He has a girlfriend

So this guy i was hanging out with for a couple of weeks and cliqued with really well and me made out one nite..ust kissen and feeling..nothing more. The next day I checked his facebook and he has a girlfriend!??! I was pretty mad but i was like whatev it was nothing official between us..wish he woulda tlold me.

\He wants to continue this and act like my b/f without being it (dates, cuddling, kissing)..his girlfriend lives in a diff city. I dont know if i should continue this. Not for fear of getting emotionally attached..but because I dont want to help another guy cheat. Is that stupid? I'm to morally correct in my life,,haha

Morals are good to have. You can really aid in crushing someone if you mess around with an unfaithful person. Maybe it won't be yours, but someones heart is gonna break.

Besides, doesn't it kind of pis'ya off when someone in a relationship tries to keep the perks of being single? Us single people don't have the perks of a relationship. In my opinion, refuse to help greedy people. This dude is weak. If he wants to play single games, he needs to make himself single.

And the broken heart thing; maybe he'll break her heart anyway, because he's loyal-less, but do you really want to be a part of that? The guy is parading with red-flags! Run. Fast.

I've been the "girlfriend" in this scenario before and felt so betrayed, not just by the guy. I hope you don't partake in anything that may cause someone to feel that bad.

well just think, if this is how he is treating his current girlfriend (cheating on her with you) then you shouldn't want to be starting anything with him, for all you know he would cheat on you too... he may even have other girls on the side besides you and the gf.

your deserve a guy who will only have eyes for you...if you believe you'll find him!

 

Girls who help guys cheat on other girls are as bad as the cheaters themselves.  Maybe worse.  Respect yourself, respect the other girl, and ditch the loser.

As far as youre being too morally correct in your life, clearly not.
Your response to unknowingly being part of him betraying his girlfriend is 'whatever', focusing on your anger of him being deceptive to you and are now youre considering knowingly doing it to her.

Im not clear why you wish he had told you but you cant be surprised.  He's deceptive.  You know that.  He wouldnt be making out with other girls like yourself if he wasnt.  I am aware people who help others cheat believe theyre either unique in that they wouldnt be treated the same or only consider it a concern/ possiblitiy despite the proof their being intimate with someone untrustworthy.

A close friend got involved with a guy committed to someone else to my disgust but they ended up moving in together and now have two children together.  Shes spent much time and grief this last year trying to track the cheater's after work whereabouts but now primarily just fights him to pay child support.  Somehow she didnt see that one coming.

She went into it apparantly because the attention was an ego boost. Considering that 'boost' was enough for her to lower herself to do something she obviously knew would be hurtful if done to her, not surprising to see the power of that 'boost' evolve to where she would do something hurtful to herself - spend a year trying to change him from being a cheater with the emotional damage that came to her. 

As far as "I dont know if i should continue this" - you know.
Youre just youre just considering it anyway.  

I couldnt stop my friend so Ive no delusion of warning you of the emotional risk youre setting up for yourself.  Perhaps experiencing it with all the hurtful consequences is required to learn from it but its a shame that there is such a supply willing to disregard the mistreatment of others.

I like how we are judging her morals based on a long distance facebook relationship. Because that is all we know about his "girlfriend".

 

I have an idea, ASK him about it instead of "like whatev".

respect yourself and say NO!  if he wants to work out a «deal» with his g/f, then they should either break-up, or make-up.  don't help him take the easy way out, you'll hate yourself in the end (and why do you want to be with a guy who would do this to someone else when it could easily be you?).  sorry to be so direct, but i'm just like that.  :)

Completely agree with everyone!  You don't want to be that girl!  In the end, you will be disrespected and look foolish...you don't want to contribute to an immoral situation!

Put yourself in the other girls shoes...if he's cheating on her with you, I'm sure he's done it to her before, or will at least do it again...hopefully she realizes soon enough what a sleaze-ball boyfriend she has...and hopefully you can see it too!

• disrespectful
• immoral
• no self control
• unloyal
• dishonest...
• ...the list goes on...

Even if he is a really "cool" guy and he seems really "great"...he's demonstrating the kinds of qualities I listed above, and I'm pretty sure those negative characteristics aren't on the list of things you're looking for in a prospective boyfriend!

Let's see, he's cheating on her with you and possibly others and he is basically lying to or misleading you by not telling you about her and you think you might actually want to be with this guy?  What am I missing?

LOL the OP says "it was nothing official between us" but her myspace says in a relationship. Just pointing out the sheer sillyness of this whole post.

Original Post by se1289:

..but because I dont want to help another guy cheat. Is that stupid? I'm to morally correct in my life,,haha

No, it's not stupid.  If you don't want to help another guy cheat, then don't.

And I'm not sure why you're laughing off being "morally correct" - being moral is not the equivalent of "prude" or "uptight."

Put yourself in the shoes of the other girl, in that distant city, trusting this guy not to cheat.

Then ask yourself if you want to help hurt her.

This is not really a black or white issue. If they were in an open relationship, fine, then you'd have to decide whether you're OK with joining into that, but in this case there is deception involved, and that's just not OK.

You are old enough to know the difference between right and wrong. Good luck.

Another thought:  How intelligent is this guy, really?  He decides to kissy with with someone else, and keeps a facebook page with his personal details?   This guy isn't even smart enough to cheat without being caught - and he will eventually get caught, whether with you or someone else. 

Think about how you would feel to face the girlfriend.

You are bound to respect the bounds of a relationship to the same extent the other party does. Never steal someone, but if he doesn't care about his girlfriend, there's no reason you should. Oh, but instead of holding to this, everyone loves to start distributing Big Red "A"s to pin.

Everyone loves to blame "that girl." Why? When someone's willing to cheat, the damage is done. "That girl" is only the symptom, not the disease. (Of course, disease is another worry entirely with someone who's willing to cheat).

Besides, for all you know, the girlfriend in another city has a boy out there, or is okay with the idea. But, strangely, if you don't want to do something, you don't have to do it. So don't do it.

Regardless, freedomfrom... if you know about the girlfriend, that makes you just as bad as the guy.

I think that when someone is cheated on, the main guilty party is the cheating partner, to be sure. I always blame them more than the third party - but if the third party knew, that's kind of crappy on their part too. Basically it violates the golden rule. Would you want some girl to make out with your BF if she knew he was taken, or would you rather he got shot down everywhere he went?

Be the change you want to see in the world, as Gandhi said. :)

i once dated a guy who had girlfriend on facebook. not a real girlfriend. i don't remember the reasoning behind it, but yeah. they weren't actually together. ask him about it.

Yeah...I know some people who have stupid little "pretend" relationships on facebook...

Hahaha...but my ex was pretty sneaky and told all the chicks he cheated on me with that he just hadn't gotten around to changing his relationship statusfrom "in a relationship with Amy Hinton" to "single", and that he hadn't gotten to taking all our pics offline either.  It was also through facebook that I found out what a cheating scum bag he was...

The relationship couldbe a fakie.  But check and see if he has any recent comments on his page from his chick, ask him about it, maybe ask others who know him???

Then ask yourself if it's worth all the checkin up, you probably wouldn't be comfy in a relationship with a guy you felt was sneaky and shaddy...bottom line, just use your common sense and judgement...

 

Yea well I decided against it..before I read all these posts actually

and I nver ONCE said i was going to be with him. I know if he cheats on her he will cheat on me...i'm not retarded .I don't want a boyfriend..but having someone there when your lonley for nonsexual purposes is always nice...ya know?

And they are ACTUALLY together ..not only on facebook..so yea.

But thanks 3veryone :)