My Girlfriend is pregnant and nothing adds up. Please help!!!

My Girlfriend is pregnant and nothing adds up. Please help!!!

Hello All,

I’m new to all of this and just want someone else’s opinion on my situation. So here goes…

On November 19, 2008 my girlfriend had a Cone Biopsy to treat Cervical Dysplasia.  After the surgery she was instructed not to have sex for 6 weeks.  The following week we broke up.  We were broken up for 2 weeks with no physical contact what so ever.  On December 11th, 2008 we got back together for the first time having sex that night and the next two nights before I left to go out of town for work on the 15th.  The following week on the 20th we went to her friends holiday party.  I thought everything was back on track as far as our relationship goes we didn’t have one disagreement then I came home for the holidays and everything changed.  She became very distant and very cold naturally I’m a careing person and wanted to know what was wrong.  She on the other hand never talks about anything stuff that bothers her guilt that she carries from years ago she holds it all inside and non the less does not talk about anything but it shows on the outside that stuff is bothering her.  So I continued to ask her what was wrong and we would had two minor fights about it.  So on January 3rd of 2009 I had enough.  I was being put off she was cold not affectionate and would not talk.   I was ready to leave for good this time she went out to her garage to have a smoke and finally told me she thought she was pregnant.  I was surprised but for some reason not shocked I kind of felt like something along those lines was going on.  I gave her a hug and told her that I loved her and we went back up stairs and talked about it.  Durring this time she cried and said she “Prays to god she is not pregnant” and that she “really does not want to be pregnant” So I told her we needed to go get a test and make sure.  The test came back positive.  We went out for lunch and talked about it and even joked around a little.  She said that I was taking it very well.  I was actually kind of excited.  I know it was not what I was planning in life at the moment but I loved this girl and we are both in a position we can make this work. 

Fast forward to the present day.  I have since quit my job where I travel all the time and took a job that I will be in town every single day to make sure I am there for her and our kid.  She is freaking out and still does not know if she wants to keep it and wants nothing to do with me.  She won’t talk to me she pushes me away and keeps saying she doesn’t know if she wants this kid or not. 

In the mean time I have started adding up numbers and dates.  She said her last period began on December 8th but it was weird like it wasn’t as heavy and she thought it was her period and just thought it had something to do with the surgery.   With that being said a conception calculator says that we should have conceived between the 19th and the 26th of December but when she told me she was pregnant she said she felt pregnant the whole week before the holiday party on the 20th meaning that we would have had to have conceived on the weekend starting the Thursday the 11th….   Now let’s just say she didn’t have her period on Dec 8th and the last real period began on Nov 10th.  That would make possible conception time between the 21st and the 28th of November according to a conception calculator.  If conception took place during this time the “I thought I had my period” was probably the implantation of the emroyo to the uturius which according to what I read takes place 8-10 days after conception and lasts a few days but does not always happen in every female.  

The night on the 11th when we had sex I asked her if that was ok that she have sex because I knew she was not suppose to because of her surgery and she said it was ok just be gentle.  Later on after we found out she was pregnant she said that she wanted to know this was my kid and told me she did not sleep with anyone else while we were broken up.   I have taken responsibility for the fact that this kid is mine and I am there for her but all of these things don’t seem to add up and she wants nothing to do with me.  Still pushes me away one day she is nice to me the next day does not say anything at all.  

I know for a fact that she had sex with a guy the week before we had sex when we first met (she told me).  I asked her what she would have done then if she had gotten pregnant and how would she have known who the father was and she just goes “I guess I would just have to have a DNA test”. 

Do these numbers not make since to anyone else? Am I being crazy in my thinking here?  I still love her and want this kid but I have no idea what to do.  She says she wants time and just pushes me away and 2 months pregnant she still does not know if she wants to keep the baby.  She has not told anyone while me on the other hand all the people close to me know and they all ask “is it yours?” and I says yes…..

Thanks for your time.

Almost everything said is true except a LEEP or Cone Bx will not change ovulation but it can bleed and be mistaken for a period.   As an OB I think the best thing really to do is get this settled NOW.  Waiting for a post-partum paternity test really muddles the waters and will strain your relationship, you don't wan't to do that.  She normally would get an U/S at 16-18 wks but what she can do is tell her OB that she doesn't really know when her LMP was and they can do a DATING U/S.  The earlier the U/S the more accurate the info.  There sounds like there are some definite and legitimate questions that need to be answered now and if there is any doubt about the due date it is better to eval earlier than later.

All I know bro is I got the whole birth control thing beat.  On 4 seperate occasions I got girls pregnant while they were on BC (and thats 3 different types of BC) and 3 of them was the first time we had sex.  So I dont put much trust in BC anymore.  So I cant tell you much about wether the kid is yours or not but, I think I can help with her acting crazy.  The problem is all you.  She is freaking out, a kid is a huge decision that she does not want to make lightly.  She is probably so stressed that seeing you admittedly excited about it is just going to freak her out worse.  The reason is shes not sure and 1 she cant see why you are so sure and 2 why you want a child when she isnt even sure she wants one.  This paired with horomones and women just being crazy she probably also wonders if she wants to be stuck with you for the rest of her life.  I know when my girlfriend go prego; and she was excited I lost all attraction to her.  Not at all because she was pregnant but because I wasnt sure I wanted a kid with her 1 or at all 2, and she did.  It pissed me off because I was trapped and even though I didnt want her to get an abortion, the fact that I had no say and that she wasnt even going to consider abortion made me feel so stuck that I just didnt want to even be around her.  Now she is obviously the one who has the final decision but if she cares about you as much as you seem to make it out that she does, she is probably stressing that she is going to piss you off if she does decide to abort the kid.  So just help her make the decision from the outside.  I mean if you want it tell her that but dont make it out to be life or death because its just added stress on her. 

Are you sure that the real problem isn't just that she doesn't want to be pregnant or have this baby at all, and maybe she's afraid to admit that to you?

She already had a child at a bad time, she knows how rough it is. Talk to her. It's not too late to end the pregnancy if that's what she wants to do.

Just another perspective... might be totally off but if she's pregnant and acting strange, it's more likely that she doesn't want the baby than that she's cheating on you. Especially since before the test she was quite clear that she didn't want a baby.

I just wanted to let you know, I have short cycles....and my boobs hurt within a couple of days of implantation.  It sounds like the baby could absolutely be yours...I'd advise a paternity test anyway. 

Some women are very, very moody while pregnant.  Maybe she doesn't feel that she's ready for all this...maybe she blames you for getting her pregnant.  It's a lot to deal with...hormonaly...emotionally...fiancially.

I wish I had better advice for you, if you love her...try and do the best you can to comfort her and make her feel secure.

and if someone already covered all this ...my apologies

Trying to figure out the exact date of conception is almost impossible to do. Take these facts into consideration.

• Sperm can live up to 7 days in the vaginal cavity.
• a large amount of women have TWO cycles of fertility a month
• you can become pregnant during your period
• it can take up to a month for your body to become regulated after a birth control change

It seems that she is having a REALLY rough time with this news. See if she is willing to go talk to a counselor about her feelings. She just may need to blow off some steam and have some time to think. There are more than just two options out there. I gave my first child up for adoption, and kept my second baby. They were VERY different situations, but both decisions worked out the best for everyone.

Regardless of the desicion that she makes, your actions should be commended. There are a lot of guys out there who would bail and say " screw this drama!" So, thank you for being a man and a good person about this. I guess the focus now should be the health and well being of the mother and the baby. Suggest she go to a doctor and get a check up. If she is having some problems with her cervix the pregnancy might complicate that stuff in a hurry!

Original Post by m0m6:

Trying to figure out the exact date of conception is almost impossible to do. Take these facts into consideration.

• Sperm can live up to 7 days in the vaginal cavity.
• a large amount of women have TWO cycles of fertility a month
• you can become pregnant during your period
• it can take up to a month for your body to become regulated after a birth control change

It seems that she is having a REALLY rough time with this news. See if she is willing to go talk to a counselor about her feelings. She just may need to blow off some steam and have some time to think. There are more than just two options out there. I gave my first child up for adoption, and kept my second baby. They were VERY different situations, but both decisions worked out the best for everyone.

Regardless of the desicion that she makes, your actions should be commended. There are a lot of guys out there who would bail and say " screw this drama!" So, thank you for being a man and a good person about this. I guess the focus now should be the health and well being of the mother and the baby. Suggest she go to a doctor and get a check up. If she is having some problems with her cervix the pregnancy might complicate that stuff in a hurry!

 *Pointing and nodding* Yeah, what she said! 

dont forget that date of conception isn't the day you actually had Sex..me for instance, last period fri feb 6th, unprotected sex fri feb 13th, spotted on fri, feb 20th...I felt symptoms almost immediately, perhaps because Ive been pregnant before.  So your dates could line up just right.  on day 30 of my cycle now, still with no period..and all the symptoms.

As a young mother of two kids I can totally relate to what your girlfriend is going through...finding out that I was pregnant with my daughter ended in a puddle of tears and declarations about how much of a whore I was, etc (all of which lasted for the entire pregnancy). With my son it was off and on of being unsure if I was ready for another. During both pregnancies I pushed people away. My family members are all very successful, educated people and I felt like the "poor white trash" of the family. Now fastforward almost three years since the birth of my daughter and, even though it has been tough I absolutely love my kids to pieces and I have pushed myself and grown in so many areas of my life. the only thing you can do right now is be as supportive as possible and try to understand that not everything she is saying is going to be rational.