to binge.  I think to fully recover I need to banish calorie counting, just learn to listen to my body and eat what I like. Even if I am taking in 2500 cals having a number seems to fuel my ED. I'm finding I'm negotiating with myself and I know this isn't healthy....well done on everyone fighting this, all your blogs are so supportive and its helping the positive voice yell louder!

Thats a good one, actions before feelings =p

In my primary school, there were posters everywhere saying 'STOP. THINK. DO' but I think in our case, its 'DO. AND DON'T THINK ABOUT IT.'

Original Post by xfallingstar:

Thats a good one, actions before feelings =p

In my primary school, there were posters everywhere saying 'STOP. THINK. DO' but I think in our case, its 'DO. AND DON'T THINK ABOUT IT.'

 The fact is, it WON'T feel right [in your head or otherwise], it won't click, until you first MAKE IT HAPPEN.  It can sound so right and you can be SO motivated--but until you start just doing it, no matter what you feel or worry, it will never, ever "click."

Once you start acting it can start to feel right [with time], make sense, AND when the rewards click in it really feels right/makes sense!

it deff is acting without thinking, over time what does not make sense now comes to make sense and feel ok.  i can tell you that for me, right now, im trying to let myself lick the spoon and knife, take that taste while cooking or extra bite, and then not feel guilty and compensate later with 1 less bite.  in the back of my head i think, these extra bites will make me fat, but- im not compensating and the guilt is subsiding.  1 month ago i could not taste my food while cooking it w/o making up for it later, the mosre you actively make the change, actually do it, the easier it becomes, mentally.  im slowly realizing that a few extra licks a day will not make me fat, even after ive regained my weight, its a false and exagerated ED thoguht that through action Im sloly proving wrong, it is through making the active change!

This thread is absolutely amazing! i always used to tell my therapist that if he could just sit on my shoulder every day and coach me I'd be fine (he is EXACTLY in accordance with everything you say tuffstuff.). However, I don't see him when I'm at school, and I really needed this, because you said exactly what i have always tried to say agruskin (only much more intelligently)

And I took an extra lick of my cooking tonight, just for kicks :)

no to spund like a broken record but it is just so true, recovery is so possible, and so doable, and maybe im just feeling super good and positive-and if i am its deff partly due to following through, taking the step, doing the action.  dont think bc nothing really makes sense in the ED haze i found.  but when you start to eat more, more than you think is even possible, then it starts to click. 

you just need to do it, set a goal and meet it, thats what im doing it, no questions, 2500 for 2 weeks w/o weighing.  if i can do it, you can do it!

can you tell me ....... thoese who have made good increases in calories........

what is hapeneing to the ed thinking?

are you feeling happer?

are you mentally feeling less food thoughts?