What "girls night out" does to my self esteem

So I guess this is the reason I joined right here

I just turned 25 years old, 5 ft 4, about 117 pounds and am between 16-18% body depending on how well I'm eating. My goal was to drop to 16% when I was 18.5% and my trainer and I were able to accomplish that in one month. It was very exciting!!!.....but I am on a low again as it always seems to be these days

I'm just frustrated that no one seems to notice my efforts. I am toned, I have pretty big guns for a girl, flat tummy for the most part except for that stubborn lower tummy pudge

Every time I go out with the girls I never seem to get noticed. My friends (and I know I'm a terrible friend and person for thinking this way) are not the most in shape people, but they are not fat either. However they are always the one getting called out to by boys when we are out

Me......nothing. Sometimes I don't know why this even matters so much for me. I guess it matters because I work so freakin hard in the gym. I go 6 times a week, eat healthy and even avoid drinking alcohol to keep down on the bulge

After all this hard work.....nothing. Then it makes me feel krappy, useless and then on Sunday night I'll just binge on good foods, bad foods whatever. I know partly it doesn't matter when I binge because no matter what I am going to go workout 6 days the next week.

Now I have some sick thought in my head that if I get down to 110 pounds it will be better.....problem is when someone cat calls at you on a night out on the town do they say:

"hey girl! How much do you weight and what's your body fat percentage?"

I just had a look at your picture

...And you are stunning and you know it shouldnt matter what people say or dont say it matters how you feel. Perhaps no one says anything because there jealous or maybe you have just always been super pretty and thin so whats the point in commenting all the time...would get annoying to always hear it...

I dont know what your friends are like but are they the type of loud always need attention kinda girls? If so maybe thats why the guys notice them because they stand out...just a thought.

Again your gorgeous! Keep up the good work!

Well, they probably are intimidated since they think you are out of league or think you already have a bf who'd beat them up if they make a move.

I looked at your pics too and you look gorgeous and have blessed body, lots of girls would KILL to get that kinda bod! So don't be too negative on yourself.

Ugh, I have the exact same problem. I think my body's OK, but that lower tummy pudge kills me...and guys never notice me. Maybe we shouldn't consider what girls' night out does to our self-esteem, but what our (lack of) self-esteem does to girls' night out? Guys like to hit on confident girls, who KNOW they look good. Just a thought.

Yeah, don't worry about it girl, you are beautiful and very fit! I sometimes feel like I don't get noticed compared to others and think I am attractive and fit, but then I realize that while I'm thinking about this, my friends are putting their best selves out there. Lots of my guy friends say they go for the type of girls I am comparing myself to, not because they are prettier, thinner, more toned, or smarter, but because of the way they carry themselves. You and me both need work on our self esteem, and you have lots to be confident of!

To me it sounds like your bordering on being too thin.  I think men like a bit of curves.  Also, make sure you stay healthy.  By the time an anorexic looks "too thin" permanent damage has been done to their organs. 

But besides that, don't value yourself on the opinions of others.  Easier said then done... I know.

When I was single, I wasn't nearly the thinnest, prettiest, fittest girl out there, but I got plenty of attention if I wanted it.

I was confident for the most part, I'd even approach a guy who I thought was cute. What have you got to lose, right?

Guys also tend not to care who is the in-shape girl. You're right, they aren't going to care what your fat percentage is. They are looking for a girl who looks good. (I'm basing this on physical attraction alone, not meaning that's all guys care about all the time).

I was never as thin as a lot of the club girls, but I had a decent body, nice boobs and butt and most of all, I enjoyed myself and was confident, which is the most attractive thing of all.

Don't lose weight because you're not getting attention from guys...you know that's the wrong way to think. Instead build your self esteem just like you have your muscles. Work it out a little, flirt (you're very pretty and will definitely get a response), ask a guy to dance, put yourself out there a little.

Trust me, I know it's hard to feel confident when you just don't for some reason. I'm struggling with that now that I've gained weight since my college days, so it's just something to work on. Good luck!

If anything, I'd say you're a bit on the thin side.  However, weight is not usually the ultimate factor for getting attention from men.  Most men seem to have a range that appeals to them and whomever they think they might return their attention will get more attention, unless they're acting in a group.  Put on a bit of make up, something that you know looks good on you, choose a favorite outfit and go out and have fun knowing that you look good.

Also consider going out in some safe environments where feel very comfortable, perhaps without these other girls that get all the attention so that you can build your self confidence instead of fading into the background when they're with you.

Original Post by emilyd22222:

Maybe we shouldn't consider what girls' night out does to our self-esteem, but what our (lack of) self-esteem does to girls' night out? Guys like to hit on confident girls, who KNOW they look good. Just a thought.

I like how you phrased this. I was thinking the same thing, but couldn't think of how to say it.

Regardless of my what sort of clothes I'm wearing, how my hair looks, or how much I weigh (or how old I am! Ack!), I can always count on a beaming smile coupled with an introduction to get a guys attention. Even if I get scared and run away after the intro, I have still peaked the guys interest or at least let him know I'm interested enough to set him at ease if he's not sure about approaching me. Even if the guy doesn't end up being interested in me, I'll often get a new acquaintance or friend out of it. I'm very shy a lot of the time, so if I can do this so can you. Works for me, and funny thing, it also works on me. 

Blah, I put myself out there for the first time on Sunday and gave a guy my number, and he didn't call! I don't regret it, but I feel a little rejected.

It might just be me, but I think you look a tad too thin.

Original Post by emilyd22222:

Guys like to hit on confident girls, who KNOW they look good. Just a thought.

 that's interesting I've always felt that my confidence intimidates guys. although i've found as i get older it's less of an issue. or more precisely, as the guys get older it's less of an issue.

It's the smile that does it....  The odd simpering giggle or flirty look doesn't go amiss either... :-)   Men on a night out want to have a few laughs and they like approachable girls who aren't going to give them the cold shoulder.   The slimmest, trimmest, most beautiful woman in the world can come across as  intimidating if she walks into a room looking moody.  Victoria 'Posh Spice' Beckham.... pretty girl but scowls like a terrier that's eaten a wasp ... that's the kind of look to avoid.

Original Post by gi-jane:

The slimmest, trimmest, most beautiful woman in the world can come across as  intimidating if she walks into a room looking moody.  Victoria 'Posh Spice' Beckham.... pretty girl but scowls like a terrier that's eaten a wasp ... that's the kind of look to avoid.

 Haha I think that's my problem- I have chronic angry face! I try so hard to smile but I usually just look pissed off!

I think it really does have to do with how you carry yourself.....and I'd like to say it's confidence, but I don't know if I can.

In high school I was BIG....but yet I was still able to meet guys (not as much as others but more than other big girls) and get picked up on.....but that didn't happen until I started walking around like I THOUGHT I looked good. I faked the self confidence. I pretended like I was smokin' even though I didn't feel it at all. And then my other bigger friends would complain that they couldn't meet guys....right along side the skinny girls.

I really do think it has a lot to do with movement....they say certain gestures seem more appealing than others to people. Maybe check it out and see if there is something you can incorporate to seem more 'inviting'?

And sometimes its that boys can seem to sense when a gal is really wanting to get picked up on....kind of like how some people always get picked up on when they are dating someone, but then when they are single noone notices them. I know that happens to me....and I know that when I would go out 'looking' to meet someone, I never did....but then I'd go out in my scubby clothes w no makeup on just to hang out with friends, and I'd meet someone!

and the Victoria Beckham thing is perfect. I have a lot of guy friends and they'll see a hot chick and say damn is she HOT, but she seems like a bitch...and then they move on.....

You could call it hormones and the fact that I'm not a 20-something male, but honestly I'd have to guess that the guys who are not noticing you are blind. You're very fit, is there really any need to go lower?

Well, that's your decision; but I really don't think that looks are your problem (That's a compliment, not trying to infer you have a problem here).

Maybe the issue is more based on your perception? It can be easy to be a bit reserved if you really start to think that you're not being paid as much attention as other people.

Original Post by gi-jane:

Victoria 'Posh Spice' Beckham.... pretty girl but scowls like a terrier that's eaten a wasp

Thanks, I really needed that laugh.

Regarding "girls' night out", be thankful you participate in those. I've always had problems with my self-esteem in general, and while I'm married and therefore am not concerned about guys checking me out, I become so happy when I'm with my friends, but so depressed when I hear about gatherings to which I wasn't invited.

I'm looking forward to going to a friend's house this afternoon. My husband and another friend are joining me, and afterward we're going out to dinner. I know I shouldn't go out to eat, but I think that because I'll be with friends who love me, eating won't make me upset. I'll be too busy enjoying the company and laughing my butt off. There's a fun way to burn calories!

I'm a heavy girl and I get tons of attention. I don't want it because I'm happily married, but I figured this out really fast. If you look nice and smile, you are way more likely to get attention. It's all about the body language. If you look like your upset cause nobodies talking to you, guess what? They don't wanna talk to you, cause you might look too intimidating or be the "mean girl".

This is constantly frustrating to me because I can't help it. I easily laugh, and I tell funny jokes, bam, phone number. ugh.

Try smiling and laughing, but don't look fake doing it, you know kinda like a really bad cheerleader. Keep open body language and you will get attention, I promise.

Hey! Ditto on what the other girls have said about confidence and the way you present yourself.

I've been heavier in the past, and lost almost 30 lbs.. But pre-weight loss.. I was single and had zero problems meeting guys.  Even when going out wiht super tall, barbie-looking friends of mine :)

Maybe try taking one fo those new urban striptease aerobics classes?  Do they have those at your gym?  It might be a good way for you to get in touch with your inner female prowess (meow), stay in great shape, and learn to love being sexy (instead of just trying to form the right shape or body proportion). 

Good luck!  You're getting some great advice here on your post :)

 

I agree with others in the thread, looking at your pics, I think a lot of guys would find the hot blonde who obviously cares about and maintains her body, very intimidating. 

Guys like to do the running, but only if they think they're in with half a chance.  A lot of guys would be thinking "oh, I havent got hope in hell" or that you MUST already be taken by a famous footballer or other?!

They need encouragement and even the quiet ones are worth it too : ).  It's all about mutual confidence, reciprocating interest via body language in a way that neither says "I'm a slut come and get me", or "I am not interested, I am way out of your league"...tricky...

I'm not sure where you go out but it can be very hard to convey across a loud dance floor or bar in the flash of a two second glance, that there is more to you than a gym bunny? haha, maybe they get worried because you are so fit, you have great stamina!!! lol

oooo I like dls337's idea for a striptease class......or get one fo those carmen electktra tapes!
One thing I did way back when to make me 'more comfortable in my own skin' was sleep naked. Weird, I know...but for some reason it worked, I don't know why.