General bikini question (for both guys and girls)

The other day, I was wondering something....

When you see a person on the beach that is not SKINNY with flat abs, per say, but maybe just normal... some fat here and there, not the tightest butt in the world, but not what you'd call "fat" or even "chubby," do you scrutinize that person?

My boyfriend and I were talking today... he was trying to convince me that it was okay to go out to the beach as I was. Now, I've changed my eating habits to completely healthy ones (whole, unprocessed foods, 8-9 servings of veggies and fruits a day, tons of tofu and chicken, etc) and I've been able to drop down to about 123 lb (down from 155, which I was nearly 1 1/2 years ago). I am 5'5". I look healthy and relatively slim in clothes, but my stomach, butt, and other typical womanly areas have a little extra fat around them. Enough about that. Anyways, my point is...

I don't feel comfortable in a bikini because
1) I live in LA- hello tan and fit central
2) I feel like other people SEE what I see in the mirror
3) I feel like other people are making fun of me.

Now, my boyfriend claims that most decent people don't do that. But even my chubbier friends will make negative comments about people passing by on the beach if there is a little jiggle here and there. I tend to feel that the only people who avoid that kind of scrutiny are people with perfect bikini bodies... and when I do, I start freaking out thinking that everyone around me must be thinking "That girl really needs to cover up" or "she's gotta hit the gym to work off those thighs."

Again, I am pretty happy with my weight loss success, although I do have about 5-10 lb more to go. But does anyone else feel like me? That you can't "unveil" your body until it's PERFECT? I've been at a plateau for about 2 months now and the rest of the weight isn't coming off :(  I'm wondering if normal people really do say/think those things or if it really is all in my head? And I admit, I DO care a bit too much of how strangers see me... chalk it up to going to school in LA.. I would have probably been better off going to Berkeley where they don't care at all. =P Blah.

If you are at 123 now and you are 5'5" there is NO WAY you need to lose any more weight.  Not even 5 pounds.  What you do need to do is strength training to tone those areas you see as "flabby".  I have a great strength training DVD by Denise Austin that tones arms, legs, butt, back and abs.  It really makes a difference if I do it every other day or so.

As far as other people talking about you in a bikini...who cares?  People will talk about other people all the time.  If it's not about our bodies it's our hair or our clothes....it's unfortunately human nature.  Personally, I would be jealous of you, I am one inch shorter than you and 123 pounds will NEVER happen for me.  My goal is 135.

Pick up some 5 pound weights and a good strength training video and you will be set.

You know, I'm going to be completely honest. I do scrutinize people. Even though I'm the same height as you and 145, I notice when people who have higher BMI's than me, the same BMI as me, and even a little lighter than me wear too little (at the beach or elsewhere- I live in MN so the beach isn't really the place to be this time of year).  I don't do it meanly, I usually think like "She's got about 2 months worth of weight loss" or "I'll weigh what she does in a month, but note to self- don't wear that til you're skinnier than she is."

 

I know that's not the most heartening thing to say. And really, since we're the same height, I think I wouldn't scrutinize you, you're at the bottom of the healthy BMI range now.  If you're still worried about a little mushyness it's probably time to work out and tone your muscles some more.

Also, if your boyfriend says that you look fine in a bikini, you might be being too hard on yourself.  Sometimes it's okay to take other people's word for it that you're looking good- we're always our own worst critic!

Girl. I am with you.

I'm 5'5.5 and weigh 122. I want to weigh 113-115. So I have about 7-9 pounds to go. I havent been working out for the past week or eating SUPER healthy because I have been exhausted and sick. I look at myself in the mirror and I feel like I have a long way I mean eeek. I dont feel comfortable in a bathing suit in front of girls, boys I dont care. LOL. I mean girls are so judgmental. 

Well you said you are having a hard time losing that weight? What are you doing for your workout and eating. CHANGE it up. Eat a BIG breakfast and a small dinner [ if you dont do that already] change your exercises if your walking, start jogging if your jogging try running. If you only work out 3 days a week work out four days, OR just double your workouts on those days. 

If you are 123 no one is saying anything about you! I'm sure you look fantastic in your bathing suit! I cant really see you having any jiggle on you at 123. But even if you did ...who the heck cares! No one, Not even celebs have perfect bodies. If people say anything about anyone on the beach (other then the always there random really old man in a speedo..ick) they are just mean people who are making fun of others to make them feel better about themselves. I know I'm being a big hypocrite because I hate going to the beach and putting on a bathing suit more then anything. I spend most of my time there hiding under a towel. But I am also at 155 and you are at my goal wight and I must tell you if I ever hit 120 I will prance about the beach in a bikini proudly! The thing is no one is perfect and I think we should all (including me) stop worrying about what people might think about us at the beach and just enjoy it!

Original Post by adschimek:

Pick up some 5 pound weights and a good strength training video and you will be set.

Change that to 20lb weights and/or a gym membership and do a real work out! You are definitely at a healthy weight and probably just need to firm things up. Weights will get you there!

 

edit: also, screw what people think. There is no way you look bad at your weight. Even if you did jiggle more than you should, who cares. Maybe this is my age talking, but I just don't care anymore. I mean I'm not going to walk around in age-inappropriate things like halters without a bra, but I am going to wear whatever bathing suit I want to at the beach!

I only look closely at people if I think they're attractive. The only time I really make judgments on people's character is if they are hugely overweight (I assume they are not active) or if they are unclean/sloppy. When I first see a stranger, I see their body as just "them", if that makes any sense. Not "person who is 13 pounds overweight".

Honestly, people will look at you.   People will look at you at 123, at 113, at 153, it doesn't matter, people will look at you!

While it is true that some people may criticize your looks because you are not PERFECT, there will probably be a lot more that will look at you in an appreciative manner.  From the sounds of things, I would probably be one of the later.  :)

I would guess that around 99% of people don't like what they see when they look in the mirror, they themselves will think there is something about themselves that they don't like, that is just normal.  Still, you have to be comfortable with who you are, and don't let what other people think, especially strangers, stop you.

adschimek, I am pretty toned. I have good definition in my arms, abs, and legs... I was a three-season athlete (basketball, volleyball and track) in high school and I also play tennis and surf... so muscle comes very quickly to me. There is just a layer of fat over it that makes the muscle look WORSE. Esp. the stomach area... it's defined but has a pooch of fat over it (the entire thing)

asbestossoup - Right?! I can't help but to think those kinds of things too, even though I have my own body issues. When I see another girl with some jiggle here and there, I know I should be thinking "What a confident, beautiful, curvy woman" but instead I think "damn... I wouldn't go out like that."

heatherx33 - YES! YOU ARE SO RIGHT! I don't care about what guys think, really, I care more about what other girls think! LOL! I remember once, somebody told me that girls wear makeup for other girls, not for guys... and I agree! It's the same thing!

jennasourus - You know... I felt the same way. When I started, I TOLD myself I'd be happy just to be in the 120s but it hasn't quite been that way. I guess I assumed I'd be completely lean by then... blah. It's just so hard to change what you see in a mirror (and I know it's not BAD, but it's not what I WANT). :(

I live in LA too. We're shallow here aren't we lol? I people watch all the time, but the only times I think I ever make judgments are for extremes and when somebody is presenting an image that they know damn well they should never have left the house looking like (muffin tops, camel toes, etc.) because those things are easily remedied (buy a size that fits)

You probably look a lot better than you think you do, and those things that you feel aren't perfect are probably not noticeable to everybody else. I think you should take your boyfriend's word for it - after all, besides you yourself, he sees you more often than anyone else right? And you're biased because it's your body, so he's probably right ;]

I don't scrutinize people as a general principle, certainly not at the beach. 

My advice:  Drop your insecure and ill-mannered friends off the nearest pier (figuratively), grab your wonderfully loving and supportive boyfriend and head for the beach.  Who cares what the ill-bred among us are looking at?

Patricia

spirochete - I am a dedicated 24-Hour Fitness member and have been for the last 4 years (except for a long 2 year gap, LOL!). I do do a lot of weight training but it only seems to make me bigger, and even in combination with cardio, the fat around my legs and stomach won't disappear.


Another thing I forgot to mention... I had ovarian cancer a few years ago (thankfully benign tumors, but they were the size of a football and grapefruit) and since then, it's been very difficult for me to get rid of the fat around my lower belly. I do a lot of cardio and tone that area as well... it's not muscle that's the problem... I think that fat is especially stubborn for some reason! :( My doctor said that I am prone to weight gain in that area because of the surgery but it sometimes looks like I am a slim girl that is PREGNANT. No joke. I have big boobs and that area can stick out farther than that.

I appreciate all the positive comments and support. I know I SHOULD be thinking that way but just looking at that POOCH makes it hard to believe anyone would really be happy with it. I feel like people see me, say "okay, she looks all right" and then get down to my stomach and think "wow... she should tone that or cover up" despite my hard work in the gym.

I have yet read a post where someone complains that their understanding of physics hasn't even gotten to string theory, that they haven't broken the 4 minute mile or they can't bench twice their weight.  In most areas of human endeavor, we seem to be able to understand that we can't be the best at everything.  Nor do we look down on others for not being the best.

But most women seem to think they should look like supermodels.  Why can we accept that we are normal runners, normal scholars, but not that we are normal looking?  Is it that we spend so much time looking at movie and television stars that we don't even know what is normal any more? 

Get a one piece suit with tummy control if it makes you feel better, but go to the beach.  You are young, slim and probably will never look better.  If you can't go now, when can you go?

I would say that i am more likely to "scrutinize" the perfect bodied women :)

Average people just get a look and that's all.  Why focus on them?  And why be catty about a few pounds.  I notice you said your overweight friends make fun of them, probably because they are voicing their own frustrations at _their_ weight, just shifting it to some other person.  So maybe girls will be like that, but guys won't give you a second thought :)

Oh, and who cares what strangers on a beach think of you anyway?  Live your life for you.  have a good one.

Original Post by clharr:

I have yet read a post where someone complains that their understanding of physics hasn't even gotten to string theory, that they haven't broken the 4 minute mile or they can't bench twice their weight. In most areas of human endeavor, we seem to be able to understand that we can't be the best at everything. Nor do we look down on others for not being the best.

But most women seem to think they should look like supermodels. Why can we accept that we are normal runners, normal scholars, but not that we are normal looking? Is it that we spend so much time looking at movie and television stars that we don't even know what is normal any more?

Get a one piece suit with tummy control if it makes you feel better, but go to the beach. You are young, slim and probably will never look better. If you can't go now, when can you go?

What she said!!  (Great answer, clharr!)

I can be politically correct and say that anyone can wear whatever they want.  That just shouldn't be though...

I don't care if a body isn't from the cover of fitness Magazine, but a 200 lb woman should NOT be in a bikini...Go to the beach, but get a suit that is made for you and that looks good.  I am 188 so I need one of those suit too so I have NO RIGHT to be mostly naked in public either.

Just because they make it in your size DOES NOT mean you need to nor should wear it!  This ALSO goes for TUBE TOPS!  PLEASE!

Your self image is just that, YOUR self image. I don't think most people are as hard on us as we are on ourselves. And as for those that are, who asked em?

The way I see it, people look at other people for lots of different reasons, sometimes just to connect, you know?

And really, if they don't like what they are looking at they are free to look elsewhere.

Wear whatever YOU feel comfortable in and enjoy the fact that you are working on improving your life.

I feel the same!!  I'm at 126 from 150 right now, and I can't even wear a tight shirt!!!  I get too freaked out about what others will think.

 'unveiling' is the perfect term.  Until I'm a skinny minnie, I don't feel like anyone can see me. :[

Original Post by kae03:

I can be politically correct and say that anyone can wear whatever they want. That just shouldn't be though...

I don't care if a body isn't from the cover of fitness Magazine, but a 200 lb woman should NOT be in a bikini...Go to the beach, but get a suit that is made for you and that looks good. I am 188 so I need one of those suit too so I have NO RIGHT to be mostly naked in public either.

Just because they make it in your size DOES NOT mean you need to nor should wear it! This ALSO goes for TUBE TOPS! PLEASE!

This reminds me of an incident with my daughter when she was about 3.

We were at a local swimming area and there was a women there in a thong style bikini who probably shouldn't have been wearing one given her weight and cellulite problem.  My daughter, who apparently thought that the texture and size were interesting or something, went up and patted her on the butt and then laughed hysterically when it jiggled.

As for judging other people, I do look at people and admit that I sometimes do think to myself that they are overweight, but the difference between a rude person and a polite one is whether or not you keep your judgements to yourself.  And I am hardest when judging myself.

Original Post by kae03:

I can be politically correct and say that anyone can wear whatever they want.  That just shouldn't be though...

I don't care if a body isn't from the cover of fitness Magazine, but a 200 lb woman should NOT be in a bikini...Go to the beach, but get a suit that is made for you and that looks good.  I am 188 so I need one of those suit too so I have NO RIGHT to be mostly naked in public either.

Just because they make it in your size DOES NOT mean you need to nor should wear it!  This ALSO goes for TUBE TOPS!  PLEASE!

My goal in the next couple months is 200lbs and I am going on a cruise in Aug- I can assure you I am going to be wearing a bikini/tankini thing (not thong, 'cause even if I was a stick, that just ain't how I roll.) Of course I have cellulite and jiggle and all that jazz, like most humans. If someone thinks I look bad in a bikini or shouldn't be wearing it, bully for them- they don't have to look. All I know is I am going to kick it on the beach, have a good time, drink something with a little umbrella in it, and anyone who wants to hate on me can take a flyin' leap :)  (This isn't aimed at you Kae, just sayin')

The idea of working towards "perfection" is problematic- there IS no such thing as "perfect"- no matter what we look like- there will ALWAYS be someone who thinks something is "off" or "needs improvement".  Once you realize that it's game no one can win- you learn to take a step back and just BE.

Beside, if anyone makes fun of me while I'm at the beach, I'll just threaten to beat the crap out of them- a 5'11", 200lb woman can cause some serious chaos. :)

I'd cite the source but I don't remember where I saw this originally, I know it's from a blog, and I cut and pasted it together.  I may have even gotten the link to source from here, but I thought it was worth posting in this thread:

"You Don’t Have to Be Pretty. You don’t owe prettiness to anyone. Not to your boyfriend/spouse/partner, not to your co-workers, especially not to random men on the street. You don’t owe it to your mother, you don’t owe it to your children, you don’t owe it to civilization in general. Prettiness is not a rent you pay for occupying a space marked “female”.  
 
Amazing how we live in a pretty culture. I was looking at some recent pictures, and I shuddered as I came across one where I looked unattractive, thinking “how embarrassing.” Yet why should  be embarrassed of a bad picture? Who do I owe pretty to? Why is being pretty so damn important to me?

Pretty won’t get me a job. Leave me fulfilled when I go to sleep at night. It won’t serve the world. It won’t nourish friendships. Won’t maintain a relationship. It won’t raise children. Pretty won’t make people laugh. It won’t acknowledge your parents. It won’t bring in money (except in rare occasions). Pretty is an adjective.
 
You don't have to apologize for wearing things that are held to be "unflattering" or "unfashionable" -- especially if, in fact, they make you happy on some level deeper than just being pretty does. So what if your favorite color isn't a "good" color on you? So what if you are "too fat" (by some arbitrary measure) for a sleeveless top? If you are clean, are covered enough to avoid a citation for public indecency, and have bandaged any open wounds, you can wear any color or style you please, if it makes you happy.

When I could choose descriptive words to describe me, such as hilarious, quirky, striking, generous, compassionate, radiant, thoughtful, stunning, lovely, warm, charming, delightful, sexy, bright, intelligent, witty, and adventurous: Why the hell would I choose pretty as the ultimate compliment? 
 
I’m not saying that being pretty is negative or something to avoid. I love to walk out into the day and to feel pretty. To feel comfortable in my own skin and like I look good to the world. I smile more, send out positive vibes, and receive them back. But it’s more of a feeling than an actual thing. Nobody gives me pretty and nobody can take it away. It comes from inside.  But you won't get there if you think you have to follow all the signs that say "this way to Pretty." You get there by traveling the route you find most interesting.
 
Ani Difranco sums it up brilliantly: I am not a pretty girl. I don’t want to be a pretty girl. No I want to be more than a pretty girl."

Wear whatever you want.  Who cares what anyone thinks, especially strangers on a beach who you'll never see again.  And shame on your friends for being so cruel.  This is your life and you only live once, don't wait to live it until you reach some elusive state of "perfection".   You'll never get there, trust me.

As Mame Dennis would say, "Life is a banquet, and most poor suckers are starving to death!"